Well, let's not dwell with intros, cus I suck at them. But let's just dive into a lovely cup of jams flavored green insanity that you can personally view below. Basically this is a scenario that was planted in my head while listening to Rap Monster's mixtape RM. And let's just say it came in the form of what you'll see as you scroll down after I'm done being insane(which the likelihood of that is about as likely as free kpop CDs dropping from the sky along with your bias). Summary: I suck at summaries tbh, but basically it's a story about the perspective of the person currently writing this and finding true food in music store in the kpop section. I guess you could call this a oneshot fanfic about being a fan of food, music, a mixtape, and a Hello Kitty tattoo? I don't even know what tf I'm doing with my life anymore. Oh well, YouTube supplies it for me.
Ahhh, the sweet scent of music's drugs absorbed in my nose, leaving a tingling sensation just by its presence as I walked inside Music's Mac 'n Cheese, a local music store. I was in need of relief only music could supply and browsed through a few aisles in hope of taking home a date with a cheap CD that was just right for my wallet's price. As I was searching in the kpop section, I saw a guy a bit on the intimidating side sporting a sleeveless Chelsea Grin shirt with a Hello Kitty tattoo resting on his arm blocking my view of kpop's latest jams, while bent over staring intently at a CD he was holding. And as I neared closer, I could see why he was staring at it like it was In n Out sporting a lotto ticket themed piece of lingerie. Because lying in his hands, held a treasure almost just as good as food-the RM mixtape by a rapper who could revive a whole country suffering from a blackout just by opening his mouth to sleigh on the seat of slay holiness-Rap Monster. Call me exaggerating, but I don't care. All I knew was that I had to have it. But little did I know luck thought otherwise as I scanned the shelf for another copy, but the last one left was in the hands of Emo Hello Kitty. And call me insane, but I was somehow, some way going to walk out with it if necessary. One, because it was on sale for $10. Two, how could I pass that up since I usually splurge that much on happiness that dwelled on candy aisles anyway? I was cheap as hell when it came to anything that didn't involve food or music, but never sugar. Never. It's the extra jams when your life needs a tan, which currently the sun turned its back on me, leaving me mentally resembling constipated sandpaper mache. Desperate times called for desperate measures and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "Hey, there, sexy. Your face looks better than Lucky Charms that I'd like to find the treasure on your lips. Mind if I see that? " I giggled flirtatiously while pointing at the CD with a Beyonce flip of my hair and did the Nae Nae for a better effect. Haha. No. Only in chick flicks. But what came out instead was, "Nice tattoo," mentally slapping myself of all the things to say, my "clever" self complimented a cat tat whose life looked brighter than my future. At least it could experience varieties of jams with its owner listening to that mixtape that was playing a relay race in my head. Emo Hello Kitty looked up and the first thing that hit me were his Shrek colored eyes that felt like they were staring into my soul and probably knew the last cookie I ate and password to my phone, they instantly sucked you in. "Thanks. Cute isn't it? My little sister did it for me and said I needed a new makeover that would make me look "dope". She listens to too much kpop, her latest obssession, BTS and their song Dope. But then again, I got her into it. I'd say fuck my life, but it's already been fucked ever since kpop gave me hickeys." He smiled with a shrug. I couldn't help but laugh, because kpop pretty much summed up my existence. That, plus food and YouTube. "It's dripping rainbows and carebears," I said, pretending to sound like I gave shit to be united with the golden lyrical Hershey's he was holding. "I hate carebears," he stated with a frown. Well, that turned 0-100 real quick. First attempt, fail. Next, tactic two-Lilo and Stitch friendly mode "So, you like Rap Monster, too? I love his music. I don't know what tf he's saying, half of the time since he raps like he's dabbing on fast forward mode, but he's got the jams and he knows it." Suddenly, it was as if someone told him there's a way to download food and a broadway light flashed directly into his eyes, he became a bungee jumping spring of the Energizer bunny. And he went into