안녕하세요 내사랑 it's your favorite blue eyed green and black girl 저는 Elisha 입니다. And as you can see from the title I am doing a Tao, formerly of EXO, now by the solo artist name Z.Tao fan fiction. As I've said before and my recent / previous writings I am new to fanfictions for kpop and also I am rushing the job so its not yet been grammatically proofed so please enjoy if you can, this one is dark.
"You're a quiter! Of course you'd quit on us!" You yelled across the room. The words hit him deep. He had explained to you in great detail the reason he left EXO, but that was your ammo. He was breaking up with you for no reason. You had left Korea for him, left your friends for him. These were the results, your second fight with Tao this week and ending with him saying it's over. You fought the tears that came with the thoughts of all the sacrifices you'd made. Five months ago you didn't even know this foreign language you studied so hard to speak fluently. "You asked me to come here, remember that," you stated grabbed your jacket and phone and walked out of the apartment you two shared. You had no where to go, in the minor time you spent here you still had yet to make friends with anyone except Tao's family and refused to go to them with anything negative about him. Your feet kept moving though your mind knew not where to go. The air was cool yet didn't feel like the winters back in Korea. Gosh, you missed Korea, and your friends and a place to go whenever you felt down. No where here felt comforting enough. No where here welcomed you like home. Maybe that's because you didn't belong and shouldn't stay. As much as it pained your heart your mind clearly stated that you should go back. Not to Huang Zitao, but back to Korea. Without knowing it you were away from him for more than an hour almost 2 and there was no call made, no text, he wasn't fighting for your relationship. A part of you wanted to call it over but most of you couldn't deny how your love for him had blossomed in the Spring in Korea. You realized then that it had been nearly a year since he confessed to you. The members of EXO always in your ear saying that he was his happiest when he was with you or talking about you. You had thought twice about giving someone younger than you, and an idol at that, the time of day yet you gave him a chance. He was in a different country living out his dream, that showed a maturity that you hadn't seen in those blind dates your friends had kept setting up. Of course your relationship wasn't public and your friends kept setting you up, you couldn't even tell them your situation. So when you left the country without really a solid explanation as to why it left them all at a loss. The only ones to know of Tao and you were of course EXO, their managers and the SM CEO that had agreed on the conditions that it'd never go public or you'd be fired. You had worked for SM Entertainment straight out of high school, interning all of college. You were practically family, no you were family, the niece of one of the groups that got SM global recognition. To threaten your job meant this was a serious issue for the company. You had agreed to the terms because you could keep a secret, and you were in love, and it wasn't that hard of a stretch to tell your friends you had to work extra hours at the office. Your uncle nor the CEO approved you leaving with Tao but you had promised to convince him to stay with the company. It was a slap in the face to everyone including yourself when he filed a law suit against SM. You tried to see things from his point of view. In all honesty you didn't get it but tried to be understanding. You found it embarrassing to try to stay in contact with your uncle and the CEO, rumor got to you that you were a traitor. You had never meant to let things go this far, but they had. Those were some dark days, but you stayed by Tao's side. He was vulnerable, and sensitive, and stuck to you like glue. Yet still hasn't given you any real answers. 'Its what's best for my family,' was his only answer.
Soon he had established his own company and was in the studio almost days at a time. Sometimes you'd go with him but the small couches and chairs never proved to be more comfortable than the bed at home. Though the bed at home never felt how it should without him sharing it with you. More of an epiphany than you had hoped for, you came to realize you were more alone than you had ever been. No family or friends to rely on and your only confidant had just given up on you. Tao wasn't fighting for you. He had broken up with you and wasn't the least bit worried where you had ran to. He had just let you go and the agony of it all is that those were just the actions and words of today. In all honesty he had probably already been feeling this way this was just the first you had heard it. The fight you had with Tao earlier that week could have actually been when he wanted to do it but you had gotten a call from a former coworker about more gossip about you. He was probably guilty then. He probably held off say those relationship ending words then because he had put you in this situation. You were really being abandoned. All of your life you knew of love. This was the first time you ever experienced this. What had you done in this life or the previous to fall on so much misfortune? You felt like a fool, you were one. So blinded by infatuation and the desire to be needed. You used to be more guarded. Tao tricked you into feeling safe. How pathetic of you to fall into this pit. You checked your phone, perfect signal, 3 hours had passed, and still no call, no message. It was over and on this aimless journey your feet took you on you found your way back to the apartment. The epiphany was forcing you to make the first move. The elevator ride gave you clarity. The steps to your door gave you strength. Unlocking the door helped set your agenda. First you'd look for him. Tao wasn't in the apartment. Second you'd call him. Either he had ignored your call or the signal was bad, but you wouldn't leave a message. Third step was to write the letter. You letter of acceptance, and of farewell. You weren't wanted in this place, you knew that clearly now. The letter spoke of the joy you shared and how you wished him the best. You dare not write of the hurt you were feeling as you wrote. You didn't write of the loneliness you felt in this foreign land. You just thanked him for the happy moments and said goodbye. The fourth step was to pack your things. You left anything that reminded you of him. The clothes he bought you, the gifts he gave, the photos. Those would be all his to deal with if he ever came back. Things you were uncertain of you left those too. As you organized your things you came more and more to the conclusion that you had sacrificed everything for him. You had uprooted your whole life for Huang Zitao and that, there, was your closure. He had never given everything or even close to everything up for you. You were naive this time, this was your lesson. You felt wiser as you walked out the door and even stronger as you left the building. The airport felt strangely warm and welcoming as you sat with your ticket home in hand. Your phone buzzed repeatedly with message after message. None from Tao. 'What a waste,' you thought as you changed you keyboard back from Chinese characters to Hangul. You had really spent most of your time here learning a language that you rarely used. As you navigated through messages from family and friends you felt accepted and even happier to not be ALONE.
Author's Note: Okay let me explain myself. I've literally been in the K-Pop world for about 9 months and I still feel so frickin new. EXO was one of the first groups I got into but I never really tried to learn the members until recent. Like they really were one of the reasons I really got into the K-Pop fandom, but apart of me didn't want to dive too deep into them. Reason 1: I was intimidated by how many people were in the group. 12 is a lot, when I first watched a video Nae Eonnie introduce me to I thought that some were just backup dancers. Reason 2: There wasn't 12. It was actually 10 turning to 9 at the time. I was scared if I learned them more that more would disappear and it'd be pointless (not at all wishing this on my boys). I just wasn't ready for more heart break after finding out they were losing members. Finally about a month ago I got some nerve and watched EXO Next Door and read fan fictions about members that weren't My Bias(Kai) or on Bias Radar (D.O. , Sehun). Somehow Tao creeped on my radar and I had known he was gone, (Apparently I have a thing for the maknae line *cries* #NoonaDenial) Anywho's I don't want to be attached to him so I hope this is a step to getting him out of my system.
Damn right I got that tear. Cry for me dammit! hm! how dare you attack my feels by just existing. I wish I never knew about you. I wish SM would just erase you from there footage. I wish the internet did forget some things, namely you.. or rather just your connection with SM and EXO. Also that whole part about only knowing love, yeah as I wrote that part I cried. I'm such a big baby. I don't even know this man and I've had so many feels for him. Wae!!!?? *throws temper tantrum*
P.S sorry, in case you were wondering the pix are screenshot clips I got from Z. Tao - Reluctantly MV