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chapter 7 : Home
England wasn't bad. The way they spoke was a bit odd and difficult to understand but eventually I was able to adjust. The first 2 months were hell, I didn't know anyone and it was hard to fit in. Obviously I stood out, my style and accent definitely put me out there. It was so uncomfortable but within the 3rd month of being here I made a couple of friends, I still haven't talked to Namjoon. He doesn't answer my phone calls but yet again it doesn't surprise me. Sunny surely has him wrapped around her finger and controls everything.
In a way, I suppose this is what I needed. Ever since I got here, I've been too busy with school and myself to worry or think about Namjoon, although when it rained I thought about him and I missed him. But then I'd come back to my reality and study. I ended up finishing 3 years in 2. Which was great! I'm parents were happy for me but at the same time disappointed for my change in direction.
It was my last year of school. I had completed my 3 years and figured I needed a break. After all it's December, the holidays are meant to be with family. I was excited to go back home for Christmas break, I was always so busy with school but now that it's my last year everything has calmed down, no more hectic studying. Well at least for now. I was going to surprise everyone, I went shopping for new clothes and went to get my hair done. Even though my flight isn't until Friday I wanted to get it out of the way. I wonder if Namjoon is still the same or if he's changed...
I wonder if he still considers me his best friend...but yet again, we were still teenagers. How could we possibly still think such a silly thing?
I still wear the ring he gave me. I never take it off.
"I got he infinity symbol on it because no matter what happens Minji, you're always going to be my best friend. I'll always cherish every second I get to spend with you like this and I'll forever cherish what we have. You mean a lot to me"
-End of Flashback-
2 years and he still he has such an effect on me. I remember so many things, once I start thinking about him I can't stop. It makes me sad and at the same time happy.
I arrived home and sighed. I plugged my phone in to charge and went to the kitchen to prepare myself dinner.
*RING RING RING*
I quickly grabbed my phone.
"I see you've caught their English accent Minji."
My heart skipped a beat. "N-Namjoon?"
"It's been far too long Minji. How are you?"
"Uhh, Good and you?"
My heart was racing.
"I'm great. I finished school like a month ago, finally."
"Music, I assume." I said.
"Well...not exactly. See, Sunny didn't really think I should do that."
He's still with her.
"Oh. What a shame."
"Yeah but it's still a hobby of mine. I write lots of songs and all that still but how about you? I hear that you completed 3 years in 2. Congrats."
"Yeah I did. By next December I'll graduate then I'll need some training and I'll be a doctor. I'm really excited."
"That's great Minji. I'm really happy for you...I miss you."
"I miss you too. I tried to call you but, you never answered my calls....nor did you write back to my letters" I said.
Sunny's work I assume. She must practically live with him if she's able to get his mail...
"Forget about it. I mean at least you got a hold of me right?"
"It's not okay." He sighed. "See, I have a new phone and Sunny has my old phone."
So I was technically calling her. Perfect.
"No, really it's okay. I have so much to tell you Namjoon, my experience here has really changed me for the better."
"Are you coming home anytime soon?" He asked.
"Mm. I don't know."
"Come home for Christmas, I really wanna see you again Minji. Plus I have a lot to tell you too. So much has happened and changed these past 2 years, there's going to be an important party on Christmas Eve. Won't you please come? I need my best friend here"
Party? Did he get a job or something?
"Well, I wasn't going to tell anyone...but I'm coming home for Christmas. I'm on break and since I don't have anything important to turn in nor any assignments, I decided to go back to Seoul"
"Really?! That's great! I'm so happy! Minji, we'll finally get to hang out again. Wow, you have no idea how happy I am to hear that you're coming home."
"Me too Namjoon. I feel excited too."
"I dyed my hair by the way"
"What color?" I asked.
"You'll have to see when you get here. It was a pretty drastic change but a new look is always good." He chuckled.
"Let's just hope it's not as bad as your perm, Rap Monster" I giggled.
