Each time I think about having children, I shudder. There was a time when that was the talk and I knew how many children I wanted. As time went by I realised that I was just meeting expectations as my greatest desire back then was to be respected by others. I thought having children would give me that privileged. But then I had a serious, deep conversation with myself and came to the conclusion that I honestly don't want children.
I've never had a desire for children but I allowed myself to be convinced that I want them. Now that I've taken a good look at myself and my desires, I have come to the conclusion that they are not necessary for survival. Time and again, my husband, my family members and those I come in contact with try to influence my decision, but their reasons do not appeal to me. ice tried to find a desire but all I see is negatives.
My husband is the one I'm most concerned for. What is he going to do? He NEEDS his children! We have been talking about this since before we got married and we both thought we were in agreement with each other, but recently we realised that none of us has changed our minds and now we're in a bit of conflict. For me, life is hard as it is at the moment and having babies doesn't make it easier. They're expensive and added stress that I don't think I need. I know he would be a great father (one of my reasons for marrying him) but now... the older I get, the more I banish the thought. I think in order for it to work, we both need to have the desire. WHAT TO DO?? (Pictures: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro)