Pairing: Yoongi x Reader
Length: 8627 words
Summary: A journalist dating an idol? Of course it wasn’t going to last.
A/N: This is for @jiminmusings’ contest- thought I would give it a go. Whether it’s good or not, it was a lot of fun to write :) Also congratulations on 3k! Here’s to many more x~
What the hell just happened?
Fact: Shock is the body's natural protection against pain. My face was a picture as I stood there reeling from the words my boss had just said. “I’m sending you to interview Suga of BTS about his relationship with Choi Jin-ri...better known as Sulli.”
“Y/n? Hello..? Earth to y/n!”
I snapped back to reality as my glazed over, vacant eyes focused back on his annoyed expression. He leaned back in his chair and eyes me over the frame of his glasses, scrutinising me.
“Why do you look like I’ve just slapped you?”
I swallowed harshly, although my mouth was dry. How the hell could I tell him the idol he wanted me to interview was in fact my boyfriend of three years? “I er...I thought Min Yoongi already had a girlfriend?”, I spoke slowly, carefully. “Didn’t one of ours already do an article on all of Bangtan and their ‘alleged’ relationships? And our outlet received a lot of backlash from it.”
It was probably just another stupid rumour spread by the fans. More speculation. In reality, none of them knew about Yoongi at all. His actual likes and dislikes. His relationships. The fact that he was dating a journalist- a massive no no for any idol.
In all fairness, I kept my word and stayed quiet about anything that happened with him and the rest of Bangtan. My boyfriend and friends were more important to me than this stupid job.
“Yes...But Bighit confirmed it this morning. So we won’t get backlash from reporting fact.” I blanched. What the hell was happening? Yoongi was with me, not this Sulli girl. I hadn’t done any work on her before, but I remember my colleague complaining about how rude and pompous the girl was. Yoongi would never...
I started to feel sick. “Can’t you send someone else?” He retaliated with a frown. “Y/n what’s wrong with you today? I’ve asked you to do it, and you’re gonna do it. Relationships are a sensitive topic and you have a way with words. I know you’ll talk your way round it.”
I couldn’t dispute that. I had managed to get quite a bit of information on the Kai and Krystal dating news a few months back. I hadn’t even forced them to tell me things..I had been gentle and they had been open about it. For once, even the boss had commended me...I even got a raise because we were the only company who had managed to get inside knowledge on the whole thing.
My mind snapped back to the present once more, and I realised my hands were shaking. Calm down y/n, it’s probably just a publicity stunt. This is Yoongi we’re talking about. Your boyfriend, Yoongi.
I exhaled slowly. “OK”, I muttered. “When and where?” He grinned at me for caving. Like I had any choice in the matter. “Tomorrow. I’ve booked you in for a slot at 10 am. At Bighit studios. The email was unclear..I know Min Yoongi will be there but I’m not sure about the rest of the boys.”
I knew they would be there- they’d act as moral support for Yoongi, if nothing else. “Sulli will also be there. As will Bang Sihyuk.” I nodded slowly. This was not looking good. If it was just Yoongi and me at least I could've asked him what was going on. There was no point in texting or calling because he never answered his phone when he was composing or practising.
I would call one of the boys once I was out of work. One of them would clarify that this was all just a big mistake. Or so I thought...
“Hey y/n”, his deep voice resonated through the device, making me smile a little. I had rang Taehyung first, because I knew he was in the dorms, but he didn’t answer. Then I tried Jin, who didn’t answer either. Then I remembered Hoseok was teaching him the new choreography. So I tried Namjoon.
“Finally someone answers!”, I joked lightly, trying to determine what kind of mood he was in. And to see if he would tell me if anything was going on with Yoongi.
“Glad to see I was first choice”, he joked. “So, what’s up?”
Ah. So he wasn’t going to bring it up. Which meant I’d have to ask him. “Well what’s up is that my boss just asked me to interview my boyfriend on his new idol girlfriend. What’s that all about?”
There was a small pause as I heard Namjoon clear his throat. “Er...I don’t know y/n.” I rolled my eyes. Namjoon couldn’t lie for shit- neither could Tae and Jin. That’s why I had rang them first.
“Namjoon tell me the truth please. I’m so close to mental breakdown right now. What the hell’s going on?”
“Y/n”, he spoke in a more hushed tone, like he was scared someone would be listening, “We got told not to talk about it. If you wanna ask anyone about what’s happening, go to Yoongi. Or Bang PD.”
“Bang PD won’t tell me shit. You know that. I’m just another journalist to him, earning money by making idols look bad.”
I heard a voice in the background that made my blood freeze. “Namjoon-ah, who are you talking to?” It was Yoongi’s recognisable lazy drawl. “Taehyung”, Namjoon rushed to reply. So Namjoon must have been at the studio with Yoongi.
“What does he want?”
“He’s just asking when we’ll be home.”
“Namjoon”, I hissed, my eyes wide with panic. “Why are you lying to him? Can’t you talk to me or something?”
“Yeah Tae”, Namjoon laughed nervously. “In a coupla hours. See ya.”
“Nam-”. I took the device from my ear and stared at it in disbelief. He had actually hung up on me. I pondered for a bit. Like I said, no point in ringing Yoongi, so I tried Jimin. I was getting frustrated when it went to answer phone. Lastly, Jungkook.
