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chapter 8 : Feelings Exposed

Once again, I avoided Namjoon for the next couple of days. I had gone to stay with my parents again but living under the same roof as Sunny was hell. Especially since Sunny had called me out almost all the time and we argued. She assured that I was trying to steal him away from her and that I should give up because he loved her, not me. I knew I didn't stand a chance now. He made his decision, I came to spend time with my parents but they were more preoccupied with the wedding and the second engagement party that was going to be held. So I usually spent time walking around Seoul and When JunHong had free time we'd hang out for a little while, he insisted I meet his band mates but I was a bit skeptical, I mean it's not that I didn't want too but I didn't want them accusing me of being his girlfriend or anything. We're friends.
"Come on Minji. Please?" He pleaded.
I took a deep breath. "Fine. I'll meet them"
He grinned. "Yes! Come on."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd. "JunHong! Slow down!"
"No way." He chuckled.
His band mates were at a restaurant. I recognized Yongguk and Himchan right away. They went to school with me.
Yongguk smiled. "Minji. It's nice to see you again"
I smiled back. "Yongguk, it's good to see you too"
He hugged me. "You've changed a lot. You look beautiful"
"Was I ugly before?" I giggled.
"No. Of course not, I meant like your hair and stuff. You look great" he said.
"Thank you. You do too" I said.
He smiled.
"Minji-Ah~" Himchan got up and hugged me. "You've returned~"
I hugged him back. "Only for a little while. I go back on Monday"
"So soon? But what about New Years?" He asked.
I was going to stay but...I can't be where I'm not wanted nor could I bear seeing Namjoon kiss Sunny on New Years. I've decided that once I attend their little engagement party I'll leave. I mean not in the moment but still...I'm not staying. They're getting married on Tuesday, Sunny didn't wanna wait any longer and I knew this was on purpose. She wanted me to see her marry Namjoon but I can't...that will be the end of me. It'll be the final straw.
"Umm..Well..." I began.
"Awe come on Minji. You can't leave just yet, besides isn't your sister getting married?"
Himchan knew about Namjoon and Sunny being engaged. I'm sure Zelo had told them.
"Yes...She is." I said and suddenly I felt sad.
He noticed the change in my tone.
"Just spend New Years with us" he smiled. "Besides we have so much to catch up on"
"I'll think about it..." I slightly smiled.
Zelo introduced me to the other members. Daehyun, Jongup and Youngjae.
They invited me to stay with them and eat. How could I say no? It would be rude to just leave but I felt kind of shy. We all talked and had a really good time. It was nice to be around them, just what I needed.
Yongguk: So Minji, You got a boyfriend?
"No. I don't" I said.
Himchan: You know...we're all single.
Jongup: I'm the one with the abs...just saying.
I couldn't help but giggle.
Zelo: Noona, you're more than welcome to spend more time with me.
"What? Hehe. Oh you guys." I fanned my face, this is too much.
Youngjae: Minji, who do you think is the best looking in B.A.P?
"You mean...Between all of you?" I asked.
Daehyun: Yes. Who's your ideal type?
Zelo: Me. After all we dated for a while.
Himchan: What?! Minji is this true?
Jongup: Zelo's ex?
Daehyun: Never would've thought you dated him.
Yongguk: Quit lying. Zelo you didn't date Minji, there's no way.
Youngjae: Minji, did you really date Zelo?
They all looked at me.
My heart was racing and my face felt hot. "Well....Yeah. Back in Highschool we dated for a while.."
All (except Zelo): UWA!
Yongguk: What happened then?
Himchan: He never told us this.
"Mmm.." I looked at Zelo.
He cleared his throat. "I....umm..."
Himchan: You what?
Yongguk: You little two timer!
Zelo's eye widened. "H-How did you know?"
Jongup: You cheated?
Himchan: With you?
Daehyun: Well this is interesting.
Youngjae: Story time~
I looked at my cellphone. "I gotta go. My parents are probably waiting for me, it was really nice meeting you all. I hope to see you again sometime" I smiled.
Himchan: Awe. Don't go Minji.
"I'm sorry." I pouted. "But on the bright side JunHong will tell you the whole story" I said.
