This is a long card to read, but please, bare with it. There's some good stuff here.
I never thought that celebrating someone’s date of birth can be so weird and often times scary in a sense. When you’re a child you work the courage to have fun and get presents in honor of you growing up. It gets a lot better in your teen years and later in your young adult years. But have you ever stop to think about the actualization of why you have a day to commemorate the day in which you’ve been conceived and age?
To me, celebrating your birthday is not just about all those things I’ve mentioned, it’s about getting one step closer to death. Think about it. Everyone wishes you happy birthday in hopes you die from an age where you get some fatal disease that happens to almost everybody, or death comes along when you go out for a drive and you get hit by that big eighteen wheeler on the highway. Right on the same day of your birthday. Isn’t that weird? It’s a present delivered by death. Here you go, you don’t have to use too much because, well, you used it all up already. Just like that.
We are the ones who are so deviant, we can straight out have a blast with free cake while initialize one’s primary existence. When you’re old of course, you might think of the alternate way of backing out of your birthday by saying “No, don’t celebrate. I hate this day. It’s annoying and I’m not wearing this silly hat.” Half the time your friends throw pie at your face, but I digress.
It’s a mixed blessing; it leads to anxiety from happiness. I think what we should start doing, for those who rather be acquainted with facts then faith, at some point as we get older, we should have a momentary alarm saying at some point we are going to be abused more and more. Prisoners, and old people have to experience this all the time and they’re the ones who are having difficulty managing their existence as it is. But hey, there’s a bright side to this: We can leave our mark on everyone we know and everywhere we have been, and some can save a lot of money by inheriting the dead person’s stuff. A time to tell your kids.
But since I'm here to write and not get accommodated with awkward humor and my philosophy to scare people's existence, I am here to say that this old cat, this ninja cat, this cat who is in disguised, but plays the role of a human in reality, is turning 24 years old.
Aside from my crankiness of this day, this would be a good opportunity for me to change things because, honestly, it's what I truly need; a way to clear the steam and set out on an alternative path that can possibly make the traveled route more efficient and helpful. Before I get to the best bits about myself that you probably didn't know and you're always looking for another cool even or odd numbered list to look at for fun, I'm going to present a list of things that involve giving up on needs and wants that are unnecessary and unhealthy for me. Because I've been a total shut-in for too long and don't worry, it's not going to scar you for life. It's a way to combat my obstacles and found some wisdom and peace that will ultimately nourish my system and all my toxic necessities and overall attitude toward people and life will evaporate.
1. I'm giving up procrastinating. Yes, the biggest killer of them all. For too long, I've been doing absolutely nothing, awaiting for the arrival of something to happen and it does, but every plan I've ever written gets held back on purpose. For instance, my writing career brought me back by two jobs that have been tortuous, and moreover, killing me slowly. It's caused my anxiety to increase and everyone I know to be pushed away with selfish, and unrelenting anger, and decreasing my social awareness (I'll go more into detail on that in a minute). So from now on, I'm making my writing a priority and I'm self-employing myself (That's a redundant term) into Vingle and other writing assignments (My first novel, and other short stories) I have made and to get them done and appointed to the correct people and make sure everything in my collections is updated without further distractions. This includes Netflix, Youtube, and other websites I would consider a waste of time. Don't worry @TessStevens I'll read up on the many TV shows and behind the scenes stuff. Plus, browsing aimlessly around the internet is another form of excuse that does not function well, even if it sounds tempting. This does not mean I will avoid it at all costs, I can watch TV or show a funny video once in a while to let out some steam, but when it comes to intervening my work, I have a problem with that. Since Gonzo has been expanding with enormous guests and success so far, I wish to maintain that status and maybe, just maybe, turn it into a business. I'm serious about making it into a business. Writing is about expression and creating wild ideas by people who want to be heard and I'm going to give them the respect and fun they need.
