well , it's just things from the past got brought up recently and it was thrown in my face that I will never accomplish anything in life and i just basically ruined my life with my decisions up to now. so you know these past days I've just been contemplating on that. and you know , it dosent seem so bad .. I think it's because I always had this image in my head where for me to be "happy" it was all my troubles going away . and that's not realistic .. when I find someone who's willing to put up with my bad days and always encouraging me to move forward if I fail over and over again in to bad habits that's true happiness because it's not that they just have to deal with you .. they actuality believe you're better than you think you are.