“Hey y/n, what’s up?”
“Hey Jungkook.” By now I was on the verge of tears, but I kept my voice devoid of emotion as I spoke to him. “You at the dorms?”
“Yeah. No one else is here except Tae- and he’s sleeping. Yoongi-hyung’s at the st-”
“-Yeah I know where he is. I’ve rang every single member to ask about this news with him and Sulli, and only Namjoon picked up. And even he hung up on me. Kookie please. Tell me what’s happening.” I was pleading at this point. There was no professionalism here- I wasn’t a journalist digging on some dirt about an idol. I was a girlfriend worried to death that her boyfriend of three years had left her behind.
“Namjoon hyung probably hung up because he’s with Yoongi hyung...”, Jungkook sighed before carrying on. “Yesterday, Yoongi hyung warned all the members to not tell you anything. He’s forbidden any of us to talk to you about it.”
Silence as I wiped away a stray tear. “...So it is true?”
He sighed again. “I’m sorry noona.”
“Why didn’t he tell me himself?” I whispered. This relationship was out of the blue. He wasn’t even close to any female idols at the moment...unless he had been going behind my back.
“He only told us all yesterday. And Sulli noona’s managers told the press today. Even though our company contacted her management team to not release any information to the media...I think they did it for more publicity.”
“ARMY’s are gonna lose their shit”, I muttered. A relationship out of nowhere with the private, reclusive, withdrawn Suga from BTS. Of course the fans would go mad. Jungkook stayed silent, so I continued.
“Guess which lucky journalist has to interview him tomorrow about his new found love?” I chuckled humorlessly.
“Oh my god”, he breathed. “I’m so sorry noona. I tried to tell him he was wrong for what he was doing to you but he wouldn’t listen. He said it was none of my business. That he could love who he wanted to.”
I felt a sharp pain in my chest. He used the word love? He loved her? He wanted to throw away three years with me just like that and he wasn’t even man enough to break up with me face to face.
“Thank you for telling me Jungkook. And don’t worry. This stays between us.”
“Thank you noona.” And with that, he ended the call. What poor could he say? Poor boy was the only person I had met who struggled even more than Yoongi to show how he truly felt.
I didn’t know how to deal with this. One second I was doing my job like any other day, and looking forward to meet my boyfriend. And the next, I was single, confused and very very alone. This job didn’t allow time for making friends. In reality, I only had Bangtan, but I was unsure that was the case anymore. Yoongi had probably told them to not talk to me at all, and if me and Yoongi were no longer together, they had virtually no reason to, even though I hoped they would.
I trudged home, still feeling numb and in a state of disbelief. I was greeted by silence of course. There would be no Yoongi to surprise me. Not just for a couple of days, or while they were on tour. No. Yoongi would never come here again. I knew him well enough- he cut off ties just like that.
I sifted through my wardrobe and bedroom. None of his things were there. He must have been taking them bit by bit every time he visited because I hadn’t realised. And he couldn’t have snuck in because I didn’t have a spare key to give to him.
I felt heavy and miserable as I went back to the living room and sat back down on the couch. How could someone I had loved with all my heart turn out to be such a dick? He was in Bangtan, one of the most popular and loved groups right now. They were known for their polite and respectful mannerisms above anything else. But as I was slowly finding out, Yoongi was anything but polite and respectful.
I turned on the local news to find the reporter rambling about Min Suga and the hot, sexy Sulli. She was just talking about how they were a match made in heaven when I switched over to the national news. Who were reporting the same damn thing.
I groaned. People are dying out there and this is all they can talk about? Maybe as a journalist I was being a bit of a hypocrite. But it was different when the idol in question was someone you knew personally. Someone you loved.
I gave up and turned off the TV after quickly realising that the four main news channels were all talking about Yoongi’s love life. All I could do was sit tight and wait until I saw him face to face tomorrow.
I was ready almost an hour early, knowing the boys wold let me in before the designated slot because they knew me. Any other journalist would have to wait for 10 on the dot, and they’d get kicked out as soon as their time was up.
Part of me was still convinced this wasn’t true. That I’d go in and all the boys wold be laughing at me, because it was all a joke. And Yoongi would hug me and apologise for scaring me like that.
I rang Jungkook, who as always answered quickly. “Hey.”
“Hey Jungkook. I’m interviewing at 10 but I’m gonna get there early. Any of you free for a bit?” I needed to talk to someone to calm my nerves. I waited for a reply but was met by 30 seconds of silence. “Jungkook, you there?”
“Yeah”, he said softly. I strained to hear him over the sound of cars passing by. “She’s already here too. Sulli noona. I think she’s in the studio with hyung.” He didn’t have to clarify which ‘hyung’ he was talking about.
“But come over”, he rushed to add. “I’ll meet you at the door and we can hang out in the dance practice room. Tae, Jimin-hyung and Hoseok-hyung are here with me.” I gave a tight smile. “Thanks Jungkook. I’ll see you guys in a bit.” It gave me hope that the guys were still OK talking to me despite Yoongi warning them not to.
