Parts: all found here
WARNING: Mature content
-Hoseok's point of view - While we're at the airport Jin and Namjoon sit down to talk to me alone. Guilt trip time; well, I definitely deserve it. Jin starts first. "You know you really had us worried. We were ready to call the police. We had no idea what had happened to you. Do you know what that's like?" "No." "Do you know why?" Namjoon comes in. "Because nobody ever leaves the rest of us in the dark. That's extremely disrespectful to us. Yoongi had a point; what you did was reckless and selfish." "But he handled things in an insensitive way, he shouldn't have laid into you like that." Jin is always trying to keep things neutral. "He let his emotions get the best of him. It happens to all of us. We've just never had any of the members let their emotions take them as far as you did last night." Namjoon really knows how to connect things. "Especially you. You've always been considerate of everyone." Jin sighs. "So, I can only assume that your feelings were really strong to be able to make you do what you did." "They were." "You realize you're lucky we didn't get the manager involved right?" "Yes I do. I'm extremely grateful for that." "It happens again and you won't be so lucky. Got it?" "Yes. I doubt it could ever happen again anyways." "It's not like you to be sulky. You're really hurting aren't you?" Jin may not show his emotions much, but they're there; and he has a lot of understanding. "Yeah." "Wanna talk about it?" Namjoon is definitely a good listener. "I guess." "I'm gonna go. Taehyung seemed to be in a cheeky mood today; so I don't trust the younger guys on their own for too long." Jin puts a hand on my shoulder. "We're here for you." "Thanks." "So, where do you wanna start?" I think for a moment. Where should I start when there's so much to say. "Her name's Boram and she's 23." "A more experienced woman, huh? I get it." What kind of comment is that? It's only two years. "Anyway...I first noticed her at the reception desk when she told a joke to the guy working and she laughed. It was such a cute laugh. She was so pretty. I guess I just moved without thinking and went to catch up with her." "If there was anyone who would go after a girl just because she told a joke, it'd be you." "True enough. So I went and asked her to have a drink with me and she said she would. Then she asked who I was. I was surprised, but she really had no idea." "That is little surprising." "Turns out she's Korean American and was here visiting family, that's why she didn't know." "Oh, a foreign girl. That's a little exciting, and it's lucky she spoke Korean." "Yeah, she was exciting and interesting. She wasn't afraid to say things that may cause people to judge her, she wasn't ashamed. She had so much confidence." "Cause her to be judged?" "Like that she'd get drunk when she was young and under aged, or that she had smoked weed a few times before." "For an American that's kind of normal. To us it seems crazy, but for a lot of people in America that's just being bit rebellious. Some just take it too far, but it sounds like she didn't." "Apparently it is normal, and especially in the town she grew up in. Even some of the parents smoke, and drug dogs went through the school every month." "Damn. Hell of a town." "But it's a small town and she said people were really welcoming there. If they're all as nice as she is, then it sounds great all things considered. They love the woods and they do simple things for fun." "She sounds pretty down to earth." "She really is. And she didn't know who I was so she treated me like just some guy, like any other person, even after she knew I was a rapper. It's like she didn't really care. In a good way though, more like an "everyone is equal" way." "Did you like that?" "At first it was odd, but then it felt like a good change of pace. It had been a long time since I could be myself with someone and she liked me that way. For a while, I legitimately forgot I was ever J-Hope." "I bet that felt good to know that someone liked the real you. You got a chance to relax a bit too." "It was a great feeling to know I was likable. And the whole time it felt so, I don't even know how to fully describe the feeling. Like yeah, it was relaxed, but it's because she was warm in the way she treated me. She's really friendly in a calm way, but still a lot of fun to talk to." "You're so in touch with your emotions. You described it just fine, I definitely get the idea." "Good. You know, she didn't know BTS but she didn't pry about it either, because she was just interested in me as a person; well, besides asking about my dancing. Oh, and she dances! She even knew what styles I prefer just by looking at me!" "Wow, she really knows her stuff then." "Yeah. Then after a couple of hours she said we should call it a night since I probably had somewhere to be, but I didn't want to stop talking with her. That's when I texted you." "Oh, so you really did want to spend more time just talking with her?" I nod. "I wanted to know more about her." "That's not like you. Generally you don't like to get too involved. Well, that's how most of us are. It causes less trouble that way." "That's why I practically begged you to cover for me if anyone asked; because I never felt like I wanted to know a girl or spend time just talking." "I tried to cover for you. Nobody thought it was a good idea for you to be doing that though. Me and the others were mostly worried about you setting yourself up to get hurt. They just wanted you to reconsider. Yoongi was pissed that you were making trouble for us all, but he eventually got worried. Especially when he realized his text was probably the one that made you stop responding." "Yeah, it was. I turned it on silent because I wasn't going to acknowledge someone who was going to talk to me like that without even trying to understand the situation. I just