10,000+ Views

Signs That You Are A Toxic Person

Sometimes the problem in your life is you.

Do you ever worry that the reason your relationships are heading south... is you?
An anonymous Vingler recently reached out to me with the question: How can you tell if you're a toxic person? I was touched, because first of all, that's a very difficult question to be dealing with. Toxic people get vilified a lot, without a trace of empathy or an attempt at understanding. I dedicate this card to them, and to anyone who can identify with the qualities below.
If you are in fact what we call "a toxic person," it's not because there's something wrong with you; it's because you're actually very normal. Like so many people (probably all of us, at one time or another), you've developed an unhealthy attitude or behavior in response to life's difficulties. Maybe it was your emotionally unhealthy parents. Or a past traumatic experience. Or even just a lack of self-love.
Whatever the reason, don't hate yourself because you have a problem – simply acknowledge your flaws, and pledge to work hard on fixing them. No one is perfect; you don't have to achieve that. Your only responsibility is to work to become better. And someday, with time, understanding, and effort, you won't be a toxic person anymore.
Now, without further ado...

Here's how you can tell if you're a toxic person:

A Negative Worldview

You are the victim of an unjust world. Every problem in your life is someone else's fault, and you blame anyone but yourself for your bad mood, bad day, and every little bad thing that happens to you.
You're self-centered. You spend way more time thinking about your own problems than anyone else's. You often steer conversations so they're about you – your life, your worries, your experiences. You talk more than you listen, and take more than you give.
You're perpetually locked into negative thoughts and attitudes. You're critical and judgmental; you regularly gossip and tear other people down behind their backs. Other peoples' flaws make you feel better about yourself.

Communication Problems

You don't often say what you mean. You play games, expect people to guess when something's wrong, and manipulate people into feeling and doing the things you want them to. Passive aggression is your M.O.
You pick apart every little conversation, because with you, communication is a matter of subtleties. You don't say what you mean, and so you don't trust other people to do the same.
Your life is full of drama – enemies, frenemies, fights. Your relationship is like a constant battle. And you always need to be right. You continue to argue the same point, even when you know you're wrong, or when arguing is really hurting someone you love. Fights become about the way you're talking, not what you're talking about. And of course, they become the perfect setting for your habit of throwing tantrums, acting out, and manipulation.

Your Emotions

You don't know how to deal with your emotions in a healthy way. When things go wrong, everything falls apart. One bad thing means the end of the world. You exaggerate, but it's because you truly do feel utter panic and confusion when big feelings come knocking. You just don't know how to process them, so they end up taken out on the people you care about, or fueling toxic and unhealthy behavior patterns.
You engage in compulsive behavior or addiction. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. These are more signs that you can't deal with your emotions in a healthy way... so you deal with them in an unhealthy way.
Obsessed with control. You want to control every tiny detail of your life, including the people in it.
Need constant validation. Because you struggle to feel an inner sense of worth, instead you're constantly striving to improve your self-esteem through the achievement of outward signs of success – a good job, flawless appearance, jealousy-inducing Instagram, etc.