I told myself no matter what, I wasn’t going to cry. There would be people present in the interview room who had no idea me and Yoongi had ever had a thing. I wasn’t going to cry until after the interview was done, when I would never have to speak to him again.
I entered the building. The receptionist had seen me a couple of times now, and I knew she recognised me. But I was never seen in public with Bangtan, so she didn’t know who I was either. I was a nobody.
I handed my phone over to her and she checked my bag. I hated these procedures but without them I couldn’t enter so I just put up with it. “Here you go”, she smiled, handing my bag back to me. I gave her a brief nod and made my way upstairs.
Jungkook stuck by his word and was already waiting outside the door to Bangtan’s work-space when I arrived. I smiled and looked around before pulling him in for a brief hug. I swear the boy grew taller everytime I saw him.
“C’mon noona. We’re all in the dance studio.” I was glad I had worn flats instead of heels- I didn’t want to damage the floor of their new dance room.
I noticed how he practically dragged me past the recording booths, so I assumed Yoongi would be in there. I didn’t know whether he didn’t want me seeing Yoongi, or Yoongi seeing me. I decided it was probably the latter.
I entered to find Hobi and Jimin dancing to some really catchy song- not one I was familiar with- and Taehyung lounging on the floor, leaning on the wall-sized mirror. “Hey guys”, I waved as I stepped inside.
“Y/n-ah”, Jimin stopped dancing to greet me warmly. But his smile was replaced by a frown. “You look terrible.” My smile also disappeared, and I glared at him. “Thanks.”
“No no, I meant...Have you even slept?” I just shook my head. No amount of make up could cover up the fact that I looked like death. I subconsciously glanced at the mirror, the bright lighting in here making me look even worse.
I was unable to sleep last night. Instead I had spent the time moping and scrolling through old texts between me and Yoongi until the early hours of the morning. I had noticed that his texts got less and less frequent, but he would tell me work was taking up all of his time.
And I believed him.
“No I had...a lot of work to do. Couldn’t sleep”, I muttered, still staring at myself in the mirror. Jimin didn’t answer, but when I glanced at him and was met by a dubious expression, I knew he knew I was lying.
For a moment, all we could hear was this song playing in the background. As I strained to hear the voices, I recognised Namjoon’s distinctive rapping and smiled a little.
“Do you like it?” Taehyung asked suddenly, and I blinked at him. He rested his head back on the mirror. “The new song. Do you think it’s good? I helped produce, you know.” He had such a proud grin on his face- and rightly so.
“It’s very catchy”, I nodded, smiling back.
“Why don’t we show you the new dance?” Bless his soul, he was trying to take my mind off Yoongi. Hoseok started shouting ‘Yes!’, making me jump, and I checked my watch. Still half an hour before interview.
I looked up to find them all staring at me. “OK”, I grinned. “Let’s see this.” The next 25 minutes flew by. They knew they could get into trouble if they were caught showing someone the new song/ choreo- a journalist nonetheless- but they did it anyway. They even got me to have a go at the dance.
I was dancing with Jungkook and Hoseok, while Jimin and Taehyung cheered us on, when Jin, Namjoon and Yoongi walked in at five to 10. We stopped immediately, and Jimin rushed to go and turn off the music. I saw Sulli stood behind Yoongi, and I didn’t fail to notice they had been holding hands.
The instant Yoongi saw me, he let go of her. Y/n, you’re not gonna cry. “Hi y/n”, Jin said meekly as I panted and fanned myself, trying to get my breath back. The boys had been so funny, that I had actually momentarily forgot about my problems.
“Y/n”, Yoongi murmured, and my attention snapped back to him. “We have an interview in five minutes, you can’t be here.”
That’s when it dawned on me. Yoongi still had no idea that I knew, because of our lack of communication. But c’mon, the news was everywhere, did he think I lived under a rock?
Also, he was a really smart guy. He had an interview scheduled...and I was a journalist.
Couldn’t he do the maths? “Right”, I nodded, not making eye contact. “So everybody sit your asses down so I can ask these questions and leave.” I heard Sulli gasp. She was probably wondering why the hell some lowlife interviewer was being so rude.
Yoongi stiffened. “Y/n...You’re doing the interview?” When I didn’t answer, he turned to the guys that had been with me in the studio. “Did you lot know?”
“No”, Jungkook lied. “We were just playing. We forgot we even had an interview.”
Yoongi turned to Taehyung- if anyone was going to let on that Jungkook was lying, it was him. Bangtan’s worst liar. “Taehyung? Is he telling the truth?”
To my surprise, Taehyung managed to cover them up.“Yes hyung he is. We didn’t know.”
“Why does it matter Oppa?”, Sulli asked him in a sickly sweet voice. Namjoon visibly cringed, until he realised she could probably see him in the mirror’s reflection.
“Yeah Yoongi.” We weren’t together anymore, so he could shove his ‘oppa’ where the sun don’t shine. “Why does it matter? I didn’t tell them, so stop harassing them.” I stared at him coldly and he stared right back, his expression indifferent. He was always so good at hiding his feelings, so I had no idea what he was thinking.
I noticed Sulli staring at me in confusion again. She had just opened her mouth to speak when Namjoon beat her to it.
