Genre: Fluff building up to Angst
Pairing: Jungkook x Taehyung
Length: 4751 Words
Summary: I just wanted him to look at me only
Read Part 1 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1623023-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-1
I was on edge walking into the rest of my classes for the day; I was scared of running into Taehyung. In every class so far his named was called during attendance, his name made me flinched each time it was called. I grew a little worried after seeing he didn’t attend the rest of his classes for the day, did he leave? I finally walked into my last class; I couldn’t wait for the day to be over. I walked into my class still making sure to scan the room to make sure he wasn't there. I was still in shocked it took me a while to realize Jin had been calling out to me. I couldn’t believe worrying about Taehyung made me forget that this was one of the very few classes I had with Jin. Suddenly my heart felt light as a feather. I instantly smiled and walked over to the front of the class where Jin had saved an empty seat next to him.
"I can't believe I made it here before you," Jin laughed, like music to my ears.
“Yea..it's hard to get around these crowded hallways when you aren't there to help me get through," I laughed.
The teacher walked in but that never stopped us from talking. It felt great to finally have one on one time with him. He talked about his first half of the day and about how he already hated 75% of the students in his class. We laughed quietly together, how I missed this. It honestly felt like I hadn't laughed in so long. He brought up Luna and Risa for a brief moment but I didn't let it bother me too much, I didn't want to ruin the already great mood we were both in.
Jin finally asked me how my day was so far with a sympathetic look on his face. He probably figured I was having a terrible day without him and obviously I was. Not only was I kissed forcibly but it was with a guy but it doesn’t end there because that kiss was my first kiss. I didn’t expect to feel so hot, out of breath and weak; I was all so embarrassing. I could still feel the forceful kiss on my lips...but also the gentle kiss on my forehead.
"Oh? Do you have a headache?" Jin asked.
"Hm?" I wondered why he asked that but I realized my hand was now touching the spot on my forehead Taehyung kissed. I brought my hand down slowly. "Ah..n-no I'm fine."
"And your day?" he persistently asked again.
I so badly wanted to tell him what had happened between Taehyung and me but that would involve telling him the whole story and that's not something I was willing to do. I let a deep breath out hoping my worries would go with it. I shrugged, "It was alright, nothing special without you of course," I smiled. I really didn't want him to worry for me more than he already did.
We decided to finally give the teacher our time but half way through the lesson I became very tired; I hadn't eaten my lunch and had a lot on my mind. Jin took out his notebook and opened it at an angle and stood it up on my desk hiding me from the teachers gaze. Jin always did this when he sensed I was tired and did it so I wouldn't get in trouble if I dozed off. Usually I'd fight off sleeping since I wanted to cherish every moment I had with him but at this point I so was so exhausted I don't even remember the moment I fell asleep.
I took my time getting to my next class. Although I did my best to compose myself in front of Jungkook the moment I left him I rushed to find a bathroom. Students started pouring into the hall filling it with noise and making it hard to get to my destination, I immediately covered my face. I found a bathroom, a singular one, and took my hands from my face looking into the mirror. I couldn't believe how red my face was. I remembered how I mocked Jungkook for being red all the way to his ears, but me, I was red down to the nape of my neck.
I closed my eyes letting out a deep sigh and the memories of not so long ago came rushing back, fuck. I instantly became hot all over remembering Jungkook’s anxious yet aroused expression. I bit my lip as I was now getting aroused by the images. I put my hand over my bulge trying to calm myself but ended up stroking it very lightly. I remembered how it felt so sit on top of him, pinning him down. I remembered the warmth of his mouth and the sound of his moan. I stroked faster replaying the sound of his moan in my mind; I grew hotter and started breathing faster, I shouldn’t being doing this but it felt too good to stop. I had now wished I'd gone further with Jungkook, I wished I had kissed his neck, marking him as mine. My breathing became heavier and the strokes got faster. I started imagining new things I’d do to him if I had the chance again, “Ah..Ju-kook,” I could feel myself almost reaching my climax but before I could there was a loud bang on the bathroom door.
