Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
Length: 3828 words
Summary: I was always just a ‘friend’. And no matter how much it hurt, I took it- because it was better than nothing.
A/N: Hey guys, just wanted to let you all know I’m most likely not going to be updating any of my regular fics for a few days. The reason is because I’m almost at 2k followers (what???) and I wanted to write a nice angsty oneshot for you all as a thank you. It’ll be a Kookie x Reader, and I think it’ll be quite long, hence the lack of updates. Thank you guys for following and reading! x
The next few weeks were spent acting as if Jungkook didn’t even exist. I didn’t answer any texts or calls. I looked straight ahead as I walked past him at uni, even if he called out my name. I didn’t answer the door for him- and now he couldn’t even get in because I had taken my key back.
But I was broken. It was hard to not talk to the boy I loved- whether that love be platonic or romantic. He was a part of me and I had decided to just throw him away. It was hard to act as if he didn’t exist, but what made it slightly easier was knowing that Jungkook didn’t care for me in the way I thought he did.
I thought we were a lot better than that. A few weeks back, when I had gone to tell him about Hani, I had been convinced he would have believed me, not called me a liar and made me apologise. It was only when it had all come back round and slapped him in the face did he believe me- to me, that’s not friendship.
Taehyung on the other hand...well, I had kind of forgiven him to lying to me about having no one else.The reason why I had forgiven him was because that night, he had gone to Hani with the intention of ending things. He had tried to fix it, like I had asked him too. And it’s not like we were going out again, so he hadn’t cheated on me.
So as bad as it sounds, Taehyung started to become a substitute for Jungkook. I had no one else, and he had apologised enough. I lost count of the chocolates he had bought me for being a ‘shitty person’. And no, I wasn’t befriending him again because of the apologies or because I was alone- I genuinely wanted to be friends with him. So we started afresh.
He hadn’t talked to Hani since that night, the same way I hadn’t spoken to Jungkook. Except the only difference was Taehyung literally cut off ALL ties- he deleted her number and everything. I however, couldn’t bring myself to do that.
It was a nice day out, so I decided I would go for a walk, grab a coffee, relax, before going back and hunching over my laptop again, back to work. These days all I had time for was assignments and revision, but I would take the occasional breather and go out when the sun was out.
I had actually just been texting Taehyung. He messaged me this morning out of the blue saying, ‘I’ve figured it out. You like Jungkook, don’t you?’ I had froze upon reading those words, but simply replied, ‘What makes you think that?’
From Taehyung: oh please y/n. don’t deny it. why else would you have done all that shit for him? no normal friend would put up with such a bitchy girlfriend.
To Taehyung: i wasn’t a normal friend tae. best friends put up with shit like that. anyway where’s all this even coming from?
From Taehyung: not in the world i live in.even best friends have their limits. i’ve just been trying to figure it all out- can’t believe i didn’t see it sooner. admit it.
To Taehyung: what the hell would be the point in admitting it taehyung? we’re done.
I expected no reply from Taehyung for a while. It was a habit of his- whenever he thought he had pissed me off, he would stop replying for a bit to let me blow off some steam.
What I didn’t expect however, was to almost trip over Jungkook sitting outside on the doorstep. ‘Woah!’, I yelled, grabbing onto his shoulders for support. As soon as I saw who it was, I instantly let go. He stood up slowly and looked at me, silently. I did the same. It was like we were taking each other in, after not talking to each other for so long.
Of course he was the same, handsome Jungkook. But I could see even he hadn’t been sleeping properly. His eyes were tired and lacklustre- and right now they conveyed concern. I was the first to speak. “Jungkook.”
“Y/n”, he replied, his voice gravelly and deep. God, I missed that voice.
“What are you doing here?” I was starting to wonder how long he had been there too. He had looked pretty comfortable sitting there until I almost stepped on him.
“I can’t do this anymore y/n. You’re my best friend, I can’t not talk to you...I knew you’d leave the house at some point today because the sun’s out. So I waited out here so I could talk to you.”
I just stared at him. He wanted to talk to me, so he could talk. He sighed before continuing. “I’m so sorry y/n. I can’t believe I didn’t listen. I was stupid, OK?”
Did he not get it? If he hadn’t caught Taehyung and Hani together, I can guarantee he still wouldn’t have believed me. “Everything you said to Taehyung that night...that’s all I can think about. The fact that you did so much for me and I acted so shitty towards you. I know I don’t deserve another chance...but please y/n”, he pleaded softly.
