AndrewKelly
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God the Father of Jesus Was Not Made Anything In The Flesh He Sent His Son Jesus Christ our Lord!!!

Amen, Evangelist Andrew Kelly here with the truth and with the Gospel of Christ the King James bible once again. Yesterday, I had a person at work who came up with a perverted gospel telling me that I am wrong to say that Jesus is the Son of God, instead of God in the flesh, "God the Son!" I told him that calling Jesus his daddy (God the Father) is no different then calling your mother your uncle and your dad your aunt as it is a perverted gospel, Antichrist, a lie from the pit of hell and new age doctrine of devils and seducing spirits by preachers who has no clue of what the bible says.
1st John 2:18] Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist shall come, even now are there many antichrists; whereby we know that it is the last time.
[19] They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.
[20] But ye have an unction from the Holy One, and ye know all things.
[21] I have not written unto you because ye know not the truth, but because ye know it, and that no lie is of the truth.
[22] Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
[23] Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: (but) he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.
[24] Let that therefore abide in you, which ye have heard from the beginning. If that which ye have heard from the beginning shall remain in you, ye also shall continue in the Son, and in the Father.
[25] And this is the promise that he hath promised us, even eternal life.
[26] These things have I written unto you concerning them that seduce you.
[27] But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.
[28] And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming.
[29] If ye know that he is righteous, ye know that every one that doeth righteousness is born of him.
Galatians 1:[6] I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:
[7] Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ.
[8] But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed.
[9] As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed.
[10] For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.
[11] But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man.
[12] For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ."
Amen, the Apostle Paul and Jesus and Peter and James and John never once refered to Jesus the Son of God being God his daddy, (Father) in the flesh. None of the prophets of old ever said God the Father was coming down off his throne. Demon Spirits know who Jesus is and Christians don't as they do not read their bible, but allow gospel perverts do all the talking and reading for them. Gospel perverts just looking for your pocketbook by going to bible school to get bewitched and make you their merchandise a salesmanship course if you please.
Galatians 3:[1] O foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you, that ye should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ hath been evidently set forth, crucified among you?"
2nd Peter 2:[1] But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.
[2] And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of.
[3] And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not." Acts 20:28] Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood.
[29] For I know this, that after my departing shall grievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing the flock.
[30] Also of your own selves shall men arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away disciples after them."
Amen, Jesus Christ the Son of God has come in the flesh and not God the Father. Lots of fine God talkers, however, never fine Son of God Word talkers.
Romans 8:[3] For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:
[4] That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."
John 8:[16] And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.
[17] It is also written in your law, that the testimony of two men is true.
[18] I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me beareth witness of me.
[19] Then said they unto him, Where is thy Father? Jesus answered, Ye neither know me, nor my Father: if ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also."
John 8:[42] Jesus said unto them, If God were your Father, ye would love me: for I proceeded forth and came from God; neither came I of myself, but he sent me.
[43] Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word.
[44] Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
[45] And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not.
[46] Which of you convinceth me of sin? And if I say the truth, why do ye not believe me?
[47] He that is of God heareth God's words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.
[48] Then answered the Jews, and said unto him, Say we not well that thou art a Samaritan, and hast a devil?
[49] Jesus answered, I have not a devil; but I honour my Father, and ye do dishonour me."
John 3:[16] For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
[17] For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
[18] He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God."
Luke 4:3.[41] And devils also came out of many, crying out, and saying, Thou art Christ the Son of God. And he rebuking them suffered them not to speak: for they knew that he was Christ."
Amen, people are getting together for the worse in the churches them synagogues of Satan instead of the better mixed in with unbelievers and liars just looking for your pocketbook. I guess people are calling their dad their aunt and their mother their uncle now at days if they can call Jesus the Son of God, his daddy, (God the Father instead of the Son of God, as it is perverted, antichrist, pit of hell gospel. Thus when man kind starts calling Jesus by another name they are calling Jesus a liar and Jesus' daddy a liar, (God the Father) as they do not believe the record God the Father gave of his only begotten Son Jesus Christ.
1st John 5:[9] If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son.
[10] He that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of his Son.
[11] And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
[12] He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.
[13] These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
[14] And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:
[15] And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him." 1st John 4:[13] Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.
[14] And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world.
[15] Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God."
