thirstytearsx
a year ago500+ Views
Lost Hope
Whenever I think of him; I think of something beautiful Because thats what he used to be until a monster came inside of him And took out all his purifying forgiveness and kindness and transformed him Into someone I didnt know for the last days I used to talk with him until I realized Something different. Our kisses didnt feel as passionate as they used to nor he would Gaze at me the same way. I mean; everything in the beginning was perfectly fine until That demon came inside of him and killed him inside. Before he was the kind of chill and tough Guy as he showed by his actions but like what made him beautiful was his personality and the way He used to care about me. Come on; the way he used to lay eyes upon me made me melt inside and; Realize that he made me feel alive. I loved the side of him where it was tough yet it was shady. Like he Would drink and consume alcohol whenever we would go out and smoke cigars when we were going to The movie theaters which I didnt quite understand. To be honest with you I was addicted to his nicotine Tasting lips. Not because of the nicotine but because of him; he had a chemical inside his body that Trapped my body against his and made me kiss him more and more. Until his eyes turned red And he had this confused face which made me wonder what happened at that day. The last times we were talking he was sick because of a disease I gave him which I honestly didnt have. I dont know how I Gave it to him but it honestly made me trapped; even Though I told him that I wanted to visit him He would say no because he didnt want Any visitors and he didnt want me to Be sick. He was sick for two weeks and it made Me think of how I wasnt able to hear his voice and see him Because of it. I remember it made me quite upset but I wasnt thinking About it too much until it went over the line where he would say no into seeing me The following week when he was feeling well. The day I got home from being with my parents It made me cry and die inside because I knew that something wasnt going well. Was he cheating? Was he busy? God didnt even know because it signified his lies into an opportunity of leaving me. I died Inside once again and it made me scream and cry and throw the pillows down and rip things apart. I remember when we first kissed; it was like an exotic dream. We were both sitting on a couch And he held me close and he was looking at me and staring at my lips; Im thinking about it Like it happened yesterday. We were looking and holding each other close as time went Past until we both lean forward and kissed each other. The kisses were really slow and Passionate. Two hours later after we finished he told me that he loved me. My heartbeat was going Really fast and I couldnt stop smiling and I asked myself if I really loved him and there was no question About it. He was always there for me; I mean thats what he would say at least. I was so devastated When he mentioned that we wouldnt be together anymore like it was only his choice. He broke all his Promises and told me that me and him; together forever; is not happening. I was crying hysterically Outside of guidance because I didnt know how to control nor handle the situation. It was over Until I walked through that guidance door; me and him were over. It crushed me down I mean; I was silent and I wouldnt talk for passing minutes to the fact that he was gone forever. The fact that he was gone forever made a piece of me die inside because thats where He belonged but I guess not anymore. I remember when he said that I have his heart I remember when he said that he would always watch over my heart and take Care of it like a diamond stud. As days pass; I think about him before I sleep And when I wake up I am excited about something that doesnt exist Anymore because I know that he is gone and all I can see goodbye My love; goodbye my all; my all is gone now and I hope that youre okay.
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