Parts: all found here
WARNING: Mature content
- Boram's point of view - That was such a nice dream. I feel so rested even if I didn't sleep for too long. I must have just slept really hard. I stretch out and without opening my eyes, reach for Hoseok. As my hand meets the bed, I realize there's nothing there. I shoot up and look around. I get up and look, but there's no one in the bathroom. "Was it just a dream? What a stupid dream. My brain is so cruel." I look down and see I'm wearing his shirt. I smile, knowing it was real cheers me up. "Well at least I know it's real, that's good. I was going to be bummed if my mind just created such a sweet dream." I sit down on the bed, his spot is cold so he's been gone for a while. "He'll come back. Maybe he had to go get something or get ready because he didn't want to worry them more. I'm sure he'll come back to say goodbye before he leaves." After a couple hours of watching TV and waiting, I'm starting to think he's not coming back. Check out was an hour ago so he must have, at the latest, left an hour after I woke up. I should stop deluding myself. He's not coming back. He really was just a heart breaker, nothing more. My eyes start watering and my throat gets tight. "How could I be so stupid. I'm 23 and I'm naïve enough to believe he'd say goodbye or that he actually cared. Right, like a celebrity would give a shit about me, some random piece of trash that blew in from a dump of a town in the US." I start crying, at least I'm in my room and no one will see this or know how ridiculous I am. No one has to know how much of a romantic dreamer I am, so much so that I thought a one night stand meant something important. I laugh through my tears at my stupidity. "I should know better. I should really know better." I hug a pillow and cry into it sitting at the foot of my bed. "Fuck!" I whip it across the room. "That's his pillow, it reeks of him. I don't need to keep reminding myself of some asshole." I remember I'm wearing his shirt and take it off, immediately throwing it in the trash. "Hopefully the maids will get that soon. I don't want to look at it anymore." But I eventually find myself staring at it from the bed, crying harder just from the sight of it. I can't throw it away. I just can't. I get back up and grab it. Hugging it to me with all my strength. My body is tensing up from being upset. I can hardly breathe, I'm crying too hard. Shit, I'm too anxious. "Where's my meds? I need to get them before it gets worse. I don't need a full blown panic attack over this." He doesn't deserve the satisfaction of hurting me that much; it's obvious that's what he wanted in the first place. To go and leave without a word after what he said and did last night, that just proves it. I dig through two different bags, tossing their contents around me. "God damn it! Where are they!" I remember I have a small cosmetics bag on the night stand. "They must be in there." I pick it up and open it. I'm about to dump it out on the night stand when I see a scrap of paper. I freeze when I see it. I swear my heart stopped for a moment, and then promptly sank. I continue what I'm doing. I need to take my medicine before I wind myself up even more. I find them and take one. Coming back from the bathroom, I'm still crying but I've managed to calm down a little. Spazzing over trying to figure out where my pills were managed to somewhat distract me from crying. I find my emotions have turned from feeling hurt by him to being disgusted by him. "So what did he leave. What did he leave to torture me with." I sit down and take a deep breath. I pick up the paper and look at it. It's a phone number. "What kind of person leaves their number but doesn't say good bye! Does he get off on this or something! What a twisted, sadistic fuck!" I'm silent for a few moments then let out a sad laugh. "How much you wanna bet it's fake. Fuck it, might as well hit bottom if I'm nearly there anyway." I dial the number and call it. It rings a couple times and then stops mid-ring. Nice. Ignored. I bet it is fake if someone's ignoring it. Fine. If he won't answer, I'll text him intsead. - Hoseok's point of view - "Hoseok. This is Boram." "I know you left. I know you left without even saying goodbye." What the hell do I say. "I'm sorry." So weak. It doesn't even sound like I mean that. "Why wouldn't you say goodbye? Was I not worth that much?" "That's not it." It's because I couldn't man up. "You know, I accept the fact that you've probably been with a lot women. But I didn't realize I was nothing more than another notch in your belt. Because you certainly made it seem like I wasn't." You weren't, I meant it. "I'm sorry I gave you my number." "Yeah, you gave your number to what you feel is a groupie so I'm sure you regret it; I guess that's what you do when you have a buzz going. I never thought I'd, ever in my life, feel like a cheap star fucker, but here I am. Feeling like an idiot for thinking this was anything special. When in reality it was nothing short of a one night stand." She misunderstood. I don't regret giving my number to her, and it was special. "That's not what I mean by sorry. I'm apologizing. I'm apologizing because I probably made you feel worse by prolonging your hurting when I gave you a way to reach me. I can't make up for my cowardice. I didn't say goodbye because I didn't want to see you sad; I couldn't bring myself to see your pain. I didn't want to see how I hurt you." "Then I guess you forgot you left your number last night when you'd been drinking. Because I'm sure you'd rather get this out of your mind and forget this happened than be dealing with my being upset." "Boram, it wasn't last night that I left my number. Will you please hear me out?" "Why should I? I don't even know what to believe anymore." I can't blame her for not