AcaciaNguyen
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@EmilyPeacock no it's a legitimate question. I think it's because the Eagles were lazy poop nobblers but that's just me
I'm a Tolkienite and I still question why didn't the eagles just drop them off 😂😂😂 Is that a bad thing?
@Alletaire 😂😂😂 true
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5 Struggles Every Shipper Has
Whatever your fandom, the struggle is real. We all know these feels. We might fight in ship wars against each other, we might accidentally insult someone's OTP or be totally confused by each others' obsessions... But at the end of the day fans need to stick together. Because if you ship, eventually you're going to run into these problems. And you'll need someone to commiserate with. 1. You can never find that perfect fic Whether your OTP is the current fandom favorite or an obscure couple only five other people have ever heard of, it can feel like an impossible task to find the *perfect* fic. Sure, you'll read (and love) yet ANOTHER coffee shop au full of tropes you know like the back of your hand, but you'll be craving something more for the rest of your shipper life. And don't even talk to be about that unfinished WIP I've been checking for the past three years. 2. Your Ship > Your Sleep Schedule When is the last time you went to bed instead of staying up late reading fanfiction? Does it feel like never? Because it feels like never to me. You forgo silly mortal needs like sleep for more important things like digging up more images of your OTP, beta-ing just one more chapter, or rolling around in feels. And speaking of feels... 3. EVERYTHING gives you feels Every song on the radio? Written for your OTP. Every time you order coffee? You get the same order as your favorite character. Literally everything anyone says? Your shipper brain will find a way to react to it and you will be overwhelmed by feels. It's a constant barrage and there is no escape. 4. The world doesn't get you And vise-versa. Shippers tend to create our own special language, and we start to speak it exclusively. I can absolutely tell you what "ao3 mcu a:aou abo bdsm ot3 hs au pwp" means, but I have no idea what the Pythagorean theorem is. Look at our lives, look at our choices. (And before you ask, you know you'd read that fic, don't lie). 5. You've got a family for life The shipper family is one of the most welcoming, creative, beautiful groups of people I've ever encountered. There's so much love in this community. We scream and cry and FEEL like the world is ending... and we're all in it together. Whatever your ship, you're always welcome among us. You've always got a home. ... there's nothing like a weird Harry Potter gif to break up the feels parade. Let's show some pride shippers! Anime, Superwholock, HP, Trek, Marvel... How much do you relate to this?
Read Online: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma Full Pages
Download Or Read PDF The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma Free Full Pages Online With Audiobook. Number one New York Times best seller?Essential reading for anyone interested in understanding and treating traumatic stress and the scope of its impact on society.? (Alexander McFarlane, director of the Centre for Traumatic Stress Studies)A pioneering researcher transforms our understanding of trauma and offers a bold new paradigm for healing in this New York Times best seller.Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world?s foremost experts on trauma, has spent more than three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers? capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments - from . > [*] Download PDF Here => The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma [*] Read PDF Here => The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma Health, Medical, Books: Unlocking the Knowledge for a Better Future In today's fast-paced world, staying informed about health and medical advancements is crucial. As the saying goes, knowledge about The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma is power, and this rings particularly true in the realm of healthcare. While the internet has provided us with a wealth of information at our fingertips, there is still something undeniably special about the tangible wisdom that lies within the pages of books. Whether you are a medical professional, a student, or simply an avid learner, medical books offer a treasure trove of invaluable insights. The The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma of medical books lies not only in their ability to provide factual information but also in their potential to inspire and ignite curiosity. They hold the power to transport readers to the frontiers of medical innovation, unraveling the mysteries of the human body and exploring the nuances of disease and treatment. Through captivating narratives and detailed