Parts: all found here
WARNING: Mature content
- Boram's point of view - We walk back into the living room and they're all there still. They turn when they hear us walk in. "I apologize for earlier." Namjoon shakes his head. "It's fine. Yoongi told us that you were really nervous and panicked. We're just glad you're okay." Jimin smiles and mumbles under his breath, "More than okay." He thinks we had sex. What a bright kid. I laugh. "Funny, funny." Jimin looks surprised. "You heard that? You're all the way across the room." "Yes, I have excellent hearing. Especially when someone's making fun of me." I smile. "Sorry." "It's fine. I can take a joke, just make better ones from now on." He nods his head while everyone laughs at him a bit. Namjoon gives him a hard time. "Wow, she just met you and already knows that you're not funny." "Yeah, yeah." Hoseok nudges me forward to go sit down. Time to turn on the charm I guess. I sit down and take a deep breath. "Since Hoseok told me a little about you guys, I shouldn't get too nervous this time. So, if I'm the one being held for questioning, ask away. I'm an open book." Taehyung throws out the first question right away. "What's it like to grow up in America?" I look at Hoseok. How honest should I be? He holds up his thumb and index finger close together. Okay, just a little bit. "It's different than the movies, but from Hoseok's reaction when I first explained the small town I grew up in, it's still pretty crazy." He nods. "What's so crazy?" I guess I'll leave out a little bit. "Well. I lived in a small town in the middle of a bunch of forests. So we didn't have much to do growing up. We spent a lot of summer nights in the woods getting drunk around a campfire just goofing around." "What's so crazy about that? I mean crazy. Like super different." I should have hit him harder. I sigh. Guess if he wants something different, then I'll tell him what shocked Hoseok. "In my town, most everyone in my school had smoked weed at least once or twice by senior year. Some smoked it everyday. Some kids as young as thirteen would come to class after lunch high. The teachers didn't really care, they'd just mess with them a little or give them a hard time about it. A couple times a month we'd have to go into lock down so that the police could come through with drug dogs to see if anyone had drugs in their lockers. If we heard them bark we'd laugh and try to guess who the idiot was that brought it into the school. Oh, and plenty of the parents I know smoke it too." He's pretty shocked. I smile. "So, is that crazy enough?" He nods. "Yeah." Jimin looks curious. "So not to be rude, but if most of the kids had then does that mean you have?" "Smoked?" He nods. "Yes. A few times." Hoseok pinches me. "Ow." He gives me a look that's telling me that I should probably shut up. Jimin looks a little surprised. "Really? What's it like?" Hoseok gives me the same look. But honestly they already know so I can't really make it worse. "Terrible." "Really?" "Yes." "Then why do people do it?" "Because it's fun for them. I had two fun experiences with it, and the other two made me feel awful." "What happened?" Does he really need details beyond awful? Oh well, this story should hold his attention and hopefully make him drop the subject. What's better than a cautionary tale, right? I sigh as I try to remember how it went. I've told this story plenty of times, but I still need to get everything in order in my head. "The worst out of the two happened at a party when I was like twenty.I had no tolerance and it was really, really good stuff, I mean, I took one hit off the pipe and was done. I had inhaled two other people's leftover smoke as well as my own, way too much for me. Not to mention I held it for too long because I had only ever smoked a blunt before that which is way different. Anyway, I was coughing really hard and the girl I was with told me to go outside and get some cold, fresh air cause it was midwinter, probably ten degrees out. After coughing for ten minutes I was feeling it. She had to come get me cause I was out there sitting on the steps completely zoned out. When she got me walking, every time I took a step I had to think about everything I was doing, each muscle that was moving just to get one foot in front of the other. Fifteen minutes later my mind was racing and I hated being able to feel all of my nerves so well." At least they all look really interested in what I'm saying. That's something I guess. Though it may be good or bad, hopefully they won't judge me too harshly for this. "So in the end, I got way too high and got freaked out by my vision changing, cried really hard for what seemed like an eternity, felt like my throat had razor blades in it and eventually passed out. When I woke up after an hours I was fine, but still high. The embarrassing part is trying to hold yourself together so you don't look like a punk. I was at least seven years younger than everyone there so I was trying not to come off as