Parts: all found here
WARNING: Mature content
- Boram's point of view - I end the call and sit back on the bed. My smile fades a little. I hope this works out and I'm not just setting myself up for disaster. My mood is so hot and cold. I don't know how I can go from hating him to wanting to be with him. I suppose it's because he explained everything, and the reasons that made me upset in the first place turned out to be non-existent. Can't blame me for what I thought though. He didn't make it very obvious that he cared. Except for his number, I guess I'm a little spacey for not noticing it right away. But we're going to take it slow from here on out. I laugh, this is all so weird. I come here to visit family and end up starting a relationship with a famous Korean rapper. What will my parents think? That's going to be an interesting conversation, but they'll probably still support my decision. And to think it all started because I wanted to go to a bar. No, wait. He said he noticed me when I was talking to that guy at the front desk about pillows. I guess I owe the maids an even bigger tip for forgetting my pillow. Come to think of it, he probably got in a lot of trouble over all of this. I wonder what they did. I hope I didn't cause too many problems for him. I know he made the decision to stay himself, but I didn't really tell him not to if it was going to cause him trouble. I knew he would get reprimanded for it, but I let him do it anyway. I'll have to make sure he doesn't make any more issues for the group because of me. Guess I should get dressed and ready to go shopping. I leave tomorrow so I'll enjoy my last day wandering around the city's shops. ... I have the biggest smile as I'm walking. People probably think I'm insane, but I don't care. I'm happy so I'll smile as much as I want. I walk past a store with TVs in the window and stop. "Is that him?" It's talking about a concert that was the night before. "Damn. He has a lot of energy to be able to do what we did after having just performed. I bet he felt like a wreck today. Oh, he has a show tonight? I suppose, it isn't too far so it's probably a short flight. Poor guy, I hope he feels better by then. I'll text him later and tell him good luck." I watch for a moment as they show clips. "So they're called BTS, huh? I'll have to look up some music videos and see what they sound like. They look pretty lively, especially Hoseok, I guess he really is just a ball of energy." I should stop mumbling to myself. No one can hear me, and even if they could they likely wouldn't understand my English, but I probably look even crazier than when I was just smiling. I walk away once they stop showing clips. I'm excited to watch the music videos later. I'll bet he'll be pretty surprised I watched some of them already. I wonder how long they've been around. I'll find out later. For now, it's time to shop for presents for everyone back home. ... - Hoseok's point of view - That performance wore me out; but it'd have been worse if Boram hadn't told me good luck. It's such a small thing, and it seems silly, but it's like it revitalized me. We make our way back to the room and I flop back on a bed. Taehyung does the same and looks at me. "You seem happy." Damn, I wasn't supposed to look too happy. "Why's that?" "You've been smiling since we got off the plane." Apparently I couldn't look sad for very long. "I wouldn't say I'm happy. I was just excited for the show." "Right. You had a lot more energy on stage than usual too." Jimin pops into our conversation. "He's right you did have more energy, which is surprising since I never thought you could have that much more energy. I thought I'd seen you at your max, but I was wrong." "I guess I was just really, really excited." Jimin narrows his eyes. "For a guy who just this morning was crushed and then cried at the airport, you seem to have bounced back very quickly." I'm not ready to tell them! Why do I have to wear my emotions so easily! I'm going to have to tell them and we just finished the show so it's not like it'll affect anything like that. I text Namjoon asking if now is a good time for me to tell them all. He says it's as good a time as any. "Hey, will you all come with me to the other guys' room? You too Jungkook." "Okay. What for though?" "You'll find out." We walk to the other guys room and Namjoon comes to the door letting us in. I pull him into the hall for a moment. "Can you make sure I don't get scared and not say anything? I know I've already asked a lot of you, but I swear after this I won't bother you for a while." "I've got your back, but you need to do the talking on your own." "Of course." We walk in and the guys are all talking. "So..." Everyone looks at me. Namjoon puts his arm on my shoulder. "You got this okay? I'll make sure no one completely tears you to shreds alright?" I nod and he sits down by everyone else. I take a deep breath. "I have some things I want to tell you guys. First off, I want to sincerely apologize for how I acted this morning and for what I did last night." They all nod, but Yoongi hasn't looked up from his phone. "Yoongi, I'm especially sorry for how I treated you. I was way out of line and shouldn't have done what I did. I shouldn't have pushed you or talked to you that way. I was upset and shouldn't have projected those feelings onto you." He looks up for a moment. Probably trying to see if I actually look sorry. He sighs. "I understand, I was a bit rough on you to begin with, so we're good." He says it begrudgingly, as if he's only saying it to avoid further conflict, but a shallow acceptance of my apology is better than nothing. Jin speaks. "We forgive you, right guys?" Everyone agrees. "Thank you. I have something else to say, though." I take another deep breath, my hands are shaking, and my voice is weak. "I gave my number to the girl from last night." Everyone is immediately talking all at once. Asking me what I was thinking, telling me I was stupid and thoughtless, even Jin is upset. Everyone except Namjoon and Yoongi. "I know. I know you all think it was dumb and that I wasn't thinking. I get it and I definitely don't expect to change your opinions, but regardless, I thought it'd be best to tell you." Everyone is avoiding looking at me and has a look of either disappointment or disapproval. Except, once again, Namjoon and