He laughed along with me. "I see you Minji. Ahaha. When will you be here?"
"Mm. The weekend, Saturday morning sounds about right."
"I'll pick you up from the airport, we can spend the whole day together"
"Really? But what about Sunny?"
"I'll just say I have things to do."
Why does he have to lie? But I guess that's the whole purpose of a 'surprise', right?
We talked for a long while on the phone, he asked if I had a boyfriend or crush and of course I don't. I didn't even have time to date or anything, besides...He still has my heart. How could I even think about anyone else when he's the only one on my mind and in my heart.
"I'll call you tomorrow, I'm about to head home. It was really great talking to you Minji, I can't wait to see you again. To hold you in my arms and inhale your scent that I've missed so much"
My heart fluttered. This feeling, only he can cause it to rise. I haven't felt it since I left home, this warmth in my chest, the butterflies.
"I missed you too Namjoon...More than you know."
"Bye Minji. I'll talk to you soon."
I didn't want him to hang up...
The call ended and suddenly I didn't feel hungry anymore. I went to lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about Namjoon. My heart fluttered and I contain the butterflies, I thought about his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his hair...everything about him. Every little detail about him...I realized that no matter how far away he is from me that I love him with all my heart and soul. These sweet memories that we shared, I imagined hugging him again. Feeling his warmth again. Smelling his cologne that I loved so much. I smiled to myself. Namjoon, I promised I'd come back to you and I am.
Hearing Minji again for the first time in so long made feel so happy. An unexplainable happiness that I only feel when I'm with her. It's been really lonely without her around, no one to talk to or to hang out with. Being with Sunny is different than from being with Minji, is it because Sunny is more than my friend? She's my fiancé after all but now that Minji is coming back I feel unsure about this. But why? When it's sunny and I, it feels right but then when Minji is around I feel like maybe I shouldn't be with her. It's as if Minji confuses my feelings, she has some effect on me but I don't understand why. We've been friends since kids and that's all we've ever been, friends.
-2 days later-
I'm in Seoul~
I missed home so much. Everything is just as it was when I left, I texted Namjoon to let him know I had arrived.
I looked around.
"Minji! Over here"
"Namjoon..." I grinned. "Hey!"
He ran towards me and hugged me. He swung me around in his arms. I hugged him back.
"Minji...I can't believe it's you" he said as he pulled away and looked at me. "You look beautiful. Your hair, it's different. You really do look amazing." He smiled.
My heart raced. "Namjoon..."
"Are you blushing?" He teased.
"N-No!" I hid my face. "It's just cold."
He chuckled and hugged me again. "I really missed you Minji....Don't leave again...." He said almost in a whisper.
My heart skipped a beat. "I...."
He inhaled deeply. "Your scent...it's as sweet as always."
He's being so....affectionate. It's almost like we're a couple....
I smiled. "Weirdo. Of course my scent is the same. I haven't changed my perfume."
"Can we stay like this for a little longer?" He asked.
People are staring...I began to blush. "Uhh...."
He pulled away and looked at me. He caressed my face and smiled.
I smiled back. "Your hair. It's blonde."
"You're just now noticing?" He asked.
"Well I mean, yeah. I couldn't see it cuz you were hugging me. Duh" I said.
He smiled and grabbed my suitcase. "Come on, let's go."
We walked out of the airport and went to a café in town. We talked for a while and he told me about his future plans but he was unsure of what Sunny would think, frankly I felt outraged. Music is his life, he's so good at it too. Why would she keep him from doing what he loves?
"Namjoon, do what you want to do. Be whatever you wanna be, do what makes you happy. You're so talented and have such passion for music. Sunny shouldn't make you pick like that, I'll always support you Namjoon. You know you can always count on me" I smiled.
He smiled back and held my hand. "Thanks Minji."
He looked at my hand. "Is that?"
"Yeah. I still have it. I never take it off" I said.
He cleared his throat. "Oh..."
"So what's the big surprise about?" I asked.