To be honest, I didn't want to be reminded of what happened. It's bad enough Sunny has ruin my life by being engaged to Namjoon.
JunHong looked at me. "I was thinking of going with you. Walking you home"
"No, it's alright. I'll be fine." I said.
The boys said their good byes and I was on my way home. I took a deep breath, my life is so pathetic. Living for a guy who doesn't want me and is engaged to my flesh and blood. Might as well be dead, right? Although I know I'll never truly be happy if he goes through with this, no matter how far I run or if I'm on the other side of the world I won't be able to be in peace knowing he and Sunny are man and wife. It'll all be over, if they have kids....I shook my head. I should stop thinking nonsense. I shouldn't care, Namjoon has chosen his path so I need to follow mine. I'll become a doctor and maybe I'll find someone....
Ugh who am I kidding? Namjoon is the love of my life. It would take so much more than someone to push him out of my heart. I've been thinking so much of how I can tell him but it's too late. What good is my confession going to do now?
Hmm? I turned around. "Namjoon."
Great. Just what I needed. I wanted to turn away and keep walking but I couldn't.
"I've been trying to reach're never home when I'm around. Is something wrong? Did I do something to you for you to go to such lengths in avoiding me?"
"Sunny doesn't want me around you. I'm just fulfilling her wishes..." I said.
"Sunny? She told me you didn't want to be around me because of some nonsense" He said.
"Nonsense? What kind of nonsense?" I asked.
"She said you didn't want me to marry her because she'd ruin our friendship. Minji, you know you'll always be my best friend. I care about you a lot and marriage won't change that" he said.
But Sunny will...
"So you just believe everything she says?" I asked. "Some things never change. But anyway, I'm on my way home" I said.
I turned around and began walking again. I don't want to push him away again hurts too much. I want to beg him not to marry tell him I love him but I can't do it.
"Minji. I promise I'll always be your best friend, Sunny is just really stressed out with this whole wedding planning and the engagement party" he said as he walked beside me.
I stayed quiet.
"This seems kind of weird...because I know the groom always has a best man but I was wondering if you'd be willing to-"
"No." I said immediately. "I'm sorry but I'm not doing that."
"Why not? Minji this is the most important day of my life. I thought you'd be happy for me" he said.
"I am happy for you but I'm not doing that." I said. "I'll see you later, I just remembered I forgot to pick something up"
Before he said anything else, I quickly crossed the street and made my way through the crowd trying to blend it so he couldn't pin point me easily.
The night of their engagement party came and I wasn't prepared. I went into my father's study.
"Appa?" I said as I opened the door.
"Come in Minji" he said.
I walked in.
"You look beautiful" he smiled at me.
"Thank you Appa...." I said.
I don't feel beautiful....
"Is something the matter?" He asked.
"Appa...." I closed the door and sat down. "I don't think I can do this." I said.
"Do what?" He asked.
I sighed. "Watch Sunny and Namjoon get married....The truth is, I love him Appa. I always did and she knew that. Now this is happening and I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry to disappoint you with such a thing but I just can't bear the idea of them together, I hate her for doing this. She doesn't even love him the way I do."
He stayed quiet for a moment.
I was waiting for him to tell me how pathetic I was and to get my act together.
"Minji, I wish I could help you but I can't. All I can say is be happy for her, kill with kindness. It's not like Namjoon is being held against his will, he asked her to marry him and she said yes. Don't you think putting ALL the blame on your sister is a bit....uncalled for?"
He doesn't understand...
"I suppose so father..." I said.
"Come on. Let's get going. Please smile and be happy" he said. "Your sister is getting married, it's a great blessing for us all"
More like a curse...Even though I felt uneasy and very upset, I forced on a smile for my dad and decided acting would be best tonight. To act like nothing's wrong. Even when my whole world is coming down, I'll smile and be happy for the person who ruined my entire life. I'll be giving up the love of my life and will be left with nothing...
Everything was decorated so beautifully. There was a Throne type thing set up for Namjoon and Sunny. A sign above the seats where it read 'Bride & Groom'. It made me feel 100x worse, My mother was surely fixing her up still. But the guests were here already. Namjoon wasn't here yet...he's probably buying a last minute gift for his bride-to-be. I sighed and sat next to my dad.
