Life can be hard, but know that there's a great big God watching you always. He may not feel near or he may seem like he's taking everything away, but just know once you draw near to him he will draw near to you in radical ways. It's only when you're on knees you will see God for who he is. I love each one of you and believe God has great plans for you. Just give God control right now. Love him because he first loved you. You mean feel so hurt and broken, but God wants you to feel that way. He sent his son for you so that you'd be able to come too him broken before his holy throne. God loves you. Don't throw away his love because you're too scared to love or feel love. God only purely and madly pursues you. I'm going to deep and real here. So you don't like that you may stop reading. When I was in my early teens I lost my best friend at 15. That messed me up to my core. It changed who I was forever. So I turned to drugs, self harm and hating people mainly Christians. Don't do what I did. I know the urge to pick up that blade or not eat the one meal is tempting, but God is much bigger than you realize and he can turn your life around. Just take it one day at a time and believe with all your heart that things will get better. I love you guys and know that God has placed huge destiny over your life and heart.