Standing outside the door he took a deep breath before going inside. Everytime he saw him like that, all hooked up to machines, it broke his heart. Namjoon had just finished having a conversation with the doctors about Jin’s condition. He did not want to give up hope; he did not want to loose someone else. Being here all the the time came with a price though. Almost loosing his remaining friends to greif made him even more upset at himself. Instead of the chair where he normally sat Namjoon found a spot on the bed next to Jin. Taking his hand he lifted it up to his cheek; this was the only time he let himself cry.
“Jin….I don’t know if you can hear me. I’ve sat here telling you so much. A lot of it I should have said when you weren’t like this. It’s so hard though to loose you. I refused over and over to let them take you off so your body can decide if you live or die. I know it isn’t fair to keep you like this but I’m guess I’m just selfish.”
Gently he stroked the other boys hand against his cheek. Why was he the one who had to make this decission? Jin’s mother passed away a few years ago so he had no one else. Namjoon had been there for him through it all. Jin had always blamed himself for his mother passing saying if he had only kept his mouth shut none of this would have happened. How could it possably be his fault; he was the most caring and generous person.
Reaching out Namjoon brushed some hair away from Jin’s forehead. It really did seem like he was only sleeping. Like at any minute Jin would open his eyes and smile at him the way he always had. If only he could turn back time he would never take those moment for granted. He definatly wasn’t going to take any more for granted. Work wouldn’t take precident over his friends; he would only work enough to pay his bills. Pulling Jin’s hand back he looked it over memorizing every line of his hand. How beautiful and strong they were. Little nicks from were he cut himself cooking for everyone. Jin’s life was mapped out so nicely on his hand.
“I won’t make you suffer any more. I know I have to let go.” Namjoon stood up still holding Jin’s hand tightly. Leaning down he placed a gentle kiss on Jin’s lips.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you wanted me to. If I could do it again I would love you more and more everyday.” Setting Jin’s hand down he turned to leave wipping his eyes when he reached the door. Hand on the knob he turned once more looking at the seemingly sleeping man.
“I will always keep you in my heart.”
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