Hey guys, I'm going to try starting a new story on here. I really hope you guys like it~
When I was younger, I was a nobody. I didn't have much going for me except for a pretty good attendance record and I have to accredit my parents for that. Without their say so, their rules, I would've missed every single day. I never could manage to fit in with the other kids at school. They all seemed to mingle so well, they placed themselves together like puzzle pieces, as if everyone had a designated spot. I was a leftover piece. I didn't belong in the big finished picture. Most of my memories of Elementary are a blur, a horrifying awkward, lonely blur.
I really don't remember a lot of my first two years there. I don't recall my teachers names, what I learned that year, I don't even remember if anybody even knew I attended classes. It just kind of flew past me, like it never even happened. Third grade is where all of my memories congregate. That's the year I began feeling like a somebody.
His name is Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook, and he sat down right beside me. He didn't ask the teacher if it was okay, he didn't wait to be told where to go. His eyes were big and brown as he scanned the room. They locked onto mine and he lifted his lips into a grin, as if he'd found the golden ticket in a Willy Wonka bar. I remember feeling my cheeks burn under his gaze as he shuffled his way toward me. It's so weird to think about the moment we first met, and that even back then I felt something special when he looked at me.
Jungkook was immediately my first crush. If you saw him back then, you wouldn't be surprised. He was so cute and so short. It's hard for me to comprehend sometimes that the adorable little kid I remember turned out to be such a handsome man. It's probably completely inappropriate for me to say that, but he really grew up.
I'm not ashamed to admit that my crush on Jungkook lasted for a long time. Okay, it's never truly ended, only gotten worse, but I won't ever act on it. I just grew up a little bit too I guess. I realized that I'd rather just stay friends than to potentially lose him if we dated and it turned out to just be a fling. Not that he probably would ever think of me that way, but in a world where that was a possibility, I'd regret it way too much.
Jungkook is my best friend and it's been that way for eleven years. I couldn't pick a better friend to spend all my time with.
Jungkook has always been a bit eccentric. He's loud, excitable, funny. He makes me feel whole when he's around me, like he's the sun shining through my darkened clouds, bringing light and laughter to my sour mood. He's the only person who can make me laugh so hard I feel like my gut will explode, and I'm still feeling the aftermath of it the next day. He's always happy, optimistic. Life is a beautiful journey, he encourages when I start complaining about a hard day. Tomorrow will be better. Somehow it's just better because he told me it would be.
But sometimes he goes to this weird place. Somewhere in his head, like he's all alone in his thoughts. Lately I've been kind of worried about it. I try to ask him what's wrong, but it doesn't even phase him. He just brushes me off and checks out of the conversation. It feels like something is totally messing with him and I can't even help him out of it. I wish he would talk to me, I wish he would let me listen.
We don't see each other as often now days and I wonder sometimes if that's why he finds it hard to talk to me.
I'm in college now, taking some general classes. I have no idea where my life is heading, I haven't even figured anything out yet. Jungkook seems to already have it all mapped out though, so involved in his music it's scary sometimes. I can't see him loving anything else at this point. His voice is amazing, so he's not just chasing a pipe dream. He disappears, for days on occasion. Even though he only gets a couple of gigs here and there every month, he seems content. I want that raw faith in ones self, if only I had my own dream.
"Hey, Nari." I hear a muffled voice in front of me. I would recognize it anywhere.
"Kookie," I mumble a quiet greeting, lifting my head up towards him as he comes to sit next to me. The wooden porch stairs of my old tiny home creak under his footsteps. "You took so long, what happened?"
Jungkook chuckles softly, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets before lowering himself to the stairs. He presses his shoulder into mine and laughs again, mocking me. "I told you not to wait outside for me. I have a key, remember?" He leans his head back, hood dropping down as he shakes out his jet black hair. I can't help but watch. How does he make everything look so simply gorgeous?
I scoff at his teasing and shake my head to push away the impure thoughts that always creep into my mind. "You knew I'd wait. It wouldn't kill you to run."
I watch Jungkook's eyebrow raise, just one. He looks absolutely astounded I would even mention such a thing. "Wow, how can you still not know me at all?"
I know he was joking, but the words still kinda hurt. I guess I'm just a little too defensive of our friendship. Maybe I'm just a little more sensitive, because lately I've been feeling him slipping away from me. This is the first time I've seen him in five days. I know that people get busier after high school, and I knew I wouldn't see him as much after we graduated, but it doesn't make it easier. I miss spending every second of every day together. I miss laughing at each others every word. I miss the way we would talk to each other late at night, spilling our guts and never being judged for it. I miss crying on his shoulder. I miss him.
I don't even know what he's thinking anymore, I can feel him shutting me out from something. I know him more than he knows himself. He used to understand that, but it's as if now he's the one getting defensive of his own thoughts. It's like he wants me to drag it out of him and I don't know where to even begin. That's how I feel. I feel like I'm losing touch with my best friend, and that hurts more than anything.
Jungkook has that solemn look on his face now. He still looks handsome under that lonely stare, but I find myself resenting it. How can he be sad about something that he can't even tell me? I sigh into the night air and watch the cloud of warm breath evaporate above me. He clears his throat and lifts his lips into a fake smile. "What?" He mutters.
I half smile back at him. I don't want to give up on him, he's the most important person in my life. He's always been with me it feels like at this point in my life. Every obstacle, every victory, he's been there. I can't just stop pestering him, but for one day, when lately I'm lucky to see him twice a week, I just want us to do something fun. I want to be back in high school, the best years of our friendship, where we went through our raging teenage hormones together and made it through closer than ever. I just want to see a genuine smile.
"Kookie," I whisper. His smile fades and I shake my head. He's ready for the onslaught of questions; Why can't you tell me whats bothering you? Aren't we best friends? You know I would never judge you, right?
I don't feel like it either, not right now anyway. I wave the passing thoughts away. "We should just.. Why don't we do something crazy tonight?"
His head perks up from it's slouched down position, like a dog who just got offered to go outside for a walk. I laugh softly at the motion. Jungkook watches me for a moment, trying to figure out if I'm serious or not. I find myself wondering how long it's been since we've made eye contact like this. It feels different than it used to. I crease my eyebrows together for a second.
A confused chuckle tickles my ears. Jungkook clears his throat as he looks away. "What do you have in mind?"
I haven't even thought of anything. I blink my eyes a few times to bring back some moisture. How long did we look at each other?
I just want him to stop thinking about whatever it is that's making his smile disappear. I want to make him happy. Ideas are racing through my mind, but one stands prominent. I can only think of one particular reason why I'd come up with it. It's risky, probably stupid and immature, but I somehow don't find the need to question it. "Let's get drunk."
I'm not very knowledgeable about tagging people, or posting on here for that matter. Any tips would be much appreciated. Also feedback about this little story I decided to write will be loved!