Parts: all found here
WARNING: Mature content
- Boram's point of view - Hoseok said that as long as he's not away, he'd be able to video chat with me about once every couple weeks. That way nobody will tell him he's getting too distracted. Some of these boys seem to be a bit harsh. Like the one had pushed him up against a wall and yelled at him that one morning. They had all basically jumped down his throat whenever he mentioned me. Whenever he calls I think he has to be completely alone. Not so much for privacy, but because he has to walk on eggshells around them. Not once in the many times we've talked have I heard anyone in the background or anyone talking to him, I've never even heard a damn door shut or open. I refuse to believe that every one of them is suddenly okay with it, regardless of the reasons he has for choosing to be with me. I'm sure he doesn't want to tell me if they're still having problems though, because I'd feel bad. Anytime I ask he says everything is fine. No problems or issues; and I'd like to believe him, but Namjoon said he's the one that Hoseok always talks to about me. That kind of says something, when he can't, or won't, talk about me to anyone else. There's obviously something up. This will be the third time we've video chatted, I'm not sure if I should bring it up, but maybe I should. It'd be easier to tell if he's lying if I can see his face. I guess I'll just have to figure that out before we talk. - Hoseok's point of view - "Where you going?" Tae asks as I'm about walk out of the room. "Just going on the computer." Jimin takes over the conversation. "What for? Can't you just you use your phone to use the internet? We were all just about to play a video game and now you're leaving." No one, but Namjoon actually knows I video chat with Boram. I don't even want to mention her around anyone. I'm sure they realize when I go to be alone somewhere that it's to talk with her. But if no one is even interested enough to ask how things are going then I know they still don't like it, and I'm not going to talk about her if it'll irritate them. I wish I didn't have to pull this Romeo and Juliet shit where my group that's practically like family, can't even know about my girlfriend. "First of all, I never said I wanted to play. Second, if you don't have to use the computer, then why can't I?" "I didn't say you couldn't. I just thought you'd want to play with us for once. You've been avoiding us for weeks." I feel kind of bad. The three of them have been trying to spend time with me, but I've been distancing myself from them. I'm not sure if they feel bad they're being ignored, or if they feel bad they're being ignored because of what they did. Yeah, it's been awhile and I should probably get over it, but I planned to talk to her so I'm going to. "I have to use the computer for awhile. Maybe after I'll play a game with you guys." Tae looks so disappointed. "Just maybe?" Jungkook has the same dejected look. "It's fine. You don't have to. We don't want to guilt you into it." Jimin isn't disappointed, just irritated. "Whatever. Play or don't. If you can't stand to be around us then we won't force you. But hey, maybe it's just me you don't want to be around. So tell you what; you finish whatever the hell you're doing on the computer and I'll leave when you come back so you can play with them." "That's not it." "Don't patronize me. I'm not a child, nor am I an idiot. I realize that you're still not over what happened over a fucking month ago. You know that they had far less to do with that, so there's no point in being cold to them anymore. You can just save that pissy attitude for me until you manage to move the fuck on." I sigh. "Jimin can I talk to you alone. We might as well talk about this since I've ignored it for this long. I've been irritated, I haven't wanted to talk about it because I'd just end up mad. I can talk calmly now and I'm sure you can too." He tosses the controller on the couch. "Fine." We go and sit in another room. "I'm sorry I've been holding a grudge for so long. It wasn't something that I could quickly get over and move past." He sighs. "I can sort of understand why you have." "What you did really hurt me. I was mortified to have those texts read by someone. You also made fun of me for it, that was cruel and insensitive." "I know. I guess I didn't realize it would bug you so much. Now I know why it did. I didn't think about the fact that it was a person on the other end. I realized it when you told me, but now I've honestly thought about it and I think I understand it." I'm surprised he's thought about it. He continues. "I thought