Your Relationships

You're a little desperate. You rely on your relationship more because you're lonely, needy, or afraid of being single than because you actually envision an amazing future with this person.
You hold grudges. Because you're unsure how to communicate your feelings, and unsure how to deal with negative emotions, it results in you holding on tight to past wrongs.
They can't do anything right. Your partner frustrates you to no end, because it's as if they can't do anything right. You're highly critical of them, to the point of hurting them deeply. But of course, you've gotta think... when all you see in the people around you are their flaws, maybe the problem has more to do with your vision.
So this is, of course, based largely on my own personal experience, augmented by some internet research. These are just the warning signs that you need to work on your emotional health and your interpersonal skills if you don't want to be a toxic, energy-draining storm cloud in your relationships. It doesn't mean you're stuck this way – it just means you have a little work to do.
My advice is to talk to a professional if possible. Mental health professionals get a bad rap, but they've helped people I love CRAZY amounts in the past. Seriously, talking to someone could take you from misery to actual happiness. Give it a try, and stick with it if possible.
Best wishes to everyone who feels like they've got a ways to go yet in their personal journey to wholeness and happiness. You've got this. <3
@annamolly I realized the same thing while I was writing this 😊 We all definitely have things we could get better at - best of luck! I'm sure with the help of some self-reflection and a little work, you got this. 😄
I love that @KhrystinaLee. So glad you're getting back to a place where you know and believe your own worth. :) it's a rough journey, but as someone also continually working on self-acceptance and self-love - it's such a worthwhile one!! 😄
Wow, thanks guys :) @MooshieBay @KhrystinaLee It's not easy to change, but I have confidence that if you put the work in, you'll see amazing results :)
@AlloBaber You've got this, too! And I think I'm starting to get a better understanding that self-acceptance and self-love isn't something you achieve, it's a lifetime work-in-progress type thing.
@AlloBaber I think I have more to work on than I realized. Thank you for this card and a bit of perspective! 💜
Cards you may also be interested in
Game-changing Amazon Advertising Tips
Looking for ways to improve the advertising side of your Amazon business? If done right, Amazon advertising can help your product reach its target audience and drive more sales. Read on to determine the best ways to approach advertising on Amazon. Let’s get started. #1 Build brand awareness with Amazon Sponsored Brands Amazon Sponsored Brands, also referred to as headline search ads, is the key to driving more sales. These ads appear above the search results page on Amazon and help sellers build brand awareness. This is, especially beneficially for sellers who are selling multiple products in the marketplace. If you want to experience top-of-the-funnel Amazon advertising, particularly when paired with branded searches or category keywords, Sponsored Brands are ideal to go with. This gives you the opportunity to build brand recognition by incorporating entities like your ASINs, brand logo, and custom headline. #2 Have a flexible ACoS goal When it comes to Advertising Cost of Sale, the lower, the better. However, lower ACoS is not what you should be aiming for. The Advertising Cost of Sale can be explained as the ratio of your ‘ad spend’ to ‘revenue.’ For automatic targeting, Advertising Cost of Sale is at the group level, whereas for manual targeting, you get your Advertising Cost of Sale on a product level. Although low ACoS is preferred, your ad campaign should have an objective depending on whether you are trying to make ongoing profits from the product, liquidating a product, or launching a new product. For best-selling products, your main objective should be lower advertising costs. If your product is already popular among the buyers, they can easily find your product without the need for an advertisement. However, it totally changes if you are launching a new product. The ACoS should be higher (at least in the short term) for new product launches. It is useful for earning reviews and gaining traction. #3 Use the best PPC automation tool for better revenue When it comes to Amazon PPC advertising, it is a bit complex than you might think. Being an Amazon seller, especially the new one, you need additional resources to manage your PPC advertising. Your ad campaigns could be more valuable if you have an external automation tool helping you complete the important tasks rather than trying to manage your PPC ads and Amazon business at the same time. This is where SmartPPC tool comes into play. It is an Amazon PPC ad management tool that can optimize and customize your ad campaign structures. It collects, analyzes, and learns from your previous PPC ad campaign data and performs a comprehensive diagnosis. The best part, it comes with Automatic Keyword Sorting functionality that allows sellers and advertisers only to run profitable keywords and remove those that are irrelevant. #4 Make use of the Flywheel Effect While it has not reached its prominence yet, the Flywheel effect could become “the Amazon marketing strategy” for years to come. Created by Jeff Bezos, it has contributed to the success of the Amazon business model. In simple terms, the Flywheel Effect is the idea of using paid ads for generating earned media, which drives the overall growth. Paid media and earned media incorporate orders, detail page views, and reviews. On the other hand, your product content is known as ‘owned media.’ When you are implementing your ad strategy based on the Flywheel Effect, you need to ensure avoiding common mistakes of determining success based on the Advertising Cost of Sale. You need to look at the gross profit and total revenue, as well. It works in a way that when paid ads drive traffic to your listing, it will boost your product’s position on the organic search results. The increased traffic and a decent position in the Amazon organic search results page will likely increase your product’s chances of earning the “Amazon’s Choice” title. Once your product earns this designation, it will gain more attention from customers that ultimately results in more traffic. This is a continuous cycle, hence, known as the Virtuous Cycle Model. #5 Emphasize on product-level profitability Before introducing Amazon PPC into the mix, you need to understand your gross profit on a product level. Individual SKUs (stock keeping unit) boast different profit margins. Thus, it would be vital to look at more granular data. This data will give you insight on which one of your products will benefit most from PPC ads. This not only minimizes your risk but increases your profitability as well. You need to examine the product-level profitability in order to determine the products with the lowest and highest margins. There is no point in spending money on ads that you don’t know will be beneficial or not. This is a great practice followed by many successful sellers and advertisers. You will save a lot of money doing this. #6 Exclude negative keywords for reducing wasteful ad spend In order to make sure that you don’t rank for wrong search terms, you need to exclude irrelevant keywords from a larger keyword search. For example, suppose you sell $20 watches. That means you would want to rank for ‘watches’ and not ‘Tissot watches.’ In this case, ‘Tissot’ is a negative keyword. It can be a bit overwhelming when deciding what keywords are negative. The best way to start is looking for keywords that get a large volume of traffic but low conversions. If you do not exclude the negative keywords, you will be paying for the clicks that don’t convert into actual sales. In other words, you will be wasting money. However, it is not easy to determine what customers are looking for. But with the help of some Amazon seller tools, you can filter out your specific audience. Excluding negative keywords will prevent your Amazon PPC ads from showing in the searches that don’t drive conversions. Conclusion It is all about using the right strategies. Whether you are experienced or not, you need to do proper research and analyze your strategies before implementing them. Always use quality and trusted Amazon seller tools like SellerMotor for performing different tasks. If you want to know more about Amazon advertising, feel free to contact us.