a year ago
sophiamor
in English · 3,351 Views
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Is Moving in Together Before Marriage a Good Idea?

My cousin is debating moving in with her long-time boyfriend and is sort of freaking out.

She was raised by a very traditional Catholic family (seriously, her dad and brother both went to the seminary to become priests before deciding they wanted a family...) so living under the same roof with your husband before marriage is just not something you do.

Pros:

See how they live.

This person is going to be your roommate for LIFE. You need to know their living habits, and there are plenty of things that you might not see happen when you aren't around.
Maybe you have a pet peeve you didn't even know about and they drive you INSANE. Better to find that out and work together to overcome it beforehand rather than discover it after marriage, right?

You can test it out.

What if you're worried that after marriage the spark will be gone? Moving in with them might show you how marriage life will be like (since really, after signing a paper your relationship really doesnt change...)

Less stress after marriage.

Getting married is super stressful. Wouldn't it be nicer to, after organizing the wedding and doing all that paperwork, to not have to think about moving all your shit into one house? If you're already living together that's one thing off your check list.

Cons:

You feel pressured.

What if you aren't planning on getting married any time soon, or, at all? Family, friends, and even your subconscious can make you feel rushed into marriage and that could make your relationship uncomfortable.

Its less of an escape.

Going out to meet your partner, or to have them come over...its a change of scene. When you're living together its so easy to get into a routine and become this old married couple without even getting married yet! Sometimes that little escape from daily life is really necessary in a relationship.

What do you guys think about living together when you're still just dating?

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I have heard that living together can actually make it harder when you get married because being a roommate still means your independent while being married means your codependent and I heard that's one of the hardest things to deal with when it comes to marriage in general.
a year ago·Reply
10
Either way I understand her struggles I think that she has to figure out if marriage is what she wants right now or not. Also she has to figure out what marriage means to the two of them because most people think marriage means settling down and having kids. While I have a different view because of my parents who were married for years before they start working on having kids. Before me they would travel, party, explore, and all that stuff people nowadays do with a serious boyfriend or girlfriend. And they still did that stuff after me they just a little less frequent because of having to afford taking care of me. Con't
a year ago·Reply
10
Con't and I think they are going to start up again once I go off to college which is very soon. So deciding on living together or marriage you have to consider 2 things 1.) what is your definition of marriage and how it's suppose to be and 2.) are you ready to live that definition now or not? Oh and 3.) knowing if this person is someone you want to marry or to only date is another important factor as well.
a year ago·Reply
10
I think like everyone said it's a bold move with lot of commitment and responsibility and few sacrifices, so think where and what she wants out of that realtionship and are two of u ready for a livin coz it's similar to marriage minus the legal commitment. I have lived in for 7 years before marriage so I know then everything changes initially it was fun then few struggles in later years. I think it has to mutual in the end and if u feel happy it's good to know before hand, it's more like a dry run before the final move.
a year ago·Reply
I guess I'm extremely old-fashioned. I dont believe in sex before marriage and, sorry folks, I dont believe in living together before marriage. When you date you spend enough time together to learn what you need to know. Ask questions, hang out with him and his friends. How are he and his ex's. Why are his ex's ex's? Of course this kind of dating will require more than a couple of weeks or months.
a year ago·Reply