Really I don't want to meet him. Let me explain why.
A few nights ago I decided not to take a sleeping pill to bed which is really out of the norm for me. I have a lot going on in my life still. My ex-boss is stalking me, my friend's mother just died, another one tried to kill them self, another lost their job. I have way too much going on. And I feel horrible because I want to help them, but I can't. My biggest fear is being trapped in an elevator or plane while it is crashing, and guess what I decided to dream about. I know what your're thinking. "Lauren, what the heck does this have to do with Jackson?" Just listen, I'll get to that in a second. Normally whenever I have a nightmare it's foggy and I can't really remember it. Also I'm usually being chased and running slowly or suffocating and I'm usually irritated because I know it's a dream. But not this time. It was vivid, too vivid. I'll skip most of the unimportant details. I had a dream that I had to fly to my college for orientation(which makes no since because the college is an hours drive away.) The airline was a small asian airline and they wanted to save money by cutting corners and saving fuel. This included shutting off the engine on landing, so basically we would just be gliding on the way to the runway and hoping that we would land correctly and not crash. The first landing was fine and I had lunch at the cafeteria. for whatever reason Vernon was there, so I went over and shook his hand. I told him that I appreciated his talent and that he was doing a great job. He thanked me and I went to orientation. (I dont really listen to seventeen) I had to stay in the dorms at the college because orientation is a 2 day process. The next day I had breakfast and I sat on the other side of the room because Emily was there. (If you read my last bullying card you know who she is.) On the other side of the room Jackson and the rest of GOT7, BAP, BTS, EXO, and many other idols where there, and while I wanted to speak to them they were surrounded by fans, and so I didn't because I was shy and afraid. The second orientation was weird, as the seats were on the wall and beneath us a black abyss. They were there but I didn't want to die by falling into blackness so I stayed put. But I felt awful about it. (this probably has something to do with the fact that exo, got7, bap, and bts came to texas and I had to miss all of them because my mom wont let me skip school.) The plane ride home was way too rough. There was a tail-wind. The plane rocked side to side. The co-pilot was a woman and you could hear her screaming "COME ON COME ON!" Everyone was screaming, but we landed. There was damage so we had to use stairs to exit the plane onto the tarmac. The plan behind us didn't make it. The tail-wind tilted it. The right wing hit, then the engine, then it skid from it's side to it's back. There was fire, to smell of smoke and jet fuel, firefighters, and dead bodies. I remember seeing the captain and co-pilot in the cockpit, dead. There where people burnt and covered it soot. screaming and crying. but I distinctly remember watching Jackson's lifeless body lying on the tarmac. His blonde hair was covered in black soot. There was blood on his pink lips. His arms had detached form his torso and his eyes were still open. I could see the terror still in his eyes. When I woke up I tried to shake it off, but I couldn't. My breath was short and quick, I was shaking, and once I got in my car to drive to school I was crying. I had to speak to my counselor once I got to school so I could calm down. Once I got home I got onto the V app. I know it's unreasonable, but I had to know he was alive, even though I knew he was. I had to hear his voice. (I wonder, is there new MV and my dream just a coincidence?) This led me to seek him out more and while I knew this already, I find him way too nice. Guys I used to hate GOT7, especially Jackson. It was because Emily liked them and Jackson was her bias. I was just being too sensitive. I just couldn't stay out of the diamond life. I love GOT7. but upon watching the true jackson (who I prefer) and not the "Wild and Sexy" jackson, I was strangely disgusted. He is so sweet. He has nothing but nice things to say towards others, but he doesn't like himself. He is like me before I moved to my new school. Being that way got me hurt. I'm not saying that I think he should be mean! OH NO! I'm just saying that I know If I met him I don't think I would want to leave him. Not because he's famous, or cute, or nice.(he is) I've been taught to be hard and show no emotions. I don't cry. crying makes you look weak and the bullies like that. you don't cry, ever. But around him I'm awfully terrified that I would let down my guard and cry like a little baby around him and be all defenseless. I now worry about him everyday. and I know he is alive and well, but that nightmare was too real, too vivid.
guys I know I am being way over sensitive, but I've never dealt with this before. *cringes* sorry. I'll probably delete this later.
Also i'm putting this here because it's cute, it's my OTP, and I want you guys to smile about something.