I had teared up before he had even finished, but pressed my lips together to stop myself from crying. Do I cave or do I put my foot down? I didn’t know what to do. I had told him we were no longer friends, yet here he was, wanting us back. But the label ‘best friend’ was starting to hurt me more than ever. Even if he was no longer with Hani, how long would it be until I saw him head over heels with another girl that wasn’t me?
“She’s been visiting. Keeps telling me she won’t cheat again and that she’s sorry”, he sniffed, and my eyes snapped back up to focus on him. “I still love her and I can’t even look at her. It hurts y/n. I need you to help me get through this...say something.”
I clenched my jaw. “You still love her?”, I asked, trying my best to hide the disbelief in my voice. When he didn’t respond, I continued, stoically. “Well then go back to her.” I was seeing red, but I would control myself and not take it out on Jungkook. He hadn’t spoken to me for weeks, and he comes here to tell me he still liked the girl who cheated on him?
“W-what?,he stuttered, eyes wide at my unexpected words.
“You heard me. I can vouch for Taehyung that he stopped seeing her. So she’s not lying to you.”
His mouth formed a slight frown. “How do you know? Are you still talking to him after what he did?”
“Yes I’m still talking to him, Jungkook.” Could he even hear himself right now? The hypocrisy. “He never wronged me. And he stopped seeing her so I forgave him.” Jungkook took a deep breath.
“You forgave him and not me?”
“Like I said, he never wronged me.”
That was a sharp blow, I know, but I wanted him to drop it and leave me alone. Once Jungkook had uttered the words ‘I still love her’, I decided then that I wouldn’t cave.
“Y/n, the minute I saw I was in the wrong, I came to apologise. Why can’t we put this behind us?” So many things I wanted to say in that moment. Because you’re going back to that bitch. Because best friends believe each other. Because I LOVE YOU. But I held back.
I held back because there was no point. Not anymore. “I’m not having this conversation Jungkook”, I sighed, pushing past him. He wasn’t going to spoil today’s plan- I would go for this walk, regardless of whether he had ruined my day or not. I needed some fresh air.
“Why not?” he countered, following me out of the drive and onto the road. “Huh? Answer me!” The sad undertones in his voice were being replaced by annoyance. And I knew Jungkook- that silence would soon turn into anger. And he had no right to get angry at me.
He loved her. He still loved her despite everything. “Leave me alone Jungkook. I told you we’re not friends anymore, didn’t I?”
“Y/n”, he called my name, exasperated. “ This isn’t primary school- I came here to talk this out! Why the hell won’t you speak to me?”
I whirled around to face him, and he stopped dead. “You wanna talk? First answer me this. How the fuck can you still love someone who was seeing another guy behind your back?”
His expression hardened instantly at the mention of what Hani had done to him. “You wouldn't understand...”, he mumbled. I clenched my fists. “Then enlighten me Jungkook, cus I really wanna know what’s going through that thick brain of yours.”
“I’m in love y/n. I love her. Clearly you’ve never experienced what I’m feeling right now or you’d be more understanding!”
“If love makes you that fucking stupid then I’m glad”, I retorted. “And for your information, I have been in love, and let me tell you, it’s not always about relationships and sex, there’s more to love than that!”
“Really. Who with? Taehyung?”, he asked incredulously. I wasn’t talking about Tae, I was talking about him, but still I had to ask, “And what’s wrong with Taehyung?”
“What do you mean what’s wrong with him, he slept with my girlfriend!”
I blinked at him. Couldn’t Jungkook see how flawed his argument was? I replied softly, too tired to cry, too tired to shout. “He did what he did Jungkook. But he didn’t force her into it. It was a two way deal. In fact she wanted it more than he did.”
Jungkook’s face fell as I spoke. He knew it was true now, so he couldn’t even deny it. “Don’t say things like that y/n. She’s sorry for what she did”, he murmured.
I wanted to yell, to scream at him for being so blind, but what was the point? “Are you done yet? I have things to do.”
“Y/n, I came here to save this friendship! Why do you keep turning me away, for fuck’s sake”, he snapped. My eyes darkened. “That’s what I thought too, until you mentioned you wanted to get back with the girl we fought about in the first place. Go do whatever the hell you want Jungkook.”
I shook my head at him, backing away slowly, before whirling around and walking off, wishing I had never left the house in the firs place.
I heard him sigh. I hoped for his sake he was sighing at his own stupidity and not the fact that I wasn’t easily running into his arms like he’d envisaged. “Y/n, please wait!”
“Leave me alone. I’m not going to say it again. I can’t believe Tae thought I-”, I quickly shut up before the words left my mouth, and opted to walk even faster. Why was I such an idiot?
Jungkook was quick to overtake and stop me. “He thought you what?”
I was too much of a coward to say it, even as a rumour. Like I sad, I never quite grasped how people outwardly told someone they liked them. “Nothing.”
He softly but firmly grasped my shoulders, and I froze. “What where you going to say?”
“Nothing Jungkook, drop it.”
“Tell me.” I tried to shrug his hands off but he was too strong. “Why the hell does it matter? Stop annoying me.”
“I’ll stop once you tell me.” I looked glanced at him...it might have been my imagination, but I thought I detected a glimmer of hope in his eyes. I looked back down, trying to compose myself.
“If you were still my best friend, I might have told you”, I whispered. He let go of me slowly, looking hurt. This time when I barged past him, he didn’t try and stop me.
Later that evening, I was scoffing a pack of sweets after doing all that work, feeling mentally drained. I was looking forward to a nice nap, when I received a text from Jungkook. ‘Can you come over please?’
I replied instantly. ‘No.’
But this was Jungkook. He knew me too well. ‘Come over or I’m coming there- and I won’t leave.’
I got up, cursing him. What the hell did he want? I only went because I knew he’d be serious about not leaving. He was even more stubborn then I was. I got to his place, and as I lifted my hand to knock, the door swung open.
Jungkook looked slightly...disturbed as he gestured for me to come in. I stepped in without even looking at him and stood there stoically. I looked up to stare at him. “Well? Why did you call m...hold on a minute, what the hell happened?”
It was only when he looked up, the light made the bruise on his cheek prominent. All anger momentarily forgotten, I uncrossed my arms and stepped up to him as he closed the door, not bothering to lock it- that probably meant I wasn’t going to be here long.
He looked down at his feet as my thumb gently ran over the bruise. He didn’t wince, but his eye twitched slightly. “Jungkook, what did you do?”, I asked slowly, enunciating each word.
“I saw Taehyung.” My thumb froze on his face, and my eyes widened at the mention of Taehyung’s name. Taehyung punched him?
“He tried to walk past me, but I stopped him.”
“Why?” I was incredulous. It was clear they hated each other so why did Jungkook try to initiate conversation?
“I wanted to know hat he had said to you, seeing as you wouldn’t tell me.” This is what I meant by him being stubborn. I took my thumb away, and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“And look where that got you”, I commented dryly. “You get punched in the face.” I opened my eyes to see Jungkook shaking his head. “No. He told me what he told you.
He read the texts messages.” I abruptly made my way to the door. My first priority was to immediately get away from Jungkook. Second would be to kill Taehyung.
Jungkook stepped in the way. He whispered, “I told him that can’t be true, because I told you about Hani and you told me to get back to her. That’s when he punched me and walked away, muttering about how I didn’t deserve you.”
I stepped back, away from him, and leaned against the wall for support. At least Taehyung had said something right. Jungkook didn’t deserve me. “Y/n, it’s not true, is it?” He sounded like he was pleading for me to confirm that it was all just a misunderstanding. So of course I did.
My eyes were shut, I was trying to steady my breathing. “No Jungkook, it’s not true. It was just one of his crazy theories.”
“You’re last text to him was, ‘What the hell would be the point in admitting to him...?”, he trailed off and I whispered the rest of the text, completing his sentence. “We’re done.” That text sure as hell made it look like I did like him. Which I did, but he couldn’t know.
“What’s your point Jungkook?”, I asked, my eyes opening slightly, to peer at him. He had moved a little bit away from the door and was standing slightly closer to me.
“Look at me and tell me you don’t like me.” That was easy to do considering how annoyed I was at him. I shrugged and opened my eyes, easily complying to his request. Looking him dead in the eye, I announced, loud and clear. “I don’t like you.”
There was a pause. He wasn’t even blinking at he stared at me darkly, so I looked away. “Tell me you don’t love me.”
“I just did.”
“That was like, not love.” I looked him in the eyes again. He was getting on my nerves now. “I hate you. Happy?”
“No. I said, tell me you don’t love me. You changed the words.”
“Same thing, dumbass.” He stepped up to me, and I was starting to think leaning on the wall wasn’t the best idea.
“Y/n, tell me you don’t love me.” That little shit. He knew I could twist my words with ease, but I was a bad liar. And he was exploiting that. “I..er. I don’t love you.”
“My eyes are up here.” I looked up from the floor to glare at him. “OK Jungkook. Joke’s over. You dragged me out here to waste my fucking time...I’ve done what you asked now let me go home. I made a move to leave, but he put his arm out to rest against the wall to stop me.
“How long for?”, he whispered. I huffed in frustration, but could feel my cheeks heat up- he could see right through me, and I hated it. “For the last time Jungkook, I. Don’t. L-” my words got stuck in my throat when I felt his hands lightly resting on my hips.
