It's hard to be honest on the Internet. Especially for me here on Vingle because I've gone through so many iterations of myself (hipster, ghost, robot). And I think, in these cards I write about my favorite songs, I get to be a little more honest than I do in my cards about Video Games or Movies or anything else.
But that hasn't really been the case. So right now, I'm going to try and be as honest with you (if there is a you at the other end of this screen) as I possibly can. I talk a lot about how relationships have ended and I always include a sentence or two about how I was aware that I was part of the problem. But I don't think that I've ever accepted that. I don't think I've ever been honest with myself about who I am and what I've done to be the villain instead of the victim that I paint myself to be.
I am starting to think that it's hard for anyone who reads these "Song" cards on a daily basis to believe that I have been through the emotional ringer as many times as I have. It's honestly not true. I've been in one long-term relationship that I like to paint as one where I was constantly being hurt. But if that was the case, why didn't I leave sooner than I did?
I was a part of the problem. And, I think, in my current relationships (whether or not I am seeing someone romantically will still be something I keep private), I think I'm realizing that this is a pattern that I've grown accustomed to. I can't help but create issues in my head that don't exist. I can't help but be passive-aggressive and hope that the other person understands where I'm coming from. I can't help but be a generally closed off individual. And I know that might be coming as a surprise to someone like you who reads how I describe my life/relationships on the Internet in detail. But from now on, you should assume that I am lying to you.
Because most of the time, I am. The person that I appear to be was never the person I actually am. And this doesn't only apply to the Internet and the people I interact with over Wi-Fi signals. This applies to everyone in my life. I am not someone who tells the truth. I am not someone who opens up to people.
Or at least, it's not who I was. But after spending a morning reflecting on my choices and everything that brought me to where I'm at now, I figured that I might as well start being honest. And the way that Into It Over It's Embracing Facts fits into this, is that I've been listening to it on repeat while I started having these thoughts. So, for me, it's a song that reminds me to be honest and open with everyone I'm involved with. Hopefully, it does the same for you.
How the hell could I have been so dumb? As an outspoken man with a well sharpened tongue, I sort of thought I'd start to change with age but I've just stayed the same. Call me crazy, but today I'm embracing facts: a past full of mistakes which I can't take back. It's a crying shame that I'd drag this out just to pass the blame.