explanations, these books invite us on a journey of discovery, inviting us to delve deeper into the intricate workings of our own biology. One such groundbreaking book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma that deserves a place on every medical enthusiast's shelf is "The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer" by Siddhartha Mukherjee. This masterful work weaves together the historical, social, and scientific aspects of cancer, giving readers a panoramic view of this formidable disease. Mukherjee's eloquent prose captures the triumphs and tribulations of the fight against cancer, offering hope and a deeper understanding of the challenges we face in combating this relentless adversary. Moving beyond specific diseases, the realm of medical book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma expands to encompass diverse aspects of human health. From nutrition and fitness to mental well-being and alternative medicine, the literary landscape is teeming with resources that cater to every curiosity. Consider "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma", a captivating exploration of the world's healthiest and longest-living populations. Buettner takes readers on a captivating journey to these extraordinary regions, unraveling the secrets behind their exceptional longevity and providing practical tips to enhance our own health and well-being. For medical professionals seeking to deepen their knowledge and refine their skills, medical book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma serve as invaluable companions throughout their careers. From comprehensive reference texts to specialized guides, the book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma provide a solid foundation for evidence-based practice and continuous learning. The medical community owes much to seminal works such as "Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine," a comprehensive textbook that has become a cornerstone of medical education worldwide. 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5 Common Phone Problems and How to Fix Them in Oxford, UK
As our reliance on smartphones continues to grow, it's becoming increasingly frustrating when they don't work as they should. From battery issues to cracked screens, there are a number of phone problems that can leave us feeling helpless. Fortunately, if you're based in Oxford, UK, there are plenty of services available to help you get your phone back up and running. In this article, we'll take a look at the five most common phone problems and provide you with some simple solutions to fix them. Whether you're struggling with a frozen screen or a phone that won't charge, we've got you covered. So, grab your phone, and let's get started! Problem 1: Cracked Screen A cracked screen is a common problem that can happen to any phone. It can be caused by a fall, a bump, or even just a slight knock. The good news is that it's usually fixable, and there are plenty of services in Oxford, UK, that can repair your phone screen. The first thing you should do if your phone screen cracks is to stop using it immediately. A cracked screen can cause further damage to your phone and even hurt your fingers if there are any sharp edges. Next, take your phone to a reputable repair service in Oxford, UK, and have them take a look at it. They will usually be able to repair your screen within a few hours, and you'll have your phone back to its former glory in no time. If you can't get to a repair service right away, there are some temporary fixes you can try. One option is to cover the crack with clear tape or a screen protector. This will prevent any further damage and keep your fingers safe. Another option is to use a DIY kit to repair the crack yourself. However, this is a risky option, and it's best to leave screen repairs to the professionals. Problem 2: Battery Life Another common phone problem is poor battery life. It's frustrating when your phone dies halfway through the day, and it can be even more frustrating if you're out and about and can't charge it. Fortunately, there are several things you can do to improve your phone's battery life. The first thing to do is to check your phone's settings. Many phones have a battery-saving mode that you can turn on to help conserve power. You can also adjust the brightness of your screen, turn off location services, and close any apps that you're not using. Another option is to invest in a portable charger. These small devices can be a lifesaver when you're on the go and need to charge your phone quickly. If you're still having battery problems, it could be time to replace your phone's battery. Most phones have a removable battery, which means you can easily replace it yourself. However, some newer phones have non-removable batteries, which can be more difficult to replace. In this case, it's best to take your phone to a repair