"Minji, please. Stop moping, do you really think the guests don't notice things like this?"
Sunny came out and everyone clapped, Namjoon was with her. Their arms linked together. She smiled brightly and waved to everyone. He smiled as well.
She looked like a princess, very beautiful and flawless. She truly was a beauty compared to me. Once again I was more convinced that she had the upper hand in everything. They were the perfect couple. I looked away and sighed. I began to drink some soju be was careful enough not to get drunk, after all I have to drive.
How could this happen? How can this be? My sister...Marrying the love of my life....
They look so happy. All smiles. All laughs. They're engaged now....I thought I had more time but it seems I'm too late.
They're getting married in a few days & here I am faking a smile, pretending everything will be okay and wishing them the best when deep inside I'm dying slowly, the pain is unbearable. I'm not sure how much longer I can take this....
He was supposed to be mine not hers. How could I let this happen? How could I have been okay with this? Is it because I was so sure about him? That he would be mine if I brought him home?
"Come in." I smiled. "My parents will home a bit later. We can work on our homework here if you want"
He smiled and nodded. "Yeah sounds good"
I felt butterflies in my stomach. His smile and those dimples. Such perfection.
We walked into the living room and sat on the couch.
He looked around. "Your house is really nice"
"Thank you." I smiled. "Would you like something to drink?"
"Uh, sure. Anything will be fine. Thanks" he smiled at me.
My heart skipped a beat and my knees felt weak. I want to just go to him and kiss him but...we're just friends...he's been my friend since middle school, we're Highschool seniors now.
"Minji, I'm home~"
His eyes lit up and he seemed to be nervous now. My heart sank.
She walked in and smiled. "Namjoon."
"Sunny" he smiled.
His smile was different with her...
-End of flashback-
I'm not as pretty as she is...I'm not as petite figured as her...I'm not as smart as she is...
I'm always living in her shadow. No one acknowledges me as Minji Lee but as Sunny Lee's sister. That's all I am...her sister. Even in school she was so much more popular than I was. She's only 2 years older than me but I never understood why she was always the one everyone idolized.
My friends all adored her. Even him...
Slowly everything came down in ruins, my friends became her friends and my love interest also became hers. She's stolen everything from me...
Now, to top things off, she's going to marry the most important being in my life. The only boy I've ever loved. I loved him as a child and even now that he's a grown man, my love has never changed.
I looked up. "Yes appa?"
"You should smile. This is a joyous occasion. Your sister and Namjoon are engaged." My father smiled and felt such pride.
He was so proud of my sister. But I felt bitter, I hated her for what she did. She knew....
"Minji, is there someone in school you like?"
"Well...sort of....but I can't tell you."
"It's Namjoon, isn't it?"
My eyes widened. "What?! Eh. N-No. Namjoon and I, w-w-we're-"
"Minji, don't lie to me. I know you like him, it's so obvious. Why haven't you told him?" She asked.
"Well...I'm scared he might not like me. We've been friends for so long that I don't think he even thinks of me that way" I said.
"What if I tell him for you?"
"No! Please don't Sunny. Please"
"Mm. Well okay, I promise not to tell him"
"Pinky promise?" I asked.
She smiled and patted my head. "I promise"
-End of flashback-
"Oh, sorry appa. I'll just go home." I said.
"Aren't you going to congratulate your sister and Namjoon?" He asked.
I felt my heart being stabbed when he said that.
"Do I have to appa?" I asked.
He gave me a serious look.
I sighed. "Fine."
I got up.
"You better mean it as well. I don't know what's gotten into you Minji, I thought Namjoon was your friend. You're supposed to be happy for him and your sister."
I hate when he says that. Both he and my mother constantly have to remind me of my agony.
"Ya! I said I'd do it okay?!" I exclaimed.
Everyone's eyes were on me at this point.
My father glared at me and I decided it was best I go. This engagement party is making me want to gag anyway. I grabbed my purse and walked out. I quickly got to my car and dug around my purse for my keys.
No. Please no...
"Minji! Wait!"
Where are those stupid keys?!
"Minji...please don't leave." Namjoon said.
Why did he come after me...why is he doing this to me...
"I can't stay...I'm sorry..." I didn't even have the courage to look at him.