stupid and inexperienced. Though they told me later that they didn't really care because it could have happened to anyone. " "All that and you still did it three other times?" "Nope. That was the last time I smoked it. I had only smoked it one other time before that." He looks confused by my math skills. "You smoked it twice? You said you did four times." I shake my head. "I said I'd gotten high four times." "Okay?" This is such a strange conversation to have the moment you meet them. Young people, I swear. "I tried pot brownies once. That's a dangerous game right there. That was the other terrible experience. The last time I got high was quite awhile ago and it was just sitting in a room with no windows for a couple hours with people who were smoking it. It was a pretty weak high and wore off quick." "What were the fun times like?" "I'm sorry, I need to ask you a question." "What?" "Do you know about Google? It's pretty good for finding answers." They laugh. "I'd rather hear it first hand." "Well, I don't want to be a bad influence and tell you drugs can be fun. I'd rather just leave you with a description of how rough they can be." "Just tell me." He's way too insistent. "It's not amazing. I got the giggles and played Mortal Kombat on a Super Nintendo with my friends at three in the morning. I lost almost every round." "That's it?" "Yep. It's not all it's cracked up to be." "Those are some pretty interesting stories. Google wouldn't have been as good." "I suppose that's true isn't it. I enjoy telling stories anyways." Hoseok looks at me with a shocked expression. "You lost?" Out of all the things I just said he's stuck on the video game. I laugh. "Yes. I wasn't very good at that version to begin with." Namjoon looks a little confused. "What's so astounding about you losing at a game?" "I completely annihilated Hoseok yesterday at the arcade playing old school Mortal Kombat." Hoseok defends himself. "I won once!" "That's only because my hand was tired after winning fifteen games. I used it to quickly hit combos in every round; while you were nothing but a button masher." "Shut up!" "Not to mention I was using the only character I'm bad with. The term bad being a huge understatement. You still barely beat me with such a huge handicap." "You're mean." I laugh a little as I remember. "And you stood there celebrating while all those kids looked at you like you were crazy." "Seriously, you're embarrassing me." I smile and pat his knee. "Good. You could use some humbling now and then." They all start laughing. Namjoon talks when he finishes laughing. "You two are really entertaining. You guys work well together that's for sure." Jin looks at me. "Your Korean is pretty good. You sound like you only trip up on a few words." "Thank you. To be honest I speak this better than I speak English." Namjoon speaks up. "You sounded just fine when you spoke to me." "That's because I was trying extremely hard to talk without an accent. My accent kills the language. People think I'm from another country when I leave the state." "No way! Well now I have to hear it." I giggle. "No, no. I'd be so embarrassed. I sound absolutely ridiculous. Just ask Hoseok." Hoseok smiles. "It's kinda cute though." I'm blushing. Like he says that in front of them. Maybe he's getting back at me for making fun of his gaming skills, or lack thereof. Namjoon leans forward. "If it's ridiculous and apparently cute, then I've gotta hear it. Just one sentence." I sigh. "Fine, I give up. I'll say the same thing I said to Hoseok." Why is it so damn entertaining to watch me look dumb. "Ayso, wuheroouto?" Again I'm met with that confused look. "That wasn't English. Lies." "That's the same thing he said. But I promise it was English." "What the hell did you even say?" "Hey, so what are you up to?" I sound so awkward when I try to annunciate, it's so unnatural. "Wow. That's a pretty strange accent." I laugh. "Thank you so much." He smiles. "Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. It's just really..." I smile. "Fucked, right?" They laugh. At least they're not offended by my cussing. "Yeah. I guess that's a pretty simple description." "We understand it, but not many other people in the states do. Not even everybody in the same state. It's basically only my town." Taehyung adds in his thought. "Weird. Like your own little country." "That's an interesting way to see it. Never thought of it that way." I think Yoongi is avoiding talking to me. He probably doesn't want to draw much attention to himself. He's listening and laughing though. That's good. Jimin grabs my hand. Well isn't he forward. "I can't believe I just noticed you have a tattoo." He holds my hand as he looks at it. At this point, it doesn't bug me because I've had lots of people do it. Hoseok is probably irritated though. They all look. "You guys didn't notice it until now?" They shake their heads. Well they aren't very observant. I make plenty of hand gestures. What the hell are they looking at when I talk? He let's