wanted more time with her Namjoon." "I know." "She was so silly. She laughed at me and called me lame when I tried to be romantic." "You really are lame, I guess girls just never cared enough to tell you. I figure for most girls, anything you say could be romantic just because of who you are, no matter how lame it is." "Exactly!" "Now. You said you went to just talk and spend more time with her. You were there until morning Hoseok." "Yeah." "Are you sore?" "Very, I feel like I was hit by a truck...shit." He smiles. "It was obvious so it's not like you were fooling anyone. I mean, you know you're wearing a tank top, right?" "So? It was clean." He grabs my wrist and holds up my arm. "Come on man, you seriously didn't realize? There's scratches all over your arms, and when you had no shirt on this morning you had marks down your back too." He drops my arm and pokes my neck. "Not to mention these. Right by your neck you have a dark bite mark. Plus a few hickeys. It's less than discreet, it's actually really noticeable. " He chuckles. "And you walked through the hotel like that." There really are scratch marks everywhere. All those actually left marks? I put my hand on my neck. That's right; she bit me. She gave me hickeys? She used a bit more force than I thought; it all just felt so great that I didn't notice. "Why didn't you say anything before now!" He laughs at my reaction. "Well, your shirt covered the scratches on your back and I figured you had seen them on your arms. I was kinda wondering why you weren't wearing a sweatshirt or something. But I seriously didn't notice the marks on your neck until I was looking at you from this side." "Damn it." He smirks. "She's got quite the wild side, and apparently you do too." "Shut up." "So you obviously didn't get out of there right after." "No. I stayed because I didn't want to leave her. I felt something when I was with her. I felt like I cared about her and wanted to be close with her beyond something physical. I wanted to stay and enjoy that feeling a little longer. I wondered what it was like to sleep while holding someone you cared about, and to see them when you woke up. She was so adorable when she was sleeping this morning." "I'm a bit jealous." "Why?" He sighs. "Because I've never felt that way. You're both lucky and unlucky. Lucky you had that experience; unlucky that you had to walk away from it." "I'm glad it happened though. It hurts, but she's worth the pain." "Was it hard to say goodbye? Did she cry or get upset? That must have been pretty rough." I hang my head. I'm so ashamed that I didn't. "You said goodbye right?" "No. I couldn't, it felt like it'd be a complete end, I didn't like the idea of it ending; and I couldn't stand to see her hurt." "That's pretty cold, cause that probably hurt her worse." "Trust me; I know." There's silence for a minute. "By the way, out of curiosity where was your shirt anyway?" "I told her to wear it to bed. As stupid as it sounds, it felt like she was mine when I saw it on her; so she's still got it." "Wow. You didn't say goodbye and now she has something to remind her of you. I feel kind of bad for this girl." I lean back and close my eyes. "Thanks." "Sorry. Wasn't trying to add on to your pain, I just spoke without thinking. My bad." My phone rings. Unknown number, no. I press ignore; I'm not ready to deal with this yet. I turn to Namjoon. "Must be a wrong number." My phone beeps. New text message. "You sure it's a wrong number?" I sigh. "Yeah." It beeps again. "You didn't do what I think you did, did you?" I look down. Namjoon nearly jumps out of his seat. "Are you serious! Why would you give her your number!" "Keep your voice down, I don't need everyone telling me off about this too." "Fine, fine. But why would you think it'd be a good idea to do something like that?" "I didn't want to assume that it could never be anything more than one night." "She lives in America. What do you possibly think could happen?" "I don't know. Long distance isn't impossibe." "Hoseok. That's a bit more than just long distance. She's pretty much on the other side of the earth." "But it's not impossible." "She'd feel lonely." "I'd call her and text her, we could video chat, and I'd send her presents too. She could come and visit me when she comes to Korea to visit her family. She could just stay at a hotel nearby. I'm sure she does that every year or so, at least. Then you guys could meet her. I'm positive you'd all like her if you met her." "I'm sure we'd like her, especially if you care so much about her. But are you one-hundred percent sure that you wouldn't get bored because you wouldn't be able to be with her physically? When you're in a relationship you can't fool around with other girls. That's just not right. So if you think there's a chance that down the road you'll get bored or cheat, then you need to apologize for stringing her along and say it can't be anything more." I think about his words for a moment. "If it's for her, then it'd be easy to tell other girls no. As long as I can talk and laugh with her, then I'll be happy. So it's up to her whether she'd be able to deal with only that." "Do you think she'd be okay with your relationship having to be a secret? Do you think she can handle seeing pictures of you having to be cute for other girls, or being screamed for and having all kinds of girls wanting you? Or if she saw who J-Hope is and how different you are?" "I don't know. I guess I didn't really think of that." "Well you better tell her that that's what would happen. Like you said man, she sees you as Hoseok instead of J-Hope. She may not realize what dating you would be like. I'd like this to work for you, I'd like for you to be happy; but it'll only hurt worse if you get even more attached and it doesn't work out." "I'll tell her. I just pray she can accept it all."
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