Genre: Angst, Prison AU
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
Length: 13,475 words
Summary: Three men. I screwed one over. One screwed me over. And the third? Well, I’m still deciding on it.
A/N: This is a small thank you for 2000 followers! I appreciate it so much guys...thank you!!!
“I guess my immune system had other plans”, he said, a soft smile playing on his lips. “You need a hand?” I suppressed a smile at the rubbish pun, and nodded feverishly. There was no way I could do this myself. I knew Jungkook was helping me because there would be no more inmates down this corridor until the afternoon now. Even though we all queued here to go in, the exit doors for people who had already showered were different- so it was just us.
He didn’t look panicked like he had done last night. In fact, if anything,he looked calm and collected. Like nothing had ever happened. I couldn’t help myself from crying out as he tugged at a particularly stubborn piece, coated completely in dried blood.
“Shhh”, Jungkook coaxed. “It’s OK...”.My head flopped back and hit the wall and my breaths became more shallow from the excruciating pain. But then, just like that, the pain started to subside. I looked down at my hand, and gasped. It looked red and raw.
To my dismay, he soon reached out for the other hand, and I braced myself for the intense stinging sensation. This time, Jungkook leaned in and whispered soothingly into my ear, and I tried to focus on his breath in my ear, to take my mind off the aches.
I don’t know how he did it, but this one came off faster than the last and I collapsed into him, exhausted from straining to keep my voice down, and clenching my muscles in response the pain. He used one arm to support me for a few moments, before asking, “All good?”
I reluctantly pulled away and nodded. “Thank you”, I whispered. He didn’t have to do that. With my eyes shut, I wouldn’t have even noticed if he had walked right past me. He nodded briefly and walked away with the bandages in his hand, probably gong to dispose of them.
I took that opportunity to get in the showers. I actually yelled when the water came in contact with my sore hands, but reminded myself that I had caused this in a moment of idiocy. This pain was my fault.
I was quick, soaping myself, washing my hair, and stepping back out. I got changed into clean uniform and made sure my ID was on it, before stepping out. The protocol was that the groups of inmates were taken by guards back to their cells.And sure enough, there was a guard, impatiently waiting for me outside.
“Was starting to think you’d died in there”, he commented gruffly before grabbing my arm and leading me into my cell. He shoved me in and locked the door. I watched him in disgust as he lumbered away. That was no way to treat a person. I had to keep reminding myself that people saw me as nothing more than a murderer now, but that was proving to be difficult.
My mind wandered back to Jungkook once more. It was strange how he acted like kissing me was the worst thing he’d ever done, yet he acted just like normal today. I knew if that had been anyone else, he would have walked right past, but again, he was kind to me. I just didn’t understand him.
“Inmate 42!”, my ears perked up at the sound of the label they had given me. “You have a visitor!” My eyes narrowed. “Who is it?” I called, as Yoongi came into view. “A girl called Jia.” I clenched my sore fists. As he started to unlock the door, I said, “You can tell her I refuse to see her. And tell her not to bother coming again.”
Taehyung retracted the keys from the lock slowly, observing my annoyed expression. “She the reason you went mental yesterday?” He took my silence as a yes. “Ok”, he nodded. “I’ll let her know.”
I gritted my teeth. How dare she come back? What the hell else could she want to say to me? I decided I would refuse every visitor that came, unless it was Jihoon. Because he was the only one who believed me, so to me, he was the only one who was worth my time.
Fast forward to a week. Things had resumed to how they were before Jungkook had really caught my eye. I was waking up, I was (kinda) eating- I was functioning. I had requested for pen and paper, so I could write down my thoughts/ draw to kill the time, and they had supplied me with a blunt pencil. The paper ran out pretty quickly, so I took to writing on the wall. It was only pencil, but I was still surprised when they didn’t stop me.
I started to draw people. I was always quite good at drawing. I drew my mum crying, with my dad’s arm around her shoulder, him looking equally distraught. I drew Namjoon hugging me, holding a gun to my back, and I drew Jia behind me. I drew the two of them staring at each other, as I unknowingly hugged Namjoon.