service in Oxford, UK, and have them replace the battery for you. Problem 3: Slow Performance If your phone is running slowly, it can be frustrating to use. Apps take forever to load, and you're constantly waiting for your phone to catch up. Fortunately, there are several things you can do to speed up your phone's performance. The first thing to do is to clear out any unused apps or files. Over time, your phone can become cluttered with apps and files that you don't use, which can slow it down. You can also clear your phone's cache, which can help speed up its performance. Another option is to turn off any animations or visual effects on your phone. These can look great, but they can also slow down your phone's performance. If you're still having problems with slow performance, it could be time to update your phone's software. Most phones have regular software updates that can improve performance and fix bugs. You can check for updates in your phone's settings or take your phone to a repair service in Oxford, UK, and have them update the software for you. Problem 4: Water Damage Water damage is one of the most common phone problems, and it can happen to anyone. Whether you drop your phone in the sink or get caught in the rain, water can cause serious damage to your phone. The first thing to do if your phone gets wet is to turn it off immediately. This will prevent any further damage to your phone's internal components. Next, take your phone to a repair service in Oxford, UK, as soon as possible. They will be able to assess the damage and determine if your phone can be repaired. In some cases, the damage may be too severe, and you'll need to replace your phone. However, if you act quickly, there's a good chance that your phone can be saved. If you can't get to a repair service right away, there are some things you can do at home to try and save your phone. One option is to place your phone in a bowl of uncooked rice. The rice will absorb any moisture and may help dry out your phone. Another option is to use a hairdryer on a low heat setting to dry out your phone. However, be careful not to overheat your phone, as this can cause further damage. Problem 5: Software issues Software issues can be frustrating to deal with, and they can happen to any phone. Whether your phone is frozen or apps are crashing, there are several things you can do to fix software issues. The first thing to do is to restart your phone. This can help clear out any temporary files or processes that may be causing the issue. You can also try clearing your phone's cache or uninstalling any recently installed apps. If you're still having problems, it could be time to update your phone's software. Most phones have regular software updates that can fix bugs and improve performance. If you're still having problems with software issues, it's best to take your phone to a repair service in Oxford, UK. They will be able to diagnose the issue and provide you with a solution. In some cases, you may need to factory reset your phone, which will erase all data and restore it to its original settings. Where To Get Phone Repairs In Oxford, UK There are plenty of services in Oxford, UK, that can repair your phone. Whether you need a cracked screen fixed or a battery replaced, there's a repair service that can help. Here are some of the top repair services in Oxford, UK: - Hi Tec Solution - Repair My Phone Today Oxford - Repair My Phone Today - Cell Phone Repair - Oxford iPhone Repairs These services offer a range of repairs, including screen replacements, battery replacements, and software updates. They also offer fast turnaround times and competitive pricing. Tips To Prevent Common Phone Problems Prevention is always better than a cure, and there are several things you can do to prevent common phone problems. Here are some tips to keep your phone in good working order: - Use a protective case to prevent damage from drops and bumps. - Invest in a screen protector to prevent scratches and cracks. - Use a portable charger to keep your phone charged on the go. - Clear out any unused apps or files to keep your phone running smoothly. - Update your phone's software regularly to improve performance and fix bugs. - Be careful around water and keep your phone away from any sources of moisture. Conclusion Phone problems can be frustrating, but they're usually fixable. Whether you're dealing with a cracked screen or water damage, there are plenty of services in Oxford, UK, that can help. By following these tips and taking care of your phone, you can prevent common problems and keep your phone running smoothly. So, the next time you're faced with a phone problem, don't panic. Just remember that there's a solution out there, and you'll have your phone back to its former glory in no time. VISIT A WEBSITE - Repair My Phone Today
How Much Does It Cost To Replace A Cracked iPhone 11 Pro Screen Replacement?
The cost of replacing a broken iPhone 11 Pro screen can vary depending on several factors, including location, repair service provider, and whether or not you have AppleCare+ coverage. Here's an overview of the possible costs associated with a broken iPhone 11 Pro screen replacement in Oxford. Apple Authorized Service Provider: If you choose to replace your iPhone 11 Pro screen at an authorized service provider in Oxford, the price may be higher than at third-party repair shops. Apple screen repair prices can vary but are typically between £200 and £300 for out-of-warranty repairs. It's important to note that these prices are subject to change, so it's best to check with your authorized service provider or Apple directly for the latest pricing information. AppleCare+ Coverage: If you have AppleCare+ for iPhone 11 Pro, it can cover accidental damage, including a cracked screen, with a deductible. With AppleCare+, you can usually get screen replacements for less than out-of-warranty repairs. The exact amount of the deductible may vary, so please review the AppleCare+ terms and conditions or contact Apple directly for more information. Third-Party Repairs - There are a number of third-party repair shops in Oxford that offer iPhone screen replacement services. The prices of these shops can vary considerably, so it is recommended to research and compare different suppliers. Costs may be lower than official Apple repair services, but it's important to make sure the store uses high-quality parts and offers warranty repairs. Repair my phone today: Some people opt for Repair my iPhone screen replacement to save on costs. Do-it-yourself repair kits are available online and usually include the necessary tools and replacement parts. While this may be the most cost-effective option, it requires technical skills and may void existing warranties. It is imperative that you follow the step-by-step instructions and proceed with caution if you choose this route. When considering the cost of replacing a broken iPhone 11 Pro screen, it's also important to consider the potential risks and benefits. While cheaper repair options may save you money upfront, they may not offer the same quality, reliability, or warranty as official Apple repair services. It is very important to balance the cost and ensure a long-lasting, properly functioning repair. Finally, it's worth mentioning that prices for screen replacements can vary over time, so check with authorized service providers, third-party repair shops, or Apple directly for the most accurate and up-to-date pricing information. After all, the cost of replacing a broken iPhone 11 Pro screen can range from £200 to £300 at Apple Authorized Service Providers for out-of-warranty repairs. AppleCare+ coverage can lower the cost of eligible devices. Third-party repair shops may offer cheaper prices, but it is important to ensure quality and warranty. A do-it-yourself repair is an option, but it requires technical skills and voids the warranty. Consider the risks and benefits when choosing the most suitable repair option for your broken iPhone 11 Pro screen. WEBSITE VISIT - REPAIR MY PHONE TODAY
What's In And What's Out : March 2016
At least be well informed before Netflix & Chill. Netflix is the best thing to ever be invented. It's also constantly changing. With every month comes a new set of movies, tv shows, documentaries, video specials, etc. that are introduced. However, many of your favorites also face their end which means that you may need to squeeze in some urgent binge watching before your favorite shows and movies leave Netflix forever. If you're watching Netflix right now, and on Vingle, I applaud you. Realistically, if you're a fan of TED Talks, this month is going to be hard on you... What's In: Coming to Netflix March 1, 2016 Adult Beginners (2015) Ahora o Nunca (2015) Aldnoah.Zero: Season 2 American Pie Presents: Beta House (2007) American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (2006) Before We Go (2015) Blue Mountain State: The Rise of Thadland (2016) El Desconocido (2015) Fresh Meat: Series 2 Frog Kingdom (2013) Good Burger (1997) Groundhog Day (1993) Heaven Knows What (2015) Hot Sugar’s Cold World (2015) Midsomer Murders: Series 17 Narcopolis (2015) Road Trip: Beer Pong (2009) Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) Scarface (1983) Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) The Young Kieslowski (2014) Coming to Netflix March 2, 2016 For Grace (2015) Coming to Netflix