Parts: all found here
WARNING: Mature content
- Yoongi's point of view - I'm not sure how to feel about that. I'm okay I think. I was just helping her. I only hugged her because I was helping her calm down, and she only grabbed onto me because she was scared of getting upset again. There was nothing there. She only thought I was comforting because I wasn't freaking out like Hoseok. I was nothing more than a warm body that held her and a calm voice that reassured her that things would be okay. That's all it was and I'm okay with that. I'm completely okay with that. I'll just distance myself from her, I won't talk much and I won't get too close. I really wanted to start over and try to be friends with her. I think this just set me back though, but only a tiny bit. I'll be okay in a couple hours. I'll definitely be okay in a couple days at most. I hope Hoseok won't hold this against me. I mean I was seriously just holding his girlfriend. It was me who calmed her down because he couldn't. Then she grabbed onto me like her life depended on it. After all that's happened between us three, I just don't want to screw things up again. Anyone else could have been just as comforting, so her saying that was nothing special. I'm sure she would have been the same way if Jimin or Namjoon were doing that. At least she grabbed his hand immediately when I said she should go lie down. That just shows that when she's calm, he's the one on her mind and the one she looks to for support. She didn't grab my hand or hesitate, she doesn't see me that way. I was like a security blanket, nothing more. Remember that Yoongi. You were just a tool she used to calm herself down. Now stop dwelling on it. You're past this issue. Just set her bag somewhere and forget that this ever happened. - Hoseok's point of view - This is all I can do. I can hold her in my arms when she's lying down and calm; but when she needs someone to help her, she doesn't want me. I said I'd be someone she can rely on, but she wouldn't. She relied on him. She said she trusted him. Does that mean that she doesn't trust me? Can I not be trusted to help her with these things? I didn't expect him to do any of that when I called for him. I only wanted him to tell me what to do; I just figured he would know how, which he obviously did. It's not like I could just rip him off of her though, that would have made things worse. She clung to him, she didn't want him to stop holding her and talking to her. He talked so nicely to her. It was a tone that I don't think any of us have ever heard, but he pulled out such a sweet voice for her. Worst of all is that she liked his voice, it made her calm, it took away her stress and nervousness. She said those pills were the only thing that could help her calm down, but he changed that. He calmed her down almost completely. If he'd have held her for longer, I'm sure she'd have felt all better. How many ways does he need to be special to her? In how many different ways does he need to be either equal to or better than me? I'm her boyfriend, but sometimes I feel so inadequate compared to him. That hurts me so much. I can't really be mad at him either; because I asked for his help and he didn't know I just wanted him to tell me. He just assumed I meant that I needed him to do something, and that's pretty understandable. She picked me though when she was calmer. That's something. She didn't grab his hand. I don't know what I'd have done if she had. Probably would have been more hurt. It's no wonder she can't rely on me. I'm a baby. I get upset over everything. I can't help it though. I'll have to try really hard to be stronger and calmer. If my own girlfriend has to rely on another man to make her feel better, then I'm obviously lacking in that area. Poor thing. I feel bad she got that nervous. I suppose she didn't know how they acted or their personalities. I should have told her more before she came. When she needs someone to help her I forgot. It's my fault she got like that. Maybe once she gets up she'll be okay to talk. I'm not exactly sure how these things work. She may not want to talk to anyone. I sigh. She said she trusts Yoongi though. She trusts him when he says they'll like her, she won't believe me, but she'll believe it when he says it. Either way. Maybe she'll be a little more confident in herself when she wakes up. She smells good. Girls smell pretty, but she smells beautiful. They say that when you're attracted to someone that they smell better than anyone else. I guess that's true. I hope my blanket smells like her after this. I wish I could hold her every night. I wish she was always here with me. I wish she'd leave that awful job and come here. She speaks perfect Korean and she reads it, she could live here. But her family is there. She's grown up though and doesn't rely on them for things. I mean, at some point she'll have to move here. Won't she? I can't ever move there, so she'd have to. She probably would, but I'm sure she wants to see how long this can last before