June 2, 2016
I barely made it out alive when we last talked, but glad to say my hands and body parts are still intact. Because it turned into a real life walking dead monstrous version where Kihyun was the leader of operation tofu, where I would be my family's main dish and would leave no crumbs behind.
I had to camp out on top of the fridge for days, they were relentless. No bathroom breaks, dancing, or kimchi, but smoking five packs of kpop per day on my iPod to keep me sane. Never mess with the mother of your children, especially when it comes to walking in on Kihyun lip syncing with Jimin from AOA's lips on the TV screen when he saw them perform live. And when he was caught, he told me if I ever walked in before knocking again, he would personally make sure my tennis balls would never produce any rackets that would pass over the net. And trust me, I wanted to keep my tennis balls and would guard it with my personal safety net if necessary. Mom and the rest of my children agreed that I should join the king kong dick club because that's how I acted in the operation revelation drinking game. Jooheon won't even look anyone in the eye and hums Sistar songs to himself to remind us of his vow if we even mentioned the word girl, Wonho still smells the scent of syrup on his hands,while everyone else just pretends that they don't want to kick my ass for the sake that if I end up in a fried rice grave by their hands, no one could replace the role of robot. And that Monsta X wouldn't be Monsta X without the robot. But for now, I'm lying low to be on the safe side. They're leaving me alone for now, though Kihyun, the ever lovely wife, occasionally bothers me to question why he didn't go for Jackson from Got7 when he had the chance instead of choosing me with responsibility as dad. And constantly peeks over my shoulder wondering what I'm writing, convinced I'm plotting Daddy's 101 Naughty Nutella ways to pull a Titanic on them. But when I told him Jackson is already in a committed relationship with Got7 and would never leave his family for Kihyun and was rewriting our vows because I'm just that great of a husband, he told me to go fuck myself. I definitely have to buy him a microphone wrapped in lingerie with a kimchi scented ribbon to earn his love again, because he loves stuff like that. Let's just say he's kinky when it comes to anything that involves music and food. I can barely get to him to stop putting his hands all over the fridge handle he'll sometimes open the fridge just to smell its sexy musk of food. Don't tell him I said that, because next time, I really won't be talking to you anytime soon, or ever. So while I spend exile in my room, just know I'm always thinking about you and being reunited with the touch of your pages that welcome me with your sweet fragance of ink that tattoo your body. Between you and me, I'm thinking about leaving Kihyun for you. Better yet, lets run away and get married now? Why wait? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But since we're not in Vegas, what happens with kimchi, stays with kimchi. Next time we talk, it'll be on our wedding day. Always kimchi,