March 4, 2016 House of Cards: Season 4 (2016) Lab Rats: Season 4 LEGO Friends: The Power of Friendship (2016) LEGO: Bionicle: The Journey to One: Season 1 (2016) Louie: Season 5 Coming to Netflix March 5, 2016 Hell & Back (2015) Coming to Netflix March 7, 2016 Cuckoo: Seasons 1-2 Halo: The Fall of Reach (2015) Sin Filtro (2016) Coming to Netflix March 8, 2016 Digimon Fusion: Season 2 Coming to Netflix March 9, 2016 The Returned: Season 1 Coming to Netflix March 10, 2016 Comedy Bang! Bang!: Season 4, part 3 Hateship Loveship (2013) Coming to Netflix March 11, 2016 Dinotrux: Season 2 Flaked: Season 1 Netflix Presents: The Characters: Season 1 Popples: Season 2 Coming to Netflix March 12, 2016 Shelter (2015) Coming to Netflix March 15, 2016 10,000 Saints (2015) 4GOT10 (2015) The Falling (2015) Final Girl (2015) Finders Keepers (2015) Power Rangers Dino Charge: Season 1, part 2 War Pigs (2015) Coming to Netflix March 16, 2016 Are You Here (2014) Charlie St. Cloud (2010) Gridiron Gang (2006) Happy Valley: Season 2 Larry Crowne (2011) Promised Land (2012) Coming to Netflix March 18, 2016 He Never Died (2015) Jimmy Carr: Funny Business (2016) Marvel’s Daredevil: Season 2 The Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show: Season 2 My Beautiful Broken Brain (2016) Pee-wee’s Big Holiday (2016) Coming to Netflix March 22, 2016 The Art of Organized Noize (2016) The Ouija Experiment 2: Theatre of Death (2015) Coming to Netflix March 24, 2016 The Forbidden Kingdom (2008) A Promise (2013) Coming to Netflix March 25, 2016 VeggieTales in the House: Season 3 Coming to Netflix March 28, 2016 Trailer Park Boys: Season 10 Coming to Netflix March 31, 2016 Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation (2007) Fright Night 2 (2013) Murder Rap: Inside the Biggie and Tupac Murders (2015) Sunshine Superman (2015) Yu-Gi-Oh! Bonds Beyond Time (2011) Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal: Seasons 1-2 What's Out: Leaving Netflix March 1, 2016 Switchmas (2013) Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman (2000) American Pie (1999) American Wedding (2003) Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001) Down and Out in Beverly Hills (1986) Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights (1992) Gone in 60 Seconds (2000) Hackers (1985) Hamlet (1990) Hannie Caulder (1971) Hardball (2001) Hart’s War (2002) Hitch (2005) Indecent Proposal (1993) Johnny Dangerously (1984) Jumanji (1995) Masters of the Universe (1987) Men in Black II (2002) Not Another Teen Movie (2001) Paycheck (2003) The Babysitters (2007) The Chosen One (2010) The Monster Squad (1987) The United States of Leland (2003) Wings (1927) Leaving Netflix March 2, 2016 Stevie Nicks: In Your Dreams (2013) Leaving Netflix March 3, 2016 Night Catches Us (2010) Leaving Netflix March 4, 2016 Getting Go: The Go Doc Project (2013) Private Romeo (2011) Leaving Netflix March 5, 2016 I Am Divine (2013) Leaving Netflix March 6, 2016 Le Week-End (2013) Refuge (2012) Leaving Netflix March 7, 2016 Deadfall (2012) Leaving Netflix March 8, 2016 Holidaze (2013) Leaving Netflix March 9, 2016 Arn: The Knight Templar (2007) The Mistle-tones! (2012) Leaving Netflix March 11, 2016 Geography Club (2013) Leaving Netflix March 15, 2016 Best of TEDx: Season 1 I Killed My Mother (2009) Lola & Virginia: Season 1 TED Talks: Life Hack 1-2: TED Talks: Sex, Secrets & Love: Season 1 TED Talks: The Best of TEDx in Español: Season 1 TEDTalks: Ancient Clues: Season 1 TEDTalks: Animal Voices: Season 1 TEDTalks: Artistry and Illusion: Season 1 TEDTalks: Beasts, Bugs & Bio-wilderment: Season 1 TEDTalks: Body By Design: Season 1 TEDTalks: Brave Neuro World: Season 1 TEDTalks: Building Wonder: Season 1 TEDTalks: Chew On This: Season 1 TEDTalks: Cyber Awe: Season 1 TEDTalks: Defying Disease: Season 1 TEDTalks: Global Villages: Season 1 TEDTalks: Head Games: Season 1 TEDTalks: Hot Buttons: Season 1 TEDTalks: How to Start a Movement: Season 1 TEDTalks: Humanity’s Future: Season 1 TEDTalks: Inexplicable Connections: Season 1 TEDTalks: Into the Abyss: Season 1 TEDTalks: Let Your Mind Wonder: Season 1 TEDTalks: Life Lessons & Confessions: Season 1-2 TEDTalks: Love, No Matter What: Season 1 TEDTalks: Music Revolution: Season 1 TEDTalks: Numbers Speak Louder than Words: Season 1 TEDTalks: Rad Invention: Season 1 TEDTalks: Rebel Design: Season 1 TEDTalks: Robotic Machinations: Season 1 TEDTalks: Smart Laughs: Season 1 TEDTalks: Space Trek: Season 1 TEDTalks: The Capitalism Paradox: Season 1 Waste Land (2010) Leaving Netflix March 17, 2016 Elegy (2008) Leaving Netflix March 18, 2016 Cosmopolis (2012) Music For Mandela (2013) Out in the Dark (2012) Side Effects (2013) Leaving Netflix March 23, 2016 Keep the Lights On (2012) Leaving Netflix March 26, 2016 The Comedy (2012) Leaving Netflix March 28, 2016 Gayby (2012) Leaving Netflix March 31, 2016 Dr. Dolittle 3 (2006) Garfield’s Pet Force (2009) The Sandlot 2 (2005) Twelve Mile Road (2003) Women Who Kill (2012) The Writers’ Room: Season 1 What will you be binge watching tonight?