“Y/n, me and Jin are just gonna grab a few chairs from the other room. And then I’ll get PD-nim. Then we’ll get this out the way”, he informed. I nodded at him to let him knew I understood.
Jin and Namjoon hastily left the room. Jimin followed closely behind without a word. “Er, I’ll go help too”, Hobi muttered, striding away. Taehyung and Jungkook where about to follow him, but I grabbed Jungkook before he could leave.
I could feel Yoongi’s eyes on me as I hissed to Jungkook, “Do not leave me here by myself.”
“Noona, let go, he’s looking over here.”
“I don’t care. He’s not with me anymore.” Jungkook was still trying to pull away. Not using all his strength though, or else he would have left the moment I grabbed onto him. “Jeon Jungkook I swear to god-”
“-OK, OK.” He held up his hands in defeat and stopped trying to run, and I smiled at him gratefully. “Thank you maknae.” He grumbled in response. I was just whispering to him about how awkward this was about to get when the boys returned with chairs, and Bang-PD in tow.
He looked over at us and his eyes darkened. “Jungkook get over here. What have I told you about talking to these media people? Scum of the Earth.” My mouth dropped open. I had never met him before, despite my frequent visits here, but I had assumed he was a nice guy...clearly not.
Jungkook shot me an apologetic smile and reluctantly moved away to stand with the group. I think the goal was to try and intimidate me with the layout of the chairs. Yoongi, Sulli and PD-nim sat at the front, and the rest of BTS at the back. And then there was me- a lone chair sat in front of all of them.
I cleared my throat and gave them a sweet smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes. “Well we’ll hurry this up, the scum of the earth has better things to do.” Bang-PD narrowed his eyes at me, and all the boys at the back tried the hardest not to laugh out loud.
“OK...let’s see”, I muttered, sifting through my notebook to find the questions I had been told to ask. I refused to look at Yoongi, so I turned to Sulli. I wondered why her management hadn’t turned up with her, but I quickly realised that her company must have had a disagreement with Bighit about making this relationship public.
“How long have you guys know each other?” Jin looked awfully uncomfortable all of a sudden, as I waited for a response, pen poised on paper. To my dismay and disgust, Sulli reached out for Yoongi’s hand again, and this time he didn’t yank it away.
“Just over a year now”, she beamed. “Yesterday was our one year anniversary which is why my management said it’s fine to go public.” I didn’t miss the side glance she threw PD-nim.
No. One year? Not only has he thrown me away, just like that, but he was actually cheating on me for a whole freaking year?
I felt so stupid a I scribbled down the answer. “H-how did you meet?” I mentally slapped myself for how weak and small my voice sounded. Again, she answered. “We already had a lot of mutual friends and we didn’t even realise it until an awards ceremony last year.
We got talking, and things escalated from there.” Her little giggle made me nauseous.
“How will you guys handle public appearances. Not just from the media but fans also?”The questions kept coming- each one more painful to ask than the last.
Bangtan were throwing me supportive smiles from behind, but I didn’t have the heart to return them. A whole year. Yoongi had stopped loving me a year ago, and like a fool I was still clinging on to this relationship. I powered through the remainder of the interview, scribbling my answers down in shorthand, wanting to get the hell out of there. The whole time, Yoongi didn’t say a word.
“OK thank you, that’ll be all.” As soon as those words left my mouth, PD-nim sprang up. “OK. I’m late for a meeting so I’m off. Jimin show Miss Y/n the way out once she’s collected her belongings.” And with that he rushed off.
I didn’t look at anyone as I hastily shoved my belongings in my back and made a beeline for their bathroom. I heard someone wordlessly follow me but didn’t care who.
My breaths were short and shallow as I stared at my stressed reflection in the mirror. This was all too much for one person. I heard the shuffling of feet outside, before someone knocked. “Y/n?”
It was Hoseok. I heard Jungkook’s voice. “I’ve never seen her move so fast.” I narrowed my eyes. Rude. “Where did she go?” Hoseok must have wordlessly motioned to the door, because I didn’t hear a verbal response.
“Noona come out!... please.” I tearfully smiled at the little ‘please’.
“Guys just leave. Go and practice. I’ll leave myself in a bit.” I called out, knowing full well they weren’t going to go anywhere until I came out.
“Don’t be silly, we’re not leaving you locked up in there!” That was Jimin. Were they all stood outside?
I heard Sulli’s voice in the distance. “OK, bye Oppa!” There was a small pause and she asked, “Aren’t you going to give me a kiss?” I shuddered, and I heard Taehyung say what I was thinking.”Euurgh.”
There was more silence- I assume Yoongi had caved and kissed her. The very thought made my blood boil. How dare he? How dare he treat me like this when all I’ve ever done is love him? I stayed quiet- despite being a god damn journalist- I stayed quiet about everything. Their new releases, their secrets- everything. I didn’t deserve this.
Yoongi’s voice spoke up, making my lip curl in anger and disgust. “Is she in there? Right, all of you leave.”
“What?” Jin spoke up. “She’s in there because of you. We’re not gonn-”
“Hyung, I said leave”, Yoongi practically growled, making my eyes widen. He never spoke to his band mates like that. I was perturbed as I heard the boys walk away. My heart sank. It was just me and Yoongi.
“Open the door.”
