So here it is, an open letter to the man I hope I never meet.
Honestly, its not that I have completely closed myself off from the idea of loving another. I know its out there, hiding in the back of my head, that small nagging voice that only seems to come around when tempers are high and hand holding is low.
Life is full of uncertainties after all.
But I would be lying if I said I ever want to meet you, unnamed man who will love me next. Im sure you're handsome in a way only I couldn't get enough of, funny in a way thats just a bit too smart to not be eye rolling, and I have this weird feeling you would be a whiskey guy, right out of the bottle.
Either way, I think its best we don't meet.
Because if we ever do meet, I would no longer be myself, most of which seems to be infinitely entwined to the man who stands at my side now.
Im sure you could charm my friends, each one slowly falling for your slightly strange grin. But I don't think you would understand that I need to sleep on my back; that hot days are meant for drifting off to sleep only touching finger tips.
Im sure you would take me on the best dates, but you wouldn't understand that after eating I love nothing more then laying on the couch, legs intertwined and actually watching one of those shows people usually put on just to fill the room with noise.
And I am sure you are a great kisser, something to really write home about. But as I lay in bed, grinding my teeth and imagining the worst as the hours tick my anxiety higher, would you understand exactly what I needed? The constant assurances that my life isn't about to end as I know it if I close my eyes even for a second.
So mystery man who will love me next, I appreciate that you are there, waiting in the wings of that slim possibility. If you met me now I'm sure you wouldn't love me. I am not that future girl you would meet, shattered by a loss you wouldn't comprehend; changed in a way I can never understand.
Im happy now and forever will be. So I hope you can find a new girl to love next, I think I'm going to pass.
Id be lying if I said I wanted to meet you.