A storm awakens me from my slumber at five in the morning. There’s a clash of weather warfare outside with drums of thunder and flashing lights, and trees bumping against each other. Some fall from their centuries of standing above and will be cut into pieces. This moment was, for sure, that I wasn’t going to be afraid to evacuate and seek shelter after many of the warnings from the news, I knew I was in for one hell of a morning.
It’s a mess outside. Branches and leaves everywhere, fences broken down, and people from the Power Company and Mexican neighbors coming by to clean up the mess. I, on the other hand, have no internet connection, or air and heating, running water. I got nothing. And thus is the first day of getting some things down.
I make up my bed and put on some clean clothes and then my phone buzzes. An email. It’s from Tai Lopez, a mentor on making money and requiring knowledge from his league known as the Knowledge Society. The subject reads “Why you shouldn’t procrastinate.” Clearly, he’s taunting me.
“Yes, yes, I get it.” I thought, “Mother Nature has provided me with nothing but a blow to my house and I already purchased books last week.”
I sit in my study. It’s not really a study. Sort of. There is a bookshelf and a TV, and recliner, and a futon. I sit about to read some books to help me, but fatigue is still inside me from my two jobs and plus I wasn’t going out on the town to my day job due to the storm wrecking shit all over the place and not being able to get out. I sit, and I cannot read the first page. Sleep is the only thing on my mind. But the noise from outside, noise of the many workers fixing power lines and clearing debris from the streets keeps me from doing so.
I stand and walk around with a book in hand opened to the first chapter. Although I’m still not reading it, I’m just walking around my living room. Maybe some coffee or water will help. But the fridge will be out for some time and the smell of leftovers and newly bought food will be sitting there rotting away, making me sick to the point of knowing that if I touch and eat a small amount of grub my stomach will reject it and I’ll never eat anything again. My mind is racing at this point. I need to focus on the book in my hand. It’ll keep my calm and help me learning something. I’m getting antsy. Email, Vingle? No, I’ll lose data and my usage has gotten me close to two gigabytes. It’s a waste, therefore, I am a total waste.
Fuck. It’s coming onto me so fast. This is what most people my age go through as if they’re going to bang their head against the wall and cry out, “Someone fix the damn server already, please! Please, anyone, ugh, fucking hell, I’ll just wait for something to happen because I’m too stupid to figure it out.”
I guess that makes me a whiny cunt, but I’m a different one: I have imagination to keep me sane and books and I’m going through the first stage of getting rid of procrastinating. I told myself I would read these self-improvement books and graphic novels and write down notes after every chapter. I prep myself.
It’s late in the afternoon, the sun comes out and the heat bakes the streets and trees. I’m already baked, sweating in my black tank top and shorts, trying to focus on this one book about being social. See, I could go without using the internet wondering what everyone is thinking or saying and I can still take advice from an author as if I’m actually talking to the author. I check the stopwatch on my phone; it’s been about thirty five minutes since I started reading. I would make rounds of taking breaks for five minutes and then going back to reading and increasing the time I would spend gathering and jointing down notes on what I’ve learned.
Then a thought occurred to me. I check my phone and it says I have sixty percent battery life. Well, time flies and I act like an idiot for not noticing. At this point in the afternoon I could take a break and go out on the town just to find an outlet and the book I’m reading, but I’m tempted to do just the first thing and I’ll break the one rule of detoxing myself and I’ll waste data when checking my phone. No, I cannot. I keep telling myself that and I rather keep my awareness up and running. But wait, anxiety comes to mind. Shit. But who cares about what these strangers are going to do? Get weird, get laid back, and take a walk, I thought, just embrace it.
I arrive home late in the evening and the power is still off. I took a flashlight out of the glovebox of my car and took some candles out of the storage room and light up the place. The sound dies down outside. Nothing, and I reflect on my madness or rather sign that I decided to do this. I feel raw, I feel pain in my head. I need something, but I go back into reading for a bit, until I fall asleep.
Times like these when you need pleasure from pain, you tend to get sore in the head. I will say though that procrastinating is worse then taking drugs. Very funny. Ha ha. But really though, it's the worst thing. And this is only the first day.
Art image by Doug Chayka