I wanted to cry and tell him I loved him. That my sister took him from me even after I told her I was in love with him. It's not fair!
"Please...Minji, I need you here. This is an important event in my life and I can't enjoy it if I don't have you here. You're my best friend"
That's all I'll ever be to him....
"Namjoon..." I began.
"What is it?" He asked as he turned my face so that I could look at him.
His eyes widened. My eyes were filled with tears.
He searched my face. "Minji, what's the matter?"
I have to tell him. I can't keep quiet anymore.
"Namjoon, I have something to tell you...even though it's too late because you're engaged..."
He seemed surprised, like he already knew what I was going to say.
"I can't stay because...I'm in lov-"
"Namjoon~" Sunny shouted. "We're going to cut the cake!"
I turned away from him. I found my keys and unlocked the door.
"I'm sorry..." I said and got in the car.
I drove away, tears running down my face. I can't take this, just knowing I'll no longer have a chance to have enough to make me feel like dying.
Did he hear me? Does he know now? What's going to happen now? Should I just leave? Runaway from all this? Maybe I shouldn't had said I being selfish?
I stepped on the gas and drove faster.
My eye sight was being blurred my the forming fears in my eyes.
"Namjoon...." I said to myself.
Tears streamed down like a never ending waterfall.
"Sunny, how could you?!" I hit the steering wheel. "You were supposed to have my back not stab it! You're my sister! How could you?!" I cried. "How could you...."
"Minji, I have something to tell you." Namjoon said.
"What is it?" I asked.
He's going to ask me out. I just know it.
"Well...I don't know how you'll react" he said.
"You can tell me" I smiled.
"Sunny and I are dating. We've been dating for almost a year now but we kept it a secret from you....I was afraid you'd be mad at me..." He said.
-end of flashback-
"I should have ended our friendship then. I should have confronted my sister...but I didn't. I couldn't do it because I loved him so much and because he looked so happy..."
I wiped my eyes and my lips trembled.
I sped home and locked myself in the room. Pacing back & forth, what should I do? Should I leave? Should I stay?
My phone began to ring.
I picked it up.
"Why did you leave? What were you going to say to me?" He asked.
"Namjoon...I can't..." I said.
My eyes beginning to fill up with tears.
"Can we meet somewhere? I want to be alone with you..." He said.
My heart began to race.
"But what if Sunny finds know she doesn't like me being alone with you"
"Yes, I know. Which is why no one will know. So please wait for me at the park, you remember our old spot right?" He asked.
"Yes, how could I forget..." I said.
"Okay. I'll wait for you there"
He hung up.
I took a deep breath. I grabbed my duffle bag and my backpack. I stuffed as much clothes as I could into my duffle bag and some other things into my backpack. After I say what I have to I'm going to leave somewhere far away and never return. I can't bare the idea of seeing them getting's just not fair....
I left my house keys under the mat and made my way to the park.
When I arrived to our old favorite spot, there he was. Standing, gazing at the stars in the sky.
"Namjoon..." I spoke.
He turned around and looked at me. "Minji" he smiled. "You came"
His smile still has the same effect on me as it did years ago. When we first met...the butterflies and weak knees.
"Minji, I saw something different in you tonight. I know something is bothering you and that you had something to say to me...please, I need to know"
But why?
"Namjoon, if I do...there's no taking it back. I don't want to ruin anything...Sunny and you-"
"Minji, just say it." He looked at me.
I felt a knot forming in my throat. "I'm...." My eyes began to water. "I'm...."
He looked at me. His eyes searching my face. That same puzzled yet surprised look on his face.
"I'm in love with you Namjoon...I always have been...." The tears streamed down my face.
He's my first & last love. This was my only chance....if I didn't say it now, when would I have the opportunity too?
His eyes widened at my response. He opened his mouth to speak.
My heart was racing.
"Minji....I can't." He sighed. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Because when I was going to, you said you were already with Sunny. Namjoon, she doesn't even...ugh."
Who am I to say such a thing? Even if it is true, it doesn't matter anymore.
I wiped my eyes and sighed. "Look, I just want you to be happy. Sunny makes you happy, so just enjoy yourself and go back to your engagement party. I'll be fine..."