fanboy mode of all things Rap Mon, calling him walking Lyrical Lay's when it came to his music that left you leaving more. He started stating fun facts about him, even saying how Rap Mon used to be a hula dancer before he became a rapper. Well, that last part I overexaggerated, but he mine as well have. And even though I finally found a fanboy to talk about kpop, I just wanted the CD, go home, be reunited with my fridge and bed at that moment. "Hey, do you mind if I see that CD for a second? I just want to get a better look at the cover." I cut in, getting straight to the point and back to the mission in hand. Literally. I inwardly smirked, mentally patting myself on the back with what was about to come next that some would call downright devious, but I called it determination. Oh, he just didn't know, I laughed in my head. He finally came up from breathe after talking 50 miles per second and replied, "Sure." He handed me my date I had come here to pick up, with a grin, a small dimple peeking. I pretended to look at it for a brief second, to make it seem like I wasn't plotting to run away with it, then said, "I'll be right back. I'm going to use the bathroom. I drank too much Sunny D earlier and my bladder is holding me hostage. But let's talk more about Lyrical Lay's after, okay?" I promised, while pretending to make my way towards the bathroom I didn't know existed. "Okay, but don't you want me to hold the CD while you're gone, just so it doesn't get misplaced?" He asked. Dammit, he had the brains of Harry Potter. I bet he could detect bullshit coming out of my breathe. "I will protect this with my life," I assured meaning every word as if I was a bride saying her vows. "Alright." He said, turning his back while selecting another CD. Phew. That went smoother than I thought it would be, I thought, a small laugh leaving my mouth. Calm down, inner fangirl, down til later, I inwardly told my conscious as if I was addressing a puppy who was new to home rules. I quickly made my way to the cashier and quickly paid for the CD while Emo Hello Kitty's back was still turned. "Nice weather today, isn't it?" The cashier said cheerfully. I nodded with a smile. It will be nice once I get out of here and back to the bat cave of my home, I thought. "Thank you for shopping here, have a nice day," the cashier thanked with a wave of goodbye as I ziplined my way across the aisles still undetected by Emo Hello Kitty and towards the doors of freedom. I whispered goodbye, getting into my Kim Possible mode and slinked myself towards the door with a giddy grin. Finally I- "Hey, wait!" -was caught red handed. "Yeah?" I asked innocently with a wide grin as if acting strawberry shortcake sweet would help me out of this. But by the angry expression on Emo Hello Kitty's face, gone was his hello kittiness. Now, he was just pissed. "You owe me $10 plus tax for the rapcandy CD you stole from me. What the hell?! I thought we were Rap Mon buddies, but clearly all I see is deceive," he said angrily. Now I felt like a bitch and stared at the ground, wishing to be the tiles at that moment. Well, that's because you are, my conscious mocked. Wow, even my conscious wasn't on my side, though I had to agree with it. "I'm sorry, but I didn't steal it, I just rented it from your hands, but never bothered to return it. Besides, theres always YouTube that supplies your utmost wishes," I tried to lighten the mood with reassuring logic, but he didn't agree. "YouTube isn't the same. Plus they're constantly removing them for copyright, even though we have a right to listen to it." Emo Hello Kitty shook his head, a lock of curlyish hair falling a bit onto his forehead. "True." YouTube was pretty notorious for that, I had to admit. "Well, sucks for your loss, I hope you find one on Craigslist or something. Cus what can't you find there? I bet they even sell blackmarket chocolate and you don't even know it. Well, bye!" I said merrily. I waved goobye and mimicked an air deuces and started to walk away. "I'll see you again anyways," his voice stopped me midstep. Ummm, no, I thought with a slight frown. Emo Hello Kitty was starting to lowkey freak me out. "Uh, no you won't. The likelihood of me seeing you again is if you're my fridge. Which you don't resemble a box that opens happiness, so Imma go with no." I stated, knowing he couldn't argue with me there. Boom. Done. End of discussion. "I'll see you in court." He said darkly wearing an expression of a soap opera character gone mad after she found out her man cheated on her. My mind was currently experiencing 50 shades of wtf and was too confused to