deactivated1484545980DTessStevens
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My Grumpy Dad Makes Friends In Florida, Chaos Ensues

My sister Perris plays a softball tournament every year in Florida, a place that's home to sunshine and a lot of retirees. My dad takes a little vacation around that time every year too, masked as an opportunity to watch Perris play. Yeah, we all know the score.
Anyway, dad likes to play golf. So of course when you get out of the freezing cold in Ohio and into the sunshine of Florida you're going to play. You might think golf is boring, but you're sorely mistaken.

What happens, however; is one of the craziest Grumpy Dad stories yet.

Welcome back Grumpy Dad! We've missed you!
***
I miss Philadelphia sometimes. It’s a place that defined culture shock for me. That’s for sure. I had grown up in West Michigan before working in North Texas, West Texas, Southeastern Arizona and Southern California. None of those places had prepared me for the land of cheese steaks and water ice when I moved there in 1995. For five years, I marveled at the unwavering loyalty the locals showed for their city. I don’t think I’ve ever run into anyone anywhere who told me they were from Philadelphia—unless I was in Philadelphia (or South Jersey). In other words, people from Philly live and die in Philly. They spend their lives rooting for the Eagles (pronounced ‘Iggles.’) and mispronouncing “water” by calling it “wooter.” They revere Rocky (I, II, III, IV and V); Dr. J; and every member of the Broad Street Bullies (the 1970s Flyers hockey team). They would heckle their own grandmothers if they took too long in line at the grocery store. They would gladly die for their friends.
Sixteen years after leaving Eastern Pennsylvania, I drove to Clermont, Florida last month to watch my number two daughter play softball with her team from Notre Dame College. It was Monday, and the girls’ first game of the day was scheduled for 3 P. M., so I decided to play golf in the morning. I walked into the clubhouse of a course that was less than a mile from the ballpark and asked the man at the counter if he could hook me up with a group that was heading out. He told me to get down to the first tee right away because there was a threesome next up.
When I arrived, I introduced myself to Phil, Joe and Steve. They were all in their late sixties, so I was the youngest by a decade. I was also the only good player, so they were happy to invite me to play a scramble. (That’s where everybody hits a tee shot and they choose the best one and everybody plays a shot from there, etc.) They said they’d never shot as well as even par as a threesome, but that with a young, big hitter, they were hopeful. I explained that I hadn’t played since November, but that I’d do my best.
As often happens, I was very solid in my first outing of the year, having forgotten all the bad habits acquired over the previous season. As a group, we were two under par after eight holes. During that ninety-minute period, I had learned that all three of them were now living in central Florida, and that two of them were former detectives with the Philadelphia Police Department.
Since I’d been a reporter with Channel 10 in Philly for five years while they were still working, we discovered that we had many friends and acquaintances in common. Lots of stories ensued. Steve even called a reporter from the Philadelphia Fox station that we both knew and we had a nice conversation while I waited to hit a tee shot. We hadn’t spoken since 1999. What a great time I was having with my new friends from the old neighborhood. And then it happened.
There was a bit of a backup on the ninth tee. The group in front of us consisted of two men, a woman and a teenage girl who’d been getting lessons along the way from one of the men. They were slow. As we waited for the woman to hit her shot from the ladies’ tee about sixty yards in front of us, the Philly guys were bantering back and forth about something in their usual raised voices. The woman stopped her address of the ball, backed away and turned to holler, “Could you keep it down!?”
No one said anything out loud to her, but we all quietly mumbled things like, “She must have rabbit ears to hear us from that far away.” And, “Who does she think she is? Michelle Wie?”
After she hit her shot, and the men hit theirs, we waited until they had almost reached the green of the par four hole before hitting ours. Phil and I were riding in a cart together and we picked up his ball before driving to mine, which was going to be the one the group would play. Just then, we saw Steve and Joe driving all the way to the green. Both jumped out of their cart and walked up to one of the men from that group.
“What the hell?” I exclaimed. “What are they doing?”
“I have no idea,” said the former detective.

We watched from 150 yards away as Steve appeared to be taking a swing at the guy.

