Pairing: Hoseok x Reader (?)
Length: 1609 words
Summary: In a heartbeat, he became a stranger.
I gasped as another unwelcome, intimate memory resurfaced as I stared at Hoseok’s face. It looked like he had come home early from work, his hair sticking up and his tie loosened.
His forehead resting on my shoulder, the two of us groaning. My legs around his waist. A string of obscenities and curses leaving our mouths, the only sound to be heard in the otherwise silent apartment. My grip on his shoulders tightening. “Oh- Fuck! Hoseok! I love you.”
I stepped back from him slightly, and the movement didn’t go unnoticed my him. “I guess Jimin told you everything, huh”, he noted, eyeing the suitcase. “Now you know what a scum bag I am.” I didn’t know what to say to that.
He sighed at my blank expression, and I hated the look of pity on his face. I didn’t need any sympathy, least of all from him. “I miss you y/n. I miss us. But you can’t even remember.” I held back from telling him about the flashbacks I was having- that would only complicate things.
Plus, who knew if they were actually real. After being told that I had forgotten a person who was a major part of my life, couldn’t it be possible that my mind was fabricating events to fill the blank spaces?
“But...you’ve moved on.” I wasn’t annoyed, or hurt. In fact, my voice was devoid all of emotions as I stared at him curiously.
“It wasn’t the same. She wasn’t you.” He ran his hand through his hair, “All I could think about was you. You were the only face I saw when I was with her. God how fucked up am I? She was a coping mechanism, and she knows that.”
“I broke up with you”, I said slowly, “because you were with someone else. So even before all this, you had stopped caring about me.”
“I fucked up”, he muttered, just loud enough for me to hear. “We were both so busy, and I just needed a release of all that pent up pressure and frustration. I didn’t know what else to do. And you were at home, completely oblivious. Or I thought. Until that day you broke up with me and told me you saw it all. Do you remember?”
I shook my head slowly, tearing up for no reason. Why was this man making me do this? Ever since coming around in the hospital, everytime I saw him...I cried. “I don’t remember that yet. But she was the same girl who was here...Jimin told me. She matches the description I gave him of the first girl on the phone.”
Hoseok was avoiding my gaze. He whispered “You’re really leaving me, aren’t you?” His voice cracked at the end of the question. He was a broken man. “We aren’t together”, I reminded him gently. That wasn’t out of spite- I knew that I wasn’t the type of person to break up over petty things. There must have been some significance to it.
“I should go before Jimin gets here”, I said pointedly, hoping he would move out the way so I could leave. My mistake. He stiffened. “Jimin?”
“Yeah...Jimin. He drove me here, but there was no paring out so he-”
“-You’re going to live with Jimin?”
He looked angry. The guilt and pain in his eyes now had an undertone of anger as he stared me down, almost daring me to reply. “Until my physical health improves, yes.”
“Why can’t you stay in our apartment?”, he asked eyeing my bag once more.
“Your apartment”, I corrected. I wanted nothing to do with this place. The kitchen, the bedroom, the photos. Too many painful memories that I would rather have stay forgotten.
“Hoseok”, I said, and his head whipped up. He looked faintly surprised when I said his name. “I really don’t know how well our relationship was going, or even how long we were together. But fact is fact. I broke up with you. And what happened to me since doesn’t change that.” I spoke in a civil manner, without raising my voice, but still a tear rolled down his cheek at my words.
“I hate myself”, he whispered. “I hate myself for what happened. After you were admitted to the hospital I even tried to overdose on pills. I tried to hurt myself. I deserved it.” I stared at him in horror.
“You...you, what?” I whispered, the colour draining from my face. He was full on sobbing now. “The doctors weren’t sure whether you were gonna make it so I wanted to be up there for you when you joined me. So I could welcome my princess. So she wouldn’t be scared.”
I gasped as my tears started to fall, blurring my vision. He had almost killed himself because he didn’t know I was going to make it? And he blamed himself for that?
“No. It’s not your fault”, was all I could say as he buried his face in his hands. I wanted to reach out for him, to comfort him, but my mind was screaming at me ‘you don’t even know who he is anymore’.
“Of course it’s my fault. I was unfaithful. I was the one who shouted, making you run out. It’s because of me you stopped in the middle of the road!”
Silence as I took in his words. Echoes in my head that I couldn’t unhear, couldn't block out.
The sounds of “Y/n, babe, stop! Y/n! Y/N NO!” Of his yelling mixed with the screeching on tyres on tarmac, of honking horns, of my mind screaming for me to move. Of something approaching me at an astounding speed, though I couldn’t make out what through my blurred vision. Of me turning to face him. That look of horror etched on his face before the world went blank.
I snapped out of it and stared at the sobbing man before me. Before I could open my mouth, Jimin appeared at the doorway. “Just saw your car out front”, he grimaced, completely ignoring the fact that Hoseok was crying. “Figured you’d be home. Y/n, you’re already done packing?”
I wiped at my tears with my sleeve and nodded mutely, unable to form even the simplest of sentences. Jimin grabbed the suitcase, lifting it with ease. “I’ll put this in the car, managed to squeeze into a spot close-by. I’ll er..give you a few minutes.” I nodded again, gratefully, as he gave my shoulder a squeeze and walked away.I smiled to myself sadly.
Jimin was never good at dealing with emotions.
Hoseok was still sniffling when I turned my attention back to him. Even in this situation, I could see how I had fallen for him...he was beautiful. Even as he cried, his face red and scrunched in pain, he took my breath away. I think I must have been really happy with him.
“We had such a nice future planned for us”, he breathed. “We were gonna have a white wedding. And kids, you wanted kids...” I chuckled as the tears fell freely. I remembered that. “...A boy and a girl”, I finished his sentence and he smiled back sadly. “A mini Hoseok and a mini y/n”, he laughed and I laughed with him.
He reached for my hand, completely enveloping it into his own. “I’m sorry y/n. I’m so so sorry. For everything. I ruined everything.”
I pulled him into a hug, and the feeling felt so familiar, that for a brief moment, I felt at peace. “Stop saying that, please.” He held me close, sighing sadly. “I love you”, he whispered. And I was sure that somewhere inside of me, I loved him too.
I pulled away slowly, and looked up to him. “Stay safe Hoseok.”
“Why does this feel like goodbye?”, he asked, his eyes pleading. I shook my head at his slight panic. “If you ever need to talk, you know where I am. But I really hope you find that happiness I was never able to give you.”
“You were - no scrap that, are- my happiness y/n. And I’ll wait. It doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to remember, I will wait for you.” And with that he brushed passed me to go to the bedroom, clearly not able to take any more. And I took that as my cue to leave, hoping he would ok on his own.
As I shut the door and walked away, I couldn’t help but replay his words inside my head. “I love you.”
Jimin sat in the car, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. He had told y/n everything, and she was hurt. He knew her well enough to know she would stay clear of Hoseok romantically, but would still offer to be his friend. No matter who they were, if they were crying, y/n was there for them.
Jimin on the other hand was still mad about how Hoseok had treated y/n, so he grabbed her bag as an excuse to leave. He couldn't bare to think about y/n and Hoseok getting back together. Not after this. He didn’t now what he would do if they did. No matter how close him and Hoseok were, he firmly believed Hoseok didn’t deserve her.
Jimin had always been there for her. Through every fight, every struggle in their relationship, he had convinced her to forgive and forget. He had convinced her that Hoseok had his moments, and that he couldn’t stay upbeat and happy 24/7. But not this time.
No. This time Hoseok really had lost her for good.
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