“What the hell are you doing?”, I breathed. “Get off me. You can’t do that when you love someone else.” It had been years now. Years of me wanting him to look at me like this, to hold me like this, but right now it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right because he told me he loved someone else, and I wasn’t sure what he saw me as anymore. A rebound perhaps?”
“Y/n..”, he murmured, drawing his face closer to mine. “Please tell me the truth. I want to hear you say it, and I’ll let you go.” I pushed him away weakly, but he only held me closer. “I hate you Jungkook. You’re the worst friend ever.” My words were barely audible as I spoke into his chest.
“I hate you too”, he replied softly. “How could you leave me for so many weeks? I needed you y/n, and you blew me off.” He didn’t need me- the reality was that he just needed a shoulder to cry on.
“Jungkook...”, I sighed sadly. “I should go, it’s getting late.”
“I love you”, he murmured into my hair and I stiffened. I was waiting for him to add the words ‘...as a friend’, but they never came. His hands moved from my waist to my back, and he moved them up and down, stroking me in fluid movements.
“You love Hani”, I reminded him. Just saying the words hurt, but he seemed to have forgotten about his girlfriend’s existence.
“Not like I love you.”
“What, as a friend, you mean?” I wasn’t getting my hopes up, I had known Jungkook for years- I knew he didn’t like me in that way. He pulled away gently, and blinked at me, his eyes lidded.
I don’t know what I was hoping for, but I certainly wasn’t expecting his lips to be on mine a split second later. I acted on impulse, sighing at the sensation of his mouth on mine. He pushed me back against the wall, as his fingers caressed my sides. Alarm bells didn’t start ringing until I heard footsteps outside.
And even then, my reaction was slow. Just as the door swung open, Jungkook tore himself away from me as I simultaneously pushed him back.
“Hani”, he spoke as he panted lightly. I tried to discretely fix my hair, and stood there meekly, my cheeks on fire.
When I dared to look up, her eyes were narrowed, and as expected her angry glare was directed at me.
“What the fuck were you doing y/n?”
“I er....nothing”, I replied dumbly, hoping Jungkook would come to my defence, but he stayed quiet.
“You bitch”, she spat, and I flinched at her tone rather than the words. “You waited until me and my boyfriend had an argument and then decide to try and get with him? You’re sick.”
I felt tears forming, but stood there wordlessly, feeling so small. I shouldn’t have come here. I should have stuck my ground. “Ex-boyfriend”, Jungkook corrected sternly. “If I remember rightly, I broke up with you. Why are you here Hani?”
She opened and closed her mouth in shock, and we waited a few moments before she actually spoke. “I wanted to see you babe. Didn’t you get my text?” Then she glanced at me and added, “Well clearly not, seeing as she got here first. Now, do you mind fucking off so the two of us can talk?”
I started to walk towards the door, feeling even more dejected than when I arrived here, but Jungkook stopped me. I looked at him questioningly, but he was staring fiercely at Hani, his expression never wavering.
“Why the fuck are you talking to y/n like that?” he snapped. To my surprise, she scoffed. “You’ve never had a problem with it before.”That was true. Jungkook had always been too occupied in her, to notice how I was being treated.
“Hani”, he spoke, trying to control himself. “You repeatedly coming here won’t make me forget what you did to me. And you talking to y/n like that...I don’t even want to look at you. That was disgusting. I’m glad you came over now, so I could see you for who you really are.”
I gave a small smile. She had always been like this. But at least he was finally seeing it. Hani’s expression softened, and I bit back a laugh as she did her best to look sad.
“Jungkook baby. I’m sorry, OK? I just really miss y-”
“-Get out.” Both of us gawked at him.
“What did you just say?”, she asked in disbelief.
“I said get out. And don’t come here again.” The fake sadness turned into very real anger. “How fucking dare you. I should have chosen Tae over you, you heartless son of a-”
“GET OUT!” I jumped at the sudden volume, but Hani finally took the hint, and with a look of disgust aimed at both of us, she haughtily left, slamming the door behind her.
I was fixated to the spot, still processing what had happened, only snapping it out of it when I felt Jungkook reach for my hand. “Y/n?” I turned to him, the tears finally spilling.
“I love you Jungkook.” It felt like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I uttered those words.
“I know”, he chuckled. We hugged each other and I clung onto him tight, hoping this wasn’t just another cruel dream of mine.
“We’ll make this work y/n”, he promised, as I nuzzled into his chest, tears of relief marking his shirt. “We will make this work.”
And I believed him. After all, he was my best friend.
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