Jackson rushes through his home door, thankful that his mom hasn't arrived home from work yet.
He throws his jacket on the table and rushes upstairs to his room. He locks the door and starts pacing.
He left Mark's close to noon. He couldn't take being there any longer. His mind kept going back to the hug they shared. He kept remembering the new feelings he was experiencing when Mark was so close to him.
When he was there, he couldn't stop staring at Mark. He started noticing Mark in a way that he has never looked at him before. He noticed how perfect Mark's jawline was, how full his lips were. God, how he would do anything to kiss those lips.
Wait, what the hell? Jackson shook his head, "Stop thinking about that," he said to himself. But instead of just forgetting, his mind made him imagine scenarios of Mark kissing him. He imagined kissing Mark and running his fingers through his soft hair. He imagines Mark taking of his shir-.
"Stop!" Jackson shouts as he forcefully sits down on his bed, putting his head in his hands. "Jackson, you need to stop," he tells himself. But he can't. His mind is so focused on Mark.
Jackson lean backwards until his back hits the mattress. "Why am I thinking about these things?" he says into his hands.
Up until now, he's never seen Mark as 'more' than a friend. They've been friends since they were little. He was the first person Mark came out to. But Jackson has never thought of possibly dating Mark. He has never thought about Mark in that way. He has never even thought about having a boyfriend before.
Jackson knew he was different, but he never had a grasp on what made him different. Was it this? No, it couldn't be. You're not just called different for having thoughts about your best friend. But was it something more than that? Or was he just panicking?
Jackson removes his hands from his face and runs them through his hair. "What if I am gay?" he whispers. It's a possibility, but it doesn't make sense to him. He hasn't been attracted to other males, but he is to Mark? He's always liked girls, but why is it changing now? This is all so confusing.
Jackson lets out a sigh and gets up from his bed and walks out of his room and into the bathroom. He walks over to the tub and turns on the water, hoping that maybe a shower will help him clear his mind. The shower comes on. He closes the curtain and strips away his clothing. He steps into the shower and lets the hot water run down his body as he looks back on what happened earlier.
They sat on the sofa, watching reruns of old TV shows since there was nothing else on. Mark kept his gaze on the screen, too embarrassed to look at Jackson. Mark felt like he exposed his true feelings towards Jackson, which was something he knew he couldn't do. He tried calming himself down, saying that it was just a friendly hug. It's not like he tried to kiss him. He just... wanted to be closer to Jackson. Plus, it wasn't like Jackson was thinking about it like a "affectionate/more than friends" thing. Was he? No. He couldn't be. Jackson's straight. He wouldn't think of things like that.
But Jackson was thinking about it. He couldn't take his mind off of it. It scared him. He was surprised to actually like the feeling of Mark being close to him. He loved the way Mark's body felt against his. It was unknown to him, but somehow, familiar. His brain wouldn't stop replaying the scene in his head. Jackson felt a warmth in his stomach that he has never felt before.
He stole a quick glance at Mark and feels his breath get caught in his throat. Why hasn't he noticed Mark's amazing features before? His face was the definition of perfection, and his hair was so captivating
Jackson shakes his head. Why is he thinking about this? Why is thinking about Mark in a different way than he usually does.
"Hm." Mark says, turning his head to face Jackson, "Did you say something?"
"N-No," Jackson stutters out. Why is acting act this? He needs to keep his cool. But how can he when Mark is looking at him with great concern on his face?
Mark notices Jackson's nervousness. "Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yeah, I-I'm fine," Jackson replies, his voice breaking.
Mark knows he's lying. He inspects Jackson's face further. "Are you sure?"
Jackson turns his head and sucks in a breath. Mark's face is so close to his. Jackson's eyes involuntarily go down to Mark's lips. God, they look so soft and kissable. Wait, What?
"Jackson?" Mark says, concern in his voice.
Jackson quickly looks away. "Yeah, um, I just remembered, uh, I have to, uh, run an errand for, um, my mom." He stuttered out, jumping off the couch. Mark watches Jackson stumble to get his jacket. "Will you call me when you get home?" he asks.
"Yeah, I'll call you. Or you can call me. Either way works." Jackson grabs his jacket. "See ya," he says before walking out of the door, leaving Mark in a confused dazed,
Jackson steps out of the shower, grabs the towel hanging from the wall, and wraps it around his waist. He walks over to the mirror and wipes the condensation from it, giving him a clear view of his face. He can't stop thinking about what happened. No matter how hard he tries, he can't stop think about Mark. Was he too harsh? Was he acting like a complete asshole for leaving so suddenly?
"You're just overreacting," he says to his refection. "You'll stop thinking about it tomorrow. Stop freaking out about it."
But does he really believe that?
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