trusting me. I couldn't even give her enough consideration to say goodbye. "Because I left that for you this morning. I was sober. I wanted you to have it. For most people it may seem insignificant to give their number to someone, but for an idol it's a huge deal. I wasn't even supposed to do that." My phone rings. I look around; the guys are far away enough. "Hello?" "Then why would you leave your number?" I can hear it in her voice that she's been crying. I'm such a cruel person; no wonder she doesn't believe me. "Because I don't want to cut ties with you. I didn't want to say goodbye because it felt so final. I know I hurt you and I'm genuinely sorry. I feel terrible for it." "You should." "If I could go back to this morning, say goodbye, and give you my number in person, I would. I wish I could." "Yeah, me too. I expected you to at least say goodbye." "I meant to, I really did; but then I thought about how sad you'd be. I didn't want to see you sad or cry. I'm pathetic and selfish, really selfish. I picked myself over you. That's not fair at all." She sniffles. "Not really, no." "I did say goodbye, I was just saying it for myself though. It was too quiet for you to wake up. I gave you a kiss that was light enough to not disturb you and kissed your forehead before leaving." "I wish I would've been awake for that." "I wish you would've been awake too." "So, I've heard you out. Basically, you've said you were selfish, inconsiderate, pathetic, and a coward. Does that about sum it up?" She doesn't sound like she's crying anymore. She just sounds a bit emotionless. "Yeah." "As much as it hurt me, I actually think you're beating yourself up a little more than you should be. If you really weren't trying to hurt me through all of this for your own sick pleasure, then you're being too hard on yourself." How can she be considerate of how I treat myself after what I did? "Sick pleasure? No, no. I'm not like that, I just really couldn't stand to see you sad because of me. I didn't want to talk about what would happen to us; because I wouldn't be able to give you a pleasant answer." "Then yes, you are being too rough on yourself." She's so sweet. "Thank you." "So, what do you want from me? You say you don't want to cut ties, but you also say you didn't have a pleasant answer for what would happen between us. So what exactly do you mean by all that?" "I want." There's a long pause. "You want what?" "I want to be with you." "How is that unpleasant? Although, you do realize that you live in Korea and I live in America, right? That's not exactly close." "That's why it's unpleasant; because we're really far apart. But that's okay, right? I'd call you, I'd text you, and we could video chat. I'll send you presents too! And whenever you visit your family, you can come stay at a hotel close to the dorms for a couple days. We can spend time together and you can meet everyone. And if we do concerts in the US, most groups almost always go to Chicago so we probably would to; then you could see us perform and see me after the show! You said you lived kind of close to there." "That's just not reali-" "No, please don't say it's not realistic! I'm telling you it isn't impossible, because I'd never let you feel lonely or ignored! Never!" "Hoseok, I'm sure yo-" Damn my eyes are burning. "Am I the only one who felt something last night? I really care about you, it feels like you belong in my arms, like you belong with me and no one else. Please don't walk out of my life, I want you to stay in it." I don't want to scare her away by being too emotional or sentimental. We did just meet last night, I know that, but I want her to understand how strongly I feel about her before she says there's no chance. "I felt something too. I care about you, I loved when you held me because I felt safe, and I would love to keep you in my life, but you know, you're the one who walked out of my life." "I know." "And you're a man who has girls chasing after him, lots of girls who would love the chance to get with him for a night. That's a lot of temptation for a guy who's in a long distance relationship." "Boram, my favorite thing about you isn't something physical. I truly love talking with you. I know it'd be different and that we couldn't hang out, go on dates, or be intimate; but I promise that I'd never betray you." Keep it together, no tears, not in public. "You're telling me that you could say no to every single one of them? It wouldn't bother you to not be able to have sex or anything else until we saw each other, maybe once a year?" My voice is shaking. I can't believe I'm about to cry. "For the girl who knows and likes the real me, the one who stole my heart, I could do that. I spent plenty of time not having sex before I was famous and it wouldn't bother me now. Would you be able to trust me?" "I just don't thi-" "Please!" I don't care, I'll cry. This is more important than worrying about looking stupid. "Hoseok?" I sniff. "What?" "Are you crying?" I am now. I can't handle her saying no. I'm not too proud to beg a little. "Yeah. I care about you, I know we didn't spend much time together, but can you please trust me?" She's silent for a long time and all there is to hear is my crying. I'm just sitting here, pathetically whimpering, what a great impression. "Boram? Are you still there?" "Yeah. I'm just thinking." "What if we get to know eachother better first? I think the more you know me that you'll definitely start to trust me. Is that a request that's more fair? To try to earn your trust?" She goes silent for a minute again. "Bora-" "Yes, that is a lot more fair. I could give that a chance." "Really?" "Yes." I wipe away my tears and stop crying. She's so kind. She must be more swayed by logic than emotion alone. "Great! Oh. But there's some other stuff that we should talk about first."