I drew me in this cell, with a thought bubble coming out my head. In the bubble I drew me standing over Jackson’s body as Namjoon ran away from the scene. I drew Jihoon, and even though I had no idea what his wife looked like, I drew a pretty women next to him, the two of them hand in hand. Jihoon didn’t look too happy, but she did.
As I did this, which turned out to be extremely therapeutic, I sang softly. I was so lost in the moment that I didn’t see Jungkook standing there. When my eyes landed on him, I immediately shut up, and stepped away from the wall. “Don’t let me stop you.”
When I didn’t move, he nodded towards the drawings. “You’re really good.” His smile widened. “Draw me.”
I gave a small smile in return. “I was just about to.” Seeing that he wasn’t going anywhere, I got to work. I drew Jungkook, crouched down in the padded room, his eyes concerned, and his lips slightly turned downwards. I drew the way his hair was always styled, and even the faint veins in his neck. When I finally stepped back to survey the drawing, I heard him breathe “Wow.”
I turned to him. He was gripping the bars, his eyes flitting between me and the drawings, his face one of awe. “That’s amazing...You’re amazing.” I just shook my head, the smile on my face refusing to budge, and motioned for him to be quiet. Anyone could hear him.
A few more weeks went by of the two of us making small talk. I got to know him a little better- his likes, his dislikes, his mannerisms. And no one caught on.And over that time, my hands had healed up pretty well. The wall was almost covered in my drawings, and I had eventually caved and started to eat the gruel they gave me. Jihoon even sent me a letter apologising that he hadn’t come back, and that work was mental. This were going as good as they were gonna get. Then, the fight happened.
I was out in the yard, minding my own business, when a new inmate, some redhead dubbed ‘156′ decided to pick on me. I had bent over to tie my lace when someone’s shadow loomed over me. I slowly stood up to move out of her way, because the last thing I wanted was trouble- and I knew how some of these women could get.
I had just stepped to the side when she grabbed my arm, leering at me. “Hey, I recognise you. You’re that murderer!” I winced at how loud her voice was. Some turned their heads to look at us, and I looked down, embarrassed.
“Let go”, I ordered, although my voice was small and shaky. She was a lot bigger than me, and so a lot stronger. “Why? Watcha gonna do, kill me?”, she sneered. My face hardened. She was trying to get under my skin and it was working. I was wondering where the hell the guards were when she shook me to get my attention back on her.
“Yo murderer, you hear me?”
I had no idea what she just said, but before I could respond, I had a familiar voice bellow, “Inmate 156! Get your hands off her!” It was Yoongi, marching towards us angrily. She was bigger than Yoongi too, so I didn’t see how the hell he was going to physically stop her. She must have realised too, because she just threw her head back and laughed.
Yoongi turned back and yelled “Jungkook! Get your ass out here!” I didn’t understand what this bitch’s problem was. “Inmate 156, I’m giving you one final warning. Let go of her.”
“Officer, why you sticking up for her? She’s a fucking psycho killer!” I gaped at her. The media sure was a powerful thing- add that with this woman’s stupidity and that was a very dangerous mix. I saw Jungkook entering the yard, making a couple of heads turn. It’s no secret that inmates found the officers here good looking- if their crude catcalling and disgusting comments were anything to go by.
Jungkook scanned the yard, his eyes eventually landing on us. His eyes widened slightly at the scene and he started jogging over. “Inmate 156, you are here because you physically assaulted members of the public numerous times using a variety of weapons. I didn’t think you were that moral yourself.”
“I’m not. I’d do that shit all over again for the fun of it. But she killed Jackson. My man’s dead and she fucking did it!” The hand that was on my arm abruptly let go and grabbed my neck. Her man? Shit.
I was wheezing and coughing within seconds, her grip was so tight. Jungkook got to us and managed to pry her fingers off me, and I fell to the ground, seeing stars from my airway being constricted so harshly. She lunged for me again, and I cowered away, but Jungkook tackled her to the ground, yelling at her to calm down, and secured her with a pair of handcuffs. By now we had attracted quite a crowd.
Yoongi hauled me up, inspected my neck. Muttering ‘nothing serious’ to himself, he dragged me in wordlessly and locked me back up. Leaving me to cry. Just like I had in the first two weeks here. Just my luck- Jackson’s girlfriend had to end up in the same prison at the same time.