My eyes widened and I turned my body quickly to the door releasing my hand from my boner. The door was locked but I was still startled thinking I’d been caught. The banged just turned out to be students playing around in the hall way. I was sweating all over and looked a mess. Honestly what was wrong with me? I couldn’t believe Jungkook was able to make me feel this way, I felt out of control, it was dangerous.
“Hurry or we’ll be late, I hear this teacher is tough on late comers!” a student yelled to another from outside the door.
I had to hurry as well but couldn’t walk into class looking like I did. I threw cold water on my face wiping it with a paper towel. I glanced in the mirror; I looked like I’ve been suffocating. I leaned against the wall and slowly slid down. I took a deep breath, “Looks like I won’t be able to get to my classes for a while”.
Several classes later I was able to compose myself and looked completely fine. I walked into my last class at the same time as the teacher did. He glared at me but I knew there was nothing he could do. I took my seat at the back of the class. I notice Jungkook right away and then of course Jin. I had forgotten this was one of the classes we all shared together. I tried ducking not wanting to be seen but remembered Jungkook never looked back when he was with Jin.
I rested my head on my hand feeling nostalgia watching them; it was like last year all over again, on the outside looking in. No! I told myself this year would be different, I can’t give up, I have to keep trying but first I needed to apologize. Now that Jungkook couldn't depend on Jin as much I'm sure i could find a opening, I just needed the right moment. I continued to watch as they conversed, lightly laughed and even nudge each other. A was definitely jealous, I tried looking away but then I saw Jungkook touch his forehead. With his hand still to his forehead he stared blankly into thin air. My breathing became slow and my attention was solely on him rather than the both of them. Jin snapped him out of his thought and they proceeded back to normal.
I figured my mind was probably jumping to conclusions but I swear at the moment he touched his forehead I was the only one on his mind. My eyes widened at the thought and I lightly smiled. With Jin sitting so close to him I managed to pop in his mind, all though not the most pleasant memory for him but I manage to make him feel something.
Jungkook ended up falling asleep and didn’t even wake when the school bell rang. I saw Jin staring at Jungkook for a bit, god how I wish I could look at his serene face from that distance. Luna yelled out to Jin from the door grabbing his and mine attention. Jin patted Jungkook on the head saying “Jungkook wake up, it’s time to go, schools over,” Jungkook turn his head to Jin with his eyes still closed and his head still laying down, he lightly nodded, he was obviously still sleeping. Jin then got up to chat with Luna, his back facing him.
I don’t know what came over me but instantly I thought “now was my chance to take a look at his sleeping face”. I walked over to Jungkook and gently moved some pieces of hair out of his face he was beautiful. I whispered, “Hey-,“ and was cut off when Jungkook said "lead me" holding out his hand and his eyes still closed.
I quickly packed his bag and threw it over my shoulder. I stared at him for a second running the back of my palm on his cheek, he winced a little. I gently grabbed his hand and tangled our fingers, Jungkook let out a cozy sigh. I softly smiled, now on his feet he rubbed one of his eyes but never opened them. Hand in hand we both walked out of the classroom.
I had no idea where he thought he was going; I had no clue myself where to take him. I felt guilt making him think I was Jin, but I had to hurry, I was scared he'd open his eyes. Since school was over I thought taking him to the school library would be a great place for us to talk. I headed towards the back just in case someone decided to enter the already empty library. I really just wanted to apologize and talk. I leaned him against a book case; I wanted to tell him everything. I covered his eyes with my hands telling him not to not to open them. How do I begin? I don't want him to hate me but I've already lied to him so much. “I’m Sorry,” I said. I never had the chance to really examine his face this close, he was definitely way more beautiful. All of a sudden I couldn’t say anything more, my body took over and I leaned in.
I was so exhausted I couldn't even open my eyes. I felt Jin's huge hand on my head telling me it was time to go. I'd usually get going right away; I didn’t want to be in this school any longer but I was so weak from exhaustion I just sat there. A few seconds later he whispered "Hey-" but I cut him off by raising my hand in the air and jokingly asking him to lead me. I went to open my eyes letting him know I was kidding but he grabbed my hand and I couldn't say no. Now on my feet I rubbed my eye not opening them, I trusted him enough knowing I wouldn’t get hurt. I felt a little guilty taking advantage of his kindness but as soon as we started walking I told myself there was no going back and allowed him to guide me.
