WARNING: Adult Situations
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As Lee stirs, he takes your hand and leads you out onto the balcony. He takes off his jacket and sits in the seat that you had occupied just a short time earlier. Reaching over, he takes your hand and trys to pull you on to his lap. You protest so he stops, looks up at you and states the obvious.
“This is no different than holding you in there a few moments ago. We could stand again if you’d rather, but we’d both be more comfortable sitting as tears are rarely on a schedule.”
He looks pointedly at you, “We could go back in; I thought you would rather not wake Lee. This isn’t just about Chad and it disturbs me, I need to find out why.”
You let him nudge you closer to where he’s sitting.
“My tears shouldn’t bother you, unless you’re one of those guys that can’t stand to see a woman cry.”
He smiles, “No man likes to see a woman cry, it makes him feel helpless. Especially if he is the cause of those tears.”
He’s staring straight into your eyes, like he’s trying to read your soul. You try to turn your gaze away but he tugs on your hand pulling you to stand between his knees.
“Why do I get the feeling I am part of your cause?”
Fear touches your heart and eyes for a moment before you push it away and close your eyes. He stands back up, grabs his jacket, and heads back into the bedroom. He puts his jacket with his other items and steps out of his shoes.
“You need sleep. You have fallen asleep in my arms before, is it still alright?”
Just one more night you tell yourself, at the moment you are powerless to resist him and you honestly don’t want to.
It’s wrong your brain whispers, you’re no better than Chad. Your heart fights back; it’s comfort, nothing weird. You can only be Chad if both of you turn this into something else or you attack him.
He arranges the pillows and leans back so he’s mostly sitting up. He tugs you down to his side, “Ready to tell me yet?”
You shake your head no and he asks nothing else.
The scent of him, the comfort of his arms, and heat of his body, have you lulled to sleep in a matter of minutes.
When you wake the next morning by yourself, there's no evidence of him having been there at all. Lee comes out of the shower and wanders over to check on you.
“So did he call last night?”
You look up at her; he was obviously gone before she got up.
You nod, “Yeah, same time as usual, at 11.”
“Did it help? I see you got some sleep. Sorry I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”
You give her a quick hug on your way to escape into the bathroom,
“It wasn’t a problem. Yeah, I eventually fell asleep, and no, I’d say his call didn’t help anything at all.”
You close the bathroom door and slide down to sit on the tile. Not only did his phone call not help, but falling asleep in his arms two nights in a row has made everything that much harder. You’re cried out, there is nothing for you to do but accept him at face value. You only have a little over a week left and then everything goes back to finishing each others quotes on Instagram.
You and Lee decide to head down over to Bukhansan National Park and go for a hike. The two of you packed a lunch and wander up and down the paths for the entire day. You’ve taken well over fifty pictures of all the beautiful scenery but cell phone and wi-fi signals are non-existent here. It’s been a blissful day of silence and nature. It has done wonders for you and left you feeling refreshed.
You’re worried about turning your cell phone back on so you make Lee do it. She laughs at you but gives you the details; “10 missed calls from Chad and I ain’t even gonna count how many texts”.
“Do you think he’ll finally give up when he realizes he can’t reach me?”
“I don’t know; ever consider changing your number?”
“That’s annoying and inconvenient for me, not him.”
She nudges you with her shoulder, “Plus, how would pretty boy call you if you changed your number?”
You roll your eyes and shove her back. “’Pretty boy’ as you call him is a man and I’m only here for a little more than a week. I’m positive my number won’t be an issue after I leave.”
She just stares over at you, “Hey, you really like him don’t you?”
You shrug and turn away, “It doesn’t matter what I do and don’t like, we’re friends and he can never be mine in any other way.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
You laugh coldly, already done with it all.
“Hell NO I’m not okay with it! But it isn’t my choice.”
You sit there another minute, “You should hear him talk about her, his girlfriend. His voice gets all gentle and loving; he says she’s the most beautiful woman, inside and out, that he’s ever met. I can’t compete with that.”
"Don't sell yourself short [YN], you are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out."
You smile and give her a hug, "Thanks, but you aren't the guy my heart wants."
The two of you have dinner downtown, just a little ways from the hotel. While you’re waiting to be served you both start making collages and posting pictures to your social networks. On one really pretty picture of the waterfall, you decide to add a quote. It isn’t like you’ve never done that before or will stop doing it once you leave. It’s best to continue with what you know to be normal.
“I’ll walk where my own nature would be leading; it vexes me to choose another guide.” Emily Bronte
You put your phone away and ignore it until you return to the hotel later that night.
Scrolling you see more texts from Chad; it seems he has no gumption to try over 10 phone calls a day. That's fine, you would rather he try none but know that won’t be for a while. You scroll through other notifications, seeing none from [HN]. That’s okay, you tell yourself; it isn’t his job to take care of you or to check up on you every day. It’s best for everyone that there be a little distance between the two of you.
You toss your phone onto the nightstand, and toss a pillow over your head. Who the hell do you think you're kidding?!? You miss him. His touch, his smell, his laugh, the timber of his voice, his dorky sense of humor. Damn, you're crushing bad. Sitting straight up you realize, you aren't crushing anymore, you're in love.
Bukhansan National Park, South Korea