Yoongi. But Yoongi is just looking at his phone, not sure how much he's really paying attention. Namjoon urges me to continue. "Keep going. You're going to get it all out at once." I nod. "I know you all saw me crying at the airport. That's because I was on the phone with her. I was upset because-" Oh man. It sounds so stupid and ridiculous when I say it to this many people, especially when they're already irritated with me. "Because she didn't want to be with me. Because she lives in America and she didn't want to have a long distance relationship. That she cared about me but it was too much." Yoongi let's out a cold laugh. "You're so dumb. I'm glad she told you no. Now we can move on from this bullshit." "I'm not done. She said that, but I cried and told her all the things I'd do to make sure she didn't feel lonely. I told her that she could trust me not to cheat." He laughs again. "Yeah fucking right. You couldn't do that. You'd never see her and you're saying you'd be able to hold out that long? No. No you wouldn't." "I'd see her once a year, maybe less, but that's enough for me. The way she treats me means more to me than having random one night stands." "That wouldn't have lasted long and she knew it, that's proba-" Namjoon turns back to look at him. "Would you knock it the fuck off and let him finish what he's saying? For Christ's sake, just shut the hell up for five minutes. You don't need to rub salt in his wounds just for the fun of it." Yoongi shuts his mouth and looks at the wall, facing away from me. Guess he's checked out of the conversation. "Anyway, you guys probably noticed that I've been in a pretty good mood tonight and, like Jimin and Taehyung said, I had a lot more energy on stage than usual." I look up and see realization spread across most of their faces. Jin talks, "No. Seriously? You know I'm on your side most the time, but this isn't a good idea. Are you really-" "Yes. She agreed to try being in a relationship with me." "Namjoon did you know this?" "Yeah." How can he be so aloof. "And you didn't try to stop him!" "He's a big boy. He can think for himself. I told him what it'd be like and what he'd have to do. I told him that if he gets too obsessive or she gets to be a distraction, that I'd intervene and make him stop." "I can't believe you. What kind of leader let's one of his members throw himself at a girl he hasn't even known for an entire day?" "I don't know, a trusting one? Besides, I couldn't do anything when he had already given her his number." "Yes, you could have told him to block the number!" "That's not my place. I'm not here to keep him from the possibility of falling in love with someone. I made sure he knew what he was getting himself into. He does and he decided this is what's best for him." "Love! Are you serious! Were you listening when I said he knew her for less than a day? Now you're trying to tell me it could be love?" "I can't tell the future. Love forms in mysterious ways and maybe there is such a thing as love at first sight. I don't know that; so I'm not going to stop him from finding that out for himself." "We don't even know her! You haven't met her, and yet you assume she's just fine?" "He's told me all about her. Literally, everything he knows about her. Her name's Boram and she's 23. She's from a small town in the US. She doesn't trust him yet, she said he'd have to earn it. She's not some girl who's just throwing herself at him because he's a celebrity. She'd never even heard about him and from what I understand, she doesn't seem to really care about that anyway. She just likes him, she likes Hoseok, not J-Hope. She's down to earth and logical. She's understanding and extremely kind. After he walked out without saying goodbye, she actually said he was being too hard on himself; she cares about him. I don't forsee her throwing a wrench in the way the group functions, because I don't think she wants to be a problem for him or us. So what if he texts a girl? So what if he talks on the phone with her? And so what if she visits him once a year at most? What's it going to do besides make him happy? If it doesn't work, he'll eventually move on from it. I don't see an issue with it as long as he doesn't forget what he's supposed to be doing. And you know what, considering the fact none of you have experience with what he's feeling or going through, I don't think it's any of your places to judge him." That shut Jin up real good. He has nothing to say in response to that. "Thank you." "Don't thank me. Just worry about not fucking up." "I know." I face everyone. "I'm sorry I'm causing trouble and making things difficult. But as much as I do to cheer everyone up and try to motivate you all, I think I deserve to have someone who will cheer me up and motivate me. It's not going to be a problem, I promise. Namjoon will keep me in line if he has to. So, I'm sorry that I've been a little selfish for the last day or so." Jin finally finds some words. "This is more than just a little selfish." You know what, they're wrong. It's not selfish at all. I shouldn't have to feel bad for wanting to be happy. "Do you know what it's like to not be able to show that I'm sad, upset, or maybe just in a bad mood because it might make you guys feel the same way? Do you know what it's like to always have to be a ray of sunshine that tries really hard to keep everyone in high spirits when they're down, but when I'm down I simply get a pat on the back and told to "cheer up"? You are all selfish about that. You guys will take all of my cheers and motivation; but when I could use some, you guys either give a half-assed attempt to understand, expect me to just get over it on my own, or just blatantly ignore it. So sorry I'm being "selfish" by wanting to have someone in my life who would emotionally support me." I walk out, letting the door slam behind me before anyone has time to respond. I don't care if they think I'm being dramatic. Maybe now they'll realize what I do and what they don't. I'm sick of being everyone's cheerleader all the time when no one is there when I need motivation. I can't always be my own motivator, sometimes people need to hear words of encouragement from others. They can think about that in addition to my so-called selfishness that they'll so readily point out.
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