"The party. What's it for?" I asked.
"Oh. The party. Well....we moved it for tomorrow night."
We? So Sunny is in on this.
"What's it for?" I asked.
"You'll see. I'm pretty excited" he smiled.
He doesn't seem THAT excited but okay.
"So anyway, you sure you don't have anyone? Maybe a crush or something?"
"No. Not really, I mean I have gotten asked out but I wasn't really interested." I said.
Because it wasn't you. No matter how much I try to play it off, you're always on my mind.
"English boys aren't on your level anyway" he smiled.
"What do you mean?"
"You're too much for them." He said.
"You're just...too beautiful and stuff you know?"
My heart was racing again. Why is he saying these things to me?
I simply smiled and drank my coffee.
We made some more small talk then decided it was time to head home. I was really nervous to find out what the reason behind the party was. I imagined it was something important and I also had a feeling that after this party I'll probably want to go back to England, although it would be a waste of time since I don't have anything to do plus I spent a good amount of money to be here...I just have to be strong.
"Minji! You're home~ what a wonderful surprise!" My mother hugged me tightly.
I was missed? What's she doing home anyway? Usually her and father are out on business during the holidays. Well regardless I guess I should embrace the fact that she's hugging me and her words actually sound true.
"Hey mom, it's great seeing you too. I missed you" I said as I hugged her back.
She pulled away and smiled at me. "You look amazing sweetheart. So beautiful"
So was I ugly before?
She seemed thrilled to see me. Which felt a bit odd, I was always second best.
"Thanks mom" I smiled back.
She looked at Namjoon. "There's my son in law~"
Son in law? My smile faded.
She noticed the sudden change on my face expression.
"Hasn't he told you? He proposed to Sunny. They're getting married"
I haven't even been here a full day and already my heart is shattered.
"Married...that's great." I forced on a smiled.
"Yes, we're celebrating it tonight just between the family and then next Friday we'll hold an engagement party. It'll be wonderful~ I'm so happy for them. I knew Sunny would be the first to get married and of course you, Minji would be well...you know. Either take over the business and be busy 24/7 or do something else." She said.
"So in other words, I'd be the unhappy, hard working, single one and Sunny would have a family and be happy." I said in a serious tone.
"No. Honey I didn't mean to offend you, I was just-"
"No sense in apologizing now. You said what you and too." I said.
My mood was sour.
"Is dad home? I'd like to say hello to him before I go to my hotel" I said.
"Hotel? Why? Stay here with us? Besides, aren't you staying to celebrate with us and the family?"
"Well, Well. Look what the cat dragged in, Minji, how are you?"
"Sunny." I said. "I'm great. Thank you"
"So you finally got some fashion sense? You actually look pretty. Seems England was good to you." She smiled and stood next to Namjoon. "Hey baby"
He smiled at her. "Hey"
"Aren't you going to kiss me?" She asked and eyed me.
"Is dad home?" I asked my mother again.
"Upstairs in his office" she said.
"Excuse me." I walked upstairs and knocked on the door.
I walked inside. "Appa." I smiled.
He smiled and stood up. "Minji. You're home." He walked to me. "Sweetheart, I've missed you so much"
He hugged me.
"I missed you too dad."
It seemed so strange, hearing these words. They've always pushed me aside and now...
"You look beautiful. England has been good too, please sit down. Let's talk for while."
I took a seat by his desk and we talked.
"I'm so proud of you. A doctor in the family, you've brought honor to our family Minji. At first I was angry that you chose that path but then I understood why you did it. Minji, I'm sure you know about Sunny's engagement to Namjoon now."
I nodded. "Yes father."
"What are your thoughts?"
"Appa, I really don't want to talk about this..." I said.
"Minji, I'm proud of you for doing what you did"
"Leaving?" I asked.
"Yes. Because you were hurting, Namjoon has chosen who he wants to be with and you need to accept that. You left to forget about him but I can see you didn't succeed or have you?" He asked.