I was still crying an hour later, when they came with lunch. I couldn’t bring myself to eat it. My throat still hurt- not to mention I felt sickened by what had happened out in the yard. I was staring at my now-smudged drawings on the wall, when Jungkook’s voice called out, “Inmate 42?”
I walked to the bars and craned my neck to see him walking towards me. “You are scheduled an appointment right now.”
My brows furrowed in confusion. “What appointment?”
“Psychiatrist”, he replied bluntly, whilst unlocking the door. I instantly started to back away. “I told you guys already, I don’t need a shrink.” He ignored me as he made his way over and handcuffed me. “Ju-Officer”, I exasperatedly moaned, quick to correct myself.
“Don’t be difficult 42″, he replied. Although I couldn’t see him, I thought I detected a hint of amusement in his voice. I let him guide me out in defeat, and to my surprise, we walked right past the office designated for appointments.
“Where is this appointment?”, I asked him. I was met by silence. We stopped outside the padded room, where I had been sedated and locked up weeks before, and he let go of me to unlock the door. He opened it wide and gestured for me to enter, before looking around and following me inside.
I waited until the door was firmly shut and locked, before asking “Why are we here Jungkook? What’s going on?” He walked behind me to unlock the cuffs before finally talking. “I wanted to speak to you y/n. I hang around your cell way too much as it is, and I don’t want the other officers to get suspicious.”
I liked how he said my name when no one was around. It felt good that someone here treated me like a proper human being.“Did that inmate hurt you?”, he asked gently, eyeing my neck.
“I’m OK now. Do you know who she was?” Jungkook shook his head, so I told him. “She was Jackson’s girlfriend...Jackson’s the guy I allegedly killed.” It was funny how desensitised I had become to the concept of me killing someone over time. Before, just saying those words would have horrified me.
“Well, I’ll make sure she stays away from you.” I smiled at him. He was always so nice to me, and I could never do anything back. “Thank you Jungkook.” I looked around. “Aren’t there any cameras in here? You could get into trouble.”
He shook his head once more. “No. There’s nothing in this room...so there was no point in installing one because inmates can’t do anything in here.” His voice lowered an octave. “No cameras and soundproof. So I thought it was perfect for the two of us.”
He didn’t mean what it sounded like, but I couldn’t help the smirk that played on my lips at the thought of us two...it was too bizarre to even put into words. "Aa few weeks ago, I kissed you in here”, he spoke out of the blue. I blinked at him...he hadn’t mentioned that since it happened, so why bring it up now?
“And since then, you’ve been on my mind a lot.” My eyes widened at his confidence. He was just saying it as it is- and people rarely ever do that. I don’t remember ever getting a simple ‘I love you’ out of Jihoon or Namjoon.
He cocked his head at my question.“Yes. Haven’t I been on yours?”
“You have”, I nodded, admitting to it. I had thought a lot about Jungkook since that day.
“I called in sick the day after, thinking you would tell someone what I did.” I raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t come to work because he thought I would rat him out?
“But when work didn’t contact me, I knew you hadn’t said a word.”
“Of course not.” I knew he didn’t know me, but to think I would tell another officer was insane. He would lose his job if they had believed me. Mind you, they probably would have paid no heed to the ‘crazy psycho killer’. When he beamed at me, I asked, "Why are you smiling?” We had just been talking about how he didn’t trust me, and he was grinning like crazy.
“Because now I can do this.” He lowered his head, his lips skimming over mine. “Jungkook”, I whispered, “What if someone notices you’re missing? And what if someone needs this room?”
“I’m not on shift. And if the doors locked they’ll assume another inmate’s in here for aggressive behaviour.” His lips pressed against mine with more vigour once he had assured me that no one was going to catch us. My skin felt flushed as we both lost ourselves in the moment.
He bought his hand up to my hips and I grasped his uniform and pulled him towards me, wanting more of him. He started to unbutton the hideous orange garment, and I broke away from the kiss slowly. I wanted to check if he really wanted this.
“Jungkook...”. He stopped halfway down, and looked at me. “Y/n”, he breathed, sensing my hesitation. “I’ve wanted this for so long. Don’t you want this?”