His hand was really soft, softer then I remembered. I enjoyed the way his thumb rubbed my hand as we walked, it was very soothing and made me want to fall into a deep slumber. I never wanted him to let me go, I squeezed his hand a little more. We stopped and he leaned me against a wall then let go of my hand, I was disappointed I went to open my eyes, I guess we were here. Suddenly his hands went over my eyes.
"Don't open your eyes," he whispered. His voice sounded hoarse. Was he catching a cold?
The palm of his hands now cupped my head while his thumbs were still gently on my eyes lids making sure I didn't open them. I felt so calm but also felt a thousand butterflies in my stomach. Was he going to tell me something? Why was he acting like this all of a sudden? He almost seemed like a different person.
"I'm Sorry," He said.
Before I could even figure out why it was he was sorry I felt the warmth of his soft lips touch mine. I breathed in hard from my nose reacting to the sudden action still unable to open my eyes. I've waited for this moment for so long I didn't want to ruin the moment by questioning him. My heart raced and blood rushed through out my body. I opened my mouth easily allowing him access. Our tongues intertwined, he breathed heavily and I moaned slightly. He removed his hand from my eyes but didn't open them. He placed one hand on the back of my neck and the other on the middle of my back pulling me closer. My hands trailed up from his waist to his back, his neck and eventually tangling in his silky hair. It felt as if he lost some muscles but he still felt so good to touch. His leg pressed against my obvious boner, I winced at the pleasurable pain. His hands now made their way to the collar of my shirt; I could feel him unbuttoning my school shirt. He pulled my shirt open wide enough exposing my neck down to my collarbones. He released his lips from mine and my head fell back against the wall as he started kissing me from my cheeks down to my neck and finally my collarbone. I had chills everywhere, I've never felt like this. He pushed his leg harder on my boner; I bit my lip trying not to release a loud moan. He made his way back up to my neck now sucking.
"Ah..s-shit...Jin," I moaned out of breath.
For some reasons at the call of his name he started sucking harder. Even though I was submerged in pleasure I couldn't take the pain.
"Jin..it-it hurts," he didn't stop. I now grew worried he'd leave a mark. I was so forgetful I'm sure my parents would spot it right away. I gently pushed him back away from me.
Still out of breath I said, "Jin, please don't mark me up," then opened my eyes.
My eyes widened in shock seeing the person responsible for the pleasure I've been receiving was Taehyung and not Jin. My mouth hanged opened, my heart started beating as if I just ran marathon. I stood there with my shirt still half open, my body grew cold; I was completely at a loss for words. I grabbed the collar on my shirt in my fist trying to keep my shirt closed. I was embarrassed and I felt completely betrayed. Why is he took pleasure in making me feel this way. I was filled with rage, I forcefully pushed passed him but he grabbed my arm pinning against the book case which I thought was a wall when my eyes were closed. I finally saw that we were in the library and grew weary, had anyone saw us, had anyone heard me when I moaned in pleasure. Both his hands were on my shoulders, I could only see the top of his head as he looked down. I honestly wanted to get away from him, I quietly struggled to get out of his grip then he looked up, his eyes meeting mine in a flash. I stopped struggling in an instant and grew angrier.
“What is wrong with you, how could you do this to me, why would you do this to me. Do you enjoy taunting me that much? H-How could you trick me into making me think you’re Jin? You know he’s the ONE person I want but can’t….have,” tears slowly filled my eyes. I was angry but what made me cry was admitting to myself that I couldn’t have Jin. “Why..I just want to know why..what is it you want from me?”
"I'm...sorry," he said whispering. "I'm sorry..., I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He kept going like those were the only word he knew.
After a while it looked as if he was looking through me. He had a regretful expression on his face. He let go of my shoulder and dropped to his knees.