“Do you think we should go back him up?” I asked.
“Nah. Steven can handle it,” Phil assured me.
Steve was about 70 years old. He was only about 5’ 9” and maybe 160 pounds. He was also wearing a thick back brace and walked with a bit of a limp.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “That guy looks pretty big.”
“I’m sure,” said Phil, who stood 6’ 3” and weighed at least 250.
A minute later, we saw Steven and Joe get back into their cart. They drove down the fairway and stopped near our cart. Each got out and grabbed a club to hit a shot. Neither said a word about what had happened on the green. Finally, I asked, “What the heck was that about up there?”
Steve addressed his ball and hit it up the fairway about a hundred yards. “The son of a bitch told me to go fuck myself, so I clipped him on the chin,” said the other former detective.
“You hit him?” I asked, with a bit of misplaced astonishment.
“Hell yeah,” said Steve. “What was I supposed to do?”
We finished the nine holes at one under par. The man from the pro shop drove out and told us that considering what had happened, it might be best if we called it a day.

He gave us all a coupon for a free 18 holes. I told the guys it was great meeting them and playing with them and said we should do it again next year. They agreed.

Maybe next year I’ll miss Philly again enough to be reminded of it by my new friends.

15 Comments
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@TessStevens I have learned to accept and live the weird life lol
You're so right!!! hahahahh @VixenViVi
@TessStevens As most cool things tend to be XD
@VixenViVi 50 percent awesome 50 percent totally weird hahahahaha
Omg that sounds awesome! @TessStevens
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مشخصات مهداد اکبری نام و نام خانوادگی: مهداد اکبری ساکن: کشور آلمان شغل: صاحب برند و مدیر عامل  آکادمى بین المللی فیتنس  آلمان (IFPE) - مدرس بین المللی دوره‌ های مربیگرى فیتنس در آلمان , اتریش ٫ امارات عربی ، عمان ، ترکیه ،ایران و نمایشگاههای بین المللی  آخرین مدرک تحصیلی: دکتری مدیریت ورزشی تسلط بر زبانهاى خارجی: آلمانى، انگلیسى، فارسى عناوین قهرمانی مهداد اکبری مقام اول مسابقات قهرمانی npc اتریش‌ در دسته فیزیک در سال ۲۰۲۰ مقام سوم مسابقات قهرمانی آرنولد کلاسیک اسپانیا‌. بارسلونا سال ۲۰۱۸ مقام اول مسابقات جام بین المللی فیتنس اتریش در سال ۲۰۱۸ مقام اول مسابقات قهرمانی ملی کشور آلمان در سال ۲۰۱۸ مقام اول مسابقات جام بین المللی فیتنس اتریش در سال ۲۰۱۳ مقام اول مسابقات جام بین المللی فیتنس اتریش در سال ۲۰۱۲ مقام دوم مسابقات جام بین المللی فیتنس برلین در سال ۲۰۱۱ مقام اول مسابقات جام بین المللی فیتنس اتریش در سال ۲۰۱۱ مقام دوم مسابقات قهرمانی آلمان در سال ۲۰۱۱ مقام اول مسابقات قهرمانی شمال آلمان در سال ۲۰۱۰ مقام اول مسابقات قهرمانی ایالت Schleswig- Holstein در سال ۲۰۱۰ مقام اول و اورال مسابقات قهرمانی بین المللی شمال آلمان سال ۲۰۰۸ مقام سوم مسابقات قهرمانی آلمان سال ۲۰۰۸ مقام دوم قهرمانی جهان سال ۲۰۰۷ دومین دوره بین المللی مربیگری بدنسازی فوتبال با مهداد اکبری جلسه اختتامیه و قسمت تمرین دومین دوره مربیگری بین المللی مربیگری خصوصی بدنسازی فوتبال در سال 2022 در تاریخ 1400/06/15 برگزار شد و در پایان به شرکت کنندگان گواهینامه قسمت تمرینی بدنسازی خصوصی فوتبال با 0.6 CEU اعطا شد. همچنین در این دوره شرکت کنندگان با جدیدترین مباحث بدنسازی فوتبال خصوصی و مربیگری تک به تک ارائه شده در سال 2022 آشنا شدند. تدریس این دوره که توسط اساتید ذیل در واحدهای آموزشی مربوطه انجام می شود به صورت آنلاین و عملی می باشد. دکتر. حمید آقا علینژاد: بدنسازی سفارشی برای فوتبال دکتر. مجید سیفی آذر: علم تربیت در فوتبال امیرحمزه صفابخش: علم تربیت در فوتبال مدرس دوره عملی: دکتر مجید سیفی آذر، مربی دانشگاه و دوره های رسمی مربیگری و کارگاه های خصوصی تناسب اندام، مربی بدنسازی بین المللی فوتبال ضمناً دستورالعمل کوچینگ این دوره پس از آزمون تئوری و قسمت کاربردی طبق برنامه برای شرکت کنندگان ارسال خواهد شد. تناسب اندام چیست؟ متخصصان تناسب اندام و آمادگی جسمانی را اینگونه تعریف می کنند: توانایی فرد برای انجام فعالیت های روزانه با عملکرد بهینه و قدرت و استقامت کافی. علاوه بر این، آنها باید توانایی کنترل و مدیریت بیماری ها، خستگی و استرس را داشته باشند. آمادگی جسمانی توانایی سیستم های بدن برای کار هماهنگ با یکدیگر و امکان انجام فعالیت های روزانه به روشی سالم است. برخی دیگر از متخصصان تناسب اندام توانایی بدن را برای انجام فعالیت های مختلف بدون احساس خستگی در نظر می گیرند. عوامل زیادی در تناسب اندام باید در نظر گرفته شود، مانند ترکیب بدن، انعطاف پذیری، انرژی و استقامت. افرادی که تناسب اندام دارند کمتر مستعد ابتلا به بیماری های مزمن مانند دیابت نوع 2، فشار خون بالا یا بیماری قلبی هستند. با همه این حرف ها، تعریف افراد از تناسب اندام با یکدیگر متفاوت است. برخی داشتن اندامی زیبا، عضلانی یا لاغر را نشانه تناسب اندام می دانند. 5 مولفه اصلی در تناسب اندام برای تناسب اندام علاوه بر یک رژیم غذایی سالم و اصولی می توانید از ورزش های مختلف نیز استفاده کنید. در هر صورت باید عوامل زیر را در نظر گرفت: ترکیب بدنی به طور کلی، ترکیب بدن به محتوای چربی در بدن شما اشاره دارد. شاخص توده بدنی یا BMI یک شاخص تقریبی تناسب اندام مرتبط با ترکیب بدن است، اما بسیاری از عوامل مرتبط با سلامت و تندرستی در نظر گرفته نمی شوند. محتوای چربی بدن خود را تنها به عنوان معیار کوچکی از تناسب اندام در نظر بگیرید، زیرا بسیاری از عوامل دیگر در این امر دخیل هستند. برای تسهیل روند لاغری و کمک به چربی سوزی می توانید از قرص های چربی سوز ورزشی در کنار تمرینات خود استفاده کنید. استقامت قلبی عروقی یا قلبی تنفسی استقامت قلبی عروقی اندازه‌گیری می‌کند که بدن شما تا چه مدت می‌تواند ورزش‌های هوازی شدید را تحمل کند. بیایید این مثال را در نظر بگیریم: یک دونده سرعتی که می تواند سریع بدود اما فقط برای مدت زمان کوتاهی، احتمالاً استقامت قلبی عروقی بالایی ندارد. ورزشکار می تواند دوی سرعت را با یک برنامه تمرینی اینتروال که شامل دو دوره استراحت برای افزایش استقامت قلبی عروقی است، جایگزین کند. انعطاف پذیری توانایی حرکت مفاصل از طریق دامنه حرکتی آنها نشان دهنده انعطاف پذیری بدن است. انعطاف پذیری مناسب امکان انجام تمرینات ورزشی را بدون هیچ مشکلی فراهم می کند و بنابراین بسیار مهم است. یک معیار کلاسیک برای انعطاف پذیری، آزمون «بنشین و دستیابی» است. در این تمرین باید پاهای خود را مستقیماً جلوی خود بکشید و هر دو دست را به سمت انگشتان پا بکشید. این تمرین برای افزایش انعطاف پذیری ایده آل است. استقامت عضلانی همانطور که می بینید برای پاسخ به این سوال که تناسب اندام چیست؟ عوامل مختلفی باید در نظر گرفته شود. یکی از این عوامل استقامت عضلانی است. استقامت عضلانی با قدرت عضلانی متفاوت است زیرا به توانایی کار کردن ماهیچه های شما بدون استراحت اشاره دارد. ورزش هایی مانند "دراز و نشست" و "دراز و نشست" نشانه استقامت عضلانی است، اما تقویت با وزنه های بسیار سنگین نشان دهنده قدرت عضلات است. قدرت عضلانی شما می توانید قدرت عضلانی خود را با حداکثر نیروی تولید شده توسط یک عضله یا گروه عضلانی خاص اندازه گیری کنید. برای افزایش قدرت و قدرت عضلات بدن خود باید کار با وزنه را شروع کنید و به تدریج وزنه های سنگین تری را بلند کنید تا قدرت بیشتری پیدا کنید. همچنین می توانید برای حفظ سلامت عضلات و افزایش عضله سازی از مکمل های پروتئینی استفاده کنید.