why do I do the things I know wil hurt me.... like befriend a guy that has a girl... think that I actually could be his friend knowing Im attracted to him. why am I soo hurt when I start to have feeling and he dissapear!!! why do I even let a tear drop from my eye when I know i was wrong!!! when I know i should have just walked away. why cant I love the guys that have claimed to truly love me! why do I like the guys that I know will hurt me!! Im soo tired of being this self... I want a make over... I want a strip me of bad habits make over! I dont want karma to keep coming around to smack me!!! I want to allow someone to truly choose me above all and love me!! but that wont happen if I messing with peoples relationships in the shadows!! I dont want to be in the shadows!!! I want to be in the light where the sinlight shines and I could feel the warmth of the sun hitting my skin.... I want to apologize for me my stubburn self!!! Im sorry.... all the ones I have hurt in this process even if I cant truly say sorry to these people I say it here. I ask God to forgive me for being soo reckless!!! I want to strive to do and be better!!! having an honest moment! Im truly far from perfect with feelings that have hurt and been hurt!