about how it would feel if I had a girlfriend and someone did that to me." "How would it feel?" "I'd probably get mad at them, mad at myself, and then end up crying. Because like you said, that would hurt Boram if she knew, I'd have felt awful if I had let that happen to my girlfriend. And to be honest, I would have avoided us too. We all disrespected you. I was so much worse though; I completely disregarded your feelings and dignity. I didn't treat Boram like a person, I saw her as some kind of sex object." "Exactly. That's exactly right." "I ignored everything you said to me, I didn't listen when you said to stop and give it back. I really was acting like a pervert. I'm an asshole too; I stopped feeling bad less than an hour later. I shouldn't have broken your trust by telling them what you had told me." "Did you ask me that with the intent to tell them later on?" "No. But I told them so that they'd help me take your phone. Since they'd be curious too after they heard that." "Well, I guess that's something. You do realize I'm still not going to trust you with anything?" He looks down. "Yeah, I understand. I wouldn't trust me, either." "I'll eventually be able to trust you again. That's if you show me you're able to be trusted." He smiles a little. "I'll do my best." "I'll play with you guys when I'm done on the computer." "Alright." Well that could have gone a lot worse. I'm glad his conscience caught up to him. It may have taken awhile, but better late than never. I have to cheer up before I talk to Boram. I don't want to be in a bad mood or just not have much of a mood at all. ... - Boram's point of view - "So have you told your parents about us?" I shake my head. "No. Not yet, I'll tell them eventually." "Are you embarrassed of me?" I laugh. "God no! I just haven't talked to them since I've been back. So next time I do, I'll tell them." "You've been home for over a month and you haven't talked to them?" "We don't particularly talk much." "Well, I'd like them to know at some point. I don't want them to be disappointed." "Oh no. They'll be fine." They probably really won't care one way or the other about who he is. Knowing I have a boyfriend who's Korean will be enough to appease them. Maybe I'll tell them all about him and watch them quietly disapprove of him because of what he does; and then at the end of it all, I'll tell them he's Korean just to see how rapidly their attitudes change. Because even if I tell them how nice he treats me, they won't really care. Granted that's mostly my dad, my mom isn't so old fashioned, but she goes along with it. She'd be happy as long as I'm happy; she just let's my dad take control in certain things. "So are you going to tell your parents?" "I already did a few weeks ago." "Really? It hadn't even been a month?" "I found time to call them and tell them." "I meant I'm surprised you'd tell them so early on; not that you found time to call them." "Oh! Well of course. It's important, so I want them to know." "I have to ask. Further down the line, when they ask about me more, about what I'm like and what I do, are they going to like your choosing me as a girlfriend?" He thinks for a bit before speaking. "I think that if I'm happy, you treat me nice, and you don't take advantage of me or something, that they'll be okay about it." "Just okay, huh?" I expected that. "No, I meant that they'd approve." He laughs. "Not that they'd be okay, but not like you much. You're nice, so they'll like you." "That's good. I'd like for them to not dislike your decision. What did they say when you told them?" "They were surprised, but happy." "And when you told them that I'm American and we'll only see each other like once a year?" "They were a lot more surprised, but still happy." "You didn't tell them too much about me, right?" He shakes his head. "Just a little bit, not too much." I breathe a sigh of relief. "Good." "I'm not ashamed of you; you know that right?" "Well-" "Get it out of your head now. I'm not ashamed of you. I'd tell the world if I could, but I can't because of the group. I'm proud to be with you, I'm not lying about that." "I know. I just can't help but worry." "Stop worrying." I would if I could, but it's not so easy. "I'll try my best." "Good. You can trust me. And you need to have some more self-confidence so you can realize how wonderful you are." Again, I would if I could, but it's simply not that easy. "I'll work on that. I promise that someday I'll be able to one hundred percent believe you when you tell me I'm wonderful." "You don't now?" "Not completely. It's hard for me to see myself like that, like I-" "What's so hard