“I Lost Fear of Losing What I Never Wanted to Lose Forever” by Lumina H. Once upon a time, in my worst nightmare I screamed in the middle of the night “Don’t Leave Me!” Fear of being abandoned Fear of being rejected Fear of being replaced Horror strikes like lightning Blitz, Blitz, Blitz Every thunder of anxiety electrocuted me I’ve been punched, kicked and screamed at I know all too well how it feels to be treated like dirt I’ve been to hell and back, both inside and outside my head. So what I feared most in this world Was you, of you turning your back on me Never to return, ever. Fear brought anxiety, pain, worry, stress, anger, fury, insomnia and finally tears Buckets, trucks, pools of tears Gradually my tears filled up a swimming pool And in my swimming pool of tears I drowned myself And I needed a CPR But no one came… The water was still trapped in my lungs And I forgot how to breath, how to live I was dying I had seconds to live Could I live again? Could anyone give me new life? Could anyone revive me? Somebody… Anybody… Please help me… In my desperate need, I pleaded, prayed and hoped And then, right then Someone did come to my rescue But He wasn’t you He was unexpected While you left me drowning He came with a thousand letters of love and care I didn’t know Him He was a stranger to me But to him, I was no stranger He had been waiting for me all along He watched me dive into the ocean of tears He watched me as I sunk deeper into the sea of sorrow He always wanted to help me, to save me He never wanted me to drown myself, never He wanted me to live To live without Fear. To live without Fear of abandonment To live without Fear of rejection To live without Fear of replacement To live bravely, fearlessly, hopefully, gratefully To live honestly, courageously, earnestly, kindly To live with everything I had replaced with fear He breathed new air into my lungs Water came spluttering out of my throat My heart started beating again I could feel the blood rushing faster in my veins I’m alive! I’m alive! I’m alive! I’ve been Saved! Saved! Saved! My new savior will show me ways not to be afraid of losing you I’ve already lost you once And from now he will show me never to fear Losing you again and again Because in the far future Fast forward to many years later Here I am The future me said “I lost fear of losing what I never wanted to lose forever” “I lost fear of losing you, who I never wanted to lose, never” So today I wait, I hope, I run, I believe, I trust Towards that future of losing fear of losing you.