go. "It's very feminine. I think it matches you well." "Thank you." "Do you have any others?" "Yeah." "Where?" "On my thigh." "Can you show us?" "Sure." I stand up. I've done this enough times that I can manage to show the entire tattoo without anything else showing. I like showing them off a little. Their eyes grow wide. Is this too bold of a thing to do? It's just a leg and I'm only showing the tattoo? I put the skirt of my dress down and sit back down. Jimin's mouth is hanging open a little. I laugh. "Try not to drool, kid." He snaps to. "It's really pretty. It's very realistic." "Thank you, it took a while though." "How long?" "Several one to three hour sessions." Taehyung comes into the discussion again. "Did it hurt?" "I certainly wouldn't say it felt good, but it was mostly just uncomfortable if I didn't have a distraction like talking to someone." "Did you bleed?" "Not an overly large amount. Probably average." "Interesting." That kid's a bit strange asking about blood. Namjoon talks, "Hoseok told me you were a dancer." "Wait. What?" "That you danced a lot in high school?" "Oh! Yes I did." I was about to die. Leave it to me to jump to that conclusion at the word dancer. Jungkook gained some interest. "What style?" "Well, I was taught ballet for many years. not my favorite though." "Then what did you like to practice? Do you like girl group type dances?" "I can do them, but it's definitely not my preference." He's getting impatient. "Then what exactly is your preference." "Krumping." Some of them laugh. "What's so funny?" Jimin talks while he's still laughing a little. "You don't look like you could do that at all. No way." "I assure you I can." "Hoseok is that true?" He looks surprised. "We never really talked much beyond that to be honest. So I just heard about it now too." Jimin looks back at me. "Do you have a video?" "From like six years ago. Someone recorded me during a competition." "Is it on YouTube?" "Unfortunately. I couldn't get back into the account so it'll be on there forever." Jungkook goes over to the TV and turns it on. I see him click on a YouTube app. "I'm not showing that video! God no!" He looks back. "We'll never believe you if we don't see it." I sigh. I hate people not believing me. I'll look like a liar who was trying to impress them or something. "Fine. If that's my two options. Then fine." Hoseok leans over. "You don't have to if you don't want to." "I'm not going to let them think I'm a liar." "Okay. Just be aware who's watching the video." Well, fuck. They're professionals, I didn't even think of that. I listen to their music, you'd think I'd start to remember they're famous and not normal guys. I can find solace in the fact that I placed third; I've got that going for me. "I have to actually remember the title of the video so just give me a minute. The competition was in Minneapolis. Whatever, I'll type in that with my name." I type in "Kim Boram dance competition Minneapolis 2010" and click search. About twenty videos come up. I don't even have to scroll, mine's at the top with plenty of views. "That's a lot more views and likes than I remember." "Just play it." Jungkook reaches over and presses the button. Oh god. This is so embarrassing. It's only a two minute video. Almost fifteen seconds is me walking out and them announcing my name and all that. It's painfully slow. I also know a bit at the end is nothing important. So it's really like less than a minute fifteen of performing. "You look a lot different." "Sure." I know exactly why he's saying that. I have really baggy jeans and an oversized sweatshirt on. That's gonna come off eventually, it's been so long though that I don't even know when to brace myself for it. I know I have a beater on under it, that's not that revealing; tight, but not revealing. I think I had men's boxers on with my jeans sagging a little. With a belt on to hold them in place. Such an ironic thing, but it looks good for it. I was so bold back then. The song comes on. That's right, I chose Get Outta Your Mind for the song. For the first fifteen seconds of the song I'm just moving around the stage bit and feeling the energy from the crowd and getting hyped while waiting for the beat to drop. That's the best part of performing something you love, the more energy you feel, the better you do. I miss that feeling. I toss my hat to the side a little and during that first, "Let's fuckin lose it" just before the drop, I take that sweatshirt off and throw it on the ground. Cropped beater, didn't remember that, I guess it was halfway revealing. I hear him mumble, "Never mind." They all seem to lean forward a little. They all dance so I suppose it's interesting. Dang, I wasn't that bad. I always hated watching myself on video cause I'd tear myself to shreds, but six years later I can stand to watch it. That's why I had the hat! I was doing the hat tricks towards the end. Shit, I remember now. The dance ends and I stop the video. I sigh with a smile on my face. I can be proud of