Amen, we read in the old testament from day one that Jesus was always beside the Father as God was always talking to somebody and not himself. Thus when Jesus said, "before Abraham was I am," and NOT I am my daddy, (God the Father) from before of Abraham.
Genesis 1:26] And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."
Genesis 3:1.[22] And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:"
Psalm 110:1] The LORD said unto my Lord, Sit thou at my right hand, until I make thine enemies thy footstool.
[2] The LORD shall send the rod of thy strength out of Zion: rule thou in the midst of thine enemies."
Isaiah 49:[7] Thus saith the LORD, the Redeemer of Israel, and his Holy One, to him whom man despiseth, to him whom the nation abhorreth, to a servant of rulers, Kings shall see and arise, princes also shall worship, because of the LORD that is faithful, and the Holy One of Israel, and he shall choose thee."
Daniel 3:1.[25] He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God."
Amen, that is just the old testament for starters that Jesus was out there from day one beside his Father a Son beside his Father and not another God or another Father beside each other. Jesus talked about his Father in heaven, when he was talking about his Father in heaven who was doing al the talking on the earth of his Father n heaven? The Son of God. If you are talking about your daddy being in an airplane 30,000 feet in the air are you talking about yourself in the airplane when you are on the ground talking about your daddy?
John 6:[62] What and if ye shall see the Son of man ascend up where he was before?"
Matthew 5:16] Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
.[45] That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
.[48] Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
Acts 1:[7] And he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power.
[8] But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.
[9] And when he had spoken these things, while they beheld, he was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight.
[10] And while they looked stedfastly toward heaven as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel;
[11] Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven"
Ephesians 3:9] And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ:" Hebrews 2:7] Thou madest him a little lower than the angels; thou crownedst him with glory and honour, and didst set him over the works of thy hands:
[8] Thou hast put all things in subjection under his feet. For in that he put all in subjection under him, he left nothing that is not put under him. But now we see not yet all things put under him.
[9] But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels for the suffering of death, crowned with glory and honour; that he by the grace of God should taste death for every man.
[10] For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings."
Mark 16:1.[19] So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God."
Amen, Jesus the Son of God went up to where he was before this time with the power of heaven and earth and al judgment turned over to him until all things are fulfilled in the scriptures. Not one soul will ever hear God's voice after the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ the Son of God. It is either the voice of the Son of God Jesus Christ or the voice of the devil man will hear.
John 5:[19] Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.
20] For the Father loveth the Son, and sheweth him all things that himself doeth: and he will shew him greater works than these, that ye may marvel.
[21] For as the Father raiseth up the dead, and quickeneth them; even so the Son quickeneth whom he will.
[22] For the Father judgeth no man, but hath committed all judgment unto the Son:
[23] That all men should honour the Son, even as they honour the Father. He that honoureth not the Son honoureth not the Father which hath sent him.
24] Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.
[25] Verily, verily, I say unto you, The hour is coming, and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God: and they that hear shall live.
[26] For as the Father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the Son to have life in himself;
[27] And hath given him authority to execute judgment also, because he is the Son of man.
[28] Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice,
[29] And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.
[30] I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.
Matthew 28:18] And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
[19] Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
[20] Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen."
Amen, the word "AND" is a separation. As Jesus was the image of his daddy, (God the Father) and not his daddy himself, (God the Father) just like you and I are the image of our dad and mother, a representation if you please. Amen, Jesus had the DNA of his mother Mary and his DNA of his daddy, (God the Father) as he walked in the likeness of sinful flesh. How can them liars of Gospel preachers that are perverts call Jesus his daddy, (God the Father) when Jesus was given the power. So why would Jesus need the power when he already has the power? Or does Jesus go to another god if he is God? Especially when he says he goes to his daddy, (Father) and God. Amen, It is nothing but a perverted antichrist pit of hell gospel, just preachers who took the salesmanship bible school to get at your pocketbook and seduce you with their junk.
John 20:16] Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master.
[17] Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.
[18] Mary Magdalene came and told the disciples that she had seen the Lord, and that he had spoken these things unto her.
1st John 4:[2] Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that the Son of God is come in the flesh is of God:
[3] And every spirit that confesseth not that the Son of God is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world."
Jesus Christ = Son of God.
