It was hard dealing with not seeing J-hope everyday. I had to fight myself to stay positive. I was getting better. I should love myself if he loves me right? June flew by real quick. He had debuted and had been promoting there album like crazy and doing shows. They even were going to do a tour. I was afraid I'd never see him besides on tv. My Hope: make sure to watch me tonight! I love you! He always would remind me of his appearances so I could watch him. I was so excited for him and the guys. They were amazing and just took my breath away. By July I had finally gotten used to working alot and texting J-hope whenever I could. He would respond whenever he had some down time but he started responding less and less. One day I was watching a show he was on and they asked his ideal girl. He answered like I thought he would with a smile at the camera. I never really thought that he'd answer differently. "So do you have someone you like?" The Mc asked and he started fiddling with the mic. He had to give an answer and he pulled the mic to his face and smiled. "Of course I like someone." "Can you tell us who?" You could see the look in the guys eyes. Was he going to tell everyone. "Yea...I like our A.R.M.Ys they are the best!" "Oh ha I thought it was an actual girl in your life." The Mc responded. Although that was a good choice to answer that way I was still a little sad. I pushed the thought aside and continued to watch. After the show I went to bed since I had to get up early for work. The next day would slowly destroy my world. When I woke up I realized my alarm didn't go off. I had 20 mins to get ready and out the door. I skipped the shower and got dressed and made sure to do my makeup and hair. Then I ran out the door. I barely made it to work on time. That didn't end the worst day ever. I was serving someone when I heard a few girls talking. "I think J-hope has a girlfriend." "Yea the way he acted last night...he doesn't just like his armys." "I bet she's ugly." "What if the girl he is describing is actual his girlfriend already?" "Oh my gosh...no he can't have anyone but us." They started giggling and I looked in there direction. One made eye contact with me and I quickly looked away. "Hey don't you think he described that girl?" One girl said I kept trying to not pay attention. "Oh my....you think so....she does match up...but she's not pretty enough for him...plus she is too skinny like she looks like she has a disease." "Ha J-hope wouldn't date that kind of girl....more of hangout with her because he felt bad." "Ha yea he's too nice to say he doesn't like someone." They continued to laugh and then changed subjects. I felt like crying. Why did they have to tear me apart? They didn't actually know I was dating J-hope. I quickly shifted my mind. I needed to finish work. After a few hours I got to leave. I went home to change into my next jobs outfit. This is where I started rethinking what those girls said. Maybe I am too ugly. I know I'm skinny but why is that a crime. But what stuck with me the most was maybe J-hope was just with me because he felt sorry for me. Maybe he didn't really love me. It was just pity. I started crying. I dropped to the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest. I hugged my legs and cried. He hadn't really responded to my messages, he normally sends me a quick message to let me know he's thinking about me. After several minutes of crying I finally calmed down and headed out to my second job. Once I finished my shift I ran home and flopped on my bed. I was exhausted. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't shake what those girls said or even what I was thinking. I fell asleep after I cried for a bit. I was woken up by my phone ringing. I answered it with out looking at it. "Hello." "Hey beautiful." "Hobi?" "Ha yea it's me, I miss you." "I miss you too. Why haven't you been texting?" "Honestly I'm so busy that I see your messages and go to respond but end up having to go do something and I forget to respond later." "When will you be back?" "Soon. We have several more things to do then we'll get a nice break." "Ok." "Are you ok?" He sounded worried "Yea I'm fine I was just sleeping." "Oh I'm sorry. I'll hang up then and talk to you later." "No please don't hang up! I haven't heard from you in a while and I just want to talk." After that we talked for an hour or so and then he had to go. He did little kisses through the phone and said he couldn't wait to hold me in his arms again. I had finally pushed those negative thoughts out of my head and once we were off the phone I fell back asleep but this time I didn't have tears running down my face.
Alright here's another update. so sorry I haven't posted...alot has happened but I will be updating again real soon so be ready for the next part. *Hobi's abs kill....just saying*
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