Mark nervously glances at the clock on his stove. 5:15 p.m. Jackson hasn't called yet. Mark paces around the living room of his apartment. Why hasn't he called yet? He said he would call. Mark runs his hands through his hair. "Jackson, please call," he whispers.
He always worries about Jackson, but then again, he worries about everyone. But Jackson can be happy one minute, then the next.... Mark has only seen that side of him only once, and he doesn't want to see it again. It destroys him inside.
Could Jackson be having one of those moments? The nervousness that Mark feels in his stomach grows. He can't take it anymore. He grabs his phone off the coffee table and dials Jackson's number.
One ring... two rings... three rings. Mark's pace quickens.
"Hello?" he hears Jackson's sweet voice say.
Mark lets out a sigh of relief and relaxes his shoulders. "Hey Jackson," Mark replies.
"Did you get that errand done?"
A long pause comes from Jackson's end. He had almost forgotten about his little white lie. But he quickly remembers. "Yeah, sorry. I forgot that I was going to call you."
Mark lets out a small chuckle. "You're fine."
"Were you worried?"
"A little," Mark admits. He always worries about people, especially Jackson.
Jackson chuckles. "You're so cute, Mark."
Mark's heart skips a beat. Jackson covered his mouth, thankful that he wasn't with Mark right now. He feels his face become hot. Where did that come from?
Mark lets out a small smile. "Thanks," he lets out. Silence falls between them. Jackson can feel his heart beating in his chest. Even though Mark isn't with him, he still feels like Mark is sitting right next to him.
"So," Mark lets out after awhile, "Do you want to do lunch with me tomorrow?"
Jackson panics. Mark has asked this question to him many times before, and every time Mark asked, Jackson would always say yes. But this time was different. He's nervous to see Mark again. He isn't in the right state of mind right now. He doesn't want to freak Mark out.
"Um," he says, trying to think of a quick excuse. "I need to help my mom out with some things." he lies. "I don't think I'll be able to get out of it." Jackson bites his lip. Why is he lying? Why is mind telling him to do these things?
"That's fine," Mark reassures him, "We can do it some other time."
"Thanks," Jackson says, sighing a little bit. The line goes silent again. Jackson feels content, almost calm. What the hell is wrong with him? One minute he's feeling nervous talking to Mark, then the next he feels happy being around him. What the hell is going on?
"Well, I'll let you go." Mark says after awhile.
"Oh, okay," Jackson says, feeling a little disappointed that the call is ending. "Bye."
"Bye," Mark says, almost hanging up right away.
"Wait!" Jackson almost shouts through the phone. Mark quickly puts the phone back on his ear. "Yeah," he asks.
Jackson wants to punch himself. Why did he have to say something?
"H- how," God, why is he asking this? "H- how did you know-" He really wants to punch himself right now. He didn't plan on asking Mark this; he didn't want this conversation to even take place. But what else was he going to say after shouting at Mark to wait.
"Jackson?" Mark asks.
"How did you know you were gay?" Jackson lets out quickly.
"Why do you want to know?"
Great, now he has to lie again. "I-I have a friend who's struggling with their sexuality, and they don't know how to handle it." Jackson pauses, taking in a small breath, "I was wondering if you could maybe give them some advice." Jackson bites his lip and buries his head in his lap. He's such an idiot for asking something like this. He knows Mark can get uncomfortable when he talks about his sexuality, but again, what else was he suppose to say?
"Well, " Mark lets out, running his hand through his hair, "It's kinda complicated."
"Could you narrow it down possibly?"
"I'll try," Mark says, sitting down on the sofa, "Um, there was a huge part of me that didn't believe I was gay. I tried very hard to like girls and to have a relationship with one, but it didn't feel right. Then I started liking this boy.... I knew something was different about me, but I didn't know what. I didn't "know" I was gay until that happened. You can't really know for sure until you start thinking about it. Sometimes saying "I'm gay" to yourself can clear things up, but everyone is different."
Jackson hangs on to every word that Mark says. He feels like a little kid listening to his father. "But how did you know for sure?" Jackson asks.
Mark sighs, "I couldn't hold a relationship with a girl for the life of me. I wanted to feel some sort of connection with a girl, but I couldn't. But when I started looking at boys, I somehow knew. You will know when the time is right. Tell your friend that; You'll know when the moment comes."
Jackson sighs, feeling a little relaxed. "Thanks Mark," he says.
"No problem. Tell your friend that I hope things go well for them."
"I will," Jackson replies. He feels like a small weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. "Bye, Mark."
"Bye," Mark says before Jackson hangs up. Jackson throws himself back on his mattress, letting his head his the edge of his bed. He replays Marks words: " You'll know when the moment comes."
Jackson sighs and closes his eyes, hoping that his moment will come soon.
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