2. I'm giving up being a shut-in. I'm shy and afraid of talking to people. I've had a fear of that for a long time now, and the worst part of all, it has affected people around me. I know that throughout the journey of life, you cannot have everyone stick around with you forever. You have to let them go at some point. But that doesn't mean you cannot be a part of their journey either. So, I'm going to catch up on social awareness and practice communicating more thoroughly and understand the psychological behavior instead of giving people the cold shoulder and walking away unable to figure out what to say, which leads to many doubts. I will also help people out as much as I can, because since I feel like I have nothing else to live for as of today, I should give people the respect they need at a time when they find no where else to turn to. And get acquainted with them; listen to their stories, what rubs them the wrong way, what makes them happy. @shannonl5 and @InPlainSight and @danidee and @nicolejb and @InVinsybll and @hikaymm have been giving funny and fun cards on challenges and overall improvement stuff whenever I needed a good game to play or a laugh when I was stressing out.
3. I'm giving up drinking and smoking. This is a long shot (No pun intended). While it has calmed me down in certain situations and the pretension of being cool, it has declined my health and lack of mental capacity. The smoking has decreased my anxiety, but it goes back to the whole declining of my health: It has given my stomach problems and sometimes fucks with my head, making it feel like I'm in a floating balloon. Laziness and sleeping for a number of hours has also caused me to waste a lot of time to get things done when it came to alcohol. Alcohol has made me into a happy and talkative person, which you can say fits with how I manage to talk to people more carefully and easily, but I feel like that's a cheating mechanism of improvement; almost like I'm Raj from The Big Bang Theory. I will spend my duration at the end of each work day by practicing meditation and work my way up to have a more clear mind and detoxing myself with nutrition drinks and food. I have a step-by-step program that will show me how to process and eliminate particular qualifications and fallacies that would make me relapse. @alywoah has cards on healthy food and exercise that have actually worked out well.
4. I'm giving up listening to songs that have good melodies and not being aware of what the songs are actually telling. This is a strange one to explain. I have several playlists on Spotify with songs in random orders and I picked them out because they sounded great to listen to. Nothing wrong with that of course. But I never knew what the song actually meant. I have a lot of songs to remove from my playlists and I'm going to make one that represents me and what I believe in, plus the only songs I've been listening to are instrumental songs. That also leads me into discovering more music since I rarely have a good taste in music. If I could pull up a long list of songs on here I could. On a side note, I have two guitars in my place and drum sticks, but no drums. And I want to play music. Just as a way to be free from all the noise at the end of the day. @paulisadroid has a collection entitled "The song you need when..." and it's enlightening to know how one song can affect a big picture of your life. Even @TessStevens introduced me to some bands like The Stokes and Pete Doherty.
5. I'm giving up resentment on learning. Making promises you make in your head and not doing them once the time comes is hard, especially when it comes to learning something old or new. I want to learn everyday and make it interesting whether than doubting it. Not only do I want to read lessons in my field of study, but also take some time and look into other stuff that can help my life improve. I'm fascinated by social subjects, like psychology, sociology, history, languages, and even science too (though I suck at them and I pretend to put on James Newton Howard or something mystical on so I can be a genius. Yes, I'm lame), like theoretical physics, astrology, and general studies like repairing my car, and paying off my finances, construct a home, and cook more rather than going to the supermarket to get frozen meals. Since I live in Texas (COUGH COUGH) I want to freshen up my Spanish, and I've taken interesting in getting back into playing guitar and drums, including the bass. And going back to being social, @orenshani7 and @LizArnone and @sophiamor and @easternshell and @jordanhamilton have great words of wisdom in some of their cards when it comes to relationships and social conscience. We need more people like these today more than ever.
And that's about it. It's a long term commitment, but once a project is done, you move on to the next one with discipline and dedication. Once you get past those two, you can do more tasks easily to make yourself more superior and happy, away from the gutter which we often phrase as "mind in the gutter."
I guess what I'm trying to prove is not be anxious, reckless, pretentious young man.
I need happiness. I need acceptance and to accept others.
Thank you guys for being around and making Vingle a wonderful place. I appreciate your community.