Amen, Jesus the Son of God has came gone, and will be back. Then God talkers either forgot that Jesus came or forgot that Jesus is the Son of God or they are ashamed of him and do not want to talk about the Son just his daddy, (God the Father) in which they call God the Father a liar because they do not believe the record he gave of his Son. When you do not believe the record God gave of his Son strong delusions to believe a lie awaits for man kind. God and Father of Jesus spoke to his Son from heaven numerous times.
Mark 9:[1] And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That there be some of them that stand here, which shall not taste of death, till they have seen the kingdom of God come with power.
[2] And after six days Jesus taketh with him Peter, and James, and John, and leadeth them up into an high mountain apart by themselves: and he was transfigured before them.
[3] And his raiment became shining, exceeding white as snow; so as no fuller on earth can white them.
[4] And there appeared unto them Elias with Moses: and they were talking with Jesus.
[5] And Peter answered and said to Jesus, Master, it is good for us to be here: and let us make three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias.
[6] For he wist not what to say; for they were sore afraid.
[7] And there was a cloud that overshadowed them: and a voice came out of the cloud, saying, This is my beloved Son: hear him.
[8] And suddenly, when they had looked round about, they saw no man any more, save Jesus only with themselves.
[9] And as they came down from the mountain, he charged them that they should tell no man what things they had seen, till the Son of man were risen from the dead.
2nd Peter 1:16] For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty.
[17] For he received from God the Father honour and glory, when there came such a voice to him from the excellent glory, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.
[18] And this voice which came from heaven we heard, when we were with him in the holy mount.
2nd Thess 2:[10] And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.
[11] And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
[12] That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness."
Amen, once you are hooked on a lie God and Father of Jesus takes over when he sees you not working with his Son and gives people a reprobate mind to destroy themselves. Society has so many reprobates ask them homosexuals or Sodomites and lesbians, murders, rioters, drunks, smokers, unbeliever preachers behind the pulpit, etc.
John 3:1.[36] He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.
Romans 1:21] Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
[22] Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
[23] And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
[24] Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
[25] Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
[26] For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
[27] And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
[28] And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
[29] Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
[30] Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
[31] Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
[32] Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them." When we read in the bible that Jesus has always ben a separate entity form his daddy a Son in both old and new how can man deny such a great salvation.
Zech 3: [8] Hear now, O Joshua the high priest, thou, and thy fellows that sit before thee: for they are men wondered at: for, behold, I will bring forth my servant the BRANCH." Zech 6:[12] And speak unto him, saying, Thus speaketh the LORD of hosts, saying, Behold the man whose name is The BRANCH; and he shall grow up out of his place, and he shall build the temple of the LORD:
[13] Even he shall build the temple of the LORD; and he shall bear the glory, and shall sit and rule upon his throne; and he shall be a priest upon his throne: and the counsel of peace shall be between them both." Jeremiah 33:[14] Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will perform that good thing which I have promised unto the house of Israel and to the house of Judah.
[15] In those days, and at that time, will I cause the Branch of righteousness to grow up unto David; and he shall execute judgment and righteousness in the land.
[16] In those days shall Judah be saved, and Jerusalem shall dwell safely: and this is the name wherewith she shall be called, The LORD our righteousness.
[17] For thus saith the LORD; David shall never want a man to sit upon the throne of the house of Israel;
[18] Neither shall the priests the Levites want a man before me to offer burnt offerings, and to kindle meat offerings, and to do sacrifice continually."
Amen, the word "HE" and not "ME" shows a third party to yet appear. Then Jesus showed up the Son of God born of Mary and died and arose full of the glory of God his Father. The root of David,
Jeremiah 23:5] Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will raise unto David a righteous Branch, and a King shall reign and prosper, and shall execute judgment and justice in the earth.
[6] In his days Judah shall be saved, and Israel shall dwell safely: and this is his name whereby he shall be called, THE LORD OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS.
[7] Therefore, behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that they shall no more say, The LORD liveth, which brought up the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt;"
Rev 22:16] I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star.
[17] And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely."
Amen, one last point we read in Isaiah the words he = him and Holy one in the Psalms as well as other places in the bible. Demon spirits NEVER called Jesus God they called him the Son of God or the Holy one of God as they knew who Jesus Christ the Son of God is.
Psalm 16:9] Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
[10] For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.
Isaiah 49:[6] And he said, It is a light thing that thou shouldest be my servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob, and to restore the preserved of Israel: I will also give thee for a light to the Gentiles, that thou mayest be my salvation unto the end of the earth.