#funny #jokes #humor
100https://funnyjokes.work/100-funny-kids-jokes/ 100 funny kids jokes that can be read by kids at any time. we picked for you these 100 kids jokes for you to enjoy , laugh and have fun. Funny kids jokes can be totally funny if they are shared with friends and family.  The Fake Noodle Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An im-pasta. The Problem With Atoms Q: Why can’t you trust atoms? A: They make up everything. The Bottom of the Sea Q: What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A: A nervous wreck. The Driving Dino Q: What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? A: Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. The Shy Farts Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A: A private tutor. The Virtues of Switzerland Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. A Match Made in Heaven Q: Who did the zombie take to the dance? A: His ghoul-friend Tiny Beaches Q: What washes up on really small beaches? A: Micro-waves. The Astronaut’s Baby Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? A: You rocket! Rich Elves Q: What do you call a rich elf? A: Welfy. Ghost Beverages Q: What do ghosts like to drink the most? A: Ghoul-ade! Cold Vampires Q: What can you catch from a vampire in winter-time? A: Frost-bite! Tooth Time Q: What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? A: Tooth hurty! Giant Talk Q: How do you talk to giants? A: Use big words! Broken Boomerangs Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A: A stick. Clashing Colors Q: What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea? A: Their crews were marooned. Octopus Laughs Q: How do you make an octopus laugh? A: With ten-tickles. Smarter Than a Parrot Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A: A spelling bee. The Friendly Ocean Q: How does the ocean say hello? A: It waves. Artichoke Fatality Q: How do you make an artichoke? A: You strangle it. The Bashful Tomato Q: Why did the tomato blush? A: Because it saw the salad dressing. Humpty Dumpty Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? A: To make up for his miserable summer. The Scared Skeleton Q: Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm? A: He didn’t have any guts. Writing Hands Q: Which hand is better to write with? A: Neither, it’s better to write with a pen. The Sad Math Book Q: Why did the math book look so sad? A: Because of all its problems. The Cool ’Shrooms Q: Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? A: Because they’re such fungis! (Fun guys, get it?) Plate Whisperer Q: What did one plate whisper to the other plate? A: Dinner is on me. Sized Right Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand? A: A palm tree! The Holy Water Q: How do you make holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it. A Real Celebrity Q: Did you hear about the famous pickle? A: He was a big dill! Traditional Thanksgiving Q: Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner? A: No, you should just stick with turkey. After School Elves Q: What do elves do after school? A: Their gnome work. Another Name for Seagull Q: What do you call a seagull when it flies over a bay? A: A bagel. Flower Math Q: How many lips does a flower have? A: Tu-lips. What did the duck say after she bought the lipstick? Put it on my bill. The Theater Q: Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? A: He was just going through a stage. The Magic Dog Q: What do you call a magic dog? A: A Labracadabrador. Like a Parrot Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot. A: A carrot. Cheese Propriety Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese? A: Nacho cheese. Why Dogs Can’t Dance Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers? A: They have two left feet? Again Snowman Q: What do you call an old snowman? A: Water. The Imprisoned Picture Q: Why was the picture sent to jail? A: It was framed. Tissue Dance Q: How do you get a tissue to