Let’s be frank: at this point, you are probably sitting around doing nothing. You supposed to be doing something, but not for the next couple of hours. You’re not sure why it is. What’s keeping you back? Clearly, you need to do some work. So you make a list of things you have to get done. You gotta clean the house, pay the bills, especially the rent for that landlord who despises you after you gave him the finger for your high cost of living the other day.
But in the back of your head, there’s an electric nerve pulsating, telling you to play with your pets while you check your goddamned Instagram account. Perhaps you go and organize your colorful boxes of brand new condoms based on the date of purchase and size, and for all you ladies, your prescribed scented tampons. Or for the lazy slobs in general, if not limited to, who stare at a wall in awe; admiring the one true paint job, which in reality, probably needs another paint job.
Not surprisingly, this leads to more nothingness, and now you’re kind of tired from everything that you’ve done so far, including standing and walking all the way to the fridge, so you debate on taking a nap. This leads to guilt for having to put off the thing you were originally supposed to do, but you decide to take a nap anyway because that will refresh your mind and give you enough energy to complete the demanding task. And suddenly, it hits you smack in the face: Congratulations, you have now entered in the nation of procrastination. Ah, okay. I guess I’ve gotten far enough, so I’ll just grab a drink and get back to this later. Well, not without some pointers to discuss.
We’re not sure why we procrastinate, but we tried several attempts to get out of out. People often tell you “Stop putting things on hold and focus.” So you do, but then they continue to berate you by saying “do something productive”, but you have done something that was way too much to handle and then you decide to take a fucking nap. Than you wake up and actually get to work on that thing you were going to do: make plans and doing something that will affect your life.
Bullshit. You put all that aside. We all do it! We get so fixated on everything that has to be perfect and never getting around to it. Sometimes it scares people. They rather not get embarrassed or worry that the neighbor next door will eventually walk out and stab them in the eye while they “try” and grab the mail. At some point, you have to block out distractions: turn off the TV, phone, computer, and staying out of the kitchen, but it doesn’t really work. Not even tips from the internet help.
All I gotta ask is, how in the holy land of fuck does stopping procrastination ever going to help, especially from a jackass explaining everything that can happen when you don’t do anything with your life, and making a to-do-list on getting work done to improve your life ever going to help YOU with YOUR life?
And just when you were about to get to those important business emails you promised to send to your clients as soon as you could, the WIFI goes out, and to relieve you of stress, you go and masturbate in the kitchen. And just out of random curiosity while fully erect, you open the fridge door, and see the rice pudding your friend from work gave you after the night of that stupid fucking rice party. Which happens to be the same day of those two lovebirds from work who kept the rice afterwards from their wedding day. So you grab the bowl full of rice pudding, and stick your sad prick in there. You know, because one small thing like this is something you want to get done. So you get it done. Then you take a nap. Right there in the kitchen.
After coming to terms of messing around, you finally had enough of the same little shits and giggles that gets you bored so fast and you are inclined to make an effort to get important things done. But you do it in a fast pace, and get it all out of the way. That’s what you’re good at. And you remember all the other shit you have to do next. So you work hard, steady as it all goes, and even though you may not be happy with your performance, there’s a blissful moment coming from not ignoring all your work. Inevitably, it will be time to relax and knowing full well you’ll say to yourself that it’s okay to procrastinate. Actually if you give it a little thought, procrastinating is not a disease, or a problem most people have.
Technically, procrastinating is a real activity. You can mix your things-to-do with other relevant things not related to important things, but have them as side work. Despite these activities that may not get you anywhere in life, let it be known that these are small productiveness in small, easy to use proportions. And think about all the work you can get done before anyone else can. In fact, you can put this on your side work: take the time to watch other people struggle. It’s pleasant and fun to encounter. After all you were one of those other poor souls looking to contribute to the cause. And the best part about all of this is that even though you waste time procrastinating, you are less likely to become a serial rapist. And that’s okay.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hide the stench from the corpse I’ve killed earlier, pay my bills, play with the cat, and see if I can kill that possum under my house and perhaps take the enthusiasm to call pest control to pick up the dead possum.
*YAWN*. On second thought, I’m gonna take a nap first.