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It’s the kiss of a starving man; a fevered kiss that’s afraid will be taken away at any minute. His hands come up to hold your head still and tangle in your hair. Your entire body has just burst into flames. This is what you’ve been missing, the final piece to the puzzle that is the two of you. A moan escapes as your hands fist in his shirt pulling him closer. His tongue is seeking entrance and you have no qualms about granting it. Your mind goes blank as he explores your mouth; there is only his smell, his taste, and the exciting feeling building between you.
When he comes up for air, his lips move to your chin, his hands stroking your hair behind your ear. Reality comes crashing back in as you give an anguished cry. You pull out of his arms, horror on your face, tears pooling in your eyes. Why?!?! Why can’t you have this?
“We can’t do this! Oh God, what did we just do? I won’t do this to Eun, I won’t become Chad! You said you were trustworthy…she trusts you!”
He stares at you pain stricken. Your stomach starts to roll; you can feel it rising in your throat. You grab your stomach and mouth, running for the bathroom and slamming the door. You barely make it to the toilet before the contents of your stomach spills forth. Once your stomach is empty, your dry heaves mix with your tears, giving you hiccups. Oh God, what did you do? Where was that strength you asked for? You have no strength when it comes to him; you love him and you want him. You really are no better than Chad. All it took was one move from him and you caved; forgetting Eun, forgetting everything except him.
The tears are more for how wonderful, how right it felt to be in his embrace. You no longer have to wonder what you’ll be missing; now you know. His touch was already dangerous; add in his kiss and his presence is now a lethal combination. He has the power to make you a bundle of nerves and feelings, instead of a rational thinking woman who knows right from wrong.
A light tap comes to the door, “[YN]-ah, please, open the door.”
You flush the toilet and rinse your mouth out, trying uselessly to wipe away your tears. A few minutes later you open the door, planning to walk straight out the door and back to your room. Unfortunately, he has already surmised that and is standing against the door.
He comes forward, cupping your face and wiping at the tears with his thumbs. “My purpose was not to hurt you, far from it.”
You close your eyes and nod, “I told Chad I refuse to be the other woman and here I am; the other woman. I disgust myself.”
His grip tightens on your face, “No. You have done nothing wrong!”
“Nothing wrong?!? You’re DATING Eun and have been for YEARS! My hell, why haven’t you ever married the poor woman? I thought you said you loved her!”
He sighs and drops his hands. “I do love Eun, more than even she will ever know." He walks past you, hands riffling through his hair.
"She knows I am here, she knows I came to see you.”
“And you’re going to tell her you kissed me?”
“I’m sure she knows that will be the outcome of this trip.”
You turn to stare at him in shock.
“You’re saying she’s okay with this? What, do you two have an open relationship? I'm sorry, I don’t understand those. She may be willing to share you but I’m not. That’s selfish I know but it’s the way I’m made.”
“We do not have an open relationship; well some may call it that. I cannot tell you the details of our relationship, not until I get approval from her. Please just trust me, we’ve done nothing wrong.”
You shake your head, “I don’t believe it, that’s not how it feels. I would like to go back to my room.”
He sighs and takes your hand; “[YN]-ah, please don’t do this. I took a chance, hoping you felt the same way I did, was I wrong?”
As you shake your head no, he enfolds you in his arms.
“But I can’t do this to her. As much as I want you and as right as this feels, I know what it is to be in her shoes. It’s not right. Unless… did you break up with her?”
You pull back to look into his eyes hopefully.
He frowns and shakes his head, “We have not broken up.”
He stops you from pulling out of his arms, “Please just trust me. I will tell you everything as soon as I can.”
You’re still shaking your head, trying harder to get free.
He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls you with him. “I’m not saying this will be easy, but I’m not about to lose you. Please, just wait a minute.”
He pulls out his cell phone and dials. You’re standing between his legs, silent tears once again falling.
His entire conversation is in rapid Korean but he hasn’t broken eye contact with you once. He looks away angrily for a moment, “Ani!”
After a few minutes he bows his head in concession, hands you the phone and walks over to look out at the view.
“[YN]? This is Eun. Can you just listen for a minute before you say anything? He is embarrassed by what I will tell you, but it is the only way for him to have what he wants.”
“I love him;” you close your eyes against the tenderness in her voice, how does this make anything better?
She clears her throat, “However, he and I aren’t intimate. We never have been and never will be. Do you understand that?”
You pause for a minute, looking up and over at his rigid back.
“You’re saying…” If at all possible, his stance gets even more ramrod straight.
“Shh… we have never had sex of any kind; that is what I’m saying. He is a very loyal, dedicated man and has never in all our time together asked for anything for himself. He's falling for you and I invited you over to approve or disapprove. You have my blessing. All I ask is that you be discreet until I can finalize some things on my end. Can you do that?”
You still aren’t quite sure what you’re hearing. She’s giving her approval for you to have an affair with her man? You glance back over at him, how in the hell has she resisted him for 5 years? More over; how has he remained celibate all this time? His kiss is beginning to make more sense now.
You bring your attention back to the phone. “Ye. I don’t understand.”
“We will tell you everything when we can. If you have feelings for him, please don't hurt him. Have a good evening.”
And with that she was gone. You just sort of stand there and stare at his phone. What does any of this mean?
A hand reaches over and removes the phone from your limp grip. He takes your face in his hands, smoothing away your fresh tears with his thumbs. The pain and emotion in his eyes is almost more than you can take.
“Stay with me? I promise; just to sleep. I just need to hold you, know that you are real.”
You nod, lean up on your tiptoes and lightly kiss his lips. He takes your hand and pulls you down next to him on the bed.
With his heartbeat in your ear, his arms securely around you, his scent and heat surrounding you; you emotionally relax and doze off.