“I do”, I replied without hesitation. He got hold on my shoulders and gently guided me backwards until I hit the soft wall. “Then relax.” His lips ghosted over my neck and jawline as he finished unbuttoning my uniform. It slid off easily. He started to shed his own clothes and I couldn’t help but ogle at his toned body.
His lips latched onto whatever part of me he could get to and my bag arched off the wall in response to him. He was...well amazing for want of a better word. I had never felt so good with anyone else.
I gasped when he entered me, our bodies moving in sync with each other. “Let me hear you babe”, he rasped. “The room’s soundproof.” I instantly started moaning his name, having lost all self control. Our kiss’s became desperate and rough, my nails digging into his skin as he thrust harder.
I continued to roll my hips against him as I reached my peak, borderline yelling his name, as did he. He wrapped his muscular arm around my waist and held me closer to him, the two of us drained from the sudden bout of pleasure. I could feel his heart beat, and hear his shallow breaths.
“Did you plan all of this?”, I asked breathlessly, a tired smile playing on my lips. There was a pause before he replied, “Maybe.” We stayed there for about half an hour, before he told me a normal appointment would have finished by now, so I should head back.
And that’s how me and Officer Jungkook started seeing each other. Whenever he had a chance to take me out of my cell, he would. And no one ever caught on. Now, let’s fast forward to a year. I knew everything about Jeon Jungkook by now and he knew everything about me.
No one visited me, and I was glad. Had I been reminded of the toxic people I had in my life before prison, I would have crashed down from the euphoria of mine and Jungkook’s little secret instantly- and I didn’t want that.
But a year after that first time in the padded room, I noticed Jungkook was a bit off. I knew him well by now, and I knew when something was bugging him. It was an exercise day today, so I subtly approached him in the yard, facing away from him so no one could tell I was talking to him.
“Are you OK?”
No reply. I glanced at him, and saw his serious expression- brows furrowed, lips pursed. “Jung-Officer”, I hastily corrected myself.
“Just great, 42″, he mumbled under his breath without looking at me. I just stared in silence as I walked him walk off. It went on like this for a month, and to my dismay, he stopped taking me out of the cell completely. He wouldn’t even come near me.
It was his turn to be on patrol down my end of the floor, but instead it was Officer Taehyung who walked past. “Where’s Officer Jungkook?”, I blurted out, making him stop in his tracks.
“I said, where’s Officer Jungkook?”
“He had things to do, so he asked me to cover his shift. Problem, 42?”
I shook my head, exasperated with his vague replies. “What things?”
Taehyung stared at me. “I don’t see how that’s any of your conc-”
“-Please Officer.” I didn’t know whether it was the desperation in my eyes or the pleading tone of my voice, but Taehyung shrugged and mumbled, “He has a date tonight.” He took my stunned silence as a cue to leave.
Jungkook was on a date? What the fuck? I sat on my bed, staring at the now-blank wall. They had got rid of my drawings months ago, but the pencil still remained on my bedside. I had asked them to leave it there because drawing served as my stress-relief. But I didn’t have any energy in me to draw right now. I couldn’t even think straight.
I just laid down and even though it was only 8, I fell asleep. The dreams, or rather nightmares I had that night were rather unsettling. It was me in Namjoon’s house all over again, standing next to Jackson’s lifeless body, holding the gun. I look up to found someone running away- but it wasn’t Namjoon. No. It was Jungkook.
I woke up, my eyes instantly widening at how vivid that dream was. Officer Yoongi turned up just as I was splashing my face with cold water, with breakfast. It was weird. The sight of this food had made me sick to my stomach a year ago, yet here I was now, anticipating meals. I glanced over, and did a double take. Next to my breakfast, there was an envelope- someone had written to me.
As soon as I laid eyes on the messy sprawl, I knew who it was.
This letter is probably long overdue, but I put it off because believe it or not, I still loved you. I’ve done enough damage and I didn't want to hurt you even more. What a shit boyfriend I turned out to be, huh?You left your old life for me, and I bought you nothing but pain.
I don’t know why I’m writing to you after so long. I’m completely fucking wasted and still don’t have the balls to speak to you face to face. I know Jia came to see you about a year ago, and I knew she told you about me and her.