reply. "For violating my music rights under the 1st Amendment." He continued with a small grin twitching on his face until it bloomed completely. "Har har har. Arent you just a lovely pocket of bullshit,"I laughed. I'd say he was crazy, but so was I. At least he proved he had some sense of humor. "No, seriously. Though, the only way to referse your sentence, is if you take me to Jack n the Box a block away to repay your redemption. Cuz I'm craving a bacon cheeseburger with a large milkshake." He bargained. "What if I say no, but just walk away and go there myself and get my own food? You're not the only one craving food, you know. Food is the root of life, after all," I said sassily, playing along, inwardly doing the z formation. Yup, I went there, best believe. "I'd still see you there anyways, since there's no way I'm putting distance between a cheeseburger calling me to bite into it's greasy fat buns of goodness," he challenged playfully with a smirk. Damn. "I'm really not going to be able to get rid of you, am I?" I said with mock defeat, secretly happy he was intent on embarking on the Final Fantasy of Burger ecstasy with me. And what was strange, was that a slight buzz of happiness zinged through my body at the thought of food and a fanboy to share it with. Or maybe I was just hungry. "Nope." He stated bluntly. Well, then, I thought. I had nothing else to say, but my stomach said it for me by growling. "Come on, food is calling and I'm sure your stomach is thinking, feed me bitch, I'm hungry. And you can't question what the stomach wants. Cus eventually it will get its way. Trust me." He said with a mock grim expression. I chuckled. Those words were golden and sounded like something from a tumblr quote. "Fine, I'll pay since I feel bad you have to turn to YouTube instead of this CD Im blasting as soon as I get home. If you feel an earthquake later, don't worry, that's just me splish splash tribal dancing along to Rap Mon." I teased Splenda sweetly at him. "You better be glad I'm not making you pay for the whole menu, cus Rap Monster is the lyrical Lay's of slay when it comes to rapping," he grumbled sullenly, attempting to be mad, but laughed when he saw he saw my aegyo on drugs attempt failed. 30 minutes later... We were happyily eating our requested fat buns burgers and high cholesterol layered fries, discussing the essence of food, music, and YouTube. And most importantly, wifi. "You can have no life, but as long as you've got wifi and a bag of the cheetos of life, you're set for life," Emo Hello Kitty said thoughtfully while taking a bite of his big buns. "True, especially when music, food, and YouTube supplies it for you." I agreed while we clinked our soda containers together in dedication of food, bonding over food, and being philisophical weirdos. And ten years later, we clinked our forks and knives together while cutting our wedding cake in front of our friends and family. "Who gets the first bite, you or me?" Emo Hello Kitty asked. "We're both going to end up eating it all eventually, so we mine as well just take a slice for ourselves," I theorized with a laugh. "True, that's why I married you. You always know what I'm thinking about saying, but don't want to come off as an ass, so you word it for me." "It's called teamwork, Emo Hello Kitty," I kissed him instead of smashing cake in his face. Smashing cake in someone's face is so overrated these days. And a pity of sugar gone to waste. "Who's Emo Hello Kitty?" He asked with a frown. "Don't tell me that's a new body lotion with an innuendo that's Hello Kitty scented? I swear, the world comes up with weird products these days." I laughed. Even though we were far into our relationship where we knew each other's names, he would always remain as Emo Hello Kitty with his cat tat I met in an aisle embarking music's drug but having him instead. But I got to keep both, so it's a win-win. Plus, food of course. Its always about the food. "You know you still owe me $10 for that RM CD, right? You only covered for the milkshake." My husband's teasing voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Fuck. Well, there you have it. Finding true food over a RM mixtape. Was this oneshot insane? Probably. Do I really want some Jack n the Box right now, specifically a fat bun? Hell yeah. Should I apply to fat buns therapy for my suga buns cravings? Yup. This probably won't even happen in real life but in the imagination, anything is possible. Hope you enjoyed and that you, too will experience true food and when you do, please do buy me a strawberry milkshake in celebration. Jams out. Peace. ✌