I stayed silent, my heart pounding in my chest. I didn’t know what I’d do if I laid eyes on him. Cheating, lying Min Yoongi.
“Y/n, I said open the damn door. I’ll kick it down if I have to.” He wouldn’t. His threats were as empty as his promises.
3 minutes passed in silence before his sudden shout made me jump. “OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!”
And I obliged. He was causing too much of a scene and if any of Bighit’s staff heard him, me and my company could get in a lot of trouble. I tried to barge past him , but he caught my arm and gripped it tightly so I couldn’t move. I looked away in disgust, and he caught on instantly.
“Look at me.”
“Let me go Yoongi”, I warned. I was actually thinking about swinging my bag at him at this point. He was a cheater. A much loved idol- but a cheater nonetheless. A cheater who didn’t deserve my time.
“Just hear me out! Please y/n, don’t leave without knowing what happened.”
“I fucking know what happened”, I seethed. “You went behind my back for a whole year, and I was stupid enough to believe you were actually working hard, or spending time with the members. When in reality all you were doing was sleeping w-”
“-Stop it”, he said sternly, tightening his grip and making me wince, But I was too angry to care.
I spoke quietly, my tone dangerous. The boys didn’t need to hear this. “So you don’t even like hearing what you did? That’s how much you screwed up. Well Min Yoongi, how would you have liked it if the tables were turned? What if me and Jimin ju-”
I don’t know why I said Jimin’s name. I think he was just the first name that came to mind. “What if we just slept with e-”
“I said DON’T!” He yelled, pushing me back and letting go in exasperation. I stumbled and regained my balance. To his surprise, I was smiling humorlessly. “You can give it but you can’t take it.” I scoffed- more at myself than at him.
“Glad to see you’ve moved on. I don’t think I’m going to start dating anytime soon. I’ve learned from my mistake.”
“Mistake?”, he repeated angrily. I looked at him questioningly. He had no right to be mad. If anyone should be mad, it was me.
“Yeah Yoongi, mistake. Being with you was a fucking mistake. You think I’m happy that I was in a one sided relationship for a whole year? The fact that you lost interest in me that quickly screams failure.” I couldn’t help the hot tears that slid down my cheeks.
“You have no fucking right to shout at me, or argue with me right now, when you’re the one in the wrong.” His gaze had softened, which made me hate the situation even more. Now the man who had cheated on me was pitying me.
“Y/n...I’m. I’m sorry. You know how hard t is to keep a relationship like this under wraps? You’re a journalist and I’m..I’m trained to keep the hell away from journalists. It’s your job to put us down, and it made me hate myself even more when you did the complete opposite. The boys even started trusting you with new releases and I hated the fact that no one could ever know about you. About us.”
I wiped at the tears and stared down at my shoes as his deep voice washed over me. He sounded...hurt. Min Yoongi was hurt. But no matter what he felt, I felt it worse.
“So when I met Sulli, and she genuinely liked me, I found myself...liking her back. I still loved you, but with her..she was an idol. Didn’t that mean she was meant for me?”
I scoffed again. What kind of twisted logic was that?
“It was refreshing being with someone, who even if I got caught with, it wouldn’t be so bad. A dating scandal with an idol I was actually with? I could live with that. She’s been trained to deal with hate on social media, and her management deals with anti-fans. But you? Y/n, they would rip you to shreds if we ever got caught.”
“Don’t act like you fucking care”, I snapped. “If you wanted to protect me that much, you would have spouted all this bullshit to my face instead of seeing someone else behind my back for a year and waited until I caught you. You don’t understand how much that hurt, above everything else Yoongi...you don’t get it. I’ve done nothing but love you, yet I get second place?”
“I do. I understand y/n and I’m really sorr-”
“-No you don’t! You’ll get to go meet up with the beautiful, perfect Sulli whenever you’re feeling down or stressed, just like you used to do with me. And who the hell do I turn to now? Huh?”
He knew about my lack of friends and family here. He knew I had no one else. ”You don’t understand anything Yoongi.” I was sobbing now. He stepped towards me, and on impulse I dashed in the opposite direction, away from him.
“No! Get away from me, I don’t need you.” I sobbed. I started speed-walking down the corridor, deeper into the building as Yoongi was blocking the way to the lift and stairs.
“You don’t owe me any explanation Yoongi”, I confirmed. “We’re over. We were over a year ago.”
I went back the way I had come from, back to the dance studio and slammed the door. I would scan my interview answers and send them to my boss- he could find someone else to write the article because I sure as hell wasn’t going to do it.
My eyes closed, I leaned against the door and sank to the ground. My whole body was shaking from a mixture of fatigue and sorrow. Someone awkwardly cleared their throat and my eyes shot open. Even though my vision was blurred from the tears, I could instantly make out who was in the room.
The rest of Bangtan were staring down at me. I wiped my eyes and looked up at them. Judging by their guilty expressions and the shortness of their breaths, they had been listening in to the conversation, and a soon as I tried to leave, they had ran in here not to get caught. But I didn’t care. After all, they were my friends- my only friends.
“A whole year”, I whispered to no one in particular. Taehyung and Hoseok crouched down to my level, while Jungkook came and sat down beside me.