It’s funny actually because I kicked her out a coupla months ago. She’d been cheating on me. Guess I deserved that. What goes around, comes around. I’m so fucking miserable right now y/n. Not because of her, fuck her. But because of what I did. Because every time I close my eyes I see you. I remember that night. I remember what a fucking coward I was.
You were my first serious relationship, and this is where you end up. Says a lot about me doesn’t it? I didn’t deserve you y/n. And I’m not just saying that cus I’m drunk. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have come to Jihoon’s party. That party was the first time we laid eyes on each other. I wouldn’t have come and you and Jihoon would be happy right now. You might have even had kids. You always wanted a little girl. You wanted to dress her up. A mini y/n.
Y/n. I cheated on you. I lied. I shouted when it was never your fault. I never respected you. I gave you so much crap. All because I was fucked in the head. You probably don’t give a shit, but the guilt of what I did to you got me off drugs. I’ve been clean for half a year now.
I could easily blame what I did on the drugs. It wasn’t me- it was the drugs. But the truth is, I have to take ownership. I have to own up. Not only did I take away three years from a life you should be living, but I broke us. Am I apologising? Yes. Will you accept it? Of course you won’t. Who in their right mind would?
Everyday I wonder how you are. What you must be doing right now. You must have been so damn scared at first. Prison is terrifying.
I remember all the times you told me you loved me, and I don’t think I ever said it back. So here it is. Y/n, I love you. I love you, I need you, and I am weak without you. I was stupid. If I could have air to breath or just one more time of you holding me, I choose you holding me. I love you more than life itself.
Love from Joonie.
The paper had been wet with tears- mine, as well as his. I didn’t know what to think or do. How dare he bring back all those feelings, just with some stupid drunk letter? He had no right.
I didn’t care about anything he had to say. We were too far gone. So why couldn’t I stop crying? After reading that, I couldn’t bring myself to eat breakfast, and when officer Yoongi came back to take the bowl, all he did was wordlessly raise an eyebrow.
I placed the letter down next to me on the bed, and stared down at my hands. They were shaking like mad. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing, taking long, deep breaths to try and calm myself down.
“42?” I opened my eyes and was met with a concerned Officer Hoseok. The new timetable for this year meant that Taehyung and Hoseok had switched places for half their shifts- which meant that Taehyung was currently patrolling upstairs. And most of his shifts on my floor were night shifts, so I rarely saw him. It was a shame- I missed his upbeat vibe.
“Are you OK?”
I nodded wordlessly. “Do you want some water?” I shook my head.
I heard a voice I didn’t want to hear in the distance. “Officer Hoseok, is everything OK?” It was Jungkook, sounding worried. He had made it pretty clear he no longer cared about me though. I hadn’t forgotten about his little date last night and was in no mood to see him.
“Tell him everything’s fine”, I whispered, and although confused, he repeated my words to Jungkook. Jungkook must have taken his word because the next thing I knew was Hoseok was walking away, and none of them came back. I exhaled slowly in relief. I placed Namjoon’s letter on my bedside, and collapsed back on the bed, staring at the oh-so-familiar white ceiling.
When it was announced that we were going to do a fire drill, I groaned. Since it was a drill, I asked Hoseok if I could be excused. When he asked why, I lied about wanting to throw up, and something about a cold sweat. He bit his lip, thinking it over, then eventually nodded.
I didn’t want to do anything right now. Just as I was thanking him, the shrill alarm went off, signalling the drill had began. “I’ll let Officer Yoongi know!”, Hoseok yelled over the noise, before walking away.
I sat back down on the bed, waiting for the god-awful racket to stop. When it finally did, and the women’s ear splitting shrieking had died down, I sighed n relief.
“You know if this was a real drill, you’d be dead by now.” I jumped at the sound of Jungkook’s voice, turning to him in dismay. I thought he had gone out with the others.
As if he could read my mind, he said, resting his forehead on the bars, “I noticed you weren’t outside, so I came back in to find you.”
I looked away. “It’s unlikely I would be dead by now. This is a maximum security prison- the buildings are concrete, which won’t burn. If there was a fire, it would most likely be electrical and the main danger would be smoke inhalation from the plastic wiring.”
Jungkook nodded. “Very good. And we joke that the inmates can’t even spell their own names.” I knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn’t working.