"No you won't. You've been hiding your agony this entire time, knowing I've hurt you for so long how can you expect me to be happy? Is that why you left? Did you leave because you couldn't stand the sight of Sunny and I being together?"
"Why does it matter?" I looked at him. "You love her not me..."
"That's not true." He said.
"Namjoon, I said what I had to say. But once you're married...Pretend I don't exist. It's best for both of us. Sunny has never wanted me around you and now you know why"
"You're saying that she knew?" He asked.
I nodded. "She always did, even before you began dating her..."
His phone began ringing.
"Sunny's probably worried about you...You should get back to your party." I handed him the ring he had given me, with a heavy heart I placed it in his hand. "Be happy Namjoon, please don't come after me. Don't call me. Don't think about me. If anything be happy because you're going to be married, it's a happy occasion. I'm sorry I ruined it for you, even though in a sense I know that it doesn't truly affect you as it does me." I said.
"Don't leave...I need you." He looked at me.
"You never needed me Namjoon. You did just fine without me for 2 years, I'm sure you'll be fine without me for the rest of your life." I slightly smiled and made my way out of the park.
I left him standing there. I wanted to cry but I had no tears left to shed, I felt empty and lifeless. He didn't say much to me nor did he say that he loved me back...Completely shot down by his silence. Funny, in most stories the main character has her happily ever after but in this case it seems I didn't get my way. I wasn't destined to have a happy ending.
Snow began to fall.
I drove to a hotel about an hour away from where my parents stayed. I wasn't staying for the wedding but I feel like maybe I should at least take up on B.A.P's offer and celebrate New Years with them. It would do me some good to leave Korea with some pleasant memories to start the new year.
I called JunHong.
"Hey...It's Minji"
"Noona, hey. What's up? Is the party over?"
"No. I just...I left." I said. "I'm at a hotel now."
"Did something happen?" He asked.
I sighed.
"Do you wanna meet somewhere?" He asked.
For an ex boyfriend, he wasn't so bad. I mean sure he made his mistake but...still. He was a friend.
"I don't know...."
"Come on. I'll meet you at a cafΓ© or something." He said.
"Well, alright." I said.
I decided to walk, some walking will do me some good. I couldn't get Namjoon out of my mind, I wanted him but what could I do when he loves Sunny?
"Namjoon, why did you go after her?! You left and I looked like an idiot! You made me look like a fool!" Sunny exclaimed.
I sighed.
"Hello?! Are you listening?"
"Sunny, we need to talk." I looked at her.
"What is it? You're pretty serious" she said.
"Did you know Minji liked me?" I asked.
Her eyes widened. "What?"
"Did you know about Minji having feelings for me?" I asked.
"No. Of course not."
She's lying to me.
"Minji confessed she was in love with me. She said you knew even before we began dating. Sunny tell me the truth." I looked at her.
"So what? She likes you but how was I supposed to tell you that? I wanted to be with you"
I shook my head and sighed. "Why didn't you tell me..."
"Why do you care?!"
"Because!" I yelled.
"Because what? You like her too? You're in love with her? Is that it?" She looked at me.
I stayed quiet.
"Do you love her?!" She exclaimed.
"Before you it was her. I was just too scared to tell her, I was scared it would ruin our friendship or that she'd stop being my friend if I told her what I felt. Then you..." I trailed off.
"What're you saying Namjoon?"
"That I love her....when she told me that she loved me, I realized that I never stopped loving her either. Sunny, I'm sorry...I can't marry you" I said.
She slapped me and stormed out of the room.
Agh. It stung. But I just couldn't go through with it would've sounded crazy if I had told Minji what I just told Sunny. I reached into my pocket and looked at the ring I had given Minji....
How could I have been so stupid? All the signs were there but I was too blind to realize that it was her, it had always been her. I took my phone out and called her.
Please Minji...pick up the phone.
"JunHong, it was horrible. I don't think I've ever felt this way before. So empty and numb." I said.
He held my hands. "It's going to be okay Minji. You're a strong person and even though it hurts now, I know you'll move forward." He smiled.
I slightly smiled. "Thanks"
My phone began to ring.
I pulled out my phone. "It's Namjoon..."
I handed the phone to JunHong and told him to answer.
