When I got married, I was still living with my mother, caring for my siblings while she was on the road. I have never lived on my own for very long, before now; I've always had someone in my life that I've felt like I had to answer to. It's weird to be on my own, scary too. But I feel a strange sense of ease with it. My days are predictable and calm, for the most part. I don't have to worry if I'm too boring or too annoying or whether I've done something that might have bothered or upset someone. Because I spend less time stressing over every detail of what I've said or done, I can focus more on activities and fun stuff with my kids. I just never realized how much energy I put into defending myself and analyzing my every word and action...to him and to myself. He thought I couldn't survive without him, and I guess I believed him a little. But I have been doing just fine...better, even. And I haven't even taken one red cent off of him! I always tried to tell him I was never in it for money. (Although, I never understood how he could have thought that when we were always broke, but whatever.) The only thing money is good for is to pay the bills anyway. I don't need anyone. Sure, there might be someone I WANT to share my life with, but I'm remarkably happy alone. And I'm less afraid of living the rest of my life alone than I am of skydiving.
5 comments
skydiving sucks
a year ago·Reply
"He thought I couldn't survive without him, and I guess I believed him a little. " this stuck such a chord with me. It's amazing how easily we can doubt ourselves, but I'm so proud that you're happy now learning about yourself as YOU not yourself as you + someone else.
a year ago·Reply
rock on single isn't a bad thing. take your time. I have been.
a year ago·Reply
It's amazing what we learn about ourselves when we reflect (as long as we keep moving forward).
a year ago·Reply
wow! very very admirable.
a year ago·Reply
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