dance? A: You put a boogie in it. The Hospitalized Banana Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital? A: He was peeling really bad. Baseball Hero Q: Which superhero hits the most home runs? A: Batman. It Has Wheels and Flies Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck. The Problem With Baseball Stadiums Q: Why is a baseball stadium always cold? A: Because it’s full of fans! Strongest Days of the Week Q: What are the strongest days of the week? A: Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays. How to Stop a Bull Q: How do you stop a bull from charging? A: Cancel its credit card. The Pile of Cats Q: What do you call a pile of cats? A: A meow-tain. Jungle Royalty Q: Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? A: Because he is always lion. Pregnant Bed Bug Q: Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug? A: She’s going to have her baby in the spring. Sensitive Burglar Q: Why was the burglar so sensitive? A: He takes things personally. Bathroom Break Q: What did the tired toilet say to the plunger? A: I’m flushed. The Population of Ireland Q: Did you hear about the population of Ireland? A: It’s Dublin. The Bike Fall Q: Why did the bicycle fall over? A: It was two tired. The Cool Shark Q: What do sharks say when something cool happens? A: Jawesome! The Butcher Accident Q: What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? A: He got a little behind in his work. The Wet Sand Q: Why was the sand wet? A: Because the sea weed. The Rubber Toe Q: What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? A: Roberto. Nosy Pepper Q: What do you call a nosy pepper? A: Jalapeno business! Vampire Insomnia Q: Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife fall asleep? A: Because of his coffin! The Actor Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg? A: Because every play has a cast. Why Birds Fly Q: Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter? A: It’s much easier than walking! Mummy Music Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to? A: Wrap music. No Eye Fish Q: What do you call a fish with no eye? A: Fssshh. What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window? To see butter-fly. Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert? He was stuffed. What does a vampire take for a sore throat? Coffin drops. What did batman say to Robin before they got in the car? “Robin, get in the car”. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant. What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi. What do you give a sick lemon? A Lemon-aid. What street do ghosts haunt? Dead ends. Where did the computer go dancing? The Disc-o. What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? Oops! Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold? It’s always 90 degrees. What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh. Why do you smear peanut butter in the road? To go with the traffic jam. What is Harry Potter’s favorite method of getting down a hill? Walking… jk, rolling. What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers. What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights. Q. Where does a king keep his armies? A. In his sleevies! Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut. Q: Why was the lettuce embarrassed when it opened the refrigerator door? A: It saw the salad dressing. Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: Look for the fresh prints. Q. What do yo do if you see a spaceman? A: Park in it, man. Q: What did zero say to eight? A: Nice belt. 90.Q: What’s invisible and smells like carrots? A: Rabbit farts. 91.Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where’s my tractor? 92.Q: Why did the man go to bed? A: Because the bed can’t come to him. 93.Q: What is red and wears a cape ? A: Super Tomato 94.Q: What do you call an Irishman on a porch? A: Paddy O’Furniture. 95.Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? A: About halfway. 96.Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A: Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan! 97.Q: What did the duck say to the chicken as he was about to cross the road? A: Don’t do it mate, you’re never going to hear the end of it. 98.Q: Why did the computer cross the road? A: Because it was programmed by a chicken. 99. Q.Whats blue and white and cant climb trees? A. a refrigerator wearing overalls. 100. Q: Why should you never go into the forest on Thursdays? A: Because that is when the elephants practice skydiving.