that. For an eighteen year old girl, that was good. Especially when growing up there were only two other people I knew who did it. They're silent for a few moments, not sure how I should feel about that. Jimin looks back at me. "I'm sorry." "For?" "Not believing you." "It's okay. I'm enjoying your reaction, I don't think it'd have been as satisfying if you'd have actually believed me." "You were seriously good though. You looked almost professional. How'd you do in the competition?" "I placed third." "Out of how many?" "It was small considering the location." "Like twenty?" I laugh a little. "No, like sixty." They're pretty shocked. "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be taking this. I'm not able to read any of you besides Jimin because he said something." Jungkook is still a little dazed. "You looked really good. Everything looked really good." Namjoon speaks up, "Yeah you definitely were raised on rap." Taehyung talks quietly, "You were kind of scary." I laugh. "More of intimidating I would think. I can see that though." Hoseok leans over and whispers in my ear. "I feel a little bad for saying this about you when you weren't even out of high school in this, but that was pretty sexy." I suppose to a dancer that would seem sexy, most people wouldn't think so. I laugh a little. Jin looks at us. "Would you like to share that with the rest of the class?" We laugh and shake our heads. I go to close the app, but Hoseok rips the controller out of my hand. "What's that video!" No! Damn it! A dance competition video from a few years ago. It came up in the recommended videos since my name and the words "dance competition in Minneapolis" are in the title. That's not a competition I want to show off. "Nothing! Don't play it!" He pouts. "Why not?" "It's too much! Just don't! You got to see one and that should be enough!" "But this one's newer." "Yes, but I'm not better! It's worse! So much worse!" "I doubt that. I'm sure you did great. It says you won." I sure did, but I'm sure as hell not proud of that. "Just don't please! It's not krumping, it's different!" I'm pleading over here, just give in and don't play it. "What is it?" I don't even know how to classify that. It's just really, really, really suggestive hip hop dancing. But I can't say that! They'll think I'm a skank! I have to just talk him out of it. "It was hip hop, but it was really poorly done! I did awful!" "Then why'd you win?" "Because everyone else was worse." "I don't believe you. I think you don't want to watch it because it's too new and you're being too critical of yourself still." "I'm not, so just don't!" I reach for the controller and he pulls it away. "I'll tell you if it's good or not." He presses play and I reach again. He throws the remote to Jimin. I get up to grab it, but he pulls me onto his lap. "Please just press stop! I don't want you to watch it!" I'd get on my knees and beg if I wasn't being held on to. They're tuning me out. They're heartless. They may think they'll be able to tell me I did good and make me feel better about myself, but it's not at all what they think it is. It was a dance competition at a night club. The prize was three hundred dollars and I needed the money. I didn't ask for this video to be put up. I had to let them post it though in order to claim the money. Advertisement or whatever. The music starts and Namjoon comments, "This is a good song." It's two minutes of Drop Girl, a song that's literally about ass. Namjoon speaks English and knows the song, how can the content of the lyrics not be an indicator as to why I don't want this watched? I'm dressed in shorts and a tight very low-cut tank top. Classy. The first thirty seconds aren't bad, it's actually pretty legit hip hop; but that wasn't going to win a competition that basically required you to dance sexually. I guess I was just trying to make myself feel better about what I was doing by injecting some skillful dancing into it. Like that's going to save me from embarrassment. The moment it hits the first verse I switch gears. I'm doing body rolls, hip shaking, dips, hair flips, booty pops, basically everything in the "ho's guide to hip hop". Even my facial expressions are fairly promiscuous looking. However that's done, I did it. It's so awful I can't look away, I'm watching my own demise. It gets so much worse during Ice Cube's verse! I'm running my hands over my torso. No! God, I grabbed my chest when he says "drop top, titties out." That's better than flashing, but not by much. And end in the splits. Yep. I look like a complete and total slut. This mere two minutes has completely demolished any sort of decent impression I had built. They're going to think Hoseok is dating a legitimate whore, not a slut, an actual prostitute. I feel like crying. No one's saying anything. I can't believe they let that play all the way through. I can't believe no one thought to leave me with some dignity and stop it at some point. I can't believe Hoseok just sat there and let his