Parts: all found here
WARNING: Mature content
A thoughtful fan made video by the lovely @MandyNoona! It portrays Yoongi's struggles and is very moving. It's emotional and definitely captures the feelings from the last few chapters.
If you missed the first video she made, describing the first nine chapters, you should watch it on this card!
- Hoseok's point of view - Boram's voice shows her concern. "How's Yoongi doing?" "They told us he should get better soon." "Did they figure out what was wrong?" "He kinda just went downhill quick and everything just kept piling up. They found out he's got a pretty bad mood disorder, which honestly explains a lot." "Yeah. That does make sense if you say he's had a bad temper." "He ended up with severe depression and a minor anxiety problem too. They said with some therapy and medication that the depression should be taken care of for the most part in six months to a year. They aren't sure if the anxiety is going to be a permanent issue, or if it's just a problem at the moment; but for now they're giving him a small dose of something to keep him calm. As for the mood disorder, he'll have to be medicated for that from now on, I guess." "That's got to be so hard to find that out all at once. Do you know when he'll be back?" "He's been there three days. I think they said a couple more, just to be safe, and he'll be back." "How's everyone else doing?" "It's been quiet. We've been doing what we need to do, but aside from that we keep to ourselves mostly. No one's sure what to think. We just don't know how he could fall apart like that. It all happened without warning." "That happens. Mental illness can be unpredictable. It can come out of nowhere. But if he had a mood disorder, then it's not uncommon for there to be more issues. If there's a preexisting problem, it can lead to a lot more, especially when it goes untreated." "Yeah." "It's good he was willing to get help though. That's really good. It could have gotten so much worse; but he realized he needed it, he still had some sense." "He did. I just want him recover so we can put this all behind us." "You can't. You need to remember. If you don't keep it in the back of your mind, you may not realize the signs creeping up again. If it happened once, you can't know whether it'll happen again or not. I'm not saying to stress constantly or watch him like a hawk; but to just keep it in mind in case he starts acting out of the ordinary." "I guess you're right, but it's hard to think he'd do something like that. When I look at him, I just want to see him like he was before. I don't want to have to worry or think that he would do that again." "I can assure you that he feels exactly the same way. He doesn't want to see himself that way or be constantly reminded of what happened because of those scars. I'm sure he wishes he didn't have to think that he's capable of falling into it again, but I think he's smart enough to know it could happen." "It's going to be so different when he comes back. I don't know how to treat him or what to say. If I should avoid talking about it, or if I should ask him how it went." "He probably won't want to talk about it right away, but eventually a little bit of interest in it may make him feel better. It could make him feel like you guys care enough to show concern. Just give him a day or so; take it easy, and let him settle back in. Try to be normal and positive, he probably doesn't want to feel like he's making your lives difficult. After awhile you shouldn't baby him though, he'll want to be treated normally or he'll feel like a basket case that everyone has to walk on eggshells around." "You'll probably have to tell me all that again at some point. You sure know a lot about this." "Well...I've had my own issues I've dealt with and I know how he'll probably feel." "You were like that?" "No, no. Not like that." "Then what was it? Don't you think that's something I should be able to know about?" "Yeah. I guess you're right. I've never been with someone long enough that it'd make sense to tell them. I just haven't been sure when would be a good time to tell you. It's awkward to bring up honestly." "You don't need to feel awkward about it." "Thanks, but I will no matter what. It's an uncomfortable thing to admit." "I'm sorry." "It's okay. Well, I've had anxiety since I was a child and three years ago I found out I have borderline personality disorder. It's not too bad when I take medicine for it though." "Borderline?" "Incredibly simply put, I have a lot of mood swings that happen throughout a day. Generally for me, mine swing more toward anger or becoming upset. If I'm not taking medicine for it, then I'm irritated a lot, random things can make me get really upset, and sometimes I completely lose it and go off on people. When that happens I run my mouth and I'll hurt them by saying the things I know will hurt them the most. It can be hard to control, but with medication I feel like I'm how I was meant to be; upbeat, sociable, and caring." "Well that's good something helps. I don't know what it'd be like to not feel normal." "It's disappointing mostly. It's frustrating to know you don't work right. It's not like a broken leg where they can see it with an X-ray. It's a lot of educated guesses and trying different combinations of medications to make you function normally. It's hard." "They don't know what to give you?" "They do. It's just bones heal the same way for most everyone. Brains aren't like that, they're much more complex obviously, and everyone has a very different one. So it's not always easy to figure out what is honestly happening. It could be one thing, or it could be two different things that put together show the same symptoms. Psychology is kind of a mess." This all sounds so heartbreaking. To have to switch around medications and hope one works, just to find out it doesn't and you have to try again. That sounds terrible. "It must get really discouraging after awhile." "It does, you feel a little hopeless. The worst part for me though, was when I finally remembered what normal felt like, and realized that I'd spent a little over ten years of my life without that. That's why I know how he feels. It makes you feel broken and defective to have someone tell you there's something wrong with your head and it won't ever go away." "It won't ever go away?" "Nope, only treated." "Does it get a little better?" "Usually it stays the same or gets worse and you have to readjust your meds. To be honest with you, judging by my track record and my genetics, it's probably going to get worse for me. It'll be pretty slow, but I don't know what's in store." "Oh." "Shit. See this is why I didn't want to say anything. That puts you off and I know it. The thought of being with someone who's not entirely stable makes you question the future a little, doesn't it?" "Not really." "How can that not make you be concerned with the future of our relationship?" "Because I'll be stable for us both. I'll be your rock. I'll be there to support you when you need it. I'll be there to support you even when you don't need it." If she has to deal with my insecurity and jealousy, then I can deal with being someone she can rely on. I wasn't ever going to be anything else anyway. I was always going to support her. "I really love you. You're too good to me. Just when I think I know the degree of your understanding, you go even further." "I'll always go that extra mile for you. There's nothing that can make me stop loving you. Especially not things that are completely out of your control. I mean, there are certain things that would make me reconsider this, but that's not one of them." "Like what?" "Cheating. That's honestly about it. I can't really think of anything else." "Well, of course that would. You had me scared for a second." "Boram?" "Yes?" "Is there anything you'd want me to know about your past?"
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