sophiamor
a year ago1,000+ Views
How Long is Too Long To Date?

A former coworker of mine just got engaged after living with and dating her now-fiance for SIX YEARS.

While I think that's practically a common-law marriage, some people think that dating that long is necessary to make sure you're ready to commit to a life together.

But here's the thing: Only you can know when you're ready to take the next step.

But as a baseline, Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, licensed psychotherapist, couple's therapist and author of She Comes First, suggests that one to two years is often a good amount of time to date before getting engaged.
Longer than that and you might just never get married or take your relationship more seriously and after ten or so years your relationship starts to break and you don't feel obligated to fix it.

ONE TO TWO YEARS?! That sound like no time at all for me!

But wait, its not necessarily about time!

"I've worked with a lot of couples who have strong relationships, and they met and fell in love quickly and really got to know each other's friends and family," Kerner says.
"They got to experience what it's like to live with each other or spend a lot of time with each other, go through some life cycle issues, like the loss of a family member or the loss of a friendship, or going to a wedding or funeral and really getting to see each other in a lot of different contexts and feel like it's a good match. And generally, that can happen in a year... You want to have some problems emerge and see how you deal with problems together.

For me, it's more about the range of experiences that lend themselves to compatibility rather than the amount of time."

My parents dated about 3.5 years (I think???) before getting engaged, then waited about 4 years after marriage to have me!

But then again, they only saw each other on weekends because my mom lived in New Jersey and my dad lived in California so I guess at the end of the day they were physically together for about a year and a half haha!

For me, I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year but no WAY am I thinking about marriage so I don't think the 1-2 year rule applies to me.

Do you think there is a cut-off point for dating, when you should tie the knot?

19 comments
im with my first guy and its been 5 1/2 yrs. id love to get married but i dont mind lettin him wait till hes ready. hes so perfect.
a year ago·Reply
There are no rules in love and war
a year ago·Reply
Two things. I think dating should only be for the goal of marriage, so once one knows they don't intend to spend the rest of their life with said person, they should end it before it goes on too long. If they aren't certain or think they would like to marry said person, the dating should continue until it has been at least long enough to establish a certainty, which is different for everyone. But, this is just how I would do things.
a year ago·Reply
My brother and his wife dated for 8 years before they got married, and some friends were together for 10 years! Of course, they met in high school and college. My husband and I met in May, got engaged in December and married the following October, so under two years.
a year ago·Reply
Wait, I am genuinely confused. I have heard the saying "too long is too wrong" & it IS true (unless you started dating in junior high or high school, because #kids). But what if you ARE the perma-love, how do you dig yourself out of that hole? Somebody please write a card about that!
a year ago·Reply
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