He continued, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
I couldn't take it anymore, he almost looked broken. I could've walked away, I should have but instead I bent down and place my hand on his head tenderly. I've never in my life watched over and took care of someone but looking at him crouched down made me want to be there for him. For the first time in my life I wanted to protect someone rather than be protected. His head jolted up looking at me, it was as if he came back into existence and no longer looked past me but looked at me, his expression didn't change.
"Jung..kook..I...I'm so sorry," he said.
I laughed through my nose, "I think I heard you the last 10 times."
He stared at my open shirt that I held closed with my fist. One side of the open shirt was still draped around my shoulder exposing my neck, collar bone and shoulder. He gently touched my neck and said again, "I'm sorry," I'd thought I would jump at his touch but the only think that jumped was my heart. He closed my shirt properly and began buttoning it up. Why was it this boy could seem like two different people and switch it up in a mere second, he was definitely dangerous but somewhat interesting.
He looked at me with soft eyes that could almost make me melt. I finally summed up the courage to ask him, “Hey..what is it you want from me? W-why me?”
He then started to explain when it was he first saw me in the beginning of the school year last year. I didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or creeped out knowing he was watching me for so long. He explained how his grades lacked because he never attended his classes, school didn't interest him.
"I've always been a cold, selfish person. I didn't care about anything and would start trouble for no reason." He paused as if he were recollecting a memory. "You know we met before-it was a quick and I wouldn't expect you to remember." He closed his eyes a little and smirked at himself.
"My mother had driven me to school that day to make sure I didn't skip out on exams. It was a long dreadful day and I didn't do too well, I was relieved to finally be going home. It was pouring out and I had accidentally left my umbrella in my mother’s car. I was angry at the thought of having to spend another minute in school and was going to run for it. Before I could take a step you yelled "WAIT!" pulling me by my arm to stop me, turning me around in the process. I'm still able to remember every detail on your face that day." He laughed and gently pushed some of my hair behind my left ear as I stared back captivated by the story so far. "Your hair was shorter back then. You looked generally worried. You yelled "Y-you can't just run for it, you'll get sick." You handed me your umbrella with both your hands barely making eye contact. I was taken back by your polite gesture; no one’s ever looked out for me. I hesitated a little before taking it. You looked up with delight at my action then said "D-don't worry about returning it," and disappeared behind the lockers. For a second I forgot where I was, I wanted to find you and ask your name. I took a few steps towards the directed you headed but after hearing some students chatting about the test scores I grew disgusted and made my way into the rain."
Although he didn't expect to me remember I remembered clearly. I felt bad because I remember just about every detail except for his face. I felt disgusted at myself because that polite gesture wasn’t me being nice at all, I was definitely being selfish. I remembered waiting for Jin at our usual meeting spot by the lockers; I remembered looking out the window watching students run through the rain with their umbrellas; I remembered how disappointed I was at the realization that Jin and I would have to walk a fair amount of distance away from each other or else our umbrellas would bump. I thought, "if only I had left this umbrella home then me and hyung could share his umbrella allowing me to be closer than usual." I soon noticed a tall, skinny, tanned boy propped up against the lockers staring into the rain for several minutes. He had no umbrella insight and looked mentally and physically drained, he looked like he could use a smile. I wanted to get rid of this umbrella but I could never go up and offer a stranger my umbrella. I saw him take a step as if he were going to run for it, my body took over and before I knew it my arms were wrapped around his arm and I was telling him not to run for it. I had no idea what got into me, was I that desperate to be closer to Jin hyung? There was no way I could back down now, I offered my umbrella and left as fast as I could. The walk home that day was as pleasant as I hoped with my arms clasped around Jin and his arm around my shoulder. The strange thing about the end of our walk together was I felt as empty as ever because this was as close as we could ever get.
I couldn't dare tell Taehyung the real story behind my actions, it would absolutely crush him.