“You’ve been crying.” It wasn’t a question- he knew.
“Why?” My eyes automatically flitted to Namjoon’s letter, and he followed my gaze. “Who sent that?”
I didn’t speak. He didn’t need to know that I was crying because of the man who’s fault my prison sentence was. “Y/n, who sent it?” I could see he was itching to unlock the door and come in, but fire drills were very short, and the inmates and officers would be back soon.
And sure enough we heard voices and people started to pile back in. “This isn’t over”, he muttered before walking away to help lock up the inmates. He was so oblivious to the fact that I knew about his date. He had brushed me off days ago, and now all of a sudden he cared?
I watched as Yoongi, Hoseok, Taehyung, and another good looking officer (I had heard his name a couple of times in passing, I think it was Jimin), took women to and fro. Jungkook didn’t go past my cell- he was probably working on the upper floors.
I thought he had gone home but to my dismay he came back in the evening, when the inmates energy levels were low, and no one really gave a shit about what he was doing. “42″, he spoke quietly, making my head snap up. “You’re scheduled a meeting.”
I shook my mouth and mouthed ‘no’, hastily folding up Namjoon’s letter and putting it in my pocket. We hadn’t done this in ages, and I had no intention of starting it back up again. But Jungkook ignored me and unlocked the door to step inside. He towered over me impatiently until I finally gave up, getting off the bed and sighing heavily.
I gritted my teeth as he handcuffed me, and gently pushed me to start walking. We bumped into Taehyung on the way, and he stopped us. “Where are you going? We were just about to do announce new visiting times.”
“She has an appointment”, Jungkook answered coolly. “I’ll let her know of the changes afterwards.” Taehyung just nodded and stepped out of the way, letting us pass. Jungkook was a surprisingly good liar, whereas I would just get flustered and start stammering.
Once locked and alone in the room, I turned around for him to take the cuffs off like he usually did- but he didn’t. “Jungkook?” I turned back round to see him stood there, his eyes dark and his arms folded. “What?”
“What’s going on y/n?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”, I snapped. My voice came out harsher than I intended, but with the amount of crying I had done, it hurt to speak.
“I’m talking about that piece of paper in your pocket.” I froze. That’s why the sly bastard hadn’t taken the handcuffs off. I instinctively stepped back from him. “That’s none of your business.”
“I made it my business when I saw you crying over it.”
“Jungkook, just stop. Stop acting like you care about me.” My face hardened as I gained confidence. I knew he had the power to take me back whenever he wanted, but part of me knew he would listen.
“Acting? In what world am I acting?”
“In the world where you meet up with me repeatedly, but then go on dates with someone else!”, I yelled, thankful for the soundproof room.
He didn’t deny it. He didn’t even ask how I knew. He just sharply inhaled at my words. At the realisation that I knew. “But it’s not a big deal, right?”, I smiled bitterly. “Because we were never together. Why would you want to be with a pathetic, crazy kill-”
“-Stop it”, he ordered sternly, and I scoffed. “Yes Officer.”
“The reason I went on the date is because of you.” My mouth hung open slightly. How the hell did that even make any sense? I let him continue.
“This is bad y/n. We are...we can’t do this. I feel like all I’m doing is exploiting you, someone who’s vulnerable. And that’s not right. So I tried to date, to forget about you. After all, a third of your sentence is already over, right? So you wouldn’t be here for long anyway. So I went on this date...and I fucking hated it. The jokes were all wrong, the conversation was awkward. Even the kiss wasn’t-”
He stopped talking and ran a hand through his dark hair. “That’s why I haven’t been talking to you. You understand now?”
“Jungkook...you shouldn’t make decisions like that yourself. What about what I actually felt? I didn’t think for one second that you were taking advantage of me. You were what was getting me through imprisonment...so when you stopped talking to me, I went back to how I was a year ago. Not eating, crying myself to sleep...”, I sighed.
“I’m sorry y/n. Hurting you wasn’t my intention.” He moved closer and cupped my face with his large hands in a swift movement. When our lips met, it reminded me of our first kiss in this room. I wanted more, but that was difficult with my hands still restrained.
I didn’t notice Jungkook slide his hands in my pocket and take out the letter. He pulled away smirking, and holding it up, and all I could do was breathlessly protest. I didn’t want him to read Namjoon’s drunken thoughts.
