missed chapters ^_^
chapter 3 : Fake smiles & Heart break
We've been hanging out even more lately. Going out to the movies, taking walks in the park, just sitting around & enjoying each other's company. We talked a lot more, it almost felt like we were dating. These feelings I felt more and more intense, I wanted to tell him so bad that my heart was his and that it always will be but how do you say that when he's constantly telling me I'm his best friend & that he's never had a friend like me. Being friend zoned like that is pretty much just another way of saying 'I only see you as my friend'. I don't think he'll ever see me more than just his friend. His best friend...
"Minji, you wanna go get some ice cream after this?"
"Hm? Oh, yeah sure" I said.
Today we were just walking around the park. It was a nice day.
He smiled at me.
That smile. It's his smile that always seems to take my troubles away. No matter how down I'm feelings his smile is the solution. I smiled back.
"Minji, you look different today. Did you cut your hair or something?" He asked.
"No, actually. I just put some eyeliner on" I said.
He stood in front of me and walked backwards as he looked at my eyes. My heart raced.
"Your eyes look light. I like it" he smiled. "You should do that more often. It's pretty"
He thinks my eyes are pretty...I felt my heart beat increase. I wanted to blush but restrained myself.
He chuckled. "No need to be embarrassed by my compliment" he went back to walking beside me.
"I'm not embarrassed" I said.
"Yeah you are. Your ears are getting red~" he teased.
"No I'm not." I said as my lips formed a smile.
"Oh? Then why are you smiling?" He asked in a teasing tone.
"I'm not smiling." I looked away to hide it.
He walked in front of me again and turned my face.
"Ya! Namjoon!" I said smiling.
"I knew it! Why are you blushing? Hmm?" He chuckled.
"I'm not! Geez! Quit being annoying!" I tried to be serious but couldn't.
I felt his hand cup my face. My eyes widened.
"Haha. See? You're getting that embarrassed look ag-Woaah!" He tripped and fell back.
He grabbed on to my sweater as he fell back.
"Ah! Namjoon!" I fell down along with him. I closed my eyes.
The bushes rustled and broke our fall. Ow. Luckily there was somewhat tall grass or this would've hurt more.
I opened my eyes. I felt his arms around me, his face only inches away. He looked at me.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
My heart was beating out of control. I fell on top of him and his lips are so close, if lean down a little I'd be able to kiss him....this is my chance.
"Minji?" He asked.
"Oh! Sorry!" I took his hands off of me and got up.
I reached out to pick him off the ground.
"Minji, lay next to me. This actually feels nice, the sky looks pretty. Let's look at the clouds for a while." He smiled at me.
"Yeah. Okay." I nodded and lay next to him.
He turned his head towards me. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. And you? I mean I did fall on you, are you hurt?" I asked.
"No. You're really light, I didn't really notice until I opened my eyes and saw you" he said as he turned back to looking at the sky.
I can't take this anymore. I need to make my move but how? I've known him since we were kids but my feelings seemed to have been there since day 1, I guess now that I'm going through all these changes I realize that this has always been here. I've loved him since I was a child.
"Hey Minji..." He said.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Don't ever change okay? Always stay like this." He said.
"Why would I change? Have I?" I asked.
"A little. I notice you're quieter around me...is it because you don't like being with me?" He asked.
"No. It's not that at all." I said.
It's because you make me so nervous. It's hard to be around you....
"Then what is it?" He turned to look at me.
I sat up and took a deep breath. "I don't know. But I like being with you Namjoon, don't ever think I don't want to be around you."
He sat up and placed his hand on mine. A chill ran down my spine, his hand is so soft and warm.
I looked at him, his eyes searching my face. A grin formed on his face. Those perfect teeth.
I couldn't help but giggle.
"What's so funny?" He asked, still smiling.
"I remember the first time we met, in 1st grade. That's how you smiled at me when you introduced yourself to me" I said.
He began to slightly blush. "You still remember that?"
"I'll never forget it. That was the day our friendship began"
And also when I began to like you...
"You were mean though. A tough girl." He chuckled.
Until you came along. I didn't have any friends....
"Hehe. Yeah. I was." I smiled.
"Minji, can I tell you something?" He asked.
I looked at him. "Sure. You know you can tell me anything, I promise I won't tell"
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I swear, I'm the most fortunate person for having such a great friend. We've known each other for so long and even so I always find out something new about you. You're a really amazing girl Minji. Any guy would be really lucky to have you."