@axosrain @Mercedesbenz98 @MichelleIbarra @Jaiipanda @Bitterlimelight @drummergirl691 @NadineEsquivel @PrincessUnicorn @Emealia @CreeTheOtaku @B1A4BTS5ever @destiny1419 @Bitterlimelight @kpopandkimchi @SarangRavi @YeseniaLira @BulletproofV @KPopFandom @justcallmekyki @musicmofo @LilySilver @CassidyRoush @carolinaquito14 @VioletaDelRio @AliciaStransky @minimonkey07 @StefaniTre @KaylaNoble @may99 @AmandaOwnbey @UnnieCakesAli @JazzyJazJaz @Rhia @JasmineWilliams @bangtanella @SugaOnTop @ToppDogg @nerdy3000 @SusiBosshammer @TLeahEdwards @Lizzeh @Jiyongixoxo @moonchild03 @Maddie27 @funnelcakeboo @rosajlm2 @AnnieGoodman @vyntnguyen24 @SunshineChang @StephaniePoore @MichelleIbarra @Onenonlybovie @rapmonsterous20 @MinDeji @ArielaPicazo @Gizzy2002 @CocatolaOtaku @TiffanyBibian @Stefany17 @hobisprincess @JasminPerez @Simba14 @raenel @ARMYStarlight @Meeshell @sugakookie @jiminsabs @tinaechle @OnLarrysCloud @JessicaFigueroa @VeronicaArtino @DesireeChucklez @jazgaara33 @ILikeHisFace123 @krin @SkyRollins @Kyokeo @SunnaWalo @MandyNoona @Angelblue @Roxy1903 @DreaG1518 @aliciasalinas @KeziahWright @Kpoplover20 @KpopGaby @AlmaRangel @ilennrocks @vlargos @fleaisms @DamarisCisneros @SierraBecerra @poojas @ElniWyatt @JelliBelli111 @CassieWarens @KellyOConnor @kpopbunny9 @VIPFreak2NE1 @pkhyeri @JadeNarine @ccebox47 @Kpossible4250 @amobigbang @SilentPianist @thatoneoutcast @NelyLovo @XionHeart @SamanthaRae19 @Ligaya @AdiaJasinskin @emilyanpham14 @luna1171 @MaricelvaRomero @squishyseokjin @xxxtina @CandaceJordan @TeaeraHarrell @nenegrint14 @kmeier230 @MZDawson31508 @ChavaBerry @11erinmims @Ticasensei @Taehyungie @LaurenStrayhorn @gummydragon @brirodriguez412 @ShimJooKyung @blackirishawk @TaehyungKey @shelbiisonfire @sarangseoltang @Britneygraham @torchix @MischiefK1ng @Helixx @JohnHomampha @yewookyu @VKookie47 @staceyholley @Defy24601 @externallyeli @CarlaAcosta @christianliu @Lashonda0917 @jessicacheung97 @terenailyn @DestinaByrd @Tigerlily84 @SugalessJams @ninjamidori @JadeOwens @viviano6 @Dabaesaplayer @JasminMartinez @EdithJang @Gianlica @PandaSoapy @Kelsiumm @JinsPrincess86 @KatMejia @FrancescaV95BTS @ChelseaGarcia @AlexAckerman @Chiqiang @ydona @HyunnieKim @MariahMaes @kgutierrez @NaughTae @CallMeMsDragon @leelee12 @Zyxzj @Byeoli @ChauncySutton13 @KarenGuerra93 @BessanMerab @twistedPuppy @lolImbetter09 @JayRaider @Xoxojessica12 @TheEnlightment @mirandazamira @LlamaBaozi577 @parkjiminBTS @Misschimchim @Tamaki1618 @abby177 @aprillove196 @christianliu @faith92 @XionHeart @tiffany1922 @BridgetJara @RandomName @LemonLassie @BrendaPham @KaeliShearer @DeyaniraEstrada @AyameTenchu @DeniseiaGardner @CamrynCherry @TesneemElAlami @oahn99 @MickieDanels15 @Stephany123 @SugaMint @Nikolmaii @AubrieSmith @paligurl2846 @HayleyYates @ahluetters @Miss148 @krystalrikpop @SaraHanna @MarciMartinez @HaleyHerbig @ShinoYuki @koinii @conversehigh @makidabebe @kekers96 @yeseniamh23 @naomicheekydoll @myylifeisnow @gyapittman