I stood there looking out the window as Jungkook read the note, and only turned around when I heard him mutter, “That bastard. He’s got some nerve. Did he write a return address on it?”
I shook my head. Namjoon wasn’t stupid, even when wasted. He didn’t want the police to trace the letter back to him. Also, he knew that without an address, it could have just been me who wrote the letter to try and seem innocent- some inmates were probably crazy enough to try that.
“I’m sorry y/n”, Jungkook sighed, pulling me into a hug. “He doesn’t deserve your tears. It makes me so mad that he thinks a stupid letter would make things OK.” During our embrace, he slipped the letter back into my pocket and finally opened one cuff, so that my hands were free. I immediately wrapped my arms around him.
“You don’t actually forgive him, do you?”, he mumbled into my hair.
“Of course not.” I craned my neck to look up at him. “So are we cool now, or do you have any more dates lined up?” His chest vibrated as he chuckled. “We’re cool. We’re more than cool. I want us to be more y/n. More than this. One day you’ll be out of here, and I’ll be there for you. And I can’t wait.”
There was a pause before he sighed, “But for now, these secret meeting will have to do.”
“I’m sorry”, I instinctively apologised. “If I wasn’t an inmate, life would be a lot easier for the both of us.”
He laughed. “If you weren’t an inmate, we would have never met.” He kissed my forehead before reluctantly announcing that it was time to head back. I felt a lot lighter after having talked to Jungkook. I knew now that I still had him with me, whether it be now, or in the future. And that was a good feeling,
Another year past by, just like that. Unbelievably, I had got physically stronger, after actually starting to use my exercise time wisely. More of Jungkook’s shifts were upstairs, and Taehyung was back down to my floor. He looked different. God knows when in the span of that one year he dyed his hair red.
“Here you go 42. Breakfast.” I smiled at him and he returned the gesture. I think he liked me because calm inmates were so rare here, and once I had settled in, I caused no trouble. That inmate, number 156, had tried and failed to scare me again, but Officer Jimin had intervened before things got messy. I had got to know Jimin as well- he had been working on my floor for about 3 months.
Officers Yoongi and Hoseok were on holiday, so they were slightly short staffed at this end of the prison. I hated when any thing reminded me of home- I went on holiday pretty much every year, at around this time as well. I also hated national celebrations now. Whether it be Christmas or New Years- I was alone. Although in fairness, Jungkook had tried to make new years special for me, but staying up with me until midnight in our little room. I started the year off kissing the man I had come to love- and that was pretty special. Me and Jungkook had learned to become more cautious over time, having been almost caught together two or three times.
I still had virtually no contact form the outside world- just a couple of calls from Jihoon to ask how I was doing. Nothing at all from my parents. Nothing from Jia..and most importantly, nothing from Namjoon. That letter was still by my bedside. I don’t know why I kept it, but at the same time, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. It served as a reminder of what Namjoon once was to me. The Namjoon I fell in love with.
Part of me wondered whether he had found anyone else. But then again it was Namjoon- it wouldn’t be hard for him to have whoever caught his eye. I passed the time drawing and writing, and singing my favourite songs. The inmates on either side of me had started to demand that I sing every night. They liked my voice. Sometimes I’d see Taehyung or Jimin stop their duties for a bit so that they could listen to.
Time continued passing. Some days dragged endlessly, some flew by. The seasons came and went. The end of my sentence came closer and closer. Until the day finally arrived. The day where I could swap the hideous orange jumpsuit for my actual clothes. The day where I would rejoin society- regardless of whether I was greeted with open arms or not.
I gave my cell one last look and walked away, never looking back. I had very few possessions on me- just Namjoon’s letter and whatever I had on my person the night I got arrested- my keys and my phone, which had probably died months ago. Jungkook had an evening shift so he wasn’t in. Officer Yoongi saw me off, which was ironic seeing as he had been the first officer I had spoken to in here.
I handed him the jumpsuit, and scanned his stoic features for any emotion. Yet again, I had to remind myself that he thought I had killed a man. He probably thought I deserved a longer punishment- or something worse.