Why can't that guy be you so then I can feel lucky too....
"Thanks." I smiled but it wasn't really an enthusiastic one, it was more for show.
"But you better introduce me to your guy when you're dating. I'll beat him up of he tries anything funny" he smiled.
I smiled back. "Oh yeah? What if he's a black belt?"
"I don't care. I'll always protect you Minji, I love you" he said.
I felt warm and tingly. He loves me...he'll always protect me...my heart raced.
He looked around. "Hey, this place is nice. Minji this should be our new spot to be at after school. It's peaceful and quiet. What do you say? Should this be our new spot?"
I looked around. "Sure. It's comfortable here too." I said.
"Good, but you can't tell anyone okay? It's a secret. Our secret spot only we know about" he smiled at me.
My heart skipped a beat. I felt happy and at the same time I felt sad. Happy because I'm here with him but sad because I couldn't fully enjoy myself knowing that these feelings get in the way of fully enjoying his company.
"I promise I won't tell anyone" I smiled back.
*RING RING RING*
I picked up my phone. "Hello"
"Minji, come home. I'm making dinner, mom & dad have important business so I'm in charge."
"Bite me Sunny. I'm not coming home right now and I'm sure as hell not listening to you. Stop acting like you're my mom. You're my sister, I'll be home later."
I hung up and sighed.
She always ruins my mood. She's only 2 years older than me, why the hell should I have to listen to her?
"Come on. I'll take you home, we'll get ice cream tomorrow" Namjoon said as he got up and dusted off his pants.
I already knew why he wanted to leave...it happens all the time. When she calls, he acts so different.
"You go ahead. I'm staying here for a little while..." I said.
"Minji, Your sister wants you home. Your parents aren't home and she's worried"
Worried? Since when?
"I'm not going" I looks at him. "If you want to go then fine by me."
"Minji, why are you acting like this? Come on." He offered to help me up but I moved his hand away from me.
He always takes her side.
I got up and grabbed my backpack. My mood wasn't at its best...
"I'll see you tomorrow." I said in a cold tone and walked past him.
"Minji." He called out.
I balled my hands into fists but kept walking.
"Minji, stop it." He grabbed my arm. "Why are you angry?"
Why he asks. As if he doesn't know...but yet again...maybe he's doesn't. Does he realize that he obviously likes my sister? I can tell he does, it's so obvious. Ever since the 6th grade, it seems like he's had a thing for her.
"Forget it..." I said. "I'm going home."
"Forget it? No. Minji, what's wrong?" He asked.
"You wouldn't understand..." I looked at him.
He stayed quiet and let go of me. "I'm going to walk you home whether you want me too or not"
Yeah because you want to see Sunny...
"Kay." Was all I said.
We walked side by side, my heart felt like it was barely beating. Suddenly he's serious, is it because he wants to show Sunny he's 'mature'?
We got to my house, I took my keys out and unlocked the door. It smelled like something was burning.
"Shit! Shit! Oh my gosh! Minji is that you?" Sunny called out.
I took my shoes off. I swear she can't even make a fried egg without burning it -.-
I walked into the kitchen. Namjoon probably not too far back. I moved sunny out of the way and turned the kitchen off. I put the pan in the sink and ran cold water. I sighed. I'm really irritated.
"Thanks Minji. I know I'm not a great cook...sorry" Sunny said.
I stayed quiet.
"You want some pizza? Or something?" She asked.
"Minji?" She placed her hand on my shoulder.
"I don't care. Do whatever you want." I shrugged.
I went to open the kitchen windows.
"Hey Sunny" Namjoon spoke.
And thus it begins.
"Namjoon" she said cheerfully. "Hey. How are you?"
"I'm great and you?" He said.
I turned around and they were hugging. My heart felt like it was being stepped on...I wish he knew how much it hurts...
He noticed me looking. I looked away and made my way to the stairs, I don't want to see any of this. I'm going to my room.
"Minji, where are you going?"
Away from you....
"Upstairs to change." I said and began to walk upstairs.
It's not like you care anyway, you're with Sunny...
I threw my backpack on the floor and opened the closet. Do I really want to go downstairs? I could hear them talking and laughing. Before all this, my sister and I were the best of friends, I was so close to her but then...things got complicated.