“We didn’t know y/n”, Jin spoke softly. “No one did. He told us he was at your house and he told you he was at the studio- and none of us questioned him.” He had even lied to the group? Wow, Sulli must have been really special to him.
I shook my head, smiling bitterly. “She’s perfect for him. They’re both good-looking, talented, idols.” My voice cracked at the word ‘idols’ and they boys all collectively disagreed.
“That’s not true y/n. And I doubt that’s why he did it.” No. Because according to him, he did it to protect me. He cheated on me to protect me. Idiot.
Jimin suddenly grasped Namjoon’s hand and Namjoon gave him the most disgusted look that I actually started smiling.
“Oppa”, Jimin sang in a high-pitched voice. Despite my tears I started giggling. I knew exactly what Jimin was doing- imitating Sulli. “Aren’t you going to give me a kiss Oppa?”
Namjoon got into the role and let go of Jimin’s hand to place his arm around the smaller boys shoulder. “Seeing as you called me Oppa, I’ll give you two.” He started to edge his face closer to Jimin’s and Jimin shrieked and stepped away.
All the boys were jeering and laughing, but we instantly stopped when there was a sharp knock on the door. “Y/n? Guys? Open the door.”
We all froze. Hoseok beckoned for me to move away from the door but I refused, despite Jungkook listening to him. So he rolled his eyes and grabbed my feet, sliding me with ease across the smooth surface. I was still glaring at him when Taehyung opened the door, letting Yoongi step in.
All eyes were on Yoongi, but he was only looking at me. I stood up slowly. “What do you want Yoongi? Didn’t you hear me? We’re done.”
“Then why don’t you leave?”
“Woah hyung, lay off. Not cool”, Jimin muttered. Yoongi looked at him coldly. “No. What’s ‘not cool’ is my band mates mimicking me and my girlfriend like that in front of someone you shouldn’t even be talking to.” So he had heard Jimin and Namjoon.
“You were the one who shouldn’t have started talking to her in the first place!”,
Jungkook exclaimed, clearly annoyed with Yoongi’s stupid logic. “So now we’re friends with noona, and you have a problem?”
“Watch yourself Maknae”, Yoongi snapped.
My eyes still on Yoongi, I spoke up. “No point arguing with him Jungkook. He won’t listen. I’ll show myself out.”
I gave them all quick smiles and walked past Yoongi as if he wasn’t even there. To my dismay, he shut the door to the dance studio and followed me out. “I’ll drop you off.” I stopped.
“Y/n, look at the state of you.” He sounded guilty but I looked on in disgust. “I said no Yoongi. I don’t need your help. Are you fucking stupid? If anyone gets a shot of you driving me anywhere, you can say goodbye to your career.”
As I was speaking I saw him take his face mask out of his pocket, put it on, and grab his cap off a nearby table. He was so stubborn. “I don’t want to do this here”, he hissed through the mask.
Then it hit me. He was just needing an excuse to leave Bighit’s building so we could scream at each other all we wanted back at my place. Well...I had nothing more to say.
Defeated, I shuffled along behind him. The receptionist to my relief, didn’t even look up from her computer screen as we walked past and the security guy just nodded at Yoongi and ignored me.
He got into his car wordlessly and waited for me to do the same. I was quick because I knew he would want to get back before PD-nim did. Barely 2 minutes into the journey, my phone started to ring, the shrill noise startling me.
I was relieved that it gave me an excuse to not talk to Yoongi, but annoyed when I saw who it was. I answered anyway.
“Y/n, it’s quarter to 11. The interview was done 15 minutes ago and you haven’t got back to me.”
“Yeah it’s done. I’m on my way home now. I was going to scan them and send them to you.”
“Why were you going to do that?” He sounded confused because my next job would have been to use the interview answers to write an article.
“Because I don’t want to write the article”, I answered bluntly. I saw Yoongi glance at me in my peripheral vision.
“Here we go again”, he groaned in reply.
“You asked me to do the interview”, I spoke slowly, trying not to swear at him. “And I did it. I tried to ask for time off work, but you sent me away in a rush. So I am telling you nicely, sir, that someone else will have to write the article.”
“Wait, why do you want time off work?”
“Personal problems.” Yoongi stiffened. My boss just sighed. “Y/n, you’re gonna have to come in and tell me what’s going on. Then I’ll sign of the paperwork and you can have some time off. Scan and send your answers ASAP please.” And with that he ended the call.
I sighed and put the phone away just as Yoongi was pulling up to my place. I got the keys out and got out of the care, not bothering to thank him for the ride. I had just unlocked the door when I heard his car door open and close.
I grit my teeth as I stepped in. I could hear his footsteps but I didn’t want him coming in so I tried to shut the door in his face. He broke into a jog and got to the door just in time, ramming his foot into the gap so I couldn’t fully close the door.
“For fuck’s sake, leave me alone!” I yelled, letting go of the door. He was annoying me now. He was the one who told me to leave, yet dropped me off and was now trying to get into my home.
He silently shut my door behind him as I stormed in the living room, and sat down, notebook and phone in hand. He watched as I took pictures of the messy writing, scanned them and sent them by email. And he didn’t say a word when I put my head in my hands, willing for him to go away.