Taehyung continued, "I was still so grateful that you had looked out for me that day. The next day I came to school early for the first time in years just so I can find you, I initially wanted to return your umbrella but due to the strong winds your umbrella didn't make it. I at least wanted to thank you; I didn't say one word to you the day before. I spotted you in the hall way happy to see you were wearing a blue tie meaning we were in the same grade, I then wondered why was it I was seeing you for the first time. You were surround by a crowd of what looked to be mainly acquaintances, the only one who seemed to really be your friend was..well Jin. I figured I'd get a chance to talk to you when you were alone but then a week passed by and it was impossible, Jin was always at your side. It was then over the course of the rest of the year I watched you from afar and grew to like you more and more but also was filled with jealousy every day. Because of you I started attending school every day, I saw you had a lot of AP classes and tried my hardest to pull my grades up just so I can be in the same room as you. I was successful in doing so but I don’t ever think you noticed me behind you in class."
He still didn’t answer my question, "But Tae...wha-what do you want from me?"
His expression turned serious in a second and he looked me in the eyes, I swallowed hard.
He took my hand into his, "Honestly, I just want you to look at me only."
I swear my heart skipped a beat. "Wah?"
"I've been holding on for so long and it’s because I’ve waiting to tell you everything I just told you, I understand how important Jin is to you but why waste any more time on a one sided love. He’ll never look at you the way I do. I can be a screw up sometimes, no one’s perfect; I know I made a terrible first impression and that’s because I’ve waited so long to be this close to you, my body took over, I’m sincerely sorry.”
Taehyung was definitely dangerous. With all that happened today in my mind I instantly forgave him, how could this be?
Taehyung continued almost like he was rambling now, “I want to be the one who protects you, the one you think about..I..I just need you to give me a chance. What I want is a chance.”
The words that continuously echoed in my head were, “He’ll never look at you the way I do.” Did he not think I knew that? I looked down; this was all too much to ask. Although I told myself I was content with just having Jin by my side I desperately had the longing to touch him and be touched. Just at the thought of letting go of Jin and loving someone else made my heart ache, I felt anxiety. As my mind raced my head started shaking side to side slowly. "N-no," I accidentally whispered. He gently let go on my hand and I looked up at his eyes that were now pointed to the floor.
He got up slowly, “Yea..Ok, I understand. I’m sorry, I-I won’t bother you anymore, I don’t want you hating me more than you already do.” He turned his back walking away.
My mind began racing. What? No! I don’t hate you but I don’t exactly like on the same level either. I don’t know what I want. Why are you walking away? Please don’t go. Please help me make sense of what’s in my mind, of what’s in my heart. Don’t ask me to let go of Jin, it’s not something I could do. Say something Jungkook, please say anything!
"WAIT TAE!" He turned around in an instant which a glimpse of hope in his eyes. Of all the things I could’ve said why did this come out, "Y-you won't tell anyone..right?..about me liking..Jin hyung." His face lost all expression. I felt disappointed in what I just asked. His eyes dropped like he couldn't bear to look at me.
"Are you seri-" He harshly sighed. "No....no," and disappeared from my sight.
I stood there sitting a while. I squeezed the hand he held still able to feel his warmth from when we held it. “I’m such an idiot.”
I made my way to the lockers where me and Jin always met at. It was now 30 minutes pass school time. I reached my destination shocked that Jin wasn't there. I stood there for 2 minutes until my pocket vibrated. I had several texts from Jin but the last one read:
"Hey where are you? I’ve been looking for you. Did you go home without me? That’s not like you at all. While waiting for you I was invited to join Luna, Risa and Jackson to walk home together. I hope everything is alright with you. Call or text me later."
Just then my phone rang, it was Jin. I stared at his contact picture with dead eyes and felt nothing. For the first time I didn't want to talk to him. I felt numb and just wanted to be alone. I shoved my cell into my bag and made my way home.
Once I got home and I went straight to my room. I check my phone before plopping myself on my bed, Jin had called me 6 times. I felt bad ignoring him, I decided to text him but before I could send the text I wrote out my body gave in and I was fast asleep.
I awoke the next morning I awoke to Jin sleeping by my side in my bed.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU'D LIKE TO BE TAGGED IN FUTURE CHAPTERS.
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING A FANFIC ☺️ SO THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT!!
HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED, CHAPTER 3 COMING SOON 🎉
(DO NOT TAKE CREDIT OR POST ANYWHERE ELSE!!!)
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