I inhaled and exhaled slowly, giddy with the very notion of freedom. “Thank you Officer.” He gave a slight nod, taking the clothes off me. “Do yourself a favour 42, and stay out of trouble”, he said gruffly.
“What?” He looked back up at me, confused.
“My name’s y/n. Not 42.” Finally after three years I could put him right. Finally. “Y/n...”, he enunciated slowly, as if the word was completely alien to him, before nodding in understanding. Understanding that I was no longer an inmate- I was someone who had my own identity. “Stay out of trouble y/n.” He then paused before adding, “Let’s hope the next Inmate 42 is as well behaved.” Then he walked back the way we had come, with a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.
I watched him until he turned the corner and was out of sight before turning around and walking out the main gates. A guard was waiting for me to exit, so he could lock the hefty doors behind me.
Sure enough, as soon as I passed through, I heard a loud clang behind me as the doors shut me out. I looked around. I was out. I was free. They had advised me about a fortnight ago to keep a low profile, especially when I first got out, because there was always a chance that the public could recognise that girl that was on the news three years ago.
I slowly walked around, before deciding the first place I would go was home. My home. I was on an empty road, walking down, when a voice made me jump. “Finally.” I looked up and saw a beaming Jungkook.
“Jungkook!” I jumped in his arms, laughing. Pure happiness...I hadn’t felt that in a long time. “Why are you here? Your shift isn’t till evening.”
“I remembered today’s date”, he said with a smile. “And I came straight down.” I gave him the once over- he was in a white T-shirt and jeans. I had never seen him outside of uniform- he looked good. When I saw him doing the same to me, it occurred to me that he had only ever seen me in prison clothing too.
Suddenly, home could wait. I wanted to spend my first few hours out with him. And it seems he did too. “You wanna go for a walk?”I linked my arms in his as a silent ‘yes’, and we both proceeded to walk down together. We were chatting away, when Jungkook changed the topic to a more unpleasant one.
“Y/n, he’ll know you’re out.”
I knew that. I knew Namjoon must have been keeping tabs on how long I had been in jail, and how long it was until I got out. And I knew for a fact that he’d try and visit.
“Don’t stay at yours”, Jungkook said gently. “At least not for now. Grab a few essentials and come live with me.”
“Of course. I’ve been seeing you very day for the best part of 3 years...I’m not sick of you just yet”, he joked. I hugged the arm I was linked to. “Thank you so much Jungkook. It’s gonna be weird not calling you Officer anymore.”
“We can still save that title for...other occasions”, he winked at me and I hit him in response, giggling. We ended up in a park, aimlessly wondering around the expanse of land in circles. I watched the kids and parents alike, running around, doing whatever they wanted. Not trapped behind cold iron bars like caged animals...freedom was underrated.
I heard someone say my name and I froze. “Y/n? Oh my god, it’s you.” Me and Jungkook both turned and I was met by a shocked Jihoon. But he wasn’t alone- he was holding hands with a toddler.
“Jihoon? And who’s this beautiful little girl?”, I asked, crouching down to take her chubby fist in my hand immediately. I knew he wouldn’t stop me.
“Her name is Junghwa”, Jihoon smiled.
“She’s gorgeous”, I breathed. She looked a lot like her father, but there were some traits I couldn’t pinpoint. Se started chuckling, and I looked behind me to see what she was looking at- Jungkook was pulling funny faces at her. He looked so ridiculous that I started laughing too.
Suddenly Junghwa piped up, “Truth or Dare!” Jihoon sighed. “Ignore her. I think she’s picked it up off a friend. She asks that question a hundred times a day, honestly.”
I stood back up, and Jungkook slid his arm around me. I thought I saw Jihoon stiffen slightly, but that might have been my imagination. Junghwa started to pout when I wouldn’t answer so I caved.
“What’s your favourite colour?”, she gurgled.
I looked over at Jungkook, before answering with a suppressed laugh, “Hmmm.. I’m going to say orange.” I heard Jungkook chuckle beside me.
“OK, OK one more! Favourite number! Mine’s 3.” Just as Jihoon was going to tel her to be quiet, I butt in. Looking straight at Jungkook, I answered loud and clear.
“My favourite number?” Jungkook was already grinning at what I was about to say. “Has to be 42.”
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