Fruit Ninja is a game that is pretty popular with everyone that I know. And by "everyone I know", I mean like 6 people. Alright, fine, maybe like two people. But they constantly talk to me about it. Like, "Hey man, why don't you play Fruit Ninja, it's so much fun! It's so cool!". I always say I haven't played it because I'm an actual Fruit Ninja.
But this morning one of those friends sent me a video of real-life Fruit Ninjas doing Fruit Ninja things and I'm pretty sure that I can't be a real-life Fruit Ninja. Just check out the video below.
Come on, that sword is on fire. IT'S ON FIRE. I don't even trust myself to hold a sword that isn't on fire but these two people are calmly holding swords like they're the two coolest kids in the woods and all the fruit are just mean jerks and they have to cut them down to pieces so they can have a nice picnic... Or something.
Listen, I'm just jealous alright. I'm not a game-Fruit Ninja or a Real Life Fruit Ninja. I'm hardly even a human. I'm a robot who's stiff and sort of angry all the time. Cut me some slack.