“Yoongi, you’ve already hurt me enough, please just leave. I won’t try to contact you ever again. Hell, I don’t even want to look at you. If BTS want to remain friends with me that’s their call, but you won’t hear from me ever again. Happy?”
“No.” He whispered, walking over and crouching down, his hands lightly resting on my knees. “I don’t want that at all. I know I was harsh and I know I fucked up, but I don’t want you to never talk to me again. It’s hard to believe but I still...I still have feelings for you. That’s why I couldn’t ‘spout that bullshit’ a year ago. I didn’t want you to leave me.”
He gently removed my hands from my face, and I almost broke down from the tears pooling in his eyes. Yoongi never cried.
“Yoongi..”, I was whispering, trying my hardest not to pull him into a hug. I kept telling myself this was his fault not mine. “You shouldn’t have...”, I tried again, looking away from him. “If you had told me you were worried a year ago, we could have saved this relationship. We could have worked it out.”
“Why can’t we now?” he pleaded.
I looked back at him. Was he being serious? “I wonder why”, I replied, the hint of sarcasm evident in my small voice. He bought his head down into my lap and quietly sobbed. “I’m sorry y/n. I’m so sorry. I fucked up.”
I couldn’t help it. I reached out and gently stoked his silver hair, mussed up from his cap. “You did what you did Yoongi. You have to live with it now.” I didn’t want to let him go in all honesty, but the public knew about him and Sulli now. I had no choice but to.
His shoulders shook as he cried in my lap, his tears going through my clothes. Yet I didn’t stop him. It was about ten minutes after, he tried to regain some control on himself. When he looked up, I wiped his eyes with my sleeve.
His usually pale face was a slight shade of pink, and his eyes were puffy and red. Yet he still looked beautiful. My Min Yoongi. To me, he would always be my Min Yoongi.
He slowly cupped my face and when I gently tried to pry my hands off him, he tightened his grip. I looked at him confusedly- too scared to speak and ruin the moment. He was as fragile as I was right now, despite the fact that we were here, like this...both crying because of him.
“One last kiss?” He looked so helpless, so lost that I obliged, despite the voice inside my head screaming at me not to. He was making the break up harder than it already was, and like a fool, I was letting him.
He leaned in- as did I- and our lips immediately moulded into one. Made for each other. Our salty tears mingled with the kiss as Yoongi’s tongue found its way over to mine. He hadn’t kissed me like this in how long?...I’d say about a year. He was just increasing the pressure of the kiss when I pulled away, bringing him back to reality.
He was panting slightly, the tears now ceased. “I realised I still truly loved you when you said the words ‘We’re over.’ I can’t believe I threw this away.” He voice was starting to crack and he was tearing up again, so I gently shushed him.
“Stop it Yoongi. What’s done is done. I still love you too but how can I let you back into my life when you thought about another girl enough to be with her?” I sighed as he looked down into my lap guiltily.
“You should go”, I whispered, patting down a stray hair, watching as he leaned into my touch. Just like when we met. His mask and cap were on the sofa next to me so I handed them to him, giving him a teary smile.
“Go be that Suga of BTS everyone loves.”
“Everyone but you”, he rasped.
“Especially me, Pabo. I’m your number two biggest fan, after Tae”, I lightly joked. He hugged me briefly before standing up.
“I’m sorry y/n”, he muttered, putting on the things he needed to hide his face from the public. “You deserved better.” I didn’t stop him as he walked away, shutting the door behind him.
“You were the best”, I whispered to the closed door.
For the coming weeks I grew miserable. I took a month of work, hoping that’d be enough time to get my shit together. But Yoongi and Sulli where everywhere. On the news. In magazines. On the fucking billboards as I drove to the shops. I told myself every day that maybe he’d come back.
And I could see he had changed too. He was a shadow of his former self. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and any mention of his girlfriend when the boys were doing promotion interviews made his face fall.
I was woken up by a phone call, a couple of weeks after the break up. “Y/n!” Collective voices called my name and I groaned at how loud they were. “We’re calling to check if you’re still alive! Haven’t heard from you in days!” That was Jimin.
“I’m great”, I muttered. “You guys woke me up.”
“Y/n...it’s three in the afternoon”, Jungkook replied.
“So? I’m not working so I sleep when I wanna.” Jin spoke up next. “Wiat, you;re still off work? Then who wrote that article about Yoongi and Sulli?”
“I don’t know Jin, but it wasn’t me.”
“Good”, Hoseok laughed. “It was utter crap. None of the things said in the interview came up. Apparently they met at the local club”, he laughed. “Yoongi hyung had a fit when he read it.”
I smiled. Trust my company to fuck up and distort the facts. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to move on, find a better job, but there was nothing out there. “How is he?”
“He’s...he misses you. We all do”, Jungkook replied, and everyone murmured in agreement. “He always talks about you.” I frowned. It wasn’t good to talk about another girl when you had a girlfriend.
“Noona”, Jungkook whined. “Why don’t you come over and visit? We’ve bought some new games.”
“Yeah y/n-ah. Please come over. We know what your like when your sad. I bet all you do it sit there. Maybe eat ice cream occasionally. And go through your camera roll.”
Fuck’s sake- the boy had got it spot on. “So what if I do?”,I grumbled, annoyed that he knew me so well.
