Over the weekend I decided to give my abuela a phone call. It was a brief chat, just like most of our phone calls (unless there's chisme to be exchanged). I updated her on my romantic life, and she was giving me "mhms" and what seemed to be defiant silences.
But then as soon as we moved on to the next topic, she became a chatterbox again. Sometimes it's very difficult to get any sort of clear opinions or feelings from my abuela - not that she doesn't have any, but because I think she has had to mold herself into abuela Wonder Woman where here feelings should not get in the way of taking are of her family.
Anyway, after I was finished talking to my abuela, I asked my sister why abuela seems uninterested in my romantic life.
"She wants you to get married and have kids already!"
"Huh? Seriously?" I said.
"She says she's been waiting a long time."
"I thought she didn't care about that."
"Well, that's what she told me."
Growing up, my abuela has always told me to focus on what's important. And a boyfriend was never a part of that equation.
"Don't depend on a man! Go to school. Get a good job. Make money," she'd say loudly in her thick Puerto Rican accent.
But it made me question a lot of things. Does she really think I am ready for all of that? Because I know I am not. Maybe I am ready to have my own apartment with a few baby...cats. But, I am totally not ready to settle down and pop little Alywoahs. And sometimes I am not even sure if I want that. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. What I know for sure is that there's so much I still want to do before settling down.