she does something so life changing. I get that. Even if I didn't do what I do for a living, I wouldn't want to move this soon. I feel like that's something we should talk about. Hopefully it doesn't freak her out or something. It's not like I'm asking her to move now. I just mean eventually. She's smart so she'll understand what I mean. ... It's been a little over an hour. I should wake her up. Oh! I can wake her up with a kiss! I bet she'd like that. That's pretty boyfriend-y. I kiss her. Her lips are so soft. "Boram wake up." She's not even stirring. Is she that heavy of a sleeper? I kiss her, then shake her shoulder a little. "Boram wake up." Fine. I kiss her. "Boram." Kiss. "Wake." Kiss. "Up." Kiss. "Now." Kiss. On the last one she smiles and puts her arm around me. "How many more times were you going to do that?" "Did the first one wake you up!" She laughs. "I woke up like ten minutes ago." "You brat!" She smiles and pulls me into a kiss. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, why?" "Because of earlier?" "I'm fine. I was already pretty calmed down when I took that pill. I'm relaxed now." "Okay, good. So I'm wondering if you want to stay and try talking with them. You don't have to." "Tell me a little about them and I will. If I know a tiny bit, I'll at least be more comfortable. The difficult thing about talking in a group though is a statement might not offend five of them, but it could offend one of them. So while it'll make me feel more at ease it's overall not all that useful aside from knowing what to expect them to say. I likely can't please six people. Somethings I say are bound to put each of them off at some point. There's not much of a way to avoid it, so I'm okay with that." "Alright I'll tell you as much as I can think of. There's something else I want to ask that's a bit more important though." "What?" "I'm talking about a long, long time from now when I ask this." "Alright." "At some point, would you be willing to move to Korea? I wouldn't be able to move to America for you. I want us to have a real life together someday, but the only way that can happen is if you lived here." "I've thought about that a lot." "Have you made much of a decision about it? Or at least leaning toward a decision?" "I've made the decision that if you ever asked, when you want me to come after we've been together for a few years, that I would move." I sit up. "Seriously!" She laughs a little. "There's nothing holding me down. I don't like my job, I don't have kids, and my parents visit every year. I speak and read the language. I think the hardest part would just be getting used to the customs. It'd be just fine." I grab her into a tight hug and she hugs me just as tight. "I'm so happy! I'm really glad you said that! It feels so good knowing that you love me and believe in this relationship enough to move here. I know it's going to be a while, but I'm so excited." "Me too. I really do love you. I have a very good feeling about us. I don't see this ending. That's why I'd be willing to do that someday. I mean, while there's nothing holding me down, there's nothing pushing me away either. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't even be thinking about leaving my town; and I certainly wouldn't be thinking of moving here. You're very important to me so I wouldn't have a problem leaving." "You're amazing." "Why?" "You'd give up your entire life to be close to me. You'd leave your family, your friends, everything, just to be with me. That's amazing. How much you'd do for me, it's immeasurable Boram. The only thing I can say is that it's more than I think anyone else would do. It's more than I should ask of you, yet you have no issues with agreeing to it. You want to, you didn't just agree, you actually want to be with me here. You're so good to me. You treat me so special. You say you wouldn't want to leave your town, but for me you'll move to a country across the world. That makes me feel so important. Nothing else makes me feel as important and special than that does." "Nothing? There's lots of things you should feel special about. Like your music and the awards you've all won." "That's way different. This is more personal. This is about me, not BTS or J-Hope. I'd have never thought I'd be so important or special to someone. You make me realize how lucky I am." "You're not lucky." "Yes I am. Are you crazy?" "You're not lucky. I fell in love with you because you're you. There was no luck involved because you made me fall in love with you. You worked hard for that." I lie down and hold her. "You're beyond words. I can't explain how you make me feel. I've been able to up until now, but I can't anymore. I don't know the words that can fully describe this. Nothing I say will do it justice, it will always be an understatement." She doesn't say anything. She just rolls over and puts her arm around me as she snuggles up to me. She breathes deeply and let's out a content sigh. That says enough.
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