friends see his girlfriend do that. He could have stopped it. He could have just not played it in the first place. Nobody else was asking to watch it and they wouldn't have cared if he'd have listened to me and done what I basically begged for. Jin doesn't even look at me. "Is there a story behind that?" I sigh. "Yeah. A night club was having a contest for three hundred dollars. I needed the money." He looks at me with a hint of disgust. "What could you need that badly, that you'd do something like that for money?" "Is that any of your business? I needed it. End of story." "Just seems a bit tasteless. Not much self respect in any of that." Yoongi warns him. "Jin, stop. You don't want to do that." "Well you watched that. It looked like people should have been tossing dollar bills at her." Oh fuck no. Is this the one who knew Hoseok got drunk last night? I bet he is. I bet that's why he's being salty, he already didn't like me. "Can I ask you a couple things?" He scoffs like I'm no longer worthy of his time. "Sure." My tone is cold. My glare is sharp. I'm in a quiet rage. "Have you ever had money troubles? Have you ever struggled to pay rent, pay bills, buy food, and pay off loans? Have you ever had to work shifts upon shifts and still not be able to make ends meet? Have you ever needed money badly enough that you'd sacrifice your own dignity?" He looks like he's regretting it a bit, but he'll regret it a lot more in a few minutes. I don't give a fuck who he is. Friend of Hoseok's or not, I refuse to be treated like that. "Does saying derogatory things to your friend's girlfriend make you feel like a big man? Do you get off on that? Do you feel like your dick's bigger now? Pardon my foul language. That's not very lady like, but what does it matter when you already think I don't deserve any respect." He looks away. "Am I proud of it? Did me begging and yelling at Hoseok not to play it give you the impression that I was happy with it? That I wanted that to be the impression I gave to the people I'm so worried about approving of me? How's the weather up there on that pedestal you placed yourself on? Should I take you down a bit? Should I make you realize how small you really are? Cause I sure as hell can. Just give me the word if you want to join the rest of us lowly peasants. Keep looking down on me. I'm asking you to. Say something more. Please." He mumbles something. I get up and walk closer. I bend down so I'm looking him in the face. He can't look me in the eyes though. "Excuse me? Can't hear you. You were real good at talking shit a few minutes ago. What happened? You feeling a little stupid? You didn't expect me to do this did you? Did you want me to apologize? Did you want me to cry? What was your endgame for those snide comments? I'd have let it go had you not made those petty, bitchy comments following my explanation of why I did it. You don't want this to happen, then don't push your luck. Don't insult someone you don't even know, and when Yoongi said to stop, he said that because this is the same thing I did to him. But unlike that, I'm trying to hit you a lot harder and I'm not going to apologize for what I've said. His irritation was warranted enough that I went easy on him and I forgave it. You're just acting like a bitchy soccer mom who gets off on talking trash about all the other mothers because they didn't marry doctors." I get closer to his face and he finally looks me in the eyes. I look at him with even more intensity. "That's how you make yourself feel good about yourself. You lack self-esteem. You put others down so you can get some confidence by taking theirs. You act like you're better than me, and I'll always remind you that you're far from it. I believe everyone's equal, no one is inherently better or worse. Not until they show a nasty, pathetic personality. I'm pleasant until someone talks to me like that. Treat me poorly and I'll give you a double dose of your own bitter medicine." Hoseok tries to stop me. "Boram, calm down." I stand up and look back at him. "I am calm. Am I raising my voice? No. I'm not going to sit and be talked down to. Just because he's older than you, you're not going to say anything or stand up for me? Fine, but where I come from age doesn't matter. What matters is whether someone's an asshole. So I'll say something if you won't. You want to date an American girl, well this is how I am. I'm only going to put on so much of an act for these friends of yours. If you want a girl who will just fall in line, who'll act like a trained dog when you disregard her feelings and absolutely humiliate her, then go find one at the fucking pound with all the other unwanted bitches." I look at Yoongi. "Will you show me where you put my bag please." "Sure." He gets up and I follow him. I stop before I walk out. I look back and glare at him. "Hoseok, I'm difficult, I might be too much for you to handle. Maybe you should downgrade to a more basic bitch."
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