This is a very sensitive situation I will be talking about. I hope I don't upset anyone with this.
Back when I was much younger, around the age one would be in the fourth grade, I came home one day with my two older brothers to see a mysterious car in front of our house. Me, being a really young kid, I didn't know what that meant. 'Who was this person? What did they want?' Those questions just kept flashing throughout my head. When we walked into the house, I saw my mom and a lady in the living room. They were sitting across from each other. My mom looked like she had been crying. The lady looked at us and told us to pack a large bag of clothing and our necessities. Unsure of what was going to happen, I went upstairs and did as I was told. My brothers stayed downstairs with them. My brother walked into my room a bit later and told me we were going to be living with my Aunt from now on. I thought we were just going on a small trip to my aunt's house.
Until...I found out. My mother has been doing drugs at home while we were at school. One of our neighbors found out and called Child Protective Services. When the social worker arrived, she drove us to our aunt and explained the situation to us. I didn't understand. I have lived with my aunt ever since. I still didn't understand the extent of all that was happening. We moved from Irving, to Plano, to where we currently are. I met a lot of kind friends..but never felt I belonged. I was just an aquaintance they just happened to be okay with being around. I never felt I met any real friends, until I moved to Plano....I met my best friend and grew close to her.
I treasured our friendship. We are still friends...or at least I hope. After I moved, we haven't talked much. But, I guess that happens. Other than that, I never had anyone who listened. I felt kind of ignored. I was the youngest, the only girl other than my aunt...and she always worked. I worried for her, she is diabetic and when she gets home from work, I'm asleep. I worry: has she eaten? Did she get home safely? Are they overworking her? All of this piled up...I felt I was slipping into depression. But, hopefully, I havent. I have been fighting because I know that's the only way I will keep going. And I had been fighting for so long...I didn't want to crumble now after all my work. The thing is...this hasn't just happened once. We have been in this situation (me and my two brothers) three prior times but we were never told what was going on. We were kept in the dark. It hurt that something like this was kept from us.
One night, I felt it was too much. I had just come home from court with my aunt and brothers....my mother didn't show up. Like she didn't do the past four times we went. I felt..my mom didn't want me. She didn't care. I felt myself slipping. I cried so hard that night. I was randomly scrolling through Tumblr and saw a link to a music video by a Kpop group; BTS. I was curious so I clicked it. It was the music video for their song, Just One Day. I immediately fell in love with the soft melody and their voices. I even developed a bias right off the bat; Suga. I downloaded their songs. I soon noticed, I looked forward to listening to their music. It made me happy, genuinely happy. I found more groups and more songs. I shared this with my friend, I told her about them and she started liking them too. That was a thing we bonded on.
But now, I have moved and we don't talk as much. I felt I abandoned her....I left without a proper goodbye. But no matter how upset I got, BTS and Kpop, to always cheered me up. I've developed the inability to leave my room without headphones. Only because, I don't want to let something get me upset and not have my...... security blanket, per se. That might sound insane but, it helped me.
I always seem like a happy person. Only because, I don't want to burden anyone with my problems. I don't want to seem like one to complain. I wanted to be independent. But I couldn't do it alone. The music helped me.
People don't understand just how important this is to us. They brush it off with a disrespectful comment like 'Kpop is stupid.' or 'You can't even understand them.' But, if the song sounds good to me, I'm going to listen to it. I don't have to understand. Music is music. Language doesn't matter. And once others can realize that...they can discover this amazing creation too.
That was long. I'm sorry for my rant. The fact that you actually read all of this...warms my heart. I hope this didn't make anyone sad. I'll probably take it down in a little while. Thank you. Kamsamnida. Love you.