"Minji, we're gonna order pizza okay?" Sunny said.
"Whatever..." I said.
She turned the door knob. "Are you decent?"
"I'm just putting my shirt on...."
She came in and looked at me. "Why are you mad?"
As if she doesn't know. That's what I hated most about her...
"I'm not. So stop asking. I'll be down in a bit." I walked towards her and opened the door. "Leave."
She looked at me then sighed. She walked out of my room and I closed the door. I put some sweats on and put some music on. I had it on low volume just in case Sunny called me to come down. I lay in bed feeling crushed and hurt. I wanted to cry but decided that I'd do that later...I'm such a coward. I wanted to tell him but how can I?
I sang along quietly to the song.
"Once upon a time I was falling in love....now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do..."
Such an old song but the words were pretty much the story of my life. Pathetic. I lowered the volume and turned it off. Might as well go downstairs, I don't want Namjoon thinking I'm mad at him. It's these stupid feelings. I put on a smile then I got out of my room and walked down the stairs. I went to the living room, in that instant my heart shattered. He was kissing her....
I couldn't look away. I was in shock and I felt like my heart had just stopped beating all together. I felt numb. I felt stupid. I felt...hurt. I could only watch...why....
They pulled apart and that's when noticed me standing there.
I looked away from him. My eyes were tearing up.
I headed for the door.
"Minji...wait." He got up from the couch.
I opened it and walked out. I slammed the door behind me and quickly got out of there. The tears wouldn't hold back anymore. The image replayed in my head, over and over. I hated her...but as much as I wanted to hate him I couldn't...I got to the park and sat on a bench. The tears hadn't stopped, I tried to compose myself but couldn't. I held my knees to my chest and buried my face in between. I felt the darkness surround me...how will I be able to face him now? I don't wish to talk to him. How could he do this to me?
"Minji!" He called out. "Where are you?"
I got up quickly and hid behind a tree.
"Minji!" Sunny called out.
The sound of her voice made me feel bitter. I hated her so much.
"Namjoon...Where could she be?" She asked.
"Don't worry we'll find her" he said.
"This is all my fault."
"No, it's not. She had to find out one way or another."
Find out? So....
"But Namjoon, I should've never-"
"Stop it. Sunny, I'm in love with you. I always have been. Don't start talking like you regret being with me"
I covered my mouth. I began to cry. I can't believe what I'm hearing....he's been seeing her behind my back? He's supposed to be my best friend...I thought there was no secrets between us...
Why do I feel as if I'm dying? Everything he said...every word was a stab to my heart.
"Come on. Let's keep looking. Maybe she went to-"
"No. Let's just wait for her at home...She'll be home soon. Come on." She said.
Why's it so quiet? I took a peek. Her lips on his. His hands on her waist. I looked away.
"Let's go home"
"Okay. I'm sure she'll come back home."
I can't believe this...this is really happening. This is real...
I watched them walk away hand in hand. I sat down and stared into the darkness. I need to calm down, I have to show him I don't care or I could lose him forever...
I went back home, I noticed my parents were home. Perfect. I'm sure I'll feel welcomed once I walk inside...
I opened the door.
Namjoon, Sunny and both my parents were in the living room. Father quickly walked up to where I was and slapped me across the face.
"Where were you?! Why did you leave like that?! You think you can just walk in and out of here! This isn't a hotel!" He raised his hand again.
"Yeobo" my mother spoke.
"Go to your room." My father spoke in a demanding voice.
He pushed me as I walked away, I felt so embarrassed...he hit me in front of Namjoon. I didn't say anything and began walking to the staircase.
"Don't you have manners?" Father spoke again.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
"Apologize to your sister! You're an embarrassment Minji! Having company and acting like this! Apologize properly!" He yelled at me.
I felt my eyes beginning to water. I got on my knees in front of my sister. I bowed.
"I'm sorry...please accept my apology" my voice broke towards the end.
"Appa...Leave her alone. Minji, just go to your room" Sunny spoke.
I got up and excused myself. I went to my room and locked the door. I lay in bed and hugged my pillow. I began to cry. I cried because I was humiliated and I cried because of what happened. I cried because I felt pain, I cried for some many reasons...never have I felt like this. So broken inside.
I avoided Namjoon at school. He texted me and called but I didn't have the courage to face him. Days passed by, then weeks. He came by the house but when he'd ask for me my parents would change the subject.