"What Namjoon and Sunny do is none of my concern father. I'm sure they'll be very happy together." I said.
My heart sank even further.
"Will you be joining us tonight? Our family members are coming."
"To be honest, I'm very tired from such a long trip. I'm going to the hotel and resting but mother says there will be another party next Friday in which it will be an official engagement party." I said.
"You'll attend that one?"
"Yes" I said.
Even if I hurt and die inside....
"Why don't you stay here? No need to spend money at a hotel" he smiled.
"Well, I already paid for it. It came included with the package I got, besides I don't want to be a burden Appa. You'll be celebrating and everyone deserves to be as loud as they can. I'll come visit tomorrow, I promise" I said.
"Well alright. I'm very happy to have you back Minji and I'm really proud of you" he smiled.
"Thank You Appa." I smiled and got up.
I went to my room before heading downstairs. It's just as I left it. I sighed and sat on the bed, I cried so many times here. Cried and hurt for him...this pillow has felt the tears and the silent cries. This room only brings sad memories....
I got up and opened the door.
"Why'd you comeback?" She asked.
"I can't come see my parents? If you think I came for you then you're mistaking." I said.
"You came back because you wanted to see Namjoon didn't you? Well guess what Minji?" She showed me her left hand. "See this? Namjoon is going to be mine for the rest of my life. There's nothing here for you anymore. Why don't you just go back to London and stay there?"
"What I do is none of your business. Stop worrying about me and what I do with my life, focus on you and your wedding okay? If there even is one" I smiled and walked downstairs.
My suitcase was by the door. I walked towards the door.
"You're leaving?" Namjoon asked.
"I feel tired. The jet lag is really getting to me..." I said.
It's a lie. I'm not even sleepy anymore.
"Stay" Namjoon said.
"Enjoy your party and congrats. I wish you happiness Namjoon." I slightly smiled.
I grabbed my suitcase and walked out the door. I heard it open again.
"Minji, please stay?" He walked after me.
Why does he do this? Why does he even care?!
"Namjoon. I said I'm tired.." I was angry.
"Minji, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm just tired, please leave me alone"
"Go back inside! Go be with Sunny!" I exclaimed. "You should be around her....not me"
His eyes widened.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you but just let me go..."
"I did that once and you were gone for 2 years...I can't do that now" he hugged me.
My eyes began to water. He doesn't understand....I love him so much and for him to marry her...it's not fair.
I pulled away from him. "Sunny is gonna be mad if she sees you doing that. I'll come tomorrow okay? I promise."
I walked away from him and the tears made their way down my cheeks. I paced myself and managed to get on the bus. I'll stay in a hotel 30 minutes away from home but even so I think I'll walk around town just to keep my mind off of all that has happened so far.
"What the hell was that Namjoon?!" Sunny exclaimed.
"What was what?" I asked.
"Don't act stupid! You hugged her! What did you say to her?!"
"What do you have against her?! She's your sister and she's MY best friend! I haven't seen her in 2 years, I think I have a right to be happy and hug her if I please!"
"You don't act like friends! I've never seen friends act the way you two act around each other! Is that where you were all day?! Huh?! Did you pick her up?!"
She walked back inside the house and slammed the door.
I took a deep breath.
What am I doing? Sunny's right....I'm acting a bit clingy towards Minji but I really did miss her. I just wanted her to be here with me to share this special occasion. Suddenly it didn't feel so special though.
I walked around Seoul. I missed it so much, I decided to go to Banpo bridge and head to the second floor. I sat down and watched the fountains of water shooting from up the top and listened to some music. Funny how things work, the guy I love with all my heart and soul is getting married to my sister...someone who's just using him and doesn't truly love him. My love life has been nothing but a disaster, I should've confessed to him before when I still had the chance but my fear of ruining our friendship stopped me....
Hmm? I looked to my right. My eyes widened.
"Hey...I didn't recognize you from afar." He said as he approached me.
