Yeah, okay, sure. I've spent some time playing The Division. And maybe I enjoyed it. Or maybe, I enjoyed listening to podcasts while I played this game more. It's a fun game but it's just fun enough. It gets so close to being one of my favorite games of March but it still feels a step behind.
Here are 10 reasons why playing The Division is a mostly terrible experience.
1. The Story is Dull
For a game that takes place in the best city in the world, New York City, after a traumatic event that affects the whole world and almost plunges Manhattan into a war. There's nothing about the story that makes me want to find out more about this world. The narrative goes from being interesting to melodramatic. Either way, it's a fucking bore.
2. Extractions Are an Anxiety Filled Mess
Okay, yeah. Whatever, I hear you. You're saying extractions are supposed to be intense. Rogue agents and NPCs make these moments the most memorable. But if you're going to look at yourself in the mirror and say that you've never been annoyed or just generally upset about how ridiculous this system is (and some of the people who camp these sites), then you're a fucking liar. You're a liar or an asshole who has nothing else going for them other than disagreeing with someone on the Internet.
3. The Loot is "Okay" at Best
And speaking of extracting loot. It's all the fucking same. Oh! You found a purple gun instead of a green gun? Wow! Much cool. You've done a good thing. There's a good variety of guns but once you find the ones you constantly use, there's no other reason to pick them up. And alright, you found a purple vest instead of a green vest, wow! Amazing. It's like game developers think of all of us are a bunch of dumb dumbs who get excited about shiny colors (this is probably true, though).
4. The People Who Also Play This Game
Anytime I've run into someone else in the game, whether in the Dark Zone or the camps. They're all a bunch of dinguses. A huge bunch of dumb dumbs. Especially in the Dark Zone. The amount of times I've heard children misusing curse words is so high I've lost count. Or the endless mouth breathing. Why are you breathing so hard into the mic, man? What the fuck is going on with you? You connected to a Darth Vader helmet or something? Get your shit together.
5. The Map Isn't What It Was Supposed to Be
All of the trailers I've seen for this game made me believe that the map was going to be a lot bigger than it actually is. It's still cool to walk around places in New York but why market your game in a way that shows people in different areas of Brooklyn when the final product only takes place in Manhattan? Oh, right. Probably because of future DLC that'll we'll have to pay for to get what was originally marketed as something we'd get from the start.
6. Take Cover! (because it's the only thing you do)
Check out that screenshot above. Get used to it. It's all there is to the game. Hide behind a car. Hide behind a chest high wall. Hide behind a guy hiding behind a concrete barrier. Then shoot. Hide, then shoot. Hide, then shoot. Hide, then shoot. It's almost like this game is an exercise in Sisyphean torture (if you don't know what that means then look it up, ya idiot).
7. The Whole "Waiting in Line" Thing
It's real nice that everyone was nice to each other and formed a queue whenever they wanted a new quest. But how could Ubisoft put a game out without thinking that something this stupid would happen? It turns an hour of gameplay into an hour and a half or two just because they didn't allow people to clip through one another. 10/10 if we're rating the game on its horrible launch.
9. Playing Solo
Playing this game alone might be the worst experience I've ever had in a game. It's boring and dull -- much like the rest of the game. Since the story (see above) isn't as engrossing as it should be, there's no motivation for me to turn this game on just to grind a couple of levels so I could be around the same level as my brother. You might be thinking, just play with strangers then dude. Well, have you met the video game community (not the one on this site, but in general) they're a horde of actual idiots. And I'd rather not get dumber by proxy if I play a game with them.
10. The Goddamn Servers
And the worst problem. For a game that says you could play it alone makes you connect to the Internet to enjoy it. And that's not a problem for me usually but when your servers hardly work, I hardly ever want to put the disc into my system to start the game. Half of the times I've started this game, it got caught up on some kind of server issue. I don't have the time to sit and wait and hope that they'll fix themselves. I am an adult with an actual job that doesn't involve sitting at home eating bags of Swedish Fish all day, Ubisoft.
And there you have it. A (somewhat) angry list of reasons why playing The Division has been absolutely horrible for me. Is there anything to like about this game? Am I completely off base? Who knows? Let me know what you guys think in the comments!
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