[7] Thus saith the LORD, the Redeemer of Israel, and his Holy One, to him whom man despiseth, to him whom the nation abhorreth, to a servant of rulers, Kings shall see and arise, princes also shall worship, because of the LORD that is faithful, and the Holy One of Israel, and he shall choose thee.
Habakkuk 3:1.[3] God came from Teman, and the Holy One from mount Paran. Selah. His glory covered the heavens, and the earth was full of his praise.
Mark 1:23] And there was in their synagogue a man with an unclean spirit; and he cried out,
[24] Saying, Let us alone; what have we to do with thee, thou Jesus of Nazareth? art thou come to destroy us? I know thee who thou art, the Holy One of God.
It is time for you to make a decision to stay in sin and stay with unbelievers that has no clue and do not want to know just be the preachers merchandise for the preacher's pocketbook or be the fool for Christ and come out from among them. We have to read our bible and not the Hollywood movie page or the whatever abomination up and down the street man kind has for your to get at your pocketbook
Rev. 18:[1] And after these things I saw another angel come down from heaven, having great power; and the earth was lightened with his glory.
[2] And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.
[3] For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.
[4] And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.
[5] For her sins have reached unto heaven, and God hath remembered her iniquities."
Hebrews 4:[14] Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
[15] For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
[16] Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
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“Dear My Most Beloved, Who was Never Meant to be Mine” by Lumina Han
“Dear My Most Beloved, Who was Never Meant to be Mine” by Lumina Han If I never fell in love with you, I would never have understood how destructive, violent, fierce, powerful, selfish, passionate and dangerous love could really be. You made me realize that I could never genuinely love anyone else besides myself. I could never truly give my everything to others, because I expected to receive more than to give. I craved to possess your soul, body and mind more than to embrace you with an untainted heart. And because you became the drive of my downfall, I grasped the truth that I had to let you go. You taught me that falling in love could become the hardest experience that one could ever handle. Meeting you, Seeing you and falling in love with you has been the greatest thrill. Yet, you became the one beam of light that blinded the pitch darkness that I tried to hide from the world. You taught me that I was incapable of devotionally loving you. To sincerely wish for your happiness without me as a part of your future, was an impossibility. I wanted to take ownership of you than for you to be yourself. Because what I really am, beneath my smiles, is that my world revolves solely on my needs and desires. To burn with such a raging fire in my heart for you has driven me into both insanity and clarity. Insanity, because you have forsaken my logic and judgement in those moments when you snatched away the center of my universe. Clarity, because you have revealed the true dark monster that I beheld deep down inside my soul. You have engulfed me in both hell and heaven, and with you I have been on the most thrilling joy of flying high in the sky. Yet because you became my drug, I fell deep down to the endless depths of the lonely, cold ocean, where I could feel nothing but suffocation and heartache. Through both these highest and lowest moments, I have learnt that it was because you never felt the same way as I did for you, that you changed my life forever. I could never be the same again, not because this love was unrequited, but because through loving you, I learnt that the turmoil of emotions I felt for you, weren`t true love at all. I disguised physical chemistry, infatuation, attraction and lust all in the name of ‘love’. Although no one has ever made me feel this much passion and rage as you have, what I felt for you wasn`t absolute love, but rather my own selfish desires and greed projected on to you. Since you walked into my life, you have shed light on how messed up my view of the world really was. Slowly, through the heart wrenching scars that I bleed from falling too deeply for you, I have apprehended things I could never have learnt had you loved me back. It was because we were never meant to be, that I could change. And because our fates were never meant to collide with each other, my paths have diverged away from you and towards you. While I was running away from you, to escape from your consumating presence, I have told myself a million times over to let go of what was never mine to begin with. When I walked closer to you, God taught me that the intense heat I felt for you would burn both of us alive. Because passion that is too rash and too sudden thinks nothing else but using the other to gratify and satisfy one`s own deep lack and emptiness. You were never born to fill up my hole, my scars and my iniquities. You are born to be you, to be the one whom God designed and planned, to be free and liberal from my obsessive presence. You deserve to love someone who loves you the right way, the sincere, faithful and innocent way, as I never did, as I never could