about it?" He's so blunt, he really is. I sound like such a case when I have to talk about this. I don't want to come off as needy or pitiful. "As hard as it is for you to believe, I simply don't see myself as being worth all that much. I'm astonished by most things you say; because not only has no one ever said those things to me, but I've never thought them either. So it'll take some time to get used to the idea of someone seeing me the way you do." "Haven't you ever been relationships? You seemed like you had. They never said nice things to you." This is such an uncomfortable conversation. I rub the back of my neck. "When a girl doesn't think much of herself, she doesn't exactly find the best guys. They were disfunctional and ended as quickly as they'd started." "I won't be like that. I'll treat you very well." "I know you will." "And I'll make sure you realize how much you're worth." "I know you will. I believe you." I pause, contemplating if I want to bring it up. "So I know you probably have to go soon." "Yeah. I hate having to saying bye." "Me too, but before we say bye can we talk about something. It's been bugging me." "What is it?" "Are you lying when you tell me everything is okay between you and the others?" He looks down a little. "No." "I don't believe you. If it's okay than why-" Someone opens the door. "Jimin said you've been on the computer for a long time, so get off so I can use it." A boy stands in the door way, I don't think I've seen Hoseok jump like that. "Okay! Just hold on!" He tries to hurriedly close everything, but the boy grabs his chair and pulls him away from the computer. He bends to look at the screen. "Huh. So this is her. Can't even tell us what you're doing? Why do you hide all this shit? You're fucking pathetic." I must have a confused look because he looks to the screen. "Didn't you know? He doesn't tell us anything about you or when he's talking to you. Hell, I swear if it weren't for us occasionally over hearing him talk to Namjoon, we wouldn't even know you two were together." Hoseok looks like he'd been convicted guilty for some heinous crime. He's looking at his hands and looks like he's trying not cry. He must feel pretty bad for lying to me; I'd hope so. He shoos Hoseok out of the chair. He brings it back in front of the computer and sits down. "Can I at least say goodbye to her?" His voice is so weak. I've never seen him act so small. "You can when I'm done talking to her." "Why do you want to do that! No, just let me say goodbye." He goes to reach for the keyboard, but his hand is smacked away. "Get the fuck out and I'll tell you when you can say bye. I'm going to talk to her." "You're just going to be mean." "How do you know? Maybe I'm trying to figure out what the hell you see in her and why you've made such a big fucking deal about it!" "I just-" "Just go. I can talk with him. Thanks for your concern, but I'm a big girl and if he's mean then I can deal with it. I'm not going to let him tear me down. I have a backbone. You know I've dealt with plenty and it hasn't gotten to me before. I won't let him get to me either. If what he's saying is pointless and rude, I'll just hang up." I'm sure my voice sounds cold and blunt; but I am a bit irritated with him for lying to me. I don't think he's really seen me irritated. He's seen me text mad, but I'm a bit more scary when you can see and hear me. My voice and the look on my face aren't the most comforting things if I'm unhappy with someone. Let's hope that's enough to keep this other boy from laying into me. Because, while I let myself be put second most the time, I'm not going to take abuse. "Okay." He looks so hurt. He's such a sensitive guy, but he hurt me too when he lied to me just to spare my feelings; so he can feel bad for awhile. I'll forgive him, but he can think about it. He closes the door and the boy looks at it for about twenty seconds. He gets up and opens the door. Hoseok is standing there seeing if he can hear us. "Get. I said I'd tell you when you can come back and say bye. Go." He walks away like a rejected puppy. So this is what he's normally like? He must have given up whatever spirit he had a month ago. He shuts the door and drops himself into the chair. He looks at the computer. His cold look leaves as he smiles sweetly. How can such a mean boy be so nice looking. "I'm Yoongi. I'm sure Hoseok has told you absolutely nothing about me. He hasn't told me much about you either. So, why don't we get to know a little about eachother. I'd rather hear everything first-hand from you anyway. Then I'll believe it."
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