As much as he hurt me, I didn't really care anymore. I guess it's because I knew I'd never truly love him the way I love Namjoon.
"Oh. Heh. Well yeah it's me." I smiled slightly.
"You're home now?" He asked as he stood in front of me.
"For a little while. I still have a year to go..." I said.
"So you'll only be here for the holidays?" He asked.
"I'm not sure. I'm debating on whether I should go back or finish up here" I said.
"So what about you? You make it big?" I asked with a smile.
"Well, now that you mention it..." He smiled. "I did. I'm in a group called B.A.P, I go by Zelo"
"Congrats. I'm happy for you." I smiled. "I knew you'd stay in the whole music thing."
"Well, you'd always encourage me...so I kinda owe it to you" he smiled back.
"You're the one with the talent so you should credit yourself" I said.
His smile kind of faded. "Minji...."
"Yeah?" I looked at him.
"I know this is a pretty late thing to say but I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to do that to you, I did like you but..."
"Sunny. I know. That was 2 years ago, so don't sweat it. I know Sunny can be manipulative, so don't even worry bout it. I'm over it"
It's Namjoon who I'm not over....
"Can I sit with you?" He asked.
"Sure" I said.
He sat next to me and we talked for a while. He showed me some of his music and his band members. He showed me some music videos and I was hooked, their music was amazing. It really took my mind off Namjoon.
"Wow. JunHong, you guys are amazing. Plus blonde with blue suits you, I like it" I smiled.
"Hehe. Thanks." He smiled back. "You look good too. You've changed a lot but in a good way"
"Thanks..." I said as I looked at the ground.
"Yes?" I asked.
He stayed quiet.
"What is it?" I looked at him.
He looked into my eyes. Why's he looking at me like that? He leaned in closer, closing his eyes just as our noses touched. I closed my eyes and our lips met. I didn't really think about it but I felt like this would help me.
He pulled away and I opened my eyes.
"I missed you. A lot. More than you know, I wish I could take what I did back. You made me really happy Minji." He said with a warm smile.
"I wish that too sometimes..." I said as my smile faded.
"But, we can always try again. I love you Minji, I really do. Not a day has passed by that you haven't been on my mind. My best days were with you..." He said.
He held my hand.
"I can't...I'd only hurt you...." I looked at him.
"I wrote a song for you...Do you want to hear it?" He asked.
"A song? For me?" I asked.
He nodded. "It's called Rain Sound"
He began singing and rapping.
It touched me. His words. 'On a rainy day, I fell for you. We used to love each other so much.' That line has never been more real to me...I think if he hadn't done what he did, I would've forgotten Namjoon completely. I was beginning to fall in love with JunHong and I wanted it to be real so badly.
I leaned against him, my head resting on his shoulder.
He softly sang the last part of the song and rested his head on mine. We stayed like this in silence and I felt calm, I felt comfort and once again the warmth in my heart was restored.
I've never felt so right and so confused at the same time. I love Namjoon but somehow JunHong manages to always make me feel better.
"Can I tell you something?"
I told him about Namjoon getting married and I confessed to him what my dilemma I had. Also how he made me feel when I felt hurt and how only he made me feel better, how I was confused by these feelings.
"I just don't know what to do...Which is why we can't be together, I'd only hurt you JunHong and I don't want to do that...you don't deserve it" I said.
He took a deep breath. "I know it's always been Namjoon and it always will be Minji. You don't have to be sorry, I'm not hurt. I'm happy you told me this, but the only way you'll ever be at peace is if you confess to him. Only then will you know if he does share the same feelings, if he rejects you then at least you'll be able to let go. You won't have that doubt anymore. Just because he's with Sunny doesn't mean he can't have feelings for you." He said.
Can that happen? Can someone have feelings for someone else when they're with someone already? It might be a long shot but JunHong was right, I'll never know unless I try. But, being rejected by Namjoon would only end my life as we know it....
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>To Be Continued......
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