have. You loved her instead of me, because my love for you was too lethal and poisonous for us both. Since the day I met you, our story has taken me on a toxic, venomous, annihilative and catastrophic ride towards an inevitable breakdown. You became my destruction, my road to torn deterioration and collapse. I could no longer envision a happy fairy tale ending between us, because the deadly outburst of covet and affection I felt for you consumed my entire being into a fever of stormy delirium. I was mad, crazy about you, and to me, you were all that I ever wanted, all that ever mattered... But because you were much stronger than I ever was, you kept your feet on the ground, and we never crashed into each other with the same disastrous urge and affection. You were my Romeo, but had I also been your Juliet, our story would have ended us in the same tragedy, an end that would have destroyed us both. I was never the one whom you could, would or should ever love. To mistake even for a second that we were one was my greatest delusion, my wildest fantasy and my most absurd illusion that I ever dreamt. Although we can never be together, our story still ends with hope. Because loving you was God`s greatest lesson, gift and inspiration in my life. And for that I am grateful that God brought us together for this period in our youth. Thank you for being the way you were. Because in everything that you were to me, you have been perfect. You made me a better person, without changing me into anyone other than my true self. I became what God made to become, because God let me meet you, fall for you, and grow closer to him through loving you. And because you have taught me what Christ`s love should be, you will forever remain a special treasure and secret deep in my heart, as my most beloved who was never meant to be mine. Even if our destinies never cross paths in the future, no one will ever replace what you were to me, and what you have made me become. And now, at the ending page of our story, I think I can finally love you the way you always deserved to be loved. I will love you even when you love someone else. I will love you even if you never return my love back to me. Perhaps in the future, I will fall in love again, with someone else besides you. And because of the things you have taught me about God and true love, I will love them more sincerely than I ever loved you. My passion for you will gradually wane and be replaced by a new love. But please know that I would never have been able to give them the love that they deserve, had I never loved you first. You were my first one true love, that changed everything for me. I love you in all your entirety, with or without me as a part of your life. Thank you, for being the beginning sentence, the first chapter and the opening of my love story.
“I Lost Fear of Losing What I Never Wanted to Lose Forever” by Lumina H.
“I Lost Fear of Losing What I Never Wanted to Lose Forever” by Lumina H. Once upon a time, in my worst nightmare I screamed in the middle of the night “Don’t Leave Me!” Fear of being abandoned Fear of being rejected Fear of being replaced Horror strikes like lightning Blitz, Blitz, Blitz Every thunder of anxiety electrocuted me I’ve been punched, kicked and screamed at I know all too well how it feels to be treated like dirt I’ve been to hell and back, both inside and outside my head. So what I feared most in this world Was you, of you turning your back on me Never to return, ever. Fear brought anxiety, pain, worry, stress, anger, fury, insomnia and finally tears Buckets, trucks, pools of tears Gradually my tears filled up a swimming pool And in my swimming pool of tears I drowned myself And I needed a CPR But no one came… The water was still trapped in my lungs And I forgot how to breath, how to live I was dying I had seconds to live Could I live again? Could anyone give me new life? Could anyone revive me? Somebody… Anybody… Please help me… In my desperate need, I pleaded, prayed and hoped And then, right then Someone did come to my rescue But He wasn’t you He was unexpected While you left me drowning He came with a thousand letters of love and care I didn’t know Him He was a stranger to me But to him, I was no stranger He had been waiting for me all along He watched me dive into the ocean of tears He watched me as I sunk deeper into the sea of sorrow He always wanted to help me, to save me He never wanted me to drown myself, never He wanted me to live To live without Fear. To live without Fear of abandonment To live without Fear of rejection To live without Fear of replacement To live bravely, fearlessly, hopefully, gratefully To live honestly, courageously, earnestly, kindly To live with everything I had replaced with fear He breathed new air into my lungs Water came spluttering out of my throat My heart started beating again I could feel the blood rushing faster in my veins I’m alive! I’m alive! I’m alive! I’ve been Saved! Saved! Saved! My new savior will show me ways not to be afraid of losing you I’ve already lost you once And from now he will show me never to fear Losing you again and again Because in the far future Fast forward to many years later Here I am The future me said “I lost fear of losing what I never wanted to lose forever” “I lost fear of losing you, who I never wanted to lose, never” So today I wait, I hope, I run, I believe, I trust Towards that future of losing fear of losing you.