FLUFF WEEK. Starts tomm. The end of the month is done and here comes June. Sorry for all the feels this week...
Missed the beginning?
There it came again, the same feeling you got every time Jungkook talked about your relationship. It was like something that crept to your body, eating all the good feelings inside out.
You felt Jungkook’s hand as he caressed your shoulder lovingly, you saw his lips moving as he spoke about how he liked the perspective of your relationship if you two worked together in keeping it fresh and fun. You saw him but at the same time you saw all that he could be hiding at that moment, what if that caress was fake? what if what he said was nothing but shallow words? You couldn’t be sure about everything he said.
-What do you think Y/N?- he asked, waking you up from your thoughts.
You looked at him, his dark hair pushed backwards let you see his forehead and those amazing eyebrows. He was so handsome. -I… I don’t know-
Jungkook smiled a little. -Come on Y/N, I’ve been talking forever! What do you think? Do you think we should do something cliche and romantic or maybe something different for this weekend? I can ask the manager hyung to borrow a car just for the occasion-
You nodded. -Yes Jungkook, that sounds great-
He looked at you with a light frown. -Seriously? If you want to do something else you can tell me, ok?-
Nodding again you squeezed his hand. -Yes, ok-
That weekend Jungkook borrowed a car from the company, nothing too luxurious, just a regular black car in which you could be comfortable and have the freedom to go roam around the city without the manager.
He took you to a new restaurant in Hongdae, it was at the very top of a really tall building so from there you had an amazing view of Seoul. Jungkook had even reserved a private table just for the both of you so nobody could snoop on your dinner. You were engrossed in your thoughts, watching the city from above was interesting but you really were thinking about Jungkook and how you could make things easier for him, he had already done so much and you felt that somehow you were slacking off.
-Y/N?- Jungkook’s voice resonated in your head. -Y/N- he repeated.
You blinked. -I’m sorry… I was thinking-
Jungkook arched an eyebrow and took a sip from his glass of wine. -What could that be?-
You shrugged. -You know, stuff-
The waiter brought the appetizers, two cups of shrimp and other sea food. Your boyfriend thanked him and then smiled at you. -Let’s see Y/N, what are those things? could you share a bit with me?-
-I don’t know, I don’t think you would understand-
He ate a shrimp and then gave you a serious look. -I’m just trying to understand you, you know that? But I’m getting the feeling you don’t want that-
Running a hand through your hair you sighed, there it was, he misunderstood you again. -It’s not like that, It’s just that I don’t know exactly how to say things-
-There isn’t a way to say things, you just say them, you know? What’s on your mind?-
You looked down at your lap, your hands were resting there while you played with your fingers to try and ease the nerves, but it wasn’t having that much effect. -I’m not good at that, you know it-
Jungkook snorted. -I’m not really good at talking either, but here you have me, saying and proposing things to make this all better- he explained pointing both of you when he said “this”. -It’s a simple question, what’s on your mind?-
-Well right now I think you are getting angry, and I don’t like talking to angry people-
-Can’t believe this- he muttered taking a sip from his wine. -It frustrates me that you don’t say anything to me-
-Well I’m trying here, what do you want me to say Jungkook?-
He put the glass on the table with a strong movement. -That you care? Every time I ask you something and you don’t fucking answer I feel like you don’t care-
-It’s not like that-
-Well It’s a good time to tell me how it is then, what do you want from me Y/N, aren’t we in a relationship?-
You turned your head to the window, why couldn’t he understand that this was too hard for you? Why couldn’t you just tell him already all that was on your mind? -We are-
-Then what do you want?- you didn’t answer and you heard him standing up, walking to your side he took your hand. -Could you please stop looking at the stupid window and tell me?- you felt like crying, the pressure of being asked that making you feel overwhelmed and ridiculous, why couldn’t you speak? -What do you want Y/N?!- Jungkook insisted now making you look at him.
-I… I don’t know Jungkook- you blurted out without thinking the effect your words might have.
But the thing was that “I don’t know” was your automatic response, but Jungkook didn’t see it like that as he took a step back and was now watching over the window, he was breathing heavily, showing you he was angrier than before, he had his hands on his waist and from time to time he shook his head.
-Am I wasting my time here then?- he said after a few minutes.
-No Jungkook… It’s just that, this is hard for me, speak and say what I feel, It’s really hard you know?-
He widened his eyes, turning to be in front of you again, you stood up to be at his level but you still felt so much smaller than him. -So what do you want? Haven’t I given you time? I’ve waited for you Y/N, I’ve tried to understand you, because I like you and I want to be with you, but damn, you are making this so difficult-
-It’s difficult to me too!- you raised your voice. -It’s difficult and I need a little more time, I want to be with you but I’am still not ready to speak about my feelings freely, I just can’t-
Jungkook looked at you astonished for a few seconds, you waited for his words but they didn’t come, he just looked at you some more and then adopted the same position he had before, his eyes looking at the sky. The sun was starting to set, the day was ending and you felt somehow there was something else that was going to end too. It hurt you, you felt your heart shrink but you couldn’t say anything.
-You know, right now I could be dating any other girl in this country, anyone- he said rather lowly, your heart hurt more just picturing him with another. -But I had to choose you, the girl who doesn’t know what she wants, the girl who can’t tell me her feelings to my face-
Your cheeks felt wet, you touched them with your right hand and that’s when you realized you were crying. How could he say those words so easily? Why was this so easy for him? -Sorry you’re stuck with me- you muttered sorrowfully, your voice broken.
Jungkook turned to glance at you, he had a deep frown and had his hands fisted. -Yeah, I might have to reconsider my choices-
You cried louder, supporting your head on your hands. This was a nightmare, when you started dating Jungkook you knew there was a chance things would end badly, you just didn’t know it could be this fast. A noise made you lift your head, he was putting on his jacket.
-What are you doing?- you asked in a tiny voice.
-I already paid for everything- he said grabbing his cellphone that was forgotten on a side of the table. -I have to go, seriously, I can’t do this right now-
-Jungkook please…- you said his name and it sounded pathetic, why? This was all your fault, he was leaving because you couldn’t give him a piece of you, you couldn’t say what you really felt for him.
-Figure out what you want Y/N… until then you won’t be hearing much from me, really, I’m sickly tired- he looked at you in the eye while saying that and you knew he meant it. You looked at your hands, you were shaking, you already felt puffy but you still watched as he went out of the private space in which you were. Jungkook walked away without turning his head to you, not minding if you were left there crying alone.
Tagging all the beauties! 💕
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