I smile in the sunlight Choices made based off of what feels right I continue to love And grow And drink all of the shitty coffee And say thank you Because that's what I do when I act politely. But on the inside I'm cringing Gagging Wanting to spit out that sick water Not wanting these connections What will happen when I faulter Fuck up Fail to fix what I hadn't failed at yet. But I have a feeling I can't avoid it. Getting sad over what currently makes me happy. Becoming distraught over what once made sense. Realizing this problem is also my solution In conclusion, My absence is my contribution.