He looked at me. "Uhh...Minji is Umm..."
He's hopeless. I sighed as he handed me the phone.
"Hello" I answered.
"Minji, I need to talk to you. Are you busy?"
"I'm with JunHong at the moment, what is it?" I asked.
I didn't mean to be cold but I just...I didn't know what else to do.
"Can we meet somewhere tomorrow?" He asked.
"I don't know...."
"Please. Minji it's important."
JunHong grabbed the phone. "She said she's busy."
He hung up.
"Minji, you need to stay strong." He looked at me. "I'm keeping your cellphone."
"What?! No! Give it to me!" I said and tried taking it away.
He's too tall. He chuckled at my attempt to get it.
"Namjoon quit!"
I stopped and realized what I had done.
"JunHong..I'm sorry. I didn't mean too..." I said. "I should go."
I took the phone away from him and left.
For the next 4 days I stayed in my hotel room. I watched Netflix and chick flicks. The saddest ones I could find. Ordering room service and pigging out. The wedding has passes and I don't know a thing about how it went. Surely it was a nice wedding. How I'm loathing this day even more because it's snowing. I haven't seen JunHong either. He hasn't called, but yet again I have no clue if he has. My phone's been dead this entire time. Tomorrow is New Years and I don't have the slightest clue what I will do. I go home on Monday. January 1st. How will I spend New Years? Should I turn my phone on and call Zelo? I'm too lazy to get out of bed. My phones in my purse somewhere....
I got up regardless of the sheer laziness I felt. I turned the phone on.
-Full Voicemail Box-
My eyes widened.
20 were from Sunny.
5 from JunHong
10 from Namjoon.
I played the first one.
"Minji...please. I need to talk to you."
"Minji...Call me back."
"Why aren't you answering?"
"Minji, will you pick up the phone? I need to hear your voice"
"Stop ignoring me. Minji, I really need to talk to you. It's important."
The rest of them were blank.
I called JunHong.
"You're alive!"
"I am. I've just been vegetating I suppose. Being lazy and ordering room service for the past 4 days"
"Why didn't you have your phone on? I've been calling you Noona."
"I'm sorry. I just felt so embarrassed about what happened last time...I really didn't mean to do that"
"It's alright. Don't worry about Noona. Are you still gonna come tomorrow? We're going to have a big celebration!"
"I don't know what to wear" I said.
"Go buy something nice. We're going to a club to celebrate"
"A club? I don't really like clubs though"
"We'll be in a V.I.P room, no worries"
"Well alright. I suppose I'll go buy an outfit or something. What time are we going to meet up?"
"I can pick you up, if you want"
"Sure. What time?"
"Alright. I'll be ready by then"
"See you then Noona"
"Alright. Bye"
I've tried countless times to reach her but no answer. It just sends me to voicemail, did she leave back to England? It's almost New Years. Sunny and I are officially done, the wedding was canceled but oddly enough her father understood. He wasn't angry he simply wished me the best. Had he known about this too?
My phone rang and I immediately picked it up.
"Yes. It's me" a squeaky voice answered.
I groaned. "Shut up Jimin."
"Haha. Awe come on man. I was teasing. What're you up to? What're you doing tomorrow?"
"Nothing. Why?"
"Come celebrate the New year with us. We're gonna have a house party, its gonna be pretty awesome."
"I don't know..."
"Wanna hit the club then? We can receive the new year partying."
"Nah. I'm good. What time is the house party starting?"
"At 10"
"Sounds good. I'll be there just send me the address"
"Alright. Later"
I hung up.
Maybe this party will get my mind off of Minji. I just have to face the fact that she'll never forgive me and that I'll never see her again.


As sad as it seems, this book is coming to its end!
One more chapter to go~
How will it end?
Will Minji & Namjoon end up together or will Minji take refuge in Zelo?
After all they are spending New Years together. He can probs kiss her and then maybe they'll end up together again?
Haha. So many possibilities but you'll find out soon enough!

credit to :

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Tagging the beauties:

😭😭😭😭😭 the feels hit me hard !!!!!
FINALLY!! I fangirled so hard and scared my sister and cat so bad lol
the feels got me!😒 stupid little piece of cupcake namjoon!!😒😭
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