“That’s not exactly a healthy way of living”, Namjoon retorted. “You should come over though. Yoongi hyung’s out with her so you won’t see him.” I sighed.
“Will you guys shut up if I come?” They laughed, but agreed. “OK, I’ll be there in half an hour.”
I showered, got dressed, grabbed a snack and walked to the dorms. It must have been their day off if they were inviting me over. They rarely ever got one, so I wasn’t surprised it had taken them two weeks to call me.
I knocked on the door and Jimin let me in. “Y/n-ah!” I smiled and winced at his loud voice simultaneously. I had got accustomed to nothing but silence in the last fortnight.
“Hey”, Jin called. “Come on in!” I admit, the boys made the time go quicker. I was smiling, laughing, cheering. I was having fun. I even beat Hoseok on a level, and I was by far the worst player in the room. But he probably let me win.
I was having so much fun, I didn’t hear the door being unlocked and opened. “NO!”, I shrieked after Taehyung killed me for the third time. The boys were laughing at my reaction, and I was complaining that he somehow cheated at the top of my voice, when Yoongi walked in with one arm around Sulli’s shoulder.
I was opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish, suddenly forgetting what words are, but it was Yoongi who broke the silence. “Y/n”, he breathed.
“Hey, aren’t you that journalist?”, Sulli asked in her annoyingly high pitched voice. When I didn’t answer she glanced at the rest of the boys. “Am I missing something here? Why are you guys hanging around with a freaking journalist?”
“She’s not just a journalist, she’s our friend.” Jungkook’s statement made me feel warm and accepted. I noticed Yoongi hadn’t taken his eyes off me the whole time- and as usual, his expression was unreadable.
“Your friend?”, she scoffed. I was liking this girl less and less. “She’s a leech! She makes money off lies. Don’t you y/n?” I didn’t even like hearing her say my name. She hadn’t realised that Yoongi had taken his arm away and was staring at her- as were all the boys.
I frowned. “You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you?”
“Yes, I do expect an answer, that’s why I asked.”
“Well then..”, I said standing up. “Get used to disappointment.” Her eyes widened as I stood up, but I wasn’t going to swing at her or anything. Like I could be bothered. No, I was simply going to leave to go back home, back to my bed. Back to wallowing in self-pity.
She gave a squeal of frustration and stormed off. It was only when Jimin snorted whilst trying to hold in his laughter, I allowed myself to smile. I replayed that whole ridiculous scene in my head and turned away from a speechless Yoongi, giggling.
That’s who he had chosen? That’s who he had fallen for? Pretty soon we were all silently laughing, not even caring that Yoongi was still in the room. It wasn’t until he finally left, we were all guffawing, unable to hold it it. I lost my shit when Jungkook imitated her little squeal.
Maybe I could get over this. Just maybe.
Moving on. That was the only thing left to do. And I finally managed it, four months after my break up with Yoongi. It was funny, I always thought he would stay happy and content, and I’d be the one getting depressed, but it was the other way round.
You didn’t need to be a genius to see Min Yoongi wasn’t happy. I was back at work now- I had been for a couple of months. And my assignment was to go to a gathering for idols. I had three interviews lined up with various groups. Got7 were having a comback, there were rumours about 4minute’s disbandment and Exo had released a new music video.
All dressed up, I caught a taxi to the venue, my matching bag carrying the usual pencil and notebook. And a recorder too, just in case I missed anything.
Bangtan was there of course, the boys coming to greet me out of the paprazzi’s line of sight. They all looked good in suits. I saw Yoongi further up, jaw clenched as Suzy held his hand and posed for the photographers. Both looked stunning.
Jin had actually revealed the other day that the oh so happy couple had been arguing quite a lot behind closed doors- but she was professional at hiding it. She looked over the moon. Him? Not so much.
I was chatting away to Jimin and Taehyung, with a whole hour before my interviews began, when we made eye contact. His eyes widened slightly, clearly not expecting to see me.
I blinked a couple of times before allowing myself to smile. It was a ghost of a smile, but he saw it. The sides of his lips twitched upwards in response just before Suzy yanked at his arm to get his attention. She made eye contact with me and scowled, making me smile even more.
“Aish, poor hyung”, Jimin muttered, looking in Yoongi’s direction too.
“Hmm”, Taehyung hummed in agreement. “She’s a nightmare. Always screaming.”
“Why is he still with her? I don’t get it?” Jungkook appeared out of nowhere and joined in on the conversation.
“Because he loves her”, I smiled sadly. “He loves her so he stays.”
“Ew. How can you love that?” I giggled and hit Jungkook’s arm. “Show some respect maknae. Someone might hear you.” He just grinned in response.
It took me time to get over us, but I eventually had started moving on with my life. I may or may not have been completely over what happened, but I was done going back and forth to the point where I could except the reality of the situation.
I was done waiting for someone who would never return. I would always love him. But he was in the past. Just as I was in his.
And me? Well guess what? I was dating another idol! Ah the perks of being a journalist. He looked over and winked at me and I grinned back, looking away. I loved being discretely acknowledged, and he did it a lot.
What’s that? Oh, who you ask?
Now that would be telling.
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