I felt alone. I felt unwanted. I felt like I didn't matter...Namjoon was probably happier without me, now he can spend more time with Sunny but oddly enough he would only come by to ask for me and if my parents told him I wasn't there he'd ask where I was.
I wanted to see him but I can't. If I do, I already know I'll cry....
At school, I always made sure he wasn't coming my way and if he was I'd hide. I even changed my schedule, we didn't have any classes together anymore...
I walked to my locker after school and there he was. Maybe coincidence but...
"Minji." He looked at me.
I wanted to go to him but instead I turned the other way and began to leave. I heard his footsteps rapidly coming towards me. He grabbed my arm.
"Don't go. Please." He said.
"Let go of me..." I said.
A knot forming in my throat.
"No." He stood in front me and searched my face.
I avoided his gaze.
"Minji. Look at me." He lifted my chin up so that I'd look at him.
I refused to.
"Minji...I'm begging you. Please look at me"
My eyes began to water.
He hugged me. "It's okay..."
No. It's not.
"I'm sorry...." He whispered into my ear. "I didn't mean to hurt you..."
"Minji, please don't leave me like that anymore...I've missed you so much."
But you have Sunny now...
He hugged me tighter.
I hugged him back and held my tears back. Act like you don't care. Act like you're okay. Pretend it's okay...I'm not going to lose him...I'm okay. He's here now...
"Namjoon..." I spoke.
"I'm here Minji...I missed you so much. I felt so lost without you..."
I felt warm drops on my shoulder. Is he....crying?
"I'm sorry..." He apologized and hugged me even tighter.
I couldn't help but smile. He cares...
"Namjoon. It's okay..."
I loved him. Regardless of what happened, I couldn't bare it...I wanted to be with him like before. It didn't matter to me this Sunny and him had kissed or if they were together because when we're together there's no one else. Just us.
He pulled away from me and looked at me. He saw that I had a smile on my face, he smiled back.
I wiped his eyes. "Why are you crying? Big baby" I smiled.
"I missed you. I need to talk to you, look I'm really sorry I never told you...I was afraid of losing you. Minji you're my best friend and no matter who I'm with you're always going to be my main priority. Losing you like that made me feel...alone. Even when I was with Sunny, I felt like something was missing...You" he said.
I wanted to tell him to shut up. He doesn't know how his words affect me, that his very existence is enough to make me feel...so...surreal.
"I wasn't avoiding you because of Sunny."
I lied but what else could I say? I'm not going to make him choose between her and I. I can see that Sunny makes him happy...in a way that I can't.
"Then why?" He asked.
"I felt embarrassed and ashamed, My dad..." I said.
"But that would've never happened if it wasn't for me." He said.
He feels guilty. But why? I was the one who left.
"I love you Minji. I want you to know that" he looked me in the eyes as he said this.
Um...did he break up with Sunny? I began to feel happy. Maybe he's confessing his love to me or he realized that he likes me but couldn't tell me and that's why he kissed sunny right? But he told her he was in love with her...well. Maybe he realized this just recently.
I nodded at his statement.
"Minji, I have something to tell you." He said. "I've been wanting to this to you for over a year now but I just didn't know how to."
"What is it?" I asked.
He's going to ask me out. I just know it. Ah, I'm eager to hear this. He dumped sunny and now he's going to be with me. Why else would he say all these things?
"Well...I don't know how you'll react" he said. "I just..."
"You can tell me" I smiled.
"Sunny and I are dating. We've been dating for almost a year now but we kept it a secret from you....I was afraid you'd be mad at me..." He said. "That's why I never told you. I'm sorry you found out the way you did...."
Hopes shattered. Heart broken. I should have known better.
"Oh." I said.
"Are you angry with me?" He asked.
"No. It's okay" I said.
It's not okay but if I say that I know I'll lose him...I'd rather keep him like this than not have him at all.
"You're okay with it?" He asked.
No. Not at all.
"Yeah" I said.
He smiled and hugged me.
I hugged him back.
"I'm happy for you Namjoon...."
Those words were so hard to say.
"Always be happy okay?"
"I'm happy because of you Minji. To have a friend like you"
Friend. Just a friend. But if that's the only way I can be with you then